Chapter 23

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Chapter 23: All the time, I've waited for this day

Cliff and I would have been happy to take a cab back from the airport, but Emmett insisted on coming out to pick us up. He was alone, because Seth was scouting apartments and condos with Leah and Rosalie. Apparently Leah flew out not just for the holidays, but also for a job interview, which went well, so she really was moving out to Seattle.

"She already started the process to get licensed as a dental hygienist in Washington, and will probably be moving out here within a month. So the three of them are out trying to figure out if it makes more sense for her to rent or buy," Emmett explained.

"Seth must be thrilled," I guessed. "It'll be nice for him to have his sister so close."

Seth never talked about any of his family except for Leah, and while I never pried the way he would have, I gathered that there must have been some falling out between him and his parents, likely over his sexual orientation. For his sake, I was glad that at least his older sister stood by and supported him, not just as a homosexual, but as the power bottom of Seattle. If there was an equivalent title for women in the straight Seattle singles scene, Leah would be vying for it. She was as frank and aggressive sexually as she was beautiful, a Clearwater in every way.

"Seth's very happy and so am I," Emmett affirmed. "Leah is like a sister to me and I'm looking forward to seeing her more often. And speaking of that, I hope we'll still see you boys on occasion after you move in together. It'll be weird not having you down the hall, Edward."

"I imagine we'll still be over frequently to see the girls and Liam," Cliff replied. "And you and Seth are always welcome at our place."

I shot him a grateful look. I was really looking forward to living with him, but I would miss the easy access I always had to Seth and Emmett. Fortunately, we lived close enough where it really wouldn't be a big deal for any of us to drop by the others' place and visit.

"I'm sure I'll take you up on that often," Emmett said. "Unless Seth decides to slow down his social life, which I just don't see, especially now that he has that column for the paper. And of course you guys should come over to our place too. We should set up a regular pizza night or something, include the women. In fact, we should do that tonight, since you guys are back and Leah's still here. It would be fun!"

Emmett took us to Cliff's place first, where we dropped off our stuff, before driving us back to my apartment. When I informed the girls Christmas Day of my intent to move out, Rosalie secured moving boxes from one of her friends to make the move easier. I didn't have that much stuff and I wasn't taking any furniture, so it took Cliff and me less than 2 hours to have everything packed and ready to go. He, Emmett and I piled all the boxes into my Volvo and Emmett's Jeep, and in no time at all I was unpacking back at Cliff's place. I made a mental note that I had to stop calling it that, now that it was our place, and smiled.

"I'm so happy to be here, Sunshine," I told him as I filled one of his dresser drawers with my clothes. "We should have done this much earlier. I'm sorry I was such an idiot."

"Stop!" Cliff, who was consolidating some of his clothes to make more room for mine, was categorical. "Everything happens the way it's supposed to happen. I really believe that. I have to believe that. I'm just really glad you're here now."

I glanced at him, a little surprised at his fatalistic statement, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. How else could he possibly go on after the accident if he didn't convince himself that everything happened for a reason? I kept unpacking, but my thoughts drifted to the box of Jasper's things that I took from the back of my closet and placed in the back of Cliff's closet without even opening it or making any mention of it at all. I felt badly for bringing Jasper with me into this apartment, but there was no way I could have left that box behind, either, so I simply resolved to never touch it, just save it for him if I ever did see him again. As I thought about it now, I wondered if everything that happened between me and Jasper was meant to happen too. Maybe I had to go through all that so I would be willing to become a better person, so that I could become a better man with Cliff? Maybe holding on to the memories was just sheer foolishness, and I needed to accept the possibility that what happened between Jasper and me was just a stepping stone, like everything that came before him and after him? But even if I was ever able to accept that reasoning, and I certainly wasn't at that point yet, I knew I'd never get rid of the box or anything in it. The only person that I would ever give those items to would be Jasper.

After I finished unpacking, we went back to Emmett and Seth's place to have pizza, stopping en route to pick up some snacks and beer. Seth, Rosalie and Leah were back and we listened to them excitedly discuss Leah's various living options. Seth's sister had originally planned to rent, but Rosalie had shown her some condos that were just within her price range in desirable locations and would make good investments, so now she leaned toward buying and was just trying to choose between the two most attractive properties. She and Rosalie were huddled over listing sheets, discussing the pros and cons of each. Seth, having already announced his preference, was setting out the plates, glasses and silverware for dinner. I was sure he was silently cursing me for my absolute prohibition on the use of disposable stuff in the home but, like Maggie and Rose and Cliff, he humored my obsession. I walked up to Maggie, who had been walking around with a slightly fussy Liam, happy to give her a break and take my turn. She handed him over and gave me a kiss on the cheek, the smiled, glancing over at Rose.

"Poor Leah, as if she would even have the choice to rent with Rosie around," she giggled. "But I know she'll also get the best condo for her money, so it will all work out. Rosie's the best and she looks out for her clients, especially clients who are friends too," pride was evident in her voice. Rosalie worked hard, but her efforts were paying off, and her reputation as one of the best Realtors in the city was growing.

"One of these days she'll be helping the rest of us buy our first homes," Cliff commented casually as he came up to us. "How are you, little man?" he spoke to Liam, who was still squirming a little in my arms, probably frustrated that we were standing still. "What's all the fuss about?" Liam gave Cliff his patented wide-eyed silent stare and a half of a wave of his tiny hand. "Yeah, I know. They gab, gab, gab and you just want to move, right?" He held out his arms. "Why don't I take him for a minute so you guys can finish your conversation," he offered. Then, seeing my reluctance, he added "I promise I'll give him back as soon as you're ready. I know how much you missed him."

I smiled, feeling a little foolish about being so possessive of a baby, especially one that was not my own, and placed my nephew in my boyfriend's arms. Cliff found a hold that was comfortable for both of them and set off on a walking tour of Seth and Emmett's apartment.

"So it looks like you guys worked everything out," Maggie said softly. I stole a glance at Cliff and smiled when I saw him holding Liam so he could see something out the window and talking.

"Yeah, he forgave me for acting like an insensitive jerk these last few months," I turned back to Maggie. "We're really happy together, Mags."

"I can see that," she said with a smile. "And I'm really happy for you both. You know how much we all like Cliff. And he obviously loves you. He'd have to, to have waited all these months for you to open your eyes and figure out what you really want."

"He's a great guy," I concurred. "I don't deserve him."

"Nonsense," Maggie play punched me in the arm. "You're a great guy too, when you're not acting all dense and self-absorbed. But you've learned your lesson now, right?"

I nodded, then pulled her into a hug. "I don't deserve you either, sis, but thanks for everything you've done for me, even when I was really dense and self-absorbed. I will never be happy about what happened to bring us together, but I am so glad my mom called you and that you agreed to help. You and Rose, and now Liam, gave me a family I never had."

"Oh, stop," Maggie said breathlessly. "First of all, you're crushing me! Second, you're gonna make me cry. And third, you're a great brother too, and a beloved uncle."

I released her and we smiled at each other, Maggie's eyes glistening slightly. "Beloved?" I asked, raising my brows. "The kid's a few months old!"

"He loves you and you know it," she laughed. "Almost as much as you seem to love him."

"Yeah, you know? I never, ever thought I'd say this, but he's fucking fantastic! I mean flippin' fantastic," I quickly corrected, seeing Maggie's frown. I didn't swear nearly as much as I used to, but every once in a while I still forgot myself, earning me dark looks from my sisters.

"Well, maybe someday..."

She didn't get to finish her thought, interrupted by a rap on the door and Emmett's booming "Pizza's here!" He and Seth went to the door to get the food, Leah and Rosalie gathered up the listing sheets and set them aside on the coffee table, even Cliff and Liam turned towards the room to watch all the activity. Soon Liam was content in his swing chair, while the rest of us gathered at the table to eat dinner.

"So, guys," Leah jumped right in. "You missed a great New Year's Eve party! I bet Spokane was just as exciting as Indianapolis would have been had I stayed there."

Cliff and I exchanged a look and a smile. "We just spent the evening at home with Cliff's family," I said. "A nice quiet celebration. Nothing as exciting as what you guys did here, I'm sure, but we enjoyed it."

Seth snorted knowingly and everyone laughed.

"Well," Leah said between bites, "whatever floats your boat. I know I've been dying for some excitement. I can't wait to move out here!"

