Chapter 60

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Chapter 60: I'm all in tonight

In the subway station Jasper insisted on buying me a multi-use MetroCard. He anticipated my protests of the amount of money he was loading onto the card by pointing out that it didn't expire for a year, and that we'd use the subway more frequently during my winter visits. Knowing that he was making plans for our future made me too giddy to worry about the distance that necessitated the periodic visits. After all, Nasir and Emmett faced the same dilemma, and if they could make their relationship work notwithstanding the miles between their weekday lives, Jasper and I could too. With the busy summer season over, re-arranging my schedule and finding time to travel was going to be a lot easier, and it gave us at least another 6 months to figure out how to resolve the issue.

We took the train to Rockefeller Center station, where we exited to street level and walked over to the building that housed Jasper's offices. He'd made special advance arrangements which allowed me to get through security. I proudly wore a visitor's badge that listed not only my name, but the fact that I was a guest of Jasper Whitlock.

Upstairs Jasper showed me the studios where he worked and introduced me to his co-workers on the weekend crew. It was fun to see him exchanging friendly banter with the people who were able to take a break from their tasks, and gratifying to feel their warm welcome. No one was surprised when Jasper introduced me as his boyfriend, and a few people gave me knowing smiles or pats on the shoulder. Some even shared suggestively that they'd heard a lot about me, causing Jasper's cheeks to flush the way I remembered and had always loved. Whatever embarrassment he felt didn't extinguish his happy grin, however, nor did it stop him from keeping a firm hold of my hand as we continued talking until his friends had to get back to work. Jasper then showed me his office, where a framed photo of the two of us, taken in the North Cascades, sat prominently displayed on his desk.

"This is where I spend the majority of my time," he explained, "so of course I have to have you here with me, even if only in a picture. Seeing us together like this helps to remind me that this is all real."

"I have this picture of us on my nightstand," I revealed, "and the one we took in front of the waterfall on my desk at work, so I know exactly what you mean."

We smiled and he kissed me. It was just a quick kiss, the kind that wouldn't raise any eyebrows should anyone walk by, but it still thrilled me because we were kissing in his office! And it didn't escape my notice that not one of his co-workers looked at me askance, which meant that he hadn't told them any horror stories about me that he now had to explain. I began to feel better. After all, Jasper had no qualms about introducing me to his father and we were meeting some of his friends later, so maybe this negative perception really was limited to just his two best friends and his mother. I still wasn't out of the woods and these particular three people wouldn't be easy to win over, but three was a heck of a lot better than dozens.

We went back downstairs and through another security line to get to the "Top of the Rock" observation deck, where we saw a panoramic view of New York City. Seattle and Chicago had their share of skyscrapers, but New York City was something different altogether. I was used to living by a large body of water, but it was strange to think we were completely surrounded by it, with tons of people and buildings crammed into every available inch of Manhattan. It made the vast expanse of Central Park all the more remarkable.

The observation deck made it easy to take in large swaths of the city, but it was missing the more kinetic energy of the street level, where the city had felt more like a living organism with the people platelets of blood flowing through its veins. I could tell that's what Jasper liked the most about this metropolis. In Forks he had mostly been glued to my side, not venturing out much if I wasn't with him. Back then I admired his ability to be alone, something that always made me nervous and inadequate, earning disapproval from my father. Now the roles were reversed and I relished my alone time at home while he moved comfortably within the most populated city in the US. But after watching him closely, I suspected that even though he was obviously well liked and popular, he also liked the city because he could blend in and get lost in the crowd, something he had never been able to do in Forks. Here he could dress however he wanted and be as confident as he wanted, yet still retain the comfort of anonymity. He was a peacock who liked to show off his plumes, but only when he was on a peacock farm, where only the most discerning would spot his beauty. Or at least I was fairly sure that's how he saw it, though in reality his kind of beauty shone even in a crowd, and he was the only one who didn't seem to notice.

"You've gone quiet all of a sudden." I felt his arms wrap around me from behind and his chin rest on my shoulder. "What are you thinking about?"

"I was thinking how well this city suited you," I said, turning my head to kiss his cheek, and then his lips as he turned his head towards me.

"How do you mean?" There was no challenge of my conclusion in his voice, only curiosity as to my reasoning.

"I think you like to be in a place that is at once large and small. The people you know make this feel like a small town, but all the others make it possible for you to always be yourself without ever being self-conscious."

"It's true," he admitted. "Sometimes I like to go for walks knowing that I can be out for hours with people all around me and no one will know who I am or even notice me. It doesn't matter what I look like, or what my interests are, or if I'm straight or gay. New Yorkers are equal opportunity ignorers." He chuckled.

I smiled too, but I couldn't help remembering his friends and the attack, and knew that not everyone simply ignored everyone else. I didn't want him to go through life feeling unsafe and uncomfortable, the way he obviously had in Forks, but I worried about him having too high of a sense of security.

"Did I ever tell you I took martial arts classes?" he asked casually.

"You did?" I was as surprised by this information as by the fact that he seemed to know what I'd been thinking.

"Yup. Jiu-Jitsu, for a couple of years in Rochester. My friend Angela and I went together. I don't have time to take regular classes now, but I still practice when I can on my own."

I was dumbstruck. Never in a million years would I have guessed that Jasper would have an interest in martial arts. It figured his fire breathing dragon friend talked him into it. I realized I still hadn't responded to his announcement in any way when he started laughing.

"The look on your face is just priceless!" he chortled. "I know that's out of character for me, but Angela is a big believer in self-defense, and she can be very persuasive."

I didn't doubt that for a moment. And as much as I hated her and her contribution to what happened when I went to see Jasper in Rochester, I was glad she talked him into learning self-defense.

"So what are you? A black belt?" I asked, trying to sound casual and to hide the fact that I knew absolutely nothing about martial arts.

"No, I never got that far. But I know enough so that your average street thug wouldn't have an easy victim. And speaking of streets, are you ready to get back down to street level to see more stuff?"

For the next few hours Jasper and I walked all around Manhattan. Jasper showed me Saint Patrick's Cathedral, which he admitted he'd only been inside once before and so long ago that he felt like he too was seeing it for the first time; the Grand Central terminal, where he told me about air rights and buildings being built over the station; The Chrysler and Empire State Buildings, which impressed the hell out of me even without stepping a foot inside; various on and off Broadway, where he promised we'd see plays together some day; and Times Square, where I resisted the urge to try to duplicate the kiss I'd seen so many years before knowing that in order to truly erase that other kiss from my memories, our kiss would have to happen on New Year's Eve. Jasper also took me to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, which he said was one of his favorites in the world, and showed me all the art pieces he particularly enjoyed. By the time we went back to the hotel to change for the evening even my feet were tired, but I felt exhilarated and ready for more.

Jasper insisted that we rest for about a half an hour, reminding me that even though we'd be sitting through dinner, he planned on dancing with me that evening. Where once I would have grimaced at the mere mention of dancing, the idea of spending the night dancing with Jasper, of him teaching me the way he had in Chicago, brought out my happy smile, which in turn made Jasper smirk knowingly. He reached for my feet and rubbed them, his fingers magically easing away the knots and tension. I insisted on doing the same, taking off his socks and liking the way the bare soles of his feet felt in my hands. I gently pulled on his toes, stretching them, and then grazed my knuckles across his sparse toe hairs, teasing him about his adorable feet. He swatted at my shoulder playfully, then in a lightning fast move that may have been the result of his martial arts training, pulled his feet back and twisted his body, pushing me back on the bed and lying over me. We kissed - a long, deep and soul-searing kiss that had me forgetting where we were and all the plans we made for the evening. Feeling his body stretched over mine, our cocks hardening against each other's thighs, was enough to make me want me to cancel everything and spend the whole evening alone, loving each other. Thankfully Jasper kept a slightly cooler head and reminded me how disappointed Emmett and Nasir would be if we didn't go see their penthouse, and how much his friends had been looking forward to meeting me. I knew Nasir and Emmett would have understood. After all, their penthouse wasn't going anywhere and I planned to visit New York again soon. But I definitely did not want to make a bad first impression on those of Jasper's friends who didn't already have one.

Reluctantly, I let him get up and followed, pulling out my clothes for the evening. Since we didn't get to wear them to Emmett & Nasir's dish breaking dinner, Jasper and I had agreed to wear the shirts we bought in Chicago. I paired mine with new cotton black pants Seth helped me pick out in Seattle precisely so I could impress Jasper and his friends, ones that fit closely and showed off my butt. Jasper elected to wear his shirt with black jeans that similarly showed off his assets. For an instant I thought he looked too hot to take out and share with other men, then he turned his smile on me and I stifled the ugly possessiveness that had caused so many problems in the past. We went to the bathroom together and helped each other style our hair, he gelling my typically messy strands into a freshly fucked look that would hardly be appropriate for anything other than a club, and me running a much lighter layer of gel through his blond waves, just enough to affix the shape.

"You look fantastic, Edward!" Jasper enthused as we stepped back to admire our efforts.

"You're making my mouth water, Jas," I countered. "How am I going to make any sort of impression on your friends when I'll be busy fending other guys off you all night?"

"Don't worry," Jasper laughed. "Felix is usually enough of a deterrent without anyone having to lift a finger. And tonight, with Anton, Emmett and Nasir there too, I doubt anyone will be stupid enough to bother us. Plus someone always gets there early enough to grab a banquette for our group, so we don't have to mingle with other people unless we want to.

"I think you'll like Industry," he said as we made our way downstairs. "It's more of a bar than a dance club. There are different areas where you can talk, dance, play pool. Nice and casual and something for everyone, so guys like Felix and Anton can feel as welcome as the twinks do."

"I think I remember you saying that Felix was into leather?" I tried to recall details of our conversation the night he received the call from New York about the bashing.

"Yeah, a bit. He's not really the Eagle type, though. I used to worry that, as good a guy as he is, he'd have a hard time finding a good match, but then Anton kind of dropped into his life out of the blue. You should ask them how they met. It's a good story."

