Chapter 70

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Chapter 70

Despite being tired after a full day, and despite having made love to Jasper yet again, I had a hard time falling asleep Saturday night. The recognition that this was the last night we’d get to spend together, and that we didn’t even know for sure when we’d get to see each other again, weighed heavily on my mind. Even though Jasper planned to move to Seattle as soon as he could, we had no way of knowing when a job would open up for him to make that possible. Having spent the whole week with him spoiled me. I didn’t know how I’d adjust back to being alone, with only his voice for company at night. I had to let him go, but while he was still with me I didn’t want to miss a second. So I held him close, breathed in his scent, and soaked up his body heat all night. It wouldn’t matter if I was tired the next day. I’d have plenty of time to sleep after I dropped him off at the airport.

I must have dozed off at some point despite my best intentions, but waking up to the sensation of Jasper stirring in my arms made it worth it.

“Tell me it’s not really Sunday,” he murmured, turning to face me.

I reached up to run my hand over his scruff-covered cheek and chin before leaning in to kiss him. “I wish I could.”

“Maybe I should just call my boss and resign?” He mused. My heart momentarily leapt up with hope, but I immediately squashed it down. I knew in the long term he’d regret that decision.

“You’ll do that just as soon as you find a job in Seattle. I hate you having to go back to New York, but I won’t let you sacrifice the career you’ve worked so hard for just so we can have a few extra weeks together.”

“It’s smarter to follow our plan,” he reluctantly admitted, “but it’ll be damn hard to get on that plane today.”

“I’ll come to visit as soon as I can. I’ll speak with Roger about changing my schedule to get weekends off. There ought to be some perks to this ‘hero’ nonsense.”

“You’d use your hero status so shamelessly?” he teased.

“To be with you?  Fuck yes!”

We kissed again and soon the kissing turned into groping and fondling, and then I was buried deep in my man as we frantically made love for what was likely to be the last time in a long while.

“My ass is gonna be so confused,” he teased later in the shower.

“Oh?”

“It’s been getting quite a workout this week, and now there’ll be nothing. It’ll feel so deprived.”

“I’ll be sure to give it extra attention the next time I see you,” I promised, soaping between his cheeks and inserting my finger knuckle deep into his stretched hole.

“Mmm, just like that,” he nodded, bracing his hands on the tiled wall and letting his head hang down.

My recovery time wasn’t quite fast enough given the workout my dick had gotten over the weekend, but I didn’t hesitate to kneel behind him and rinse the soap out before pressing my face into the crevasse. I pried his cheeks apart with my hands for better access and rimmed and fucked him with my tongue until he was whimpering with need. I moved in front of him and continued to penetrate him with my fingers as I swallowed his cock and sucked him off, stopping only when I’d drained him completely.

“I’m such a slut for you. I can’t get enough,” he panted, still braced against the tiles with his head hanging down close to mine.

“We’re sluts for each other,” I grinned up at him and kissed him. His tongue pressed against my lips until I parted them, allowing him to invade and taste the remnants of his essence.

“I can deal with that.” he said with a smile, pushing himself back until he was standing fully upright again. He offered a hand to help me up and we kissed once more, deeply, before turning off the water and reaching for the towels.

A quick peek into the guest bedroom after soft knocking failed to elicit a response showed us that Zack and Troy hadn’t yet recovered. We left them alone and called Bruce and Tyrone who, unlike their sons, had already started their day with a walk around my neighborhood. By the time they arrived at the house some fifteen minutes later, Jasper and I had breakfast well under way.

The smell of freshly brewed coffee finally roused the boys. They shuffled into the kitchen with considerably less energy than the previous morning, both rubbing their blood-shot eyes.

“Good thing you’re not driving back this time,” I teased gently as I poured their coffee and fixed it the way I knew they liked it.

“Yeah, Seth’s punch packed quite a punch,” Zack said sheepishly before taking a long swallow from his mug. “Mmm, this hits the spot. Thanks, Edward.”

“You’ll both feel better after you eat. Sit down,” I waved them towards the table.