"You found some places you like?" Cliff inquired.

"Yeah, I think. House hunting while hung over is not exactly ideal, but Rose showed me some great places, right, Seth?"

Seth, his mouth full of pizza, just nodded.

"I just wish I could remember more," Leah sighed. "I might have to go back to see those top two again tomorrow, when I'm in better shape."

We kept talking as we ate dinner, about Leah's move and also about how everyone spent the holidays. After dinner we gathered around the living room and exchanged presents, having waited to do it when we could all be together. Liam got the most presents by far, causing Rosalie to note that in just a few months the baby managed to amass more possessions than she and Maggie put together. Since he really wasn't all that interested in opening everything, I got to hold him while Cliff suggested that Seth, as the next smallest person in the room, help unwrap. Seth narrowed his eyes in Cliff's direction, but we could all see that he was just bouncing with excitement at the prospect of opening all the gifts. And just like any other kid, he promptly handed off all the clothing and non-toy presents to the moms, while he took care to not just unwrap all the toys, but get them all out of their packaging and show them off to the now pretty sleepy Liam.

Because he was so excited about the presents, Cliff and I made him open his present from us last. It wasn't easy thinking of something that would be both special enough and within our budget, but after some hard thinking and on-line searches we found the perfect gift set - a hand-tooled leather belt and wristband set, both decorated with a geometric design that reminded us of an oracle eye, and both personalized with Seth's name. Seth understood instantly upon seeing the design. If I didn't know better, I'd swear there was a glint of moisture in his eye, but tears or no, we could tell he was touched.

"Thanks, guys!" he told us as he snapped on the wristband and pulled the belt out of his jeans to replace it with his new one. "You did good!"

He went up to hug Cliff and the two of them exchanged a few private words. He then came to me and held out his arms for Liam. I handed my nephew over to see Seth deposit him in my sister's arms before he returned to hug me.

"Thank you, Seth. I owe you big," I told him quietly.

"I know," he replied in an offhand manner. "Someday I'll be sainted for all the miracles I perform, two of them this December alone."

"Two?" I pulled back and raised an eyebrow in question.

"Bringing Jasper back into the fold and making you see reason," he shrugged. "I only need one more for sainthood."

I giggled. "I can see it now, St. Seth, the patron saint of power bottoms."

"It has a nice ring to it, doncha think?" he asked with a wink.

"Oh, most definitely. I'm sure there'd be shrines in every major city."

"Shut up, Cullen, if you're just gonna make fun," he said while delivering a fairly strong punch to my shoulder. "Just be happy I used some of my formidable powers to help you."

"I am, Seth," I replied, totally serious again. "I needed someone to help me face the things I refused to face, and I owe you so much for that. Cliff and I both do."

He didn't say any more, just hugged me again.

Later, Cliff and I helped return some of the chairs and Liam's swing to the girls' place and left for our first night together in our apartment. It would be too corny to say that making love that night felt like the first time, especially because it really didn't. But there was something special in knowing that I was no longer just a guest in the bedroom, but a full-blown resident.

It was surprisingly easy for Cliff and me to adjust to living together. We'd spent long chunks of time together before, so neither of us had any surprising habits that hadn't already been revealed. We were both as busy as ever, and most evenings we didn't even see each other until well after dinner. I continued to volunteer and Monday nights I went out with the park guys. Cliff had an internship at a local TV station in addition to his classes. If we happened to be home together on a weeknight, we took pleasure in that alone, even if we each did our own thing. For me it was mostly reading for school, while for Cliff, the broadcast journalism junkie, it was analyzing every conceivable nightly newscast, though more for the reporting and coverage styles than the actual news content. Sometimes it was fun to observe him as he watched, especially when he was really absorbed by a newscast to the point that he'd forget I was there and mutter to himself cutely: "He didn't emphasize the most important part of the story," or "Nice, good to know you don't have any bias on this issue," or "that shirt is so distracting - why wouldn't the camera man point that out?"

On several such occasions, I laid my book aside and watched him for a few minutes, then walked up behind him, put my arms around him and whispered in his ear, "I can't wait to watch your newscast, Sunshine. You're gonna do it so much better."

He always turned his head with a sheepish smile and gave me a kiss, before apologizing for talking to himself again. And each time I laughed and told him the absolute truth, that it made my night to listen in.

As the second weekend of the term approached and, with it, the lunch date in Port Angeles with my mother, I started feeling more and more uneasy. I shared my plans to take Cliff with me and come out to my mother with Maggie, who was surprised, but supportive.

"You're taking a risk," she told me frankly. "Based on the few interactions I've had with her, I wouldn't think Esme would tell Carlisle, especially if you ask her not to, but no one can really predict how parents will react to this kind of news. You think she has no idea?"

I shook my head. "You know what I was like in high school. She'd have no reason to suspect I wasn't straight."

"Sometimes mothers have a feeling even if there is no reason. But regardless, do you think she'd care?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure. It wasn't something we ever talked about. She sure never said anything when Dad railed against fags," I looked at her apologetically, but she just rolled her eyes. "Then again, she never said anything back to him at all, on any subject, so I have no idea if she feels the same way he does, or if she just didn't want to antagonize him any more than he already was."

"If there's even a chance of her disapproving, are you sure you want to take Cliff? I could go with you if you need moral support," she offered. I considered it for a moment, but then shook my head.

"I'll warn Cliff and let him know he doesn't need to come with me, but I'm not asking him to go for moral support. He's important to me and he deserves to be introduced to my mother, the same way he introduced me to his parents. If she freaks out or treats him badly, we'll leave. But I want her to at least see him, see how great he is and how happy he makes me."

Maggie nodded thoughtfully.

"I hope she will be able to see that. But you may not get her true reaction with him there. Your parents are pretty concerned with appearances, so in a public place, with Cliff by your side, she may not feel able to tell you how she really feels. Which could be good or bad, I suppose."

"It's Michael's, so it won't be too public. Still, if it makes her more polite than she would otherwise be, that can only be a good thing. I can't imagine she would need to control her enthusiasm," I frowned as I thought about the scene and how my mother would react. When it came to my father, I was prepared for the worst, but I realized that I actually hoped mom would be OK with me being gay. And it would be painful if she wasn't. But I would have to tell her sooner or later, and I didn't want to tell her and my father at the same time. Maggie was right, I was taking a risk by telling mom before I finished college, but even if the worst happened and she ran straight to my father with the news and I was completely cut off, I'd somehow make it work. It just didn't feel right lying to her anymore.

"I really hope it works out, big brother," Maggie said, clasping my hand. "But if it doesn't, it won't be your fault. You are who you are, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to let people know who that is, especially your parents. If their prejudices get in the way of them seeing how much happier being true to yourself made you, that'll be their loss. And no matter what happens, you know you have all of us. We're here for you no matter what."

"Thanks, Mags," I gave her a small smile. "That means a lot. More than you know."

Talking with Maggie calmed me a bit, but the Saturday morning Cliff and I were due to head out to Port Angeles, I was a nervous wreck again. Before we left, I explained that I had no idea how my mother would react and that he didn't have to come with me, but he just smiled and kissed me.

"You asked me to be there with you on one of the most important days of your life and now you think you can convince me to miss it? Please! If you prefer to do this alone after all, just say the word, but if you are worried about me, don't be. I want to be there with you, Edward, regardless of her reaction. You're the one who really matters to me, not her, and if she says things to hurt you, all the more reason for me to be there. So unless you're telling me you've changed your mind, I'm going."

I was grateful for his company, which made the drive go so much faster. We talked the entire time, which kept me from thinking about what would happen once we reached our destination and calmed my nerves. His near constant touch, his hand either holding mine or resting on my thigh, was also soothing, as we drove down through Tacoma and then up the Kitsap Peninsula through Port Gamble and over the Hood Canal Floating Bridge, then up the Olympic Peninsula around Discovery Bay and through Sequim before we arrived in Port Angeles. Since we were making good time and Cliff was super excited about the lavender stores in Sequim, we stopped so he could purchase some items for his mom and Tyrone, who apparently loved lavender. Even with the shopping detour, we made it to Port Angeles in plenty of time to meet my mother at Michael's.

"Um, Edward?" Cliff spoke hesitantly as we walked up to the door of the restaurant. "Are you sure we were supposed to meet your mom here? They don't appear to be open for lunch."