"Okay," I nodded, making a mental note. We walked out onto the sidewalk and turned right. Jasper indicated that the restaurant we were going to was just a short walk away. "Remind me who will be there tonight and how you know them?"

"Well, Felix, obviously. I met him through Dimi. The two of them were best friends in high school. Also Anton, Felix's new boyfriend. He seems pretty nice from few times we've talked. Levi, he works with Ross and Dimi, their right hand man, really. He's good at what he does at work, but is also a bit of a drama queen and can never seem to stay with any one guy. Still, his heart is usually in the right place and he always has stories to keep us entertained. And he'd walk on hot coals for Dimi and Ross, so that alone makes him a good man in my book."

"He's the one who called you from the hospital, right?" I recalled.

"Yep. And he's been there for Ross and Dimi every step of the way, practically running the business by himself sometimes, going way above and beyond."

"It's good they have someone like that working for them."

"I know, and that's why the rest of us put up with some crap he brings into the group. Though somehow even that all works out. Like Francis, who'll also probably be there tonight. We met Francis when he was dating Levi's friend, Silvio. To be honest, I never cared for Silvio. He always seemed a bit unstable, especially when he accused Francis of cheating on him, with Levi of all people! Things got pretty ugly for a while, since many of us had grown closer with Francis than we had ever been with Silvio, and in the end it turned out Silvio was the one who was cheating. So Silvio left and Francis is still in the group, only now he's with Cam."

I followed him as we turned right when we got to the corner of Central Park.

"Cam's younger and very quiet. I think he might still be in college somewhere around here. I want to say maybe Hunter? He reminds me of what I was like back then. I'd tried to talk to him a few times, but Industry can be loud and Cam isn't, which makes communication with him difficult. Mostly he just sticks close to Francis and gives us these adorable, shy smiles."

"They all sound like good guys," I commented.

"They are all good guys. That's the core group, plus Ross and Dimi, who obviously won't be there tonight. Occasionally others come out with us, like Thanos, Yiannis and Lazzaro, who all work for Ross and Dimi, or Nick and Tom, a couple of guys I work with. Actually, one or both of them may be there tonight. I know they were both excited to meet you, but they also tend to be busy on weekends, and never gave me a firm answer."

"Well, if I don't meet them tonight, perhaps next time," I offered, though I was a little disappointed, especially after meeting other people from Jasper's work went so well earlier in the day.

"And I must have been talking way too much because here we are already." We stood in front of a two story building with no windows on the second level and a large awning overhanging the sidewalk.

"This is Tao. I hope you like it," Jasper said grasping one of the large rings on a heavy solid wood double door and pulling it open, motioning for me to go in. I paused at the entrance to take in our surroundings. The lights inside were dimmed, casting shadows on the exposed brick walls and creating an inviting atmosphere. One wall served as a backdrop for a giant Buddha that appeared to float over a wide reflecting pool, clearly the focal point of the entire multi-tiered restaurant. Warm hardwood floors and white canvas covered in red and black Chinese characters draped horizontally beneath the ceiling made what would otherwise be a cavernous space feel cozy and intimate.

A smiling hostess greeted us when we came in and checked her list for Jasper's reservation. Another hostess led us to the table and handed us our menus. In seconds our glasses were being filled with ice water while a server appeared to take drink requests.

"What do you think, Edward? Should we have cocktails or wine with dinner?"

"A glass of wine would be perfect, I think," I knew we would be drinking for the rest of the evening, and thought it would be good to pace ourselves. The server handed me the wine list and retreated to give us time to make our selection.

"Any preferences?" I asked.

"You've done a great job picking wine for us before," he said, leaving the choice with me.

"There's a Chenin Blank from a winery in North Fork, New York that looks interesting. I've never had it, but it might be fun to try something local," I said, handing him the wine list.

"That sounds good." he nodded. "Now what about starters? I'm starving!"

After having a late breakfast and knowing we'd have a relatively early dinner, we elected to skip lunch. It was a good idea, but like Jasper, I too was ready to eat.

"Let's each pick one starter," I suggested. "I'd love some of those steamed vegetable dumplings."

"And I'll pick the jumbo shrimp tempura," he countered with a smile.

The waitress appeared out of nowhere and took our drinks and starter orders. While she was gone we continued to peruse the menu, deciding on our main dishes. Too many of them looked good and it was difficult to make a choice, but Jasper finally settled on the wok seared New York sirloin with shiitake mushrooms and Szechwan potatoes while I chose the miso glazed Chilean sea bass with wok vegetables.

The waitress then returned to pour our wine, which turned out to be very good.

The appetizers arrived right before she left the table with our main course orders, so that when she walked away we were assured several uninterrupted minutes. First order of business, of course, was eating, and we sampled the starters with relish. The dumplings were delicious, as were the shrimp, and the wine accompanied both nicely.

"I do like this place," I commented, looking around. "Both the food and the ambiance."

"Good," he smiled. "I like it too. It's always a bit of a treat."

I took a bite of my dumpling and thought about how to bring up a subject that had been bothering me since that morning. Rather than beat around the bush, I decided to go for it and just ask.

"You mentioned your friend, Angela, earlier, the one from Rochester? Are you two still in touch?"

"Yeah, we actually are," his smile didn't falter, which was a good sign, I thought. Maybe the dragon had mellowed with time and would be able to keep an open mind about me.

"Oh. I wondered. You haven't mentioned her since we started talking."

"I guess I haven't," he acknowledged thoughtfully. "Actually, it’s been a while since she and I talked. Ever since she got married and moved to Kansas, she's been busy setting up their new house and getting things ready for the baby."

"She's having a baby? How exciting. Her first?" Outwardly I maintained my composure but inside I was doing cartwheels. Angela living in Kansas meant that I would have one less detractor in New York, one less person I would have to convince I was no longer the guy Jasper told them about.

"It is their first and they're absolutely thrilled. The ultrasound showed it's a boy, due in February. I'll want to fly out next spring to meet him. I hope you'll come with me," he glanced at me from beneath his bangs, looking a little uncertain.

"Um, you think Angela would be okay with that?"

And there it was. Even if neither of us said it, we both knew what I was talking about. My last encounter with Angela was not exactly a happy one, and judging by the way she acted then, she'd clearly been convinced that I'd been as abusive to Jasper as James, if not worse.

Jasper took a moment to reply, dabbing his lips with his napkin before setting it back in his lap.

"Angela and I are very alike. We tend to be overprotective of our friends. The day you met her, well, she was helping me, doing what I couldn't do. She's not always like that."

I nodded with understanding. "She's a survivor too," I said, remembering the accusations she threw at me, which sounded like she spoke from experience. "It must have taken a lot of guts for her to do what she did."

"Yup," he nodded. "It's easier to do for others, with people you don't really know."

"Of course," I agreed. I'd met enough abused men and women to know reactions to other abusers varied. I'd met abused people who projected their own self-loathing onto others, having virtually no compassion for other victims and even encouraging other abusers. I'd also met victims who helped to protect others, even standing up to their friends' abusers, all the while being abused at home themselves. And then I'd seen the victims who simply cowered away from almost everyone and tried to blend into the background, terrified of any attention. No matter which end of the spectrum they were on, however, pretty much universally they found it most difficult to confront the person who was supposed to love them, but abused them instead. Angela was likely the protective dragon for Jasper that she hadn't been able to be for herself.

"I know it will probably be very difficult for her to see me as anyone other than the abusive jerk she took me for back in Rochester," I said carefully, wondering if I should reveal how much I really understood.

"I think all it will take to convince her is to show her how much you've done for other abuse survivors over the years." He looked at me and gave me a small smile that was half apologetic.

"You knew?" I couldn't keep the surprise from my voice.

"You didn't exactly work anonymously. When I came back from Seth's wedding I was curious so I googled you," he said with a shrug. "Have you ever done that? All sorts of interesting stuff pops up," he teased. I groaned and looked at the table, suddenly horrified at what he might have found and pissed that I hadn't thought to run a search on myself.

"What kinds of things?" I asked carefully.

"Oh," he laughed, "pictures taken by teenage girls who had crushes on Ranger Cullen. And who could blame them, really? You look fantastic in that uniform! Also some pictures of you making the rounds at various Capitol Hill establishments, making quite a reputation for yourself."

I groaned. The reputation I had in Seattle was not even a quarter deserved. It was simply the combination of being friends with Seth back when he was the chief power bottom in town and the fact that I treated my tricks decently. And, I couldn't help smirking, maybe a little because by that time I knew what the hell I was doing, so the guys I fucked had a good time. Still, I wasn't nearly the manwhore that reputation implied, especially for the last couple of years.

"You really shouldn't believe everything you see on the Internet," I said. I was relieved to see that he didn't seem to have a problem with my reputation, but I felt the need to reiterate, "What little truth there is out there, it's all in the past. I haven't been with anyone but you since Seth's wedding."

"You don't have to explain, Edward. With a couple of exceptions from guys who sound like bitter, whiny bitches who can never be satisfied, everything I've read was very complimentary. Of course, the most positive things were said in connection with your work at Rainbow Beginnings."

As if on cue, the waitress arrived with our entrees, taking away the starter plates.

"I'm not sure why you didn't tell me right away," Jasper mused when she left. "You must know how impressive your work is, especially to a survivor, like me. You're the founder of one of the few organizations in the United States devoted to combating domestic abuse in the LGBT community. That's huge!"

"I didn't start Rainbow Beginnings to impress anyone," I said firmly. "I just saw there was a void that needed to be filled, and I had the resources to do something about it. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to think I was using the foundation to change your opinion of me. And I didn't want it to color your opinion. It was important for you to know that I'd changed without bringing that into the mix. But I guess that's not really the case, since you've known all along."

"Almost all along. I did the search a couple of days after I came back. And I was impressed that you hadn't told me, at first, but then, especially after Chicago, I wondered why you were holding back. Of course, I couldn't ask you about it without revealing how big of a snoop I'd been."