I was just done dishing out their scrambled eggs and hash browns when my cell phone rang.

“The boys want to see Jasper again before he leaves,” my sister said. “Can I bring them over or will they be in your way?”

“Let me check with Jasper.” I put a hand over the microphone and turned. “Apparently Owen and Liam don’t want to let you leave town without one last visit. Do you mind if they come over for a bit?”

Jasper’s smile was as big as my own. “I would love that, if it’s okay with you.”

“Mags, come on over.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. We’re just finishing breakfast.”

“Okay, we’ll be there soon and I promise we won’t stay long.”

“Don’t worry about it. See you when you get here. You all don’t mind, do you?” I belatedly asked the rest of our guests.

“I’d love to see the boys again,” Troy said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

“But we can’t stay long. We promised we’d bring Dads to see Mom before we fly back,” Zack supplied.

“The kids won’t be staying long either, but they’ll like seeing you all again.”

We were nearly finished with breakfast when we heard Maggie’s van. Jasper went with Troy and Zack to open the door while Bruce and Tyrone helped me clear the table. Liam and Owen’s excited voices reached us, but we never saw them. Maggie came into the kitchen instead.

“My sons insisted that Jasper, Zack and Leo go with them to their room,” she said with a smile. “Unless you rescue him, I’m afraid Jasper is going to meet another batch of stuffed animals.”

“I have a feeling he’d enjoy that,” I replied.

“We should all go meet the animals,” Bruce suggested. I glanced at him with surprise. He’d never struck me as a man who wanted to spend time with small children. “It’s not often we get to spend time together,” he added in explanation.

“What an excellent suggestion,” Tyrone seconded. “Let’s go.”

We spent close to an hour learning the names of all the stuffed animals and playing with the other toys. It was quite cozy with the nine of us in the boys’ room, but we made it work. Liam and Owen loved being the center of everyone’s attention, but we all had a great time. Far more surprising than the boys’ attachment to Jasper was their rapport with Bruce and Tyrone, who demonstrated that they could easily turn into doting grandfathers.

Maggie, who kept her eye on the time, rounded up the reluctant boys after one hour. Although we were sorry to see them go, Bruce, Tyrone, Troy and Zack had another engagement and I was eager to have a little more time alone with Jasper before I had to drive him back to the airport.

Those last couple of hours were wonderful and awful. Wonderful, because he was still there with me, and being able to touch him and kiss him was everything. Awful, because as we packed those of his clothes that he wasn’t leaving behind for his next visit, his impending departure and the uncertainty of when we would be able to see each other again settled over us like a heavy weight.

“I should be grateful for having had you here the entire week, instead of thinking about having to sleep alone tonight,” I told him glumly.

“It’s hard to go back. I already started thinking of this as home,” he admitted, looking around our bedroom. Thrilled, I reached over and pulled him into a tight hug.

“That’s because this is our home. When you’re here for good, we’ll add whatever you want to make it feel even more yours than it already is,” I promised. I felt his lips curl up against my cheek.

“Maybe some video editing equipment and my computer, but other than that, you’re all I need. I’m from Manhattan. Minimalism is a survival skill.”

“I don’t care if you’re a minimalist or a pack rat, as long as we’re together.”

The drive to the airport was somber and that last hug and kiss we exchanged right after my promise to fly out to see him as soon as I could and before he was absorbed into the security screening line was shrouded in doom and desperation. Neither of us had to say that we hated him getting on that airplane. We both knew that no matter how quickly we could make the changes necessary to live together in one place, it wouldn’t be fast enough.

He called once he reached the gate, explaining that he had scored a charging station and could, therefore, talk until it was time to board. Even though we’d just spent the week together, I sat in my car at the airport parking garage for another hour, unwilling to let him go until I absolutely had to, after he boarded the plane and the captain requested that phones be turned off.

Cold and bereft, I drove to my sister’s house where I dropped off the box with Jasper’s angel wing harness so that she could ship it out for him the next day while I was at work. I tried to act normally, but she and the kids knew immediately that I was feeling off.