"This is the place," I walked up to the door confidently and pulled it open without any problems. I turned to lock it behind us after we were both inside. "The owner is a friend of my parents and the restaurant often caters my parents' parties and hospital events. Mom made special arrangements for us to have lunch here. She often does when we're in town," we walked down into the lower level where my mom was already seated at a table set with three place settings. She got up when she saw us come in and I walked up to her, giving her a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Hello, Darling," she said. "I'm so glad you could make it out here. You know I'm not a big fan of long drives, especially this time of year, so coming out to Seattle would have been difficult for me."

"It was no problem, Mom," I assured her. I turned and beckoned Cliff, who had been standing back while mom and I greeted each other, to come over. "Mom, this is Cliff, my roommate."

One of the things Cliff and I had discussed on the drive was how I would introduce him. I was inclined to just tell my mom right from the start that he was my boyfriend, but Cliff suggested that I ease into the news instead of shocking her in the first moment. Still, I refused to even think about introducing him as a mere friend. Not that I didn't consider him a friend, but he was so much more than that, and using that term seemed to diminish his worth. We settled on roommate, because it was technically accurate and imparted information about us living together. It still sounded wrong to me, but Cliff had a point about waiting a little while before opening the closet door and stepping out, my gay lover in tow.

Mom's face reflected confusion. "Oh! Nice to meet you, Cliff," she extended her hand, which Cliff promptly kissed, undoubtedly impressing her as much as he'd impressed Rose and Maggie the first time he did it with them.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Cullen."

"Yes, well," Mom was at a loss for words. "Shall we sit?"

We sat down and a waiter, a twenty-something average looking guy named Alan, came out from the kitchen to get our drink orders and bring us the menus. For a moment we were all silent as we studied the selections and made our decisions.

"Let me guess," I said as I looked at Cliff, "The crab cakes?"

He threw me a smile and a shrug. "You can't beat fresh Dungeness crab. Bet you're getting the surf and turf."

I nodded to affirm the accuracy of his guess. "The best of both worlds." It was hard not to reach over and take his hand, but I managed to stop myself by adjusting the silverware by the side of my plate.

I looked up to see mom watching us both carefully, her expression contemplative. "How about the seared sea scallops to start?" she asked when she caught me looking. "We can share, unless you boys would prefer something different."

"Sharing sounds good to me," Cliff opined.

"It's fine with me too."

Alan returned with our drinks and took the food order, leaving us with time to fill with conversation.

"So, you were out of town for Christmas, Darling?" Mom asked.

"I was in Spokane, with Cliff. That's where he's from. His family was nice enough to invite me."

"That was very thoughtful," Mom said. "What do your parents do, Cliff?"

Mom and Cliff spent a few minutes talking about his family and background. I was concerned when she asked him about siblings, but Cliff was able to remain fairly stoic while talking about the accident and Wentworth's death, without mentioning Ashleigh or Gio. Mom, as always, was the model of compassion and concern. Having never known her mother, who died shortly after giving birth, Mom always sympathized with others who lost loved ones.

"So, I didn't realize you needed a new roommate, Edward," Mom said, with slight reproach, as we sampled the seared scallops. "Did Maggie and Rosalie move out?"

"No, they didn't," I said carefully. "The girls are still at the apartment. But with the baby, they really needed more room, so I moved out and moved in with Cliff."

"Oh, but what about the rent? You can't afford to pay for two places on your own with the allowance we give you," Mom was concerned. "And can the girls handle the rent on your apartment by themselves? Has Maggie gone back to performing?"

"It's really not an issue, Mrs. Cullen," Cliff assured her. "I've been in the apartment for a year now by myself, covering all the expenses, so it really isn't necessary for Edward to contribute anything."

"But surely your parents would appreciate a reduction in expenses if you're sharing the apartment," Mom frowned.

"We spoke with them at Christmas and explained and they're fine with the arrangement as is," Cliff countered.

"Mom, I wanted to let you know that I moved, but changing all the money stuff would mean I'd have to tell Dad, and I really would prefer not to do that. If we could just keep things as they are, I think it would be easier on everyone."

My mother's eyes opened wide. "Oh, no, of course not. Your father doesn't even know about..." she glanced at Cliff. "I'll tell you what. I'll see what I can do to increase your allowance, though soon it will hardly..." she stopped abruptly again. "Let me see what I can do without revealing any reasons to your father," she finally said. "You're older and you have more expenses and your allowance should be increased."

"Thanks, Mom," all the allowance talk made me feel like a kid. I would have argued with her more, but I knew there were more important things to talk about, and if she reacted badly to my coming out this whole conversation would be moot anyway.

Alan appeared again, taking away the appetizer plates and bringing out our entrees. We ate and talked, mom asking about school and my volunteering and Liam. I answered all her questions and asked some of my own, which she skillfully skirted, shifting the conversation back to Cliff.

"So how did the two of you meet? Did you have a class together?"

"No. We were both waiting for our therapy sessions and both doctors were delayed because of a traffic tie-up, so we got coffee and started talking," ordinarily I didn't like to admit how Cliff and I met, but my mother knew I was seeing Dr. Furman and I figured she'd realize Cliff was in therapy because of the accident.

"Isn't that interesting? You know, sometimes a new close friendship can be just as valuable as therapy," mom observed. She didn't know the half of it, and it was time to tell her.

"Well, actually, Mom," I started and stopped. This was even harder than I thought it would be. I glanced at the table and saw Cliff flexing and relaxing the fingers of his right hand, and I would bet it was in an effort not to touch me, suppressing his natural instinct to soothe my agitation. "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about. Something I have to tell you. The whole reason why I'm in therapy to begin with."

"All right," suddenly very serious, she put down her utensils and looked straight at me, expectantly. She and I never spoke about why I felt I needed to see a therapist. I just told her Maggie and some other friends thought it might be a good idea for me to see one and, without prying, she simply told me to have the doctor send the bills for whatever the insurance didn't cover to her. I'd always really appreciated her willingness to wait until I was ready to tell her what was going on, instead of trying to pressure me to reveal what was bothering me but, of course, having kept this secret for so long was making things more difficult now. Still, there was no avoiding it. Uncomfortable or not, I had to do what I went there to do.

"You see, Mom, Cliff is more than just a close friend. We started seeing each other a few weeks after we met. Cliff is my boyfriend. I'm gay."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I felt Cliff's hand over mine. I turned my hand over and clasped his tightly, intertwining our fingers and drawing strength from his grip. Mom stared at me for a moment, her expression completely unreadable. She glanced down at Cliff and my joined hands, then looked away quickly, like she was seeing something she shouldn't. Just as quickly her eyes returned to mine.

"Oh," she said quietly. "I see." And then, after another pause, "How long have you known?"

I took a deep breath. As difficult as her question was, I was glad she didn't try to protest or question my orientation, or ask me if I was sure. The fact that I didn't have to assure her of my sexual preferences was a huge relief, though it didn't make replying to her question any easier.

"I don't really know how to answer that. I've had feelings for a long time that I was unwilling to even admit having, much less recognize or acknowledge them for what they were. I didn't want to admit I was gay. I did a lot of stupid things trying to deny it, and you know eventually I landed in the hospital."

Mom looked up at me in alarm. "Is that what happened? Was it gay bashing? Is that why those men... "

"No, Mom," I reassured her. "Not really. At first I was just trying to get a redneck to leave a girl alone and he was bigger than me, and then those other guys were just looking for someone to beat on, they didn't really need reasons. But getting into the fight to begin with was dumb, knowing I was drunk and had a sprained wrist."

"Edward," she reached for my other hand. "Darling, you were trying to help someone... "

"I wasn't trying to be a hero, Mom. It was just a fortunate accident that there was a good reason for me to get into that fight. But I went over there looking for trouble, and I would have found some one way or another. . ." I paused. "Anyway, that's not really the point. The only reason I brought that up was to explain that I was doing everything I could think of to avoid facing the obvious. And I didn't have anyone to talk to..." I choked up a little, suddenly remembering how lonely I had been, and then remembering Alice. I felt both of my hands being squeezed. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, then let it out in a loud exhale.

"When I saw you and Dad at the hospital and you wanted me to go back to Forks, I just couldn't," I finally continued. "I hope you know it wasn't you. But I couldn't face leaving school and being in the house with Dad."

"It's okay, Darling. I understood," she reassured me.