"I wasn't trying to hide anything. I just wanted to tell you about my family first, to explain about my grandfather and all his money, which is how I was able to start Rainbow Beginnings. But I don't think you're a snoop. It's not like you hired a private investigator to follow me."

I winced a little internally when I remembered the private investigator I hired to help with James. He had actually tracked Jasper down, though only in the routine course of his assignment and not on my express instructions. I also never asked him for any of Jasper's personal information, so I had no idea how much he knew. I wondered if I should tell Jasper about it, but then figured bringing up James would do more harm than good.

"Well no, you're right, I wasn't stalking. Still, I wasn't necessarily proud of myself. Now that it's all out in the open, tell me more, please."

As we ate I told him everything, starting with my volunteering at New Beginnings, when the only resource I had to offer was my time. I explained how I noticed the deficiencies in aid available to LGBT domestic violence victims but it was only when I gained access my trust fund that I was able to do something about it by establishing Rainbow Beginnings.

"We have a couple employees whose sole focus is fundraising, because we never have enough to help everyone in need, but everyone else is there to provide services, from housing vouchers, to therapy, to help with restraining orders. Our director, Rusty, is absolutely amazing. He makes sure everything runs smoothly, from the staff, to the volunteers, to the databases we keep to help both the survivors and the police. We often get called in by police officers responding to domestic disturbance calls and meet them at the station or the hospital. It helps them to have experienced counselors on hand for the victims, who too often feel like no one understands. We also sometimes go on ride-alongs with the police. We've developed a good relationship with the violent crimes unit and they've been very helpful in spreading the word about our services.

"And we do outreach in the community, lectures and stuff like that. We stress that just because the people in the relationships can be perceived as equals because they're the same gender, doesn't give anyone a license to solve problems with fists. We've had some successes, a lot actually. Just recently Roberto and his partner helped put away a real monster. But for every success there are failures too. There's still such a big stigma in our community when it comes to domestic violence. So many people turn a blind eye."

"Roberto is Seth's sister's fiancé, right? Seth called me last week to tell me all about it. Sounds like the guy went all out on the proposal, but then if Leah is anything like Seth, he would have had to."

"Yup," I confirmed with a nod. "Roberto is the only guy who could have caught Leah, and he did it the right way. He even went to get Seth's blessing first," I shook my head in amazement, still not quite believing that the man had the balls to face potential rejection by both Clearwater siblings. "Anyway, Roberto and Leah started dating shortly after he was transferred to the violent crimes unit. He and his partner are both good men, and I think they would have done the right thing anyway, but it sure helps to have that personal connection with Roberto and Al through Leah."

"That's good. Sometimes who you know can make all the difference. That's why outreach is so important. It makes a theoretical issue personal. Like those talks in the community you spoke about. Did I understand correctly that you yourself lecture and counsel people?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah, I do. It helps that I kind of know both sides of the coin. I mean, I know what happened to you, but I also know the mental tricks that abusers use. And I've been through the New Beginnings training. Believe it or not, counseling others actually helped me, quite a lot. It helped me understand why you felt you had to do what you did, and why you didn't believe me when I just showed up out of the blue asking you to reconsider. Nothing frustrates me more than watching someone who had been abused go back to the abuser, even though I know that will happen more often than not. I'm so glad you didn't do that."

"I'm really glad too, obviously," he said, remaining thoughtful for a while afterwards. I watched his face carefully, hoping he wasn't re-living painful memories, but nothing in his expression indicated that he was troubled. Eventually, he looked back up at me. "I didn't realize you were that deeply involved with Rainbow Beginnings. The articles I found on-line only talked about your advocacy for the cause and fundraising. That alone was very impressive. But you actually do so much more than that."

"I help out when I can, but I don't want to give you the wrong impression. It's the employees and volunteers who do the bulk of the work. They're fantastic!"

"I'm sure they are. But I'm also sure they take their cues and inspiration from the founder. You know, every time I think I can't be any more impressed with what you've done since I left Seattle, I'm proven wrong. Is there anything I still don't know? Any Nobel Peace Prizes my Google search didn't uncover?" he teased, but I could see he was serious too, at least about being impressed.

"No Nobel prizes or any other prizes," I quipped, trying to keep things light. "Unlike in high school, these days I try to stay under the radar."

Jasper nodded and smiled. We spent the rest of the meal and dessert talking about Rainbow Beginnings. I also told Jasper how we were able to help and convince a couple of survivors to press charges and testify against Caius Volturi, which helped put the predator behind bars. I was extremely proud of the role Rainbow Beginnings was able to play in that case. Both the DA and the police told us that without our immediate mobilization of resources and the shelter, support and counseling we were able to offer the victims, it was unlikely they would have cooperated, which would have made prosecution impossible. Jasper listened and asked questions. The conversation was so engaging we didn't even notice that we finished eating until the waitress came over to ask if we needed anything else. We could have stayed longer, but it was past the time to meet Nasir and Emmett, so Jasper paid the bill despite my protest and we left the restaurant to walk to the guys' penthouse.

The temperature outside had dropped a little, but I was instantly warmed when he took my hand and interlaced our fingers as we walked. Nasir and Emmett's place wasn't too far away, just a few minutes’ walk down Park Avenue, on the corner of Park and 78th.

"Nasir and Emmett got pretty lucky when Nasir's father transferred this apartment to his name before he got married," Jasper commented as we neared our destination. "This is a very impressive address. A windowless utility closet in this building would cost a fortune, much less a penthouse."

"I'm sure Nasir's father regrets not waiting until Nasir actually married the bride he selected for him before he gave him the wedding present, but I think this is appropriate karmic payback for his bigoted views. In the end, this apartment was a wedding present. Just not the wedding he envisioned."

We walked into the lobby of the building and gave our name to the security guard who, obviously alerted ahead of time to our visit, directed us to the elevator. He also must have called Nasir and Emmett, because they were standing and waiting for us in the elevator lobby when the doors slid open on the 17th floor.

"Jasper and Edward, welcome to our home," Nasir said formally, hugging us both.

"We're so glad you guys had the time to stop by," Emmett said, much less formally, pulling each of us into a warm full bodied hug as well. "Come on, come see the place. You're not gonna believe it!" He and Nasir shepherded us through the open door, after we took off our shoes, into their penthouse.

"Wow, guys," Jasper commented as we looked around the large room. "This is really something! It's so spacious."

The room was indeed spacious and rather exotic, furnished in what was obviously middle-eastern style.

"This is the main floor," Nasir explained, clearly pleased with Jasper's reaction. "The bedrooms and study are downstairs," he said, pointing to a semi-circular staircase that wound down to the lower level.

"What are you boys drinking tonight? We're well stocked now. We even have some munchies," Emmett offered.

"Let me guess," I smirked, reading between the lines. "The first time you flew out the only edible thing in the whole place was Laphroaig?"

"I had Emmett's favorite beer as well," Nasir protested sheepishly.

"You got it, Eddie," Emmett grinned. "Nasi was living on take-out. He still pretty much does during the week, but the pantry is stocked with staples and we stepped out earlier to get some snacks. So what will it be? Beer, wine, cocktails?"

I glanced at Jasper. "We were drinking white wine with dinner. What do you think, Jas? Maybe we should stick with that for now?"

"That sounds wise," Jasper agreed, stepping closer to me. Without thinking, I wrapped my arm around his waist, and watched his lips curl into a satisfied smile.

"Oh, we have the Riesling from Washington that Mutti liked so well, Habibi!" Nasir said excitedly. "We should open that."

"Exactly what I was thinking, Babe," Emmett confirmed and leaned over to give his husband a soft kiss. "Show the guys around while I get everything ready."

We followed Emmett as far as the kitchen, and then left him to see the richly appointed dining room and the lone bedroom on this level which, as Nasir explained, was intended for a maid.

"You know, Nasir, that's not a bad idea. You seem pretty lost here without Emmett during the week," I observed.

"No," he shook his head emphatically. "I will learn how to take care of the things I need to take care of. Emmett and I do not want live-in servants."

"Worried that a maid might cramp your style, stop you from lounging around naked and fucking whenever and wherever the mood strikes you?" I guessed, laughing. Jasper snickered.

"You know us well, my friend," Nasir readily admitted, patting my back. "That is it exactly!"

Nasir showed us the rest of the upstairs and took us down to see the bedrooms and study, explaining the ideas he and Emmett had for re-decorating. Jasper and I were both duly impressed, especially when Nasir took us back upstairs and out onto the huge terrace, where Emmett was waiting with the drinks and snacks. The nighttime view of the city was as impressive as from the window of our hotel, except this was a private, outdoor space. Jasper and I shared a look and I knew we were both thinking about making love the previous night with the park and the city view before us and how much better and wilder it would be to repeat that experience outside, against the brick half-wall that served as Nasir and Emmett's terrace railing. I felt myself growing hard at the mere idea of it and saw Jasper subtly adjusting himself as well. Fortunately Nasir and Emmett were too busy sharing a kiss and then getting our wine glasses to notice.

"This is simply stunning," Jasper noted, looking around the terrace for a distraction. "You could rent this place out for parties."

"We will host the parties," Nasir quipped. "We will host the East Coast parties. Garrett and Sethy can host on the West Coast. And we will hire your friends to cater our parties."

"Even better," Jasper nodded his approval.

We sat down at the outdoor dining area, furnished with glass and wrought iron picnic table and benches, and talked as we drank wine and nibbled on salmon spread and an assortment of fruits, cheeses and crackers. Emmett and I compared our New York experiences so far, happily noting that as much as we liked the city, our happiest moments were those in bed with our guys. Nasir and Jasper were in instant agreement, further elaborating that it helped them to get together during the week to commiserate over how much they missed us.

"Other people are sympathetic, but only someone who is missing his other half can really understand what we're going through," Jasper explained. "It's so nice to talk to someone without having to reiterate why the long distance relationship is worth it despite the obvious drawbacks."