“When will uncle Jasper be back?” Liam asked while he set up an elaborate race track for his slot cars.

“Not for a while. He doesn’t have many vacation days left and it’s my turn to visit him next,” I explained.

“But isn’t he coming to live here?” Liam pressed while Owen climbed into my lap and tucked himself tightly against my chest.

“He will eventually, as soon as he can, but not right away.”

Normally I would have stayed at Maggie’s for dinner, but I remembered what Tyrone had said about Derek’s job offer and I wanted to call Cliff. I made my excuses and, for once, Maggie didn’t pressure me to stay. They boys stayed in the living room with their race cars while she walked me out.

“I was wrong about him. I’m a big enough girl to admit that,” she said. I was glad she was finally in our corner, but being right didn’t bring me any pleasure in the face of Jasper’s departure.

“You two look just as right today as you did back in Forks,” she added. “It’ll be even better after he moves here.”

“I just hate waiting. I already miss him.”

“I’m sure he feels the same. For both your sakes, I hope it’s not too long.”

I hugged her and left. I didn’t want to sound like a broken record, but to me even a day was too long.

Back at home, I changed Remmy’s litter boxes and fed him before calling Cliff.

“I hear Jasper’s quite the hit.” The smile in his voice pleased me as much as Tyrone’s approval.

“Leo called you?”

“And Bruce. I’m glad it’s going well for you two, and that he was there for you this week. I know physically you’re okay, but-?”

“I’m fine. Jasper’s visit was the perfect cure. Honestly, the shooting feels like it happened so long ago. So much’s happened since then.”

“You had a busy week.”

“That’s an understatement, but it was all good. Jasper met everyone, even my mom, and he was here for Seth’s Halloween bash.”

Cliff chuckled warmly. “I remember Seth’s parties. Leo told me about your costume. Spandex square cut shorts, huh? Did you even make it home before Jasper attacked you?”

Cliff couldn’t know how close to the truth his guess was. I decided there was no harm in enlightening him. “We made it as far as the parking garage. The hood of my car, to be exact.”

Cliff gave a throaty chuckle. “Sure wish there was video of that.”

“Not a chance. Car hood sex is as public as I’m willing to get.”

“I’m sure Jasper appreciates that.”

“I hope so, but enough about me...” I tried to change the subject, but Cliff skillfully warded me off

“Hold on, we’re not done yet. I want to know about the shooting. I saw all the TV coverage, but what really happened?”

“Not much beyond what was reported.”

“But your helicopter was shot down? You didn’t really talk about that much in the interview. That must have been scary as hell.”

“It was. The helicopter was hit, but it could have kept flying if it wasn’t for the pilot getting shot. He landed as a precaution.”

“Jesus, Edward, you could have been shot too!”

“I nearly was,” I admitted, thinking about the bullet that flew by me.

“You shouldn’t have been up there with the cops. What were you thinking?”

“Someone had to warn the hikers and the cops didn’t know the park like I did.”

“Still...”

“I know, I already heard it from everyone else. I promised Jasper I’d never do anything like that again, so you don’t have to worry.”

He let out a sigh of relief and I took advantage of his momentary silence. “Tyrone told me Derek got the offer.”

“He did.” Cliff admitted.

“And?”

When he didn’t reply for a long time, I continued. “Is he there? Do you want me to call you another time?”

“No, actually he’s in the other room watching a game. I stepped out when you called. I’m not sure I want to talk about this, though.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t need another lecture,” he grumbled.

“Bruce?”

“And Tyrone, and Leo, and my mom...”

“What if I don’t lecture?”

“But you will,” resentment crept into his voice.

“If you really want me to drop it, I will,” I offered. I was met with another silence.

“No,” he finally said, “let’s talk. I want your advice.”

“So? Have you and Derek discussed this? What are his thoughts?”

“That he just got offered his dream job, the thing he’s worked his butt off for since graduation. What else would he think?”

“If those were his only thoughts, he would have accepted immediately. Why hasn’