"Well, I never did thank you properly for contacting Maggie to stay with me. I thought it was a horrible idea at first, but it turned out to be the best thing for me. She and some other friends - Emmett, do you remember meeting him in the hospital?" She nodded. "Maggie and Rose and Emmett and another friend really helped me figure some stuff out, and then they thought I should see a therapist, to come to grips with everything."

"Was that why you were in therapy too, Cliff?" mom turned to him.

"No, Ma'am. I've been out for a while, since pretty early on in high school," I was glad Cliff left it at that, instead of going into details of why he was in therapy, which should have been obvious anyway.

"And your parents? How did they react when you told them? Was your brother gay too?"

"No, Wenn was straight. And my parents were surprised at first, and worried about me and how everyone else would treat me when I came out, but otherwise they were fine. They've been really supportive all along."

"And they've met Edward," mom's voice sounded distant, lost in thought.

"Yes, Ma'am, they did, and they love him just as much as I do." Cliff's statement made mom look up at him, sharply.

"We love each other, Mom," I quickly said, before she could think of another question to ask him. "That's why we decided to move in together."

"Oh," Mom's eyebrows went up and her face looked like that of someone who had finally put two and two together. "I'm... I'm sorry. I'm not usually so tongue tied," she was clearly flustered, looking away from us both.

"It's okay, Mom," I said softly and squeezed her hand. "I know this is a lot to take. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner."

"No," she shook her head. "There's no need for you to apologize. You had to wait until you were ready to tell me. I understand that. I just feel a little foolish, like I should have known. But you never... I mean you were always with... I mean Bella..." She looked at Cliff in a panic before looking back down at the half-eaten food in front of her.

I'd never seen my mother so distraught, and I felt horrible for being the cause. I knew I was turning her world upside down, because I had been through the same thing. But there was no way to make this any easier.

"Cliff knows about Bella, Mom. He knows everything. Back then I was trying to be someone I wasn't," I explained quietly. "I never enjoyed being with girls. I'm not proud of the way I behaved, and I wish I could take it back, but at the time I was trying to be who Dad wanted me to be."

She turned away from me again. I started getting worried.

"Mom, I know I'm asking a lot, but please, I don't want Dad to know yet. I don't know how he'd react. I was going to wait to tell him after graduation."

I hated having to ask her to keep this a secret. I hated feeling like I still couldn't really be honest with everyone. And what I hated the most is that it was all because of money. Because I depended on my asshole father to pay for my education and had no other source of financial support. I wondered again if telling her now had been a bad idea. If I should have waited until after graduation to tell her as well. I looked to Cliff, who tried to reassure me with his eyes and the hand that still held mine. I found myself really wanting to kiss him, embrace him, be closer to him than we were able to be right then.

"Son," my mom's voice made me turn back to her. "I'm glad you told me. I hope you know that you can tell me anything, in full confidence that the information will stay between us. You can let your father know whenever you feel comfortable, or not tell him at all. That is completely up to you. I know this is not a good time, but you'll be 21 soon, an adult by anyone's measure, and that may be a better time to make your decision. For now, though, this will definitely stay between us. And I am sorry I perhaps did not have the right kind of reaction to your news. I love you, no matter what. I love how much happier you seem right now than you ever did in the past. But I grew up in a small town and never really left and being gay was just never discussed, so I don't know anything. It's different. All I know is that if you're telling me you're gay, and if acknowledging that has made such a big impact on you and made you happier, then it can't be bad, no matter what anyone says. I think I just need to learn more, and adjust my expectations, and it may take some time. And you may have to explain some things."

I sighed with relief. "Mom, you can ask me anything. No more secrets. I'll tell you anything you want to know."

She nodded. "Let me think about it all for a bit. I'll call you and we'll talk some more, all right? For now, let's just get some coffee and dessert. And maybe another glass of wine for me."

I smiled.

"Why don't you just get that Irish coffee you really want, Mom? It would be good, I think. You don't have to drive home as soon as we're done, right?

She smiled back at me.

"No, I have to do a little shopping while I'm here anyway. I think you're right, Edward. Irish coffee might be just the thing."

As if on cue, Alan appeared. I noted his brief approving smile when he noticed Cliff and I were holding hands, before his expression returned to a more neutral, if still pleasant, facade.

"Was everything to your satisfaction?" he asked, noting none of us quite finished our entree.

"Oh, yes," mom was quick to assure. "We were just too busy talking. And saving room for dessert."

He pulled three dessert menus from behind his back, handing one to each of us.

"I don't even need to look," mom said, handing him back the menu. "I'll have the tiramisu and an Irish coffee."

"Great choice," Alan smiled congenially. "And for the gentlemen?"

"I'll have the lemon meringue pie," Cliff ordered, "and a cappuccino."

I sent him another small smile. Cliff's preference for lemon desserts was becoming legendary. If there was any dessert dish on the menu involving a lemon, he was sure to have it. I ordered a crème brule and my usual black coffee. There was a brief awkward silence after Alan left and before Cliff came to all our rescue.

"Edward mentioned that you enjoy cooking, Mrs. Cullen. He raves about your lamb chops and I wondered if you'd be willing to share the recipe."

"Oh, do you cook, Cliff?" Mom perked up at the mention of one of her favorite pastimes.

"I do, and I hope it won't be too much of a shock, but now so does Edward, a bit."

"Really?" Mom leaned in with interest. "Have you managed to teach him? What can he do?"

Cliff and mom launched into an enthusiastic discussion about cooking, while I took a moment to lean back and observe. It was nice not to be in the center of attention for a change, and just to see the two of them interacting with one another. I was thrilled that Cliff thoughtfully remembered mom's passion for cooking, and even more thrilled that they shared a common interest. In the back of my mind I was always cognizant of the importance of these two special people in my life liking each other, but the full extent of that importance didn't become apparent until I actually watched it happen. I was relieved and happy, and even joined the discussion after Alan brought our dessert and beverages. We kept talking for a while, even after we were done eating, but eventually it started getting late and mom suggested that it was probably time for us to start heading back. She took care of the check. Michael, the owner of the restaurant, came out to say hello and chatted with us for a few minutes. After he left, the three of us stood to say our goodbyes. Mom opened her arms to Cliff first, and hugged him tightly when he stepped into them.

"Thank you for driving out with Edward, Cliff, even though you had no idea what kind of a reception to expect from me once Edward shared his news. I'm sorry I'm too ignorant to know exactly how to react to all this, but I can see how much you care about my son and how happy he is with you, so I'm very glad you found each other."

"I love Edward, Mrs. Cullen," Cliff told her, sincerity ringing through his voice. "Being with him makes me happy and I hope he feels the same when he's with me. And your reaction was fine. I know it takes time to get used to the idea of your son being gay, but other than who he is attracted to, he is still the same person he's always been. If you'd like, I could have my mom call you. She's already been through what you're going through, so she might be able to help."

Mom looked at him with a mixture of admiration and relief. "That is a great idea, Cliff. I would love to speak with your mother. Thank you," she released him from the hug. "And now, I know this is extremely rude, but would you mind if I just had a moment alone with Edward?"

"Mom!" I protested. Up until that moment I had been so proud of everything she said and did. Now she seemed to unwind it all with a single sentence. I couldn't imagine what she was going to say to me that couldn't be said in front of him. "I don't keep things from Cliff. There's no reason for you to speak to me alone."

"It's okay, Edward," Cliff said, placing his hand on my shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly. "I don't mind at all. I'll go upstairs to give you some privacy. Just join me when you're done."

I looked into his eyes. There was something about the way he looked and sounded that stifled my further protests. He gave me a warm smile, and casually strolled toward the stairs and up to the restaurant exit.

"Was that really necessary?" I turned and asked Mom as soon as he was gone.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "Probably not, but it makes me more comfortable. I'm sorry if I offended you or Cliff, Darling. Please forgive me. It's just that... well... you and I have never talked about... um... being with other people," a blush spread up her cheeks, clearly visible even under her light make-up. It took only a moment for me to realize what she was trying so hard to talk about.

"Sex, Mom? Are you trying to ask me about sex?"

She looked down, and I could see and feel her mortification.

"I always depended on your Father to have these types of discussions with you," she said. "But I don't imagine he would have talked to you about being with other men and the dangers. . . I mean there are diseases, AIDS."