"It is also nice to be with someone who knows my Emmett so well, and is willing to share stories," Nasir teased his husband.

"Have you been spilling all my secrets, Sugar?" Emmett chuckled.

Just this once I was glad that Jasper and I weren't touching, so he couldn't feel the shudder that went through me at Emmett's use of the intimate nickname that instantly took me back to the time I heard it most frequently, when Seth, Emmett, Jasper and I all hung out together as Jasper recovered after leaving James. It was a time of such mixed emotions for me. Extreme happiness at having Jasper back, and anger at having to tolerate the presence of others when all I wanted was to be alone with him. I hated that a single word could put me back in that place. I took a sip of wine to calm myself and tried to purge the recollection from my mind. Thankfully the others weren't privy to my thoughts, and the conversation around me went on.

"Oh, were all your high school and college escapades that you shared with me when we first met supposed to stay a secret?" Jasper joked. "Oops!"

"Jasper, you know these things and you have not shared them yet?" Nasir's eyes lit up and he leaned forward as if anticipating Jasper to start a story right then and there, making it abundantly clear that the two had not, in fact, been gossiping in Emmett's absence.

Emmett chuckled and reached over to take his husband's hand. "He's teasing, Nasi. There's not much about my youth you don't already know."

"Nevertheless, I want to know everything!" Nasir gave an emphatic nod and settled back in his chair. "We will talk about this when we meet for drinks this week." He stated, pointing at Jasper in emphasis.

"Sorry, Em," Jasper gave a regretful shrug. "It looks like he's determined to get the stories out of me."

"Okay," Emmett sounded resigned. "Tell him what a hot bottom I am. Oh, wait. He knows that," Emmett put a hand to his chin as he pretended to consider. "Oh, I know. Tell him I give really good head. Oh, wait."

"I know that too," Nasir smiled.

"Tell him I don't make a habit of sleeping with my clients," Emmett tried again.

"But the client's brother is a whole other story," I laughed.

"Well, sometimes the little brothers are so hot," Emmett stressed. "What are ya gonna do?" he shrugged.

"Marry them?" Jasper suggested.

"That too," Emmett agreed with a wink and held out his beer bottle to touch it to Jasper's wine glass.

We talked, ate and drank for another half hour before Nasir called for a car to take us to the bar, insisting that a taxi wasn't big enough for the four of us. I knew him well enough not to argue, and Jasper conceded that the walk would be too much after all the walking we did earlier in the day. We helped Emmett put away the remaining food and went downstairs where the car arrived only seconds after we reached the lobby.

The ride didn't take long, and soon we were exiting in front of what looked like a nondescript store front with double wood framed glass doors, each imprinted with the word "Industry" in surprisingly small and subtle lettering. Four narrow, frosted windows and a unique facade of dark blue subway tiles separated by bright white grout completed the look. he only indication that this was a bar was the noise seeping onto the sidewalk from within, and a short line of would-be patrons waiting to be let in by the muscular bouncer manning the door. Jasper walked right up to the bouncer and gave him a quick hug.

"Hi, Bulldog, full house tonight?"

"Hey, blondie. Yeah, it's a crush inside. Amanda's putting on a show later and you know she draws a big crowd. But there's always room for you," the man called Bulldog gave Jasper a grin that, along with the casual nickname, seemed a little too friendly for my taste.

"I brought friends with me tonight. They're from Seattle, so treat them nice, okay? This is Nasir and Emmett," Jasper pointed to our friends, "And this is my boyfriend, Edward," he said proudly, taking my hand.

A few of the men in line voiced their complaints at having been left waiting. Bulldog fixed them with a hard stare and they instantly quieted.

"Hey guys," Bulldog's greeting was general, but his eyes were focused on me. I tensed slightly and stepped closer to Jasper, feeling the weight of Bulldog's visual assessment as we all replied with our own 'heys.' Bulldog was built like Emmett, though shorter, roughly my height. I probably wouldn't be able to take him in a fight, but this was not what this was about, so I gave him what I hoped was a disarming grin while I kept my eyes hard. I wanted to communicate that I could handle being either friends or foes, whichever he chose.

"Any friends of Jasper are always welcome here, even boyfriends," Bulldog finally said, sending me a wink. It seemed he was going to keep things light, so I relaxed and smiled fully.

"Go right in," Bulldog continued, motioning us inside. "I think Felix and Francis grabbed one of the back booths for you all."

Ignoring the grumblings from the slighted men in line, we walked through the vestibule and a second set of double doors into the dimly lit, tightly packed bar. We stood at the entrance for a moment, letting our eyes adjust and looking around to get a feel for the place. To our right was a long bar with multi-colored rectangles lining the wall to provide muted light and a background for the liquor bottles and the busy bartenders. To our left and slightly behind us, in a niche created by the vestibule wall and the windows we saw in the front, was an ornate pool table with bar stools lining the walls to accommodate spectators. Corrugated frosted glass panels installed between stone pillars separated the crowd surrounding the bar from the more quiet and private booths that lined the left wall.

"This is quite a popular place," Emmett commented as we were jostled by a departing group of friends, and then pushed again by the guys who were let in by Bulldog to replace them. "Nice not to have to wait."

"Do you know people at every bar in Manhattan, Jasper?" Nasir asked, explaining that Jasper also secured VIP treatment in the absinthe bar when the he and Garrett went out with Jasper the first time.

"Not at all," Jasper laughed. "Apotheke was my connection from work. Here we're all regulars, plus Ross and Dimi know the owners. But come on, we have to get through all these guys to get to my friends."

Jasper weaved through the crowd, leading me by the hand and periodically looking back to make sure Nasir and Emmett were following. When we passed the last of the corrugated glass panels he looked to the left and his eyes lit up as he spotted his friends. Followed his line of sight, I saw a giant rising and smiling with recognition. The man, who stood almost a head taller than the rest of crowd, began carving out a path for us from his side that led to a living-room like seating area made up of a couple individual chairs and leather benches arranged around a cocktail table.

"Felix!" Jasper exclaimed when we were finally close enough to be heard through the din. "Thanks for saving the best seats in the house!"

Jasper allowed the big man to pull him into a hug, but used only one of his arms, keeping his hold on my hand.

"No problem, TV man. We like getting here early. Drinks are cheaper during happy hour and it's the only time we can hear Cam talk," Felix laughed and looked to me. "Welcome to New York," he said in a friendly tone. He wore an open black leather vest that revealed a muscular chest covered entirely with dark, curly hair which seemed to darken and thicken into a trail between his pecs and down the center of his abdomen until it disappeared out of sight at the waistband of his tight blue jeans. A thick black leather belt and heavy black motorcycle boots completed his outfit. He had a trimmed mustache that extended the full length of his upper lip and down past the corners of his mouth to meet up with a thick, trimmed beard that covered his chin and jaw. His dark hair was buzzed to about a quarter inch, just long enough to reveal a deep widow's peak forming an almost perfect v shape over his forehead, giving him a slightly Vampirish look. His smile reached all the way to his dark-brown eyes, softening his severe appearance.

"Edward, this is Felix. Felix, my boyfriend, Edward," Jasper introduced us with a smile.

"Good to meet you, Edward," Felix extended his hand which I shook firmly.

"And these are my good friends Emmett and Nasir," Jasper continued. The three men exchanged handshakes. The other guys with Felix rose to their feet and came forward.

I quickly guessed that the man who moved close to Felix and eyed Nasir and Emmett suspiciously as Felix shook their hands had to be Anton. Like Felix, Anton was shirtless, but instead of a vest he wore a heavily studded leather harness equipped with several d-rings and buckles together with matching wrist cuffs. The leather belt looped through his black jeans was adorned with trigger hook clips, which presumably could be used with the rings on his cuffs. His chest was smooth except for a dark patch of hair between his pecs. Both his upper arms were tattooed with tribal bands and there was a tattoo of an electrocardiogram pattern on his left pec, right over his heart. He was well built, but not nearly as muscular as Felix, and at maybe 5'11" he looked short next to his boyfriend. He had a chinstrap beard, a soul patch and a mustache that extended just beyond his upper lip. His hair, buzzed as short as Felix's, formed an almost square shape around his forehead, giving him a much more youthful appearance.

"Nice to meet you, guys. This is my boyfriend, Anton," Felix introduced and the suspicious scowl on Anton's face was replaced with an almost radiant smile, making me wonder if that's how I looked every time Jasper introduced me this way. I remembered Jasper saying that Felix and Anton had not been seeing each other long, and I felt a sudden kinship with the shorter man, instantly understanding that for him Felix was as much of a dream come true as Jasper was for me. A look passed between us as we shook hands and exchanged greetings, and I felt Anton also understood the connection.

"The boyfriend label is new," Jasper told me quietly after Anton moved on to shake hands with Emmett and Nasir. "I've never heard Felix refer to any other guy that way, or look so happy."

"Anton looks pretty happy too," I pointed out. "Seems like they both hit the jackpot."

Before we could say more, the other two men moved forward. The taller man had olive toned skin, dark eyes and thick, dark wavy hair. He introduced himself as Francis and also introduced Cam, the kid who stood a step back, partially hiding behind Francis, and didn't look a day over 19. When Francis prompted him, Cam shook my hand softly, but said nothing and only glanced up at me quickly from beneath his lashes. He wore a look of perpetual shyness and intimidation, which only grew worse when he had to shake hands with Emmett and Nasir. Fortunately they both seemed to realize his more delicate nature and let go of his hand almost as soon as they took it. The taller and bigger Francis, also aware of Cam's discomfort, wrapped his arm around the younger man to pull him close and leaned down to say something none of the rest of us could hear. In return, we were all rewarded with Cam's full, pouty lips curling up into a small smile as he looked up at Francis with eyes full of worship. Francis smiled back and gave him a soft kiss that made the boy melt against him before Francis pulled back and steered them back to the benches.