"Mom," I stopped her. "To be perfectly honest, though I may have been glad at the time that you left this topic to Dad, in retrospect I really wish you hadn't. He wasn't exactly the best source of information. But I've learned a lot since then. Cliff and I have both been tested and we're both healthy and we're exclusive. And the diseases you're talking about, including AIDS, are not confined to the gay community. But I'm fine, so you don't need to worry about me any more than if Cliff was a girl. In fact, probably less, because I can't get him pregnant."

She was still blushing furiously, but smiled a little at the mention of the impossibility of Cliff's pregnancy.

"You're right. I would not have wanted you to be a father yet. Though now, I guess, you never will be," the laughter in her eyes was replaced by sadness before she looked down to the floor. I felt the need to say something to make this feel less like a loss.

"I've never given it much thought before, but I'm not sure if it would be a good idea for me to father children anyway," I told her. "I think maybe in many ways I'm too much like Dad and too little like you, and no kid needs that in their life."

"Edward," she started to protest.

"No, Mom," I interrupted. "It’s true. I don't really think I'm father material. But thanks to Maggie and Rose I have Liam, and I'm sure Maggie would love for you to meet him. He could be like a surrogate grandkid for you." I had no right to offer up my nephew this way, and I hoped Maggie wouldn't mind, but it was the only thing I could think of to help my mom with the idea that she would never have grandchildren of her own.

"Of course I would love to meet Liam," Mom said, "But he already has a set of grandmothers. It's okay, Edward. I suppose you're right. I always assumed someday you would have children, but I probably shouldn't have. Besides, I'm too young to be a grandmother," she smiled, though it was a weak, unconvincing smile. I took her in my arms.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I know I'm a disappointment."

"No," she said sharply. "I may be a little disappointed because of things I wanted that I had no right to expect, but you are not a disappointment. Make sure you understand the difference. I love you! You are my son and your happiness is and has always been the most important thing to me. The only time I have ever seen you as happy as you are today was when you were younger and you were with Jas..." she stopped speaking abruptly, a sudden recognition dawning on her face.

"Is that how you knew?" she asked. "Were you and Jasper... ?" she couldn't finish her question.

I sighed. "It's a long story, Mom. And it's complicated. Jasper figured out he was gay halfway through high school, but it took me a lot longer. In fact, quite a while after he moved out. Cliff knows the whole story and I will tell you as well, but not right now, while he's waiting."

Her eyes widened and I could see that she had become so absorbed by the topic of our conversation she'd forgotten about Cliff.

"Oh, my goodness," she said. "I never meant to take this long. Of course, we need to go. You should join him and I should apologize." She grabbed me into a tight hug and stood on her tip toes to kiss my cheek. "I love you, Edward, and I'm happy you found Cliff. He seems like a good young man."

"He is, Mom. Probably better than I deserve, but for some reason he wants me, so I just count my lucky stars."

"Don't be silly," she mussed my hair, the way she used to when I was young. "He is every bit as lucky to have you. You're quite a catch. But let's not keep him waiting any longer."

We went upstairs and Mom exchanged hugs with us both again before we left the restaurant. Mom went to do her shopping while Cliff and I walked back to the car. I wanted to grab him and kiss him in thanks for all he did for me, but this was Port Angeles and there were people here who could possibly recognize me and I couldn't let something like that get back to my father. I explained all that to Cliff as we walked and he simply smiled and told me he understood. I did pull over as soon as we were out of the city limits and delivered the kiss I'd wanted to give him earlier, which he passionately returned. And on the way home I told him all the things I talked about with my mother after he left.

"You were really great with her today, Sunshine. Thank you! Having you there made this so much easier for me."

"You don't have to thank me, you know that. I had fun. Your mother is very nice, and she loves you, and I thought she took the news very well."

"Yes, you're right. Considering everything, she did take it well. Thanks for offering to have your mom call her. I wouldn't have thought of it, but it might help her quite a bit."

"It's no problem," Cliff said. "I'm sure my mom would love to do it, both to help and to get to know your mom. And I know she wished she had someone to talk to when I first came out. I think that will be good for both of them."

After we returned from Spokane I started seeing Dr. Furman on a regular basis again. If he seemed surprised in my renewed interest in therapy even after I moved in with Cliff, he didn't show it. Nor did he seem particularly surprised when I revealed my continuing inability to stop thinking about Jasper, despite being in love with, and committed to, Cliff, and we spent a great deal of time in our sessions talking about my feelings towards both of them. When I told him about grabbing Seth and making him uncomfortable, even though I knew he was an abuse survivor, and my concern that I might do the same with Jasper if he ever came back, Dr. Furman suggested that I talk to abuse survivors to better understand and become more sensitive to their needs. I thought this was a great idea, as did Cliff, so I cut back my volunteer time on the mountain and started working with New Beginnings, a domestic violence prevention organization. I had hoped to find an organization specifically tailored to the needs of gay men, but no such organization existed. Even within the LGBT community, support organizations were either geared primarily towards women, or offered professional out-patient counseling only, with few volunteer opportunities. New Beginnings was the best alternative, and I especially appreciated the comprehensive 8-week training program they provided volunteers. I helped out in the fundraising office until my direct service training was complete.

There rest of Winter term went by in a blink of an eye. We celebrated Cliff's birthday in January and then spent a weekend at a bed & breakfast for Valentine's Day. On St. Patrick's Day we went to an Irish Pub, where we listened to live music performed by an excellent guitar playing cowboy, who stuck out like a sore thumb in the pub, though no one seemed to notice. The music was great, but there was something about the man that kept me absolutely riveted. He was tall and lean, with wavy blond hair just like Jasper's. Even his features reminded me of Jasper. The only real differences were his eyes, which were most definitely green, and that he was a bit older. Cliff noticed my fascination and teased me, so I made an effort to stop staring, but I stole glances at the man as often as I could without being too obvious. At one point the strumming cowboy took a break and passed our table on the way to the men's room. Our eyes met for a moment and I saw him do a double take, turning back to look at me again after he passed us as if I was familiar to him as well.

"Who is that guy?" Cliff asked, a slightly possessive note creeping into his voice.

"I don't know," I replied honestly. "I've never seen him before."

"The way you're staring at him, it looks like you might want to see him again," Cliff tried to be light, but there was a concerned undertone to his words. "And judging by the way he just looked at you, he feels the same way."

I looked up at him, startled by the sudden insecurity I heard in his voice, and mad at myself for making him feel that way.

"I might want to hear him again," I corrected, taking a large swallow to finish my beer, "but that's about it. He may be able to play that guitar really well, but you are an expert at coaxing the best sounds out of me, and that's infinitely more interesting to me. Are you ready to head home?"

"Sure," he said with a relieved smile. "I'm ready to make some music with my favorite instrument."

I flagged the waitress and gave her a couple of bills to take care of our tab and tip before we got up and walked to the exit. Cliff walked out first and I took one last glance towards the back of the bar before exiting behind him, but the cowboy hadn't emerged from the bathroom. With just a slight touch of disappointment, I followed Cliff out to the sidewalk. Once there, I wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him close to me for the walk home.

"This was fun, Sunshine," I told him. "I'm glad we went out tonight, but I'm also glad we're going home."

"Yeah," he agreed, "and I'm not sure the whole Irish pub thing is really us, you know?"

I did know, very well, that his statement had nothing at all to do with the pub. "Maybe just on St. Patrick's Day," I offered in an effort to reassure him again. "Day to day there are plenty of bars in the neighborhood that are just fine. Not to mention the convenience of staying at home."

He tilted his head towards me so it rested on my shoulder as we walked.

"I love you," he said quietly, and I knew in addition to the obvious, it was also a thank you.

"I love you too, Cliff, and all the beautiful music we make together."

I stopped walking and pulled him into my arms. As our lips met and we got lost in a loving kiss, we both knew the cowboy had been left behind in the dust.

Other than the occasional outings, days passed quickly, one blending into the next. We marked the passage of time by watching Liam grow and change. He was getting cuter and cuter by the day, and Cliff and I thoroughly enjoyed being uncles. We also received regular updates from Spokane on new developments in the Walker/Wong family.

At the end of January, we got a call from Bruce and Tyrone. The news was bittersweet. They found a perfect candidate for adoption, a 16-year-old boy named Troy, who had been thrown out by his parents two years earlier because he was gay. He had been living on the streets, having run away from a foster home social services originally placed him in. Unfortunately, the circumstances under which Bruce and Tyrone became aware of his plight were tragic. Troy had been rushed to the emergency room at the hospital where Tyrone worked, nearly dying from an overdose and injuries indicating he had been severely beaten and raped. Fortunately, the social worker on staff at the hospital who was assigned to the case knew Tyrone's orientation and was familiar with his desire to foster or adopt a gay teen. Figuring Troy might be more comfortable speaking with another gay man when he regained consciousness, she asked Tyrone to consult on the case. Bruce and Tyrone immediately contacted the woman they had been working with at the Washington State Department of Social and Health Services, and requested to foster Troy. She diligently pushed their request through the piles of red tape and by the time Troy woke up, his placement with Bruce and Tyrone had been secured.

But becoming Troy's foster family turned out to be the easiest step in the process. Troy was addicted to cocaine and had to go first through detox and then a rehabilitation program. Worse than the drug addiction, however, were the results of Troy's medical tests, which revealed that he was HIV positive. Cliff and I both gasped at that information, knowing that HIV was treatable, but not yet curable.

"Ba Ba," Cliff asked Bruce gently, "are you sure? I mean, I know you want to help him, and I think that's great, but what if he isn't conscientious about the meds, what if the disease advances quickly? What if..." he didn't finish, but we all knew what he meant and I, for one, was thinking the same thing. If the worst happened, could Bruce and Tyrone handle another one of their adopted sons dying before they did?

"We talked about that, Cliff," Bruce confessed. "We really considered carefully everything that could happen. In the end, we remembered Gio. Thank God, he was perfectly healthy when he came to live with us, yet he was taken early anyway. But even if right from the start we had known that would happen, it wouldn't have stopped us from taking him in and helping him. It's the same with Troy. He needs a family and we can give him that. With us he will at least have a shot at a long life, something he'll never get on the streets. We'll just think good thoughts and hope for the best. With antiviral medication he can live a long life, and maybe, in time, there will be a cure."

After we found out about Troy, Cliff called regularly for updates. Troy's transition from the streets to Bruce and Tyrone's home wasn't exactly seamless. He didn't trust anyone, including his new foster fathers. Because of his runaway history, he was placed for 60 days in a residential drug rehabilitation facility specifically geared towards teens. Troy hated the program, referring to the facility as a prison and to the staff as wardens. He didn't want to interact with any of the other patients. Bruce and Tyrone visited as often as they were allowed, and participated in family therapy, but Troy made it obvious during their visits that he didn't trust them and suspected them of having ulterior motives.

Bruce and Tyrone understood that Troy had a long road ahead of him, but they were worried when it seemed the pace of his social progress was so slow it was almost unnoticeable. They hoped things would improve after he was released into their care. Tyrone reduced his workload, accepting fewer new patients, and Bruce made arrangements to work from home part of the time, to make sure Troy wasn't left unsupervised. They did what they could to show him they cared, decorating his room according to his stated preferences, cooking food he said he liked, and trying to schedule family activities. They hired a tutor to help Troy with his school work, in the hopes that at some point he could catch up on the years he missed and attend classes with kids his own age. Despite all this and the individual and family counseling, Troy was still standoffish at school, not socializing with any of his classmates, and he wasn't much better at home.

"He just doesn't show interest in anyone, doesn't want to get close to anyone," Bruce relayed sadly. "A couple of days after moving in he told Ty we could just tell him what we wanted - that he'd been with two men before and he could take care of us individually or together. He then proceeded to give Ty a list of his sexual experience, like reciting a menu."

"Poor Pops!" Cliff gasped.

"He was horrified, of course!" Bruce confirmed. "We both tried to assure him that we just wanted to be his family, but he didn't believe it. It wasn't until we brought it up during a family session that he broke down and told us that the bastard in his last foster home, the supposed devout Christian who tried to beat homosexuality out of Troy during the day, abused him sexually at night. That was why he ran away from his foster home. He figured the streets couldn't be any worse. Needless to say, we immediately went to the police and DSHS, so hopefully that sadistic child molester will never have a chance to hurt another kid, but that doesn't help Troy. No matter what we say or do, he still thinks it's all a lie, and any moment we're going to turn into the monsters he suspects we are."

After the start of Spring term, on the weekend near the anniversary of Gio and Wenn's death, Cliff and I drove to Spokane to attend a grave-side memorial for the boys, who were buried next to each other. Unfortunately, Ashleigh's parents blamed Wenn for the accident, even though it wasn't his fault, and did not want to have anything to do with Cliff's family following their daughter's death. The memorial service was small, with just Cliff's parents, a few of Wenn's good friends, us, and of course, Bruce, Tyrone and Troy. Since Troy and I were the only ones there who hadn't met either of the boys, we spent the length of the service observing each other. I could feel the suspicion and hostility radiating from him, along with a bit of fear and, assuming that this was the way he reacted to everyone new in his life, I felt extremely sad. He was very young and fairly small for his age, undoubtedly the result of his street lifestyle, but with his mop of thick dark hair, bronze skin and dark chocolate eyes he looked like he could be an adorable and sweet kid, if he could just peel off the near constant angry mask.

Cliff tried to hold it together, but towards the end of the memorial service he completely crumbled. I held him and did what I could to soothe and comfort as he wept uncontrollably in my arms. When it became obvious that I was way out of my depth, his parents took over, his mother cradling him to her as she must have done when he was very young, albeit with no better results than I had been able to achieve. Everyone was invited to the Barringers' home after the service, but after Cliff's breakdown the friends begged off, so it was just the two families huddled together in the hearth room, both sets of parents trying to calm down the surviving child. Feeling helpless, I went out onto the deck, following Troy, who had escaped almost the moment he stepped foot in the house. I found him sitting on the wide stairs leading down to the in-ground pool.

"Mind if I sit out here with you?" I asked him, knowing how skittish he was around strangers.

"Would it matter if I did?" he nearly snarled. I shrugged noncommittally. "Suit yourself," he said grudgingly when he realized I was not going to give him any more of an answer. I sat down, leaving several feet of space between us.

"I guess you're not all that important either, huh?" he asked, staring at the deck stairs between his knees. I frowned. I knew just how hard Bruce and Tyrone were trying to give him the exact opposite impression, and it was disheartening that after all this time they still had not gotten through.

"You and your well-being and happiness are very important to those two men in there," I said seriously. "They really care about you, a lot."

"Sure they do," he was incredibly bitter. "When there's no one better around. As soon as the golden boy returns, he's all they care about."

I stared at him, not knowing what to make of the contradictions. On the one hand, he seemed to want nothing to do with Bruce and Tyrone. On the other, he just indicated that he was jealous of the attention they were giving Cliff. It didn't make any sense and I had no idea what to say in response. Finally I trudged ahead as best as I could.

"Everyone in that house lost someone they cared about very much two years ago in a stupid, senseless accident. But Cliff lost the two most important people in his life. The two people he was closer to than anyone in the world. And right now he needs Bruce and Tyrone more than you do. That doesn't make you any less important. It just makes you stronger at the moment, and better able to cope without them."

He turned to look at me, his expression slightly less angry and more hopeful.

"You really think I'm stronger?"

"Right now, you are," I confirmed. "Probably not all the time. And when you're not they will be there for you, just like they're there for him now. Haven't they been there for you since you were placed with them?"

"Yeah, I guess," he admitted reluctantly. "But..." he paused. We stayed silent for a long while.

"But what?" I prompted, when it became clear he was not going to continue on his own.

"I don't know what they want from me!" the frustrated exclamation burst forth unexpectedly.

"They don't want anything from you," I replied. "Well," I corrected, "they want you to be happy and healthy, and to accept them as your family, your fathers."

"Fathers!" he scoffed. "Who ever heard of having two fathers?"

"Gio had two fathers," I said calmly. "Cliff is lucky to have three. My nephew has two mothers. You shouldn't let someone else define your family for you, or define you, for that matter. I know it's hard," I continued as he rolled his eyes. "My father still doesn't know I'm gay. Once he finds out, I'm sure he'll disown me. Then I'll have no father. And I just told my mother a couple of months ago, not at all sure how she'd react. Fortunately, she took it well. Hell, it took me nearly 20 years to figure out and admit to myself that I was gay, so you're way ahead of me. But yeah, I know it's hard. If you ask me, you're lucky to have found two great guys who want to be your fathers and will always understand what you're going through."