Introductions over, we all moved to sit down. Felix, Anton, Nasir and Emmett joined Francis and Cam on the benches, while Jasper and I pulled two of the chairs close together. A waiter drifted over to take drink orders, reciting the available beers and memorizing each of our preferred brews.

"So, guys, how do you like New York City?" Felix took charge of the conversation.

"It's a great city. I like it a lot," I replied enthusiastically. "I know this is going to sound strange, but it's smaller than I expected. Not in actual size, of course, but we spent the day visiting Jasper's favorite places and now the city feels more personal, intimate."

"I've mostly seen the inside of our apartment, and that's been pretty intimate too. Just how we like it," Emmett quipped.

"You two are the ones who just got married, right?" Felix seemed to be the spokesman for the group. "So this is kind of your honeymoon."

"Actually we will go on our honeymoon to Hawaii, with our friends, Seth and Garrett, who got married in June," Nasir clarified. The waiter arrived and distributed our beers before disappearing again.

"Nasir recently got a new job in New York, so he's been living here during the week for a couple of months now. We alternate coasts on the weekends," Emmett explained further.

"Oh, that's right," Felix nodded. "Jasper told us, but with everything going on it slipped my mind."

"We are sorry about your friends," Nasir said. "It is a horrible thing that happened. Things like this should not happen in this country."

"They shouldn't, but sometimes they do. It wouldn't have happened if I'd been there," Felix's hands involuntarily curled into fists. Anton noticed and placed his hand on Felix's shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault. You were sick," he reminded his boyfriend. I got the impression this wasn't the first time they'd been over this.

"It wouldn't have happened if I'd been there," Felix repeated stubbornly.

"You shouldn't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault," Emmett spoke up. Felix looked over at him in surprise. "You can't be there with your friends twenty four-seven. Even if you are, you can't always do anything. I had a boyfriend once who abused my best friend right in our apartment while I was sleeping. I stopped it as soon as I figured out what was going on, but it wasn't soon enough. Seth made sure I didn't blame myself, though. I wasn't the one who hurt him and you weren't the one who hurt your friends."

Nasir reached for Emmett's hand and held it tightly just as Jasper squeezed mine. I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was that Emmett would share something so intensely personal to ease the burden of a man he hardly knew, but obviously I still had something to learn about the generosity of my good friend.

"Thank you, Emmett," Anton said, his voice full of gratitude and admiration.

"Emmett's right, Felix. I wasn't there either, you know. None of us were. It still wasn't our fault. We just have to be more careful in the future. All of us," Jasper chimed in.

"Jazzy!" a high pitched shriek came from somewhere behind us. Jasper turned around and stood with a smile, pulling me up with him.

"Levi! You know I hate that nickname," he chastised a man emerging from the crowd. Levi was about five eight, with golden brown eyes, thick dark brown brows and dark brown hair cut close on the sides and spiked about an inch high on the top. He wore skin tight black jeans and an equally clingy black lycra shirt embroidered with bright red flames in a metallic thread that made the flames shimmer in the light. I smirked a little, realizing that I was looking at the human embodiment of the term flamboyant.

"I was just about to ask where you were," Jasper said, giving Levi the same one-armed hug he gave Felix earlier. I was thrilled that he didn't seem to want to let go of my hand, not even to greet his friends. I wasn't sure if it was a possessive or protective gesture, or both, but I appreciated it either way.

"Since I know they have the apartment to themselves, I forced Ross to take the night off and took charge of tonight's party myself. It took a little longer than I thought to wrap up, but we're all here now!"

Four more guys walked up to stand beside Levi. Jasper waved all five over to the table.

"I'm so glad you were able to make it. Let me just get all the introductions done at once. Guys, these are my good friends, Nasir and Emmett. And this is my boyfriend, Edward," He said, pulling me closer. "These are Levi, Thanos, Yanni, Lazzaro and Reynard. They all work for Ross and Dimi."

There were too many of us now to exchange handshakes, so we just exchanged nods and hellos. Levi came right up to me and looked me over up and down.

"So this is the infamous Edward? Honey, no wonder you were holding out. He is fine!" he gave Jasper his assessment.

"Mm hmm," echoed Reynard. He was a reed thin, light skinned African-American with short curly hair, a broad nose. His almond shaped eyes and brows that angled upward made him look part Asian. He was sipping a very pink drink garnished with a pineapple slice and an umbrella and stood with his one hip popped, looking both flirty and haughty. "Hi, Edward," he said with a little wave when he caught my eye.

"I'm not sharing, Rey-Rey," Jasper growled jokingly, but with a hint of warning.

"Spoilsport," Reynard pouted, then shifted his gaze to Emmett and Nasir.

"They're not sharing either," Jasper added.

"Fine," Reynard turned up his nose in a huff. "Thanos, come dance with me," he almost commanded. When Thanos showed no sign of moving, Reynard turned dramatically and stalked off in a huff. I turned to Jasper, worried that I had alienated one of his friends without even opening my mouth, only to see him roll his eyes.

"Just ignore him," Levi told me. "Rey-Rey is a fucking princess and is forever surprised when we don't all jump to do his bidding. He'll be back after he blows someone. Oh, did I say that?" he put his hand over his mouth as if in shock. "I'm such a bad boy! Oh well, in the meantime, talk to us, Edward. We want to know everything, don't we boys?"

The other men didn't exactly seem disinterested, but I knew the only one who wanted to know everything was Levi himself. Still, I was willing to answer whatever questions Levi and the others had, not just because I wanted to make a good impression, but because it would distract us from the heavier conversation interrupted by their arrival.

"What would you like to know first?"

"The size of your dick, of course," Levi said breezily, "but since I don't want Jazzy's claws to come out again like they did with Rey-Rey, why don't you tell us how you two met instead?"

During the discussion with Reynard, Felix and Anton scrounged up a couple more chairs. Between those and the guys on the benches getting cozier to make more room, we were all able to sit together. Everyone, including Emmett and Nasir, looked at me expectantly.

"We met on my first day of school in Forks," Jasper spoke for me. "Edward rescued me from a couple of bullies who were trying to steal my lunch money. He always looked out for me after that."

"Ooh, a hero! How romantic!" Levi over-dramatized.

"You know, I don't think I ever knew that," Emmett said.

Our waiter came back to check on us and take orders from the new arrivals. I was glad for the interruption, because my thoughts were speeding into unsafe territory as I remembered all the times I did protect Jasper, and the few key times I did not, the times it really mattered.

"Actually, since we're on the subject, Jasper told me to ask you guys how you met," I said to Felix and Anton when the waiter left, trying to steer the subject in another direction. "He said it was a good story."

A lot of the New Yorkers, including Felix, laughed, while Anton wore an embarrassed smile.

"You want to tell him, babe, or should I?" Felix asked Anton.

"I'll tell him," Anton said reluctantly. "I suppose it is kind of funny, now." I could tell from his voice that he wasn't convinced of the truth of the statement, and that even after the passage of time he felt the joke was at his expense. I started to take pity on him and wanted to tell him that I didn't really need to know if he'd rather not talk about it, but before I could say anything he launched into his story.

"I'm a stock broker and Felix is a security guard at the Wall Street branch of Chase Manhattan bank. I normally do all my banking at the ATM, but one day I misplaced my card and needed some cash so I stopped by the bank on my lunch hour to make a withdrawal. I saw him as soon as I walked in and I swear my mouth fell open and I started drooling. I mean, it was like seeing all my fantasies come to life." Anton glanced at Felix, who now looked a little uncomfortable. "Of course, he didn't even notice me."

"Come on," Felix protested. "I noticed you. It's my job to notice everyone."

"Okay, fair enough. You noticed me. The same way you'd noticed a retired couple or a pregnant lady or a bike messenger..." Anton joked as he became a more confident in telling the story.

"Not true. I thought you were a heck of a lot cuter than those other people," Felix defended, "but I was working, and I'm not supposed to be scoping out potential dates while on the job."

"Right. And I can give your employers every assurance that you are not using your job to scope out dates. Unless the potential dates give you no choice," Anton teased.

"I think maybe I should tell the rest of the story," Felix offered.

"Oh no," Anton protested. "I started and I'm gonna finish. So anyway, seeing that this guy was not paying any attention to me was a little disappointing, but not enough to make me give up. After that day my ATM card took a permanent vacation and the bank lobby became my lunchtime hangout. I noticed they had a lean staff at lunch, so I'd say I needed to talk to a personal banker and wait, which gave me a lot of time to watch Felix. Of course, I didn't want to be obvious about it, so I looked around a lot. When the banker would be wrapping things up with the other customer I'd pretend I ran out of time and had to leave."

"How long did you do this?" I asked, impressed by his inventiveness and perseverance.

"About a week and a half. I was getting frustrated, because even though I saw him every day, I had no idea how to start talking to him. And then one day he was waiting for me when I came in and asked to talk to me. I would have been thrilled, if it wasn't for his stern expression. He certainly didn't look like a man who wanted to ask me out."

"Given what I assumed, can you blame me?" Felix asked.

"What did you assume?" Emmett inquired.

"He thought I was casing the bank, for a robbery," Anton explained with a chuckle. "He took me into an office and told me to give up whatever it was I was planning, because there was no way he was going to allow a robbery to go down at his branch. Then he told me if I ever showed my face there again he'd call the cops."

"Oh, no," I started laughing. "You got yourself into really hot water."

"Tell me about it," Anton agreed. "I was crushed. I mean, I understood why he got the impression he did, but obviously I couldn't have been any less interested in the bank. I was still intimidated, all the more so, but I knew if I didn't say anything I probably would never see him again, so I just blurted out how I was only there to watch him."

"Wow! And what did you do?" I directed my question to Felix.

"He didn't believe me," Anton supplied, bumping Felix with his shoulder. "He thought it was just an excuse, a trick to throw him off."

"I've met these stock broker types before and none of them would ever be interested in a security guard," Felix offered his justification. "I really believed it was all a ruse."

"So how did he change your mind?" I pressed. Felix and Anton both smiled.

"He said he'd stay away from the bank if I agreed to meet him for drinks. He said if I said no then he'd just come and stand in front of the bank, that I couldn't keep him off the public sidewalk."

"And that worked?" Emmett wondered.

"Not at first. But when he didn't show up at the bar I went to stand in front of the bank on my lunch hour," Anton lowered his head in an attempt to hide the blush that crept up his neck and face. "He ignored me for 30 minutes, but then came out and said that he'd meet me for a drink that evening."

"And the rest is history," Levi supplied, clapping his hands.

"I went out on a limb and it was pretty shaky there for a moment, but it was so worth it!" Anton said, looking up at Felix with a satisfied expression.

"I'm glad you took a chance and didn't give up when I was too stupid to realize you were sincere," Felix put his arm around Anton's shoulder and gave him a hard but loving kiss. Anton glowed, all previous embarrassment forgotten.

"That's a great story, guys," I told them. "I'm glad things worked out for you."

"Oh yeah, things have been working out just fine. The market's been hell this week, but my guy finds ways to work out all my stress," Anton said suggestively.

We went around the group, listening to all the couples' stories. Francis met Cam when he was visiting a friend who taught at Hunter College, where Cam was a student. Francis arrived early and stopped at a nearby bookstore. Cam, who worked at the store, made a comment about a book Francis was considering. They started talking between Cam helping other customers and became so engrossed in their conversation that Francis completely forgot about meeting his friend. He waited until Cam finished his shift and then asked Cam to dinner. After a full evening of discovering how much they had in common, Francis walked Cam to his apartment and immediately made plans for a second date.

"He was just too sweet for words, and so shy, but also very well read. I was happy to spend the evening just talking. I was happy to spend the evening just talking. Four months later, we still spend many evenings that way, or reading the same books so we can discuss them later," Francis smiled at Cam and earned a beaming smile back. Their earlier kiss and the way Francis' hand rested comfortably high on Cam's thigh made it clear that their relationship had progressed beyond just talking and reading together, but it was nice that their other common interests were still very important.

Nasir and Emmett were next. With hands clasped together and big smiles on their faces they recalled how they first noticed each other in front of the Las Vegas hotel where they were both staying for work, only to realize the next day that they were working on the same construction project and that Nasir was Emmett's client.

"So which was it? Did Nasir sexually harass an employee or did Emmett sleep with the client to get the business?" Levi asked with a gleeful chuckle.

"Neither and both, I suppose. Dealing with Nasir was sure easier than dealing with his asshole older brother, and he did approve paying for a whole new set of plans, so I guess the firm and I benefited the most," Emmett admitted.

"But the plans had to be re-done anyway, and for the first time ever I realized that two men could have feelings for each other that went beyond lust. Emmett taught me how to love, so in the end I was the bigger winner," Nasir quickly protested.

"But you lost your job and your family in the process," Emmett reminded. Nasir waved his hand dismissively.

"I lost people who did not know the real me and did not want to. I gained a new family who loves me as my husband does and life-long friends, and I have another job. I only wish this job did not keep me so far away from my habibi," Nasir pointed out. "But a job is not forever. I will only stay here until I can work out a way to return home to my husband in Seattle."

No one could miss the hope and longing that filled Emmett's eyes as Nasir spoke. Jasper seemed lost in thought and I wondered if, like me, he was remembering that we too had to work out a way to make it end.

"So how did you guys meet?" I asked the last couple, Yanni and Lazzaro, to distract us from the more somber mood that descended over the group.

Yanni looked to Lazzaro who bumped his shoulder, silently giving his boyfriend the task of sharing their story.

"Our story isn't quite as dramatic," Yanni said regretfully. "We met at work, but I was living with someone else and Laz was cultivating his party boy image with Thanos. It wasn't until I broke up with my boyfriend that we started hanging out and eventually friendship turned into something more," he looked over at Lazzaro, who gave him a sexy smile and a wink.

"Not as dramatic? I'd say there was plenty of drama when we found you two making out in the kitchen after the Abramovitz wedding," Levi piped up, launching into his story. "Dimi and Ross had just congratulated the happy couple and settled up with the bride's parents and we were all ready to pack up when we walked in and there they were, grinding up against each other like it was five minutes to Armageddon. They still can't keep their hands off each other at work! I always have to keep a close eye on the kitchen and the back room," Levi told us, shielding his mouth with his hand like he was sharing a secret, but speaking loudly enough for everyone to hear.

"Like you never take anyone to the back room," Lazzaro fired back.

"Please," Levi scoffed. "I never take boys to the back room. I have a sense of decorum," he paused for a dramatic sigh. "And a key to the catering van," Levi took a casual sip of his cocktail and batted his eyes in faux innocence as we all laughed.

Our waiter made another appearance and distracted everyone for a while by taking orders and delivering our drinks. After he left the conversation drifted easily from subject to subject. Reynard rejoined us, his previous annoyance forgotten, while Thanos departed after a cute twink offered to show him the back room. Levi waited politely until the two of them left before joking that the bar owners installed a post in the back room just for Thanos to notch, and he was running out of space.

Jasper's friends from work put in an appearance and chatted with us over a beer before they had to go to a party across town. I was sorry they couldn't stay longer, but they seemed like nice guys and I appreciated them making an effort to stop by and meet me. Overall, I felt my introduction to Jasper's friends had been a decisive success.

After a couple more beers each, Nasir and Emmett said their goodbyes and went back to their penthouse, promising the guys that they would go out with them again when Emmett was next in town. The rest of us kept talking, joking and generally having a good time. The conversation flowed smoothly I began to believe that Jasper's plan would work and that these men would, in fact, serve as my ambassadors with Dimi and Ross. Then I saw a worried expression cross Felix's face. Simultaneously, Levi subconsciously lifted his hand to his hair to make sure it was in place as he said, "Holy crap! Don't look now, but hot Dokta Lance is in the house!"

I looked in the same direction and at first wasn't sure who he meant, because none of the men looked like doctors. Eventually I realized he was watching an attractive African American man striding toward us, slicing through the crowd with a determined expression. He wore jeans and a black leather jacket over a thin white tank top that was cut to show a lot of his muscular chest. The outfit, complete with heavy gold chains around his neck, made him look more like a thug than a doctor, and instantly earned him a Thug Docta Lance nickname in my head. The determined look on the man's face didn't give me any warm and fuzzies, and when Jasper's body suddenly became ramrod straight and tense, my anxiety level increased. A strange silence fell over the group as everyone waited in anticipation. A chill started seeping down my spine when Lance stopped in front of us in a wide, challenging stance, his fingers hanging from the loops of his jeans.

"Hey guys, Jasper." The casualness of his greeting was negated by his posture. He eyes wandered over the group, settling on Jasper for a long, meaningful moment before sliding to me.

"Hey, Lance. I didn't expect to see you here. I thought you'd be working tonight," Jasper said. He tried to keep his tone light, but I could hear the nervousness in his voice. I didn't flinch from Lance's scrutiny, meeting and holding his hard stare. My heart began to beat faster as I evaluated the situation.

"Change of plans," Lance replied, finally breaking our staring contest and looking back to Jasper. "I switched shifts so that I could work Monday, during Dimi's surgery. It's not a problem that I'm here, is it? I thought I was always welcome."

"Friends are always welcome," Felix answered. "It's good to see you, Lance. We all appreciate how much time you've spent checking up on Dimi and making sure he's making good progress."

"I just saw him and Ross earlier. He's really doing great, and after Monday he'll be on his way to full recovery." Lance looked at Felix as he spoke, but I couldn't help but feel his statement was a dig at me, as if he somehow knew that Jasper hadn't felt comfortable introducing me to his best friends.

"Thanks, Lance, for making sure you'll be there when he goes into surgery Monday," Jasper said, sounding sincere. "You know we always appreciate the updates."

"Yeah."

I bristled on Jasper's behalf at Lance's dismissive tone.

"So, interesting crowd tonight," Lance commented, looking around. "Lots of new faces," he added, his eyes settling back on me.

"Lance, this is my boyfriend, Edward. Edward, my friend Lance," Jasper introduced. For the first time his use of the boyfriend label didn't bring me a thrill. To my ears it sounded more like a defensive label than a proud pronouncement.

"Right, Edward the boyfriend from Seattle. The Boy Scout, right?" Lance offered his hand and when I returned the gesture he gripped my hand tightly enough to cause pain. I didn't wince, squeezing right back and staring straight into his eyes without backing down.

"Park Ranger," I said through gritted teeth, covered by what I hoped look to the others like a polite, friendly smile.

"Right, Park Ranger," he acknowledged, letting go of my hand. I resisted the urge to rub the pain away. "We're both into saving, I guess. You save plants and I save lives."

"Obviously saving individual lives is extremely important," I shot back, "but environmental conservation will ensure future generations will have a chance to appreciate the same natural beauty we do." I was annoyed that he goaded me into a tired argument, but I couldn't let his statement stand without countering.

"Not to mention Edward has saved lives too. He saved mine a couple of times," Jasper said pointedly. "And he's helped countless others though the LGBT domestic violence prevention organization he founded in Seattle."

"So I was right the first time. A regular Boy Scout," Lance said with derision. I glanced at Jasper's other friends to see their reaction to this standoff. Lance obviously came to the bar with an agenda, and I had a feeling every one of them knew better than I did exactly what that agenda was. Clearly the guy had a chip on his shoulder and resented me for being with Jasper. What I didn't know was if his jealousy was a product of unrequited wishful thinking, or if he and Jasper had a history. I kept telling myself that Jasper was with me now and it didn't matter who he had been with in the past, but accepting that was a lot easier when the potential former lover wasn't belligerently getting in my face, spoiling for a fight. I was somewhat reassured by the fact that none of the other men were jumping in to side with Lance, but then none of them were helping me out either.

"I'm sure he's been there for a lot of men, all of whom must have been really grateful," Lance continued, his implication impossible to miss. "Or am I wrong about that too? Wasn't he the one-?"

"Lance, have you done any shifts at the Ali Forney Center lately?" Felix interrupted before Lance had a chance to finish. "I've been too busy to go, but I know I need to make time. Winter's and the holidays are coming, and those are always the hardest times of year for those kids."

"The Ali Forney Center is an organization that helps homeless LGBT youth," Jasper explained. "Lance volunteers his time to provide medical assistance. The rest of us go to help out from time to time, and we donate food and blankets. I did a coat drive at work last winter. It's amazing how much a cast-off coat means to someone who's living on the streets."

"I know all about that from Leo. He's sort of an adopted little brother," I said for the others' benefit. "His parents threw him out of the house when they found out he was gay and he ran away from a foster home where he was abused. After that he lived on the streets until he was found nearly dead from an overdose. A couple guys I know adopted him and he's doing really well now."

"He's lucky," Lance said. "Too many of the kids who end up on the streets never get off them. It's especially hard for the LGBT kids. They really have nowhere to go and they face so many more prejudices. And yeah, Felix, I was just there earlier today. Tough shift," he shook his head as if trying to erase the memories.

"How about a dance, handsome, to put you in a better mood?" Levi suggested. Lance looked at him with such surprise, it was almost as if he'd never heard of dancing before. He took a moment to think, and then a calculating expression overtook his features as he turned to Jasper.

"Isn't this one of your favorite songs, Jasper? Let's go dance."

The song was some fast pop tune I didn't recognize. I remembered our Boystown visit and didn't doubt that Jasper would have loved to join the guys crowding the area in front of the raised DJ booth, but he instantly replied, "I think we'll pass tonight. You two go on."

"Come on, you love to dance. Or is it Edward who doesn't care for it?" Lance was clearly back in a combative mode, looking at me with a raised brow.

"You promised me a dance tonight, Jas," I reminded him, unwilling to back down from Lance's challenge. There was no way I was going to let this turn into another Vito situation.

"Are you sure?" Jasper looked at me searchingly.

"Yes, just for a song or two," I nodded my affirmation.

"Reynard, Laz and Yanni, you should dance too," Felix suggested, again trying to diffuse the tension. "You too, Francis and Cam. Anton and I can hold down the fort here."

Francis and Cam declined, but the rest of us made our way over to the make-shift dance floor. Lance began dancing and it was obvious that he was in his element. Levi tried to distract him, but Lance outmaneuvered him and attempted to slide up to Jasper who, ignoring the faster beat of the song, had already molded himself against me. Jasper's expression grew angry and he steered us so that his back was up against Lazzaro, leaving no room for Lance. In response, Lance pulled Levi up close against him, his hands roaming Levi's body suggestively. Levi didn't seem to mind that he was being used as a tool to make Jasper jealous, apparently willing to catch Lance any way he could get him, even on a rebound.

Jasper paid no attention to the display that was obviously arranged for his benefit, and when he saw that I was watching Lance and Levi he grabbed my chin and made me look up at him. "Eyes on me, Tiger," he joked, "or else I'm gonna get jealous. The only thing that matters is that we came together and we'll be leaving together, right?"

The not so subtle reminder of the conversation we had during our Cascades trip helped me settle down. Lance was doing a good job of pushing my buttons, but I had to remember that Jasper was mine to lose. To the extent Lance had ever had a chance, Jasper had already made his choice. I just had to be smart and not give him a reason to change his mind.

We danced the perfunctory couple of songs, and then Jasper indicated he was getting tired and we should start saying goodbye. We started with Yanni and Lazzaro, who separated long enough to give us both hugs, but then chose to keep dancing. We got a wave from Reynard, who was too busy getting close to his dance partner to give us any more attention.

"You guys stay and dance. We're just gonna say bye to the others and get going," Jasper said to Lance and Levi, making no move to hug either and pulling me back to the booth instead.

"We've been out sightseeing all day and we're getting tired," he made our excuse.

"Oh come on, the night's still young. Aren't you two going to stay for the show? I was hoping to get to know your boyfriend better," Lance said from behind us, having apparently ignored Jasper's suggestion to keep dancing. The way he said 'boyfriend' made it clear how little he thought of me.

"Maybe next time," I allowed as politely as I could. "I'm afraid Jasper and I didn't get much sleep last night," I couldn't help adding the little dig and enjoyed the way Anton quickly looked down to hide his smirk. I was very much looking forward to getting to know him and Felix better, preferably without Lance around.

"Next time, sure. When will that be again?" Lance pressed. Jasper and I glanced at each other, both realizing we hadn't made plans for any future visits. "Assuming there will be a next time. Seattle is a long way away," Lance sensed weakness and added another jab.

"Come on now, Lance," Felix warned flatly. "It was nice meeting you, Edward. We'll definitely have to go out again."

"Definitely," I echoed, exchanging hugs with him, Anton, Francis and even the shy Cam, happy that in a space of an evening we'd moved beyond handshakes.

Jasper gave Levi a hug, shooting Lance an angry look as he walked past him. I followed his lead. We were several steps away when Lance called out after us. "Have a good flight to Seattle, Edward. And Jasper, if you need anything, you know my number. It's the same one you called the last time you needed me when you got back from Seattle."

It was too much! The temper that I'd worked so hard to keep down since Lance's arrival exceeded its boiling point and roiled out of me as my hands curled into fists and I turned back ready to punch the smirk off Lance's face. Felix instantly moved to Lance's side. I thought it was because he saw my fury and anticipated my actions, but Jasper got to Lance before I could, jamming his forefinger into the other man's chest.

"I've ignored your snide comments and your attitude all night because I value our friendship, but you've gone too far," he growled. "You've made your feelings abundantly clear, but like it or not, I'm with Edward. I love him! He's the man I want to spend my life with, and if you can't handle that, then either stay away or keep your mouth shut. I will not tolerate you disrespecting him like that again."

I stood frozen in place, watching the exchange. This was a complete role reversal. I'd always been the one who protected Jasper. I'd only glimpsed this side of him before when he confronted Bella. Now it was fully on display and he was magnificent, leaning forward and charging Lance like a revved up bull at a rodeo.

"All right, Jasper. Let's not make this into something it doesn't have to be," Felix placed a restraining hand against Jasper's chest, preventing him from moving closer.

"Disrespect? Let's talk about disrespect! How respectful was it for you to do what you did to me, huh?" Lance demanded of Jasper. "Just flew in and made an announcement: I'm with someone. No warning. No explanation."

"I'm sorry if that's how it seemed. I told you as soon as I knew. And we never had the kind of relationship that required explanations. We both knew what we were getting into from the start. We both agreed." Jasper said, slightly less angry.

"We agreed in the beginning," Lance acknowledged. "But then things changed and I thought down the road..." he paused to take a deep breath before continuing. His tough guy facade had cracked, and the pain we could all sense before was now on full display. "I thought you didn't want to be like that with anyone right now, because of work. I figured once our careers settled down things would be different. I actually thought you cared about me."

Everyone in the group cringed collectively, including me. It wasn't easy watching a man come to terms with a loss so publicly.

"Lance, I've always been very clear and honest with you. I do care about you, just not that way. You have my friendship for as long as you want it, but my heart belongs to Edward. It always had, even when I didn't want to admit it. He completes me. He always has. I hope you can accept that and be happy for me. If you can't..." Jasper stopped before completing his thought. Lance looked from Jasper to me, his eyes haunted. None of the other guys wanted to meet my eyes. Levi stepped forward and wrapped his arm around Lance's waist. Felix placed himself between us and Lance.

"You two should go, and don't let what happened here spoil the rest of your weekend," he advised. "We'll take care of him tonight. He just needs more time to come to terms with things. It'll be all right."

Jasper turned towards me and fell into my arms. We held each other so tightly we were both trembling. After a while we separated and gave Felix a parting look before making our way to the exit.

Outside Jasper hailed a cab. "It's not far, but I just want to get back to the hotel," he explained. We didn't talk during the drive. Jasper slid over to sit right next to me, our entire sides touching and our linked hands resting on my thigh. A few minutes later we got out in front of the hotel. Jasper paid the cabbie, giving him a generous tip, and we made our way to the elevator and to our room. When the door was closed and locked behind us, Jasper fell into my arms again.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I had no idea he would be there. He usually works Saturday nights."

"It's okay," I said, trying to soothe us both. "I think we should talk about it, though."

He nodded against my shoulder and we both moved to sit on the sofa beneath the picture window that we completely ignored.

"I need you to know that I wasn't trying to keep things from you. I was going to tell you about Lance. I just wanted to wait until this whole thing with Dimi and Ross was over. I knew I'd be seeing a lot of him during their recovery, and I didn't want you to be upset if his name came up. I know tonight was really bad, though, and I wish now I'd done it differently. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I understand why you wanted to wait. I waited to tell you about Maggie, too. But you need to tell me now."

"I know..." he paused to gather his thoughts. "I met Lance at a bar a couple of years ago. We were both looking for the same thing. Just a one-night fling to let off some steam." He glanced at me to judge my reaction.

"We've all done that from time to time," I said, trying to make things as comfortable for him as I could.

"He wasn't like so many of the other guys. He was more like me. He didn't want to just sleep around with random men, but he had no time to be a boyfriend. I liked him. He was easy to talk to. I guess he felt the same way, because he was the one who suggested the arrangement. I suppose that's the best way to put it. There were no strings and no expectations. When one of us felt the need we'd call the other and, if schedules allowed, we'd get together. We never said we'd be exclusive, and in the beginning we weren't. Or at least I wasn't. But after a while I didn't see the point of seeing other guys. The occasional nights with Lance were enough, you know?"

I nodded, though my heart felt like it was going to explode. At the bar I'd suspected that the two of them had been intimate, but neither said anything that constituted confirmation. Now I knew for certain, and the jealous monster inside me wanted nothing more than to go back to the bar and rip Lance to shreds.

"I told him about you when I came back from our trip. I thought he understood."

"Did you tell him before or after you slept with him?" I asked, trying my best not to let him know how much even the question hurt.

Jasper stared at me in disbelief. "I told him after we were already together. Of course I didn't sleep with him! We just talked in the hospital cafeteria over coffee."

"Then what did he mean when he said he'll be there just like he was the last time you needed him when you came back from Seattle?" I spoke evenly, trying to avoid an argument. Jasper's shoulders slumped.

"I'm sure that was deliberate vagueness on his part. He wanted you to think he was talking about my return last month, but he was referring to when I came back from Seth's wedding."

"Oh."

I should have felt better that Jasper hadn't cheated on me since we decided to get back together, but the difference in the timing wasn't much of a comfort. He still called someone for a fuck after reconnecting with me. I'd had opportunities to be with other men during that time that I passed on, but obviously he didn't feel the same way. I knew it wasn't fair to hold him to the standard I'd set for myself, when he was just grappling with the idea of the two of us resuming our friendship, but the knowledge did nothing to lessen the pain.

"Edward, I came back from that wedding so confused. I left here hoping not to see you at all, or to avoid you if I had to. Then we spoke, both at the wedding and the following day, and it stirred up all these feelings that I thought were long gone. I came back and called Lance because I thought it was just a fluke. It had been a while and I thought it was just my physical needs manifesting themselves as something else. I didn't want to believe I had fallen for you so easily again. I thought that made me weak."

"So you called your fuck buddy to help you forget me," I said. I was impressed at how dispassionate I could make myself sound. He winced nevertheless.

"It sounds horrible when you put it like that, but I suppose that's exactly what it was. It was a stupid thing to do, I can see that now. And it felt wrong. I was with him but I kept thinking about you, and even though neither he and I nor you and I had any sort of commitment, it felt like I was betraying you both. I couldn't do that again, so that was the last time I was with him. He called a couple of times since then, but I made excuses until I came back from Washington last month and told him about you."

I breathed deeply, trying to think objectively. This wasn't the end of the world. It wasn't even Jasper's most significant relationship. We'd already talked about that. I could deal with what happened in the past, but what if Lance didn't give up? Could I handle Jasper staying in contact with a guy who still actively wanted him?

"Edward," Jasper took my hands in his and looked into my eyes. "It's over between Lance and me, I swear. I'm sorry for what happened in June and I'm sorry I didn't tell you about him sooner, but that doesn't change the fact that he and I are done."

"I'm not sure he gets that," I confessed. "And even if he does, I'm not sure he's ready to give up."

"He doesn't have a choice," Jasper's voice hardened with determination. "It's like I told him. I value his friendship and I don't want to lose it, but I will if he can't accept my decision. I really think he will, though," his voice softened again. "He may not be ready to admit it, but deep down he must know there was never anything between us beyond friendship. And Levi is ready to help him forget all about me."

I chuckled, glad he didn't seem resentful over his friend's obvious interest in his ex-lover. "Levi doesn't have much of a poker face."

"What gave him away? Was it the drool dripping down his chin when Lance walked in?" Jasper laughed.

"You don't mind the two of them getting together? It won't bother you seeing Lance all the time with someone else?"

Jasper shrugged. "I probably wouldn't have minded if they got together while I was still seeing Lance. Like I said, it wasn't that kind of a relationship. Lance was the one who always rebuffed Levi. I thought it was because Levi wasn't his type, but now I have to wonder. So no, it won't bother me if they get together, as long as they're both happy and Lance is doing it for the right reasons, not just to get back at me. Levi's a big boy, but I still wouldn't want him to get hurt. Will it bother you? We'll probably see them when you're in town."

"I'd rather see Lance with someone else than trying to get back with you," I gave the obvious answer. The truth was I'd rather not see Lance at all, ever again. I'd rather not be reminded of what I now knew happened between him and Jasper. But if it wasn't possible to excise him from Jasper's life, then seeing him in a relationship with someone else would be a preferred back-up. I didn't much care if that someone else was Levi or a stranger.

"I think after tonight he'll have gotten the message, not just from me but from Felix and the others as well."

He leaned forward and my arms naturally wrapped around him and pulled him close. I listened as he gave a resigned sigh.

"It wasn't pleasant, but at least it's over."

I just held him, at a loss for how to respond.

"Edward, I know how hard it is to come face to face with someone who's been with the man you love," Jasper continued when he realized I wasn't going to speak. "I had that experience all through high school. And I'm sure when we're in Seattle we'll run into guys you've fucked. Judging by what's on the Internet, there are quite a few."

Jasper's tone was light, but his message was clear. We both had a past, we both slept with other people, but what happened before we got together only mattered if we let it. His comment made me think about Emmett's wedding, which had been riddled with men I slept with, from the staff to the guests, including Cliff. And if I really wanted for Cliff and Jasper to meet and become friends, which I did, how could I complain about Lance?

Thinking about Cliff reminded me that I still had to tell him about where Cliff spent the night after Emmett's wedding. I dreaded this conversation, worrying about his reaction, but the longer I put it off, the worse it would seem.

"I haven't exactly been an angel all these years, but like you, I've always been honest. No one I've been with can honestly claim I promised them more than a single night. No one but Cliff, and you already know what happened with him. I do, however, have to tell you something about the night after Emmett's wedding."

He tensed, but didn't try to pull away.

"I only waited because I thought it would be better to tell you face to face. I hope you understand, it wasn't a big deal."

"I'm listening," his voice was carefully neutral.

"Cliff flew in at the last minute and hadn't made hotel reservations. When we tried to get him a room after the reception was over, we found out the hotel was booked solid."

"Seattle's a big city. There are many other hotels," he pointed out.

"Yes, but the whole wedding party was staying at the Sorrento. And to be honest, Cliff was upset and drunk and in no shape to be sent off to another hotel alone."

"So you slept together," Jasper's voice was flat. "You spent the night with your ex-lover, in the room that was supposed to be ours."

There was no doubt he was extremely hurt.

"Jas, I know it sounds bad, but I swear it was innocent. We spent most of the night talking. We even both spoke with Derek, who knew Cliff was staying in the same room with me. The two of them are going through a rough time, mostly because of uncertainty about Derek's job. Cliff just got a promotion and it would be best for him to stay in Wilmington, but Derek is being considered for his dream job in Durham," I knew I was babbling, but it seemed best to tell him everything.

"Lots of people have relationships while living in different towns, across the country, even," Jasper showed no sympathy.

"I know," I sighed. "But Cliff isn't as equipped to handle that as other people may be. See, he had the perfect relationship with his soul mate, and that was violently taken away from him so early in his life. Then I came along and I wasn't able to give him the love he deserved. Then he reconnected with Derek, and I really believe that Derek loves Cliff as much as I love you, but he feels he can't come out of the closet and, given where he works, he's probably right, so Cliff feels like he comes second in Derek's life too. He came to Seattle because he was scared and upset and he needed a friend. And I couldn't turn him away or send him to spend a night alone when he was most vulnerable. I owe him too much."

"What if I had stayed for the wedding?" Jasper challenged. "What would you have done then?"

"You will always be my priority," I said unequivocally. "I think if you had been there I might have asked you if the three of us could go stay somewhere else, just so he wouldn't feel so isolated and alone. But doing that made no sense when you weren't there. I swear, we talked and we slept. I held him, because he needed it, but it was the same as when I slept with Emmett and Seth the night before. I made a judgment call, hoping you'd understand. If I did the wrong thing, all I can do is ask your forgiveness and promise that I will never do it again."

I looked at him, pleading with my eyes for his understanding.

"You held him because he needed it," he repeated slowly. I nodded in confirmation. "It's hard, not because I don't trust you, but because I don't trust him. How do I know all that wasn't just a ruse to lure you into bed? I mean, you just told me he may be losing his partner. How do I know he isn't trying to get you back?"

I knew right then that I'd made the right call insisting that Cliff and I keep that mistake of a kiss secret. Jasper was having a hard enough time with what I did tell him. He wouldn't have been able to understand the kiss. It would simply have been confirmation of all his worst suspicions.

"Cliff knows he can't get me back because I love you, and he's not one to waste time on lost causes. In a way, that's part of the problem. He's ready to cut his losses with Derek, just as he had with me, before the two of them even have a chance to talk things out. Before Derek has a chance to make a decision. It was the right call with me - no amount of talking would have enabled me to give him what he needed - but I'm afraid it's the wrong call with Derek. To be honest, I was glad he came to the wedding and that he and I had a chance to talk, because if he listens to me it may save their relationship, and they both deserve to be happy with each other."

Jasper shook his head and chuckled, which took me by surprise.

"What?"

"I just never thought I'd hear you offering advice on how to stay in a relationship," he murmured. "There are so many layers to the new you, I wonder if I'll ever uncover them all."

"You have a lifetime to try," I told him, "assuming you still want to. And please, Jas, please want to."

"I do," he admitted. "I hate the thought of you with him, in the same bed, so recently, but since we're being honest, I did the same thing. When I came back to New York there was a night when Ross needed comfort too, so I held him through the night. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to tell you, but given what you told me about Cliff, I think you understand."

"Yeah, I totally get it. Thank you for telling me," I said in relief. He was letting me off the hook, even though holding a best friend whose partner had just been brutally attacked and was fighting for his life in the hospital wasn't nearly as compromising as holding a former lover who needed boyfriend advice.

"So, a big day for revelations," he summarized with a sigh. "I think we probably had enough, huh? It might be time to go to bed."

We undressed and brushed our teeth, then climbed into bed together. I was determined not to be demanding and to let him set the pace. If all he wanted was to cuddle and go to sleep, that's what we would do. Jasper, however, quickly made it clear that he had other ideas, and we spent our second night together making slow, tender love before drifting off to sleep in each other's arms.