Troy didn't say anything for a while. Finally, he looked back at me. "What took you so long?"

"What do you mean?" I was confused.

"What took you so long to figure out you were gay? What are you, slow or something? I mean, you either like guys or you don't, right? What's to figure out? I've known since I was 10."

I thought back to when Jasper and I were 10. There was something about him even back then, like an invisible force pulling me towards him. Everyone always assumed he was just another satellite revolving around me. Hell, even I assumed that I was the center of the universe. But looking back, I hadn't been able to pull away. I needed him near me, not the other way around. Subconsciously, I must have figured things out at 10 too. It just took a lot longer to percolate to the surface. I wasn't about to get into all that with Troy, though.

"It's complicated," I told him instead. "Let's just say I was trying to be who other people wanted me to be."

"Yeah," he acknowledged. "I tried that too for a while, but I couldn't keep it up for long."

We stayed on the deck talking for a long time, as daylight turned into dusk. Eventually, it was Cliff's mom who came out of the house to get us.

"Boys, I'll be serving dinner soon. Are you hungry?"

"I know I am," I answered honestly. "You?" I looked to Troy.

"Yeah," he admitted, and pushed himself up to stand. I followed his lead and all three of us went back into the house. Inside, I saw that Cliff had stopped crying and was standing with his three fathers, watching our entrance. I opened my arms and he stepped into them without hesitation, returning my soft kiss.

"I'm so sorry, Sunshine," I told him sincerely. "I wish there was something I could do."

"I think you already did," he said, looking over in the direction of Bruce and Tyrone. We both watched with awe as Troy stepped up to Tyrone and put his arms around him, then released him, turned, and did the same with Bruce. Tyrone looked at us, his eyes glistening, then grabbed both his husband and his new son in a three-man embrace.

We had a beautiful dinner in the formal dining room, Cliff's mom serving a baked salmon with watercress sauce and garlic mashed potatoes and one of Cliff's favorite, lemon mousse with pomegranate sauce for dessert. Everyone participated in the conversation, including Troy, which I could tell by the pleasantly surprised looks on all the parents' faces, had never happened before. After dinner, Bruce, Tyrone and Troy went back to their house, but before they left Tyrone pulled me aside and gave me a warm hug.

"Thank you, Edward. I don't know what you said to him out there, but it's like Troy is a different boy now. He'd never hugged us before, never did more than answer questions when spoken to before. Tonight it was the first time he acted like a member of our family. You'll never know how much this means to us."

"I'm glad I could help, though I didn't do anything special. I think he really wants to be part of your family, but he's scared that it's all going to disappear or that there's a catch."

"We've been trying to reassure him to the contrary, but he hasn't been listening. Something you said out there definitely made a difference. It doesn't really matter what it was. You helped Troy feel like our son, and we'll always be grateful."

In early May Cliff, who had been weighing his job options, decided to accept an offer for an entry level position in the news division of a local TV station. I knew his choice was based in large part on the fact that I had a year left before graduation and couldn't move out of Seattle, and I felt bad that I was a potential roadblock to his career. While I tried not to influence him either way, selfishly I was glad he had chosen to stay. We'd both seen Emmett and Christopher's relationship dissolve because of distance, and even though I knew what we had was stronger, I hated the thought of us living in different states. So instead of encouraging him to pursue the best opportunity available, which was a job at a station in a smaller market where he would have a chance to get more experience and get on air much faster than in Seattle, I stayed silent and let him make the sacrifice.

In June we celebrated Cliff's graduation. It took most of the available free time I had away from him the month before the ceremony, but his mom and I managed to orchestrate a perfect surprise celebration. Of course, it wasn't a surprise that both of his sets of parents would come in from Spokane, along with Troy, but he had no idea that the full family contingent both on his dad's and mom's side was coming as well, plus, obviously, all of our friends from Seattle. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world, making sure that everyone stayed in the same hotel so that the chauffeured mini-vans would be able to pick up and drop off everyone at the same time and place; arranging for a tour of Seattle for the out of town guests, some of whom were coming from as far away as Connecticut and had never been to Washington; swapping and bartering with other students to make sure all of Cliff's family had tickets to the graduation ceremony itself; arranging for a professional photographer to document the whole thing; finding venues for the family lunches and the celebration dinner; and doing it all while keeping Cliff in the dark. Fortunately, Mrs. Barringer took care of most things from Spokane - I was just the local errand boy. But still, it took a lot of effort and I was probably gladder than he was to see graduation day finally arrive.

Cliff's parents and Troy arrived first, all driving over together. Bruce, Tyrone, and even Troy himself had given us continuous updates on his progress, so we knew exactly when his adoption was finalized and that he was doing better since our visit in April. But that didn't prepare us for the remarkable change we saw in the kid who'd been so angry, hostile and withdrawn when we first met him. Troy was happy. Beneath the shaggy black bangs his eyes were almost always smiling , and his lips seemed to have adjusted into a permanent upward curve. And more than that, Troy seemed totally comfortable. He wasn't clingy with Bruce and Tyrone by any means, but he didn't shy away from their hugs or hands on his shoulder, and sometimes he initiated the contact himself. He greeted Cliff warmly, but his excitement was even greater when he saw me.

"Edward!" he exclaimed as he practically launched himself into my arms. "I did it! I caught up. Next year I'll be in all the regular junior classes."

None of us wanted to put more pressure on Troy than he had already, knowing that resolving his psychological issues and his drug dependency was far more important than school work, but remembering how much focusing on my school work had helped me when the rest of my life felt like it was spinning out of control I relayed my experience to Troy, and he seemed to have taken my suggestion to heart. I knew he had been trying really hard, working constantly with the tutor and on his own, in the hopes of catching up to his peers without having to be in summer school. I couldn't have been more proud that he'd accomplished his goal.

"That's amazing, Leo! Way to go!" I released him and held out my fist for a bump.

"Thanks, Gem," his fist met mine before he stepped back a little, still wearing that excited, self-satisfied smile. After our visit, when he finally started talking, he revealed that he preferred to be called Leo, both after his zodiac sign and because thinking of himself as the ferocious king of beasts had helped him survive on the streets. Though Cliff worried that Leo's preferred nickname was a little too close to that used by Sergio, Bruce and Tyrone seemed to adjust to it fine. And once Troy figured out that I didn't have a nickname, he started calling me Gem, after my own sun sign. Surprisingly, I didn't mind at all, even when others picked up the practice, including Cliff, who found it particularly appropriate, sometimes calling me his precious gem in private. He wasn't as thrilled when Leo dubbed him Cap, but laughed along with me when I pointed out that he could just as easily have been have been Corny.

Cliff and I knew that as much as Troy enjoyed living with Tyrone and Bruce, and as much as he tried to form friendships with some of the other students at school, he was having a hard time carving a comfortable space for himself and was eager for company of gay men closer to his own age, something their neighborhood definitely lacked. He'd mentioned to his new fathers several times how much he'd like to come out to Seattle to spend a part of his vacation with us. While they were careful to make no promises, they had discussed it with us, and Cliff and I were excited at the prospect of Leo coming out for a couple of weeks. Cliff was not scheduled to start his job until September and I, for once, was not taking classes during summer session, so we both had more than our normal share of free time to spend together and with Troy. None of us said anything to Troy, though, because the trip depended in large part on whether or not he had to be in summer school. Now that he'd passed the placement tests to avoid summer classes, the way for his trip was clear.

"We'll have to do something special to celebrate. Your choice," I offered, nearly certain of what he would request. He didn't disappoint.

"Can I come out and stay with you guys for a little while this summer?" he asked without hesitation. I looked to Bruce and Tyrone, who stood off to the side, smiling as they listened to our exchange.

"Of course," I assured him. "That would be great. Cliff and I already talked about it and we'd love to have you." I held my arm open to Cliff, who stepped in closer to me and nodded in affirmation.

"We've already been planning what we'd like to do, subject to your approval, of course," he added.

Troy's eyes opened wide in surprise. "Really? No shit?" he threw a quick glance in Bruce and Tyrone's direction. "I mean, no joke?"

"No joke," I laughed and beckoned him to us with my free arm so he and Cliff and I could all embrace each other."

"That's so awesome. Wow! Thanks!" Troy was practically giddy. "When can I come?"

I looked over at Cliff. We had discussed this as well. "How about for the 4th of July?"

"Okay," he agreed easily. "That's not so far away. Wow, Gem, Cap, thanks!" he repeated. "That's gonna be so cool!"

The remainder of Cliff's family arrived over the next couple days, in small groups. As previously arranged, they were all picked up in the large touring vans and shuttled to the hotel, then given the option to relax or join the scheduled Seattle tours. Cliff's mom had everything in hand, so I spent most of my time by Cliff's side, helping him take care of last minute details involved with graduation. I particularly enjoyed the day he brought home his cap and gown, making him model the getup for me only to take it off him, slowly, as excited as he must have been seeing me in my NPS volunteer uniform. Of course, the sexiest part was the new bikini he had on underneath, with a sexy revealing slash across the front pouch and a front panel attached only by a couple of S rings that I promptly released to get a mouthful of my favorite graduate.

By Saturday morning, the day of the University-wide ceremony, every member of Cliff's family scheduled to come out was there. They were all shuttled over to Campus and seated in a section that Emmett and I scoped out and reserved early that morning, Emmett intimidating anyone who tried to encroached on our space. Seth and I arranged for a local printer to make an obnoxiously large banner that said "Congratulations Cliff Barringer - Future Network Nightly News Anchor." We held it up and whooped and cheered, Seth, Emmett and Rosalie adding ear-splitting whistles to the cacophony, as Cliff joined the other graduates of his college in a march across the stage. We'd made our presence so obvious, it was easy for him to pause for a second while on stage and wave to our section, which only prompted us to make more noise. Thankfully, we'd remembered to warn Cliff's grandparents to turn down their hearing aids.

After the ceremony and the session with the photographer, the family went back to the hotel for a wine and hors d'oeuvre reception before dinner. Cliff and I went to drop off his gown and visit with some of his friends to exchange farewells before everyone scattered across the country. Shortly thereafter, we joined everyone at the reception. I was particularly happy to see my mother, who really wanted to be there for Cliff's graduation and came to Seattle on a pretext of a shopping trip. She and Amelia had gotten to know each other fairly well through several phone conversations, and loved having the opportunity to finally meet in person. When Cliff and I arrived at the hotel, they were talking over glasses of wine like they've been friends for ages.

For the remainder of the reception I was the dutiful boyfriend, sticking close to Cliff's side as he made the rounds to thank all his relatives for coming out, giving them all the opportunity to fawn all over him. Amelia's sister was particularly effusive, apparently not just loving her nephew, but us as a couple.

"You know, Clifton," she said in a stage whisper, "after Edward graduates you boys should move out to Connecticut. You'd be close to New York City, which would be great for your career, and gay marriage is legal in our state. I could be your mother's eyes on the ground and we could plan the most elegant wedding for you boys."

Cliff shot me a quick apologetic glance with a bit of an eye roll. "Um, thanks, Aunt Cecilia. We really appreciate the thought, and if we decide in the future that we're ready to talk about marriage, we'll be sure to consider your offer. But for now Edward still needs to finish school, so..." he let his voice trail off, undoubtedly hoping she'd get the not so subtle hint.

"Oh yes, of course, education is a priority. But you two make such a handsome couple, surely down the road. . ."

"Aunt Cecilia," Cliff interrupted, his voice more firm. "If and when Edward and I decide that marriage is the right step for us, I promise you'll be one of the first to know, but for now, we simply haven't discussed that yet."

"Come on, Cecilia," her husband, Adam, was more perceptive than his spouse, and stepped in to keep the situation from getting even more uncomfortable. "I think your mom is calling us over. She looks like she needs your help."

"Oh, yes, of course. Thank you, Adam. Excuse us, boys," Adam led Cecilia away as Cliff breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm so sorry for that, Gem," he said quietly. "We never know what crazy idea Aunt Cecilia will come up with next."

"It's all right, Sunshine. She's harmless and she clearly means well. It's actually kind of flattering to know she approves of me, having just met me."

"Of course she approves of you," Cliff scoffed. "They all approve of you," he added, scanning the people in the room. "And they should - you're a great catch." He leaned over to kiss me and we remained lip locked for a few seconds. When we broke apart I saw many relatives' eyes focused on us, including aunt Cecilia's, whose expression was so sweet, it would have sent a diabetic into a coma. I grabbed Cliff's hand and quickly pulled him towards another group of relatives, eager to stop being everyone's focal point.

There was an hour and a half break in the schedule for everyone to relax and change before the entire group was transported to Chateau Ste. Michelle for a tour of the gardens, followed by a private tour of the winery and a multi-course wine tasting dinner. Cliff and I had brought our clothes to his parents' room earlier, so we could change at the hotel instead of wasting time going back to our apartment. This gave us a bit more time to spend with my mom, who for reasons she would not explain, insisted on driving back to Forks that evening and, therefore, would not be able to come to dinner. Mom fussed over Cliff as much as his own relatives, and presented him with a beautiful leather portfolio, embossed with his name. The various conversations she'd had with Cliff's mom, as well as with me, helped her feel a lot more comfortable with my homosexuality, and with most of her concerns gone, she was now just happy we found each other.

"Will you boys both come to Forks for Edward's birthday?" she asked as we were wrapping things up before she had to leave and we had to change. My 21st birthday celebration, which she had seemingly planned for years in advance, would take place in two weeks. Mom had told me in no uncertain terms that I had better be on my deathbed if I wasn't in Forks on the appointed day, because that would be the only acceptable reason to miss it, so I had planned to be there. However, since I still had no intention of coming out to my father until my own graduation the following year, I hadn't planned on bringing Cliff. He and I had discussed it and he understood. I really thought Mom had too.

"Mom," I hesitated. "You know I'd love to have Cliff there with me, and he'd like to be there too, but how could I ever explain that to Dad?"

"There's really no reason why you should have to explain anything beyond bringing a school friend with you for a visit."

"That's true," I admitted, still hesitant. "But what if Dad goes off on one of his rants. Cliff shouldn't have to listen to that crap."

"I'm sure I could handle it for you, Edward," Cliff threw in. "You shouldn't have to listen to that crap either. It might be easier for you to get through it if I'm there with you. You won't get so overheated. That would really have your dad wondering."

I stared at him, thinking. He was right. If Dad went off on one of his rants, it would be hard for me to stay calm, and Cliff always did have a calming influence on me. Maybe having him there, even under false pretenses, wouldn't be a bad idea.

"Darling, this is your 21st birthday. A special day. I really think Cliff should be there, don't you? I'm quite certain it will all turn out fine," Mom assured, and the tone of her voice was very certain.

I looked from my boyfriend to my mother. I saw he was willing to go and she really seemed to want him there, and I saw no good reason not to bring him with me. Even if we had to be careful around my dad, it would be easier with Cliff by my side.

"All right, Mom. As long as Cliff doesn't mind coming, we'll both be there for my birthday. But he will have the option to change his mind until the moment I pull out of our parking garage," I warned her, wanting to eliminate any pressure he might feel to go.

"Of course, Darling. I wouldn't dream of coercing him to go. But everything will be ready if you come, Cliff," she said directly to him. "And everything will be fine. Trust me."

Mom hugged and kissed us both and we walked her to her car before we went back up to Cliff's parents' room to get ready for dinner. The event, perfectly planned by Cliff's mom, was most pleasant and went off without a hitch. For a change, Rosalie and Maggie could relax together as guests, while entertained throughout dinner by music from a string quartet. Maggie had offered to play free of charge, but neither Cliff nor his mother would hear of it, wanting her to enjoy the dinner along with the rest of us. Fortunately, Yvonne's parents were able to look after both Ren and Liam, so everything worked out just fine, and all of our friends could be there for Cliff's celebration.

As much as we enjoyed spending time with our friends and Cliff's family, my favorite moment of the graduation weekend was Sunday night, after everyone left and Cliff and I finally had some time for ourselves. We were both completely exhausted and drained, too tired to do anything more than hold each other and talk as we lay naked in our bed. We talked about the graduation, his family, Troy's visit and the fact that we would not have to spend this summer apart and that, in fact, we'd have quite a bit of time together before he started working in the fall. For the first time in a decade I wasn't dreading a summer vacation. In fact, with Cliff there by my side, I knew it was going to be the best summer I ever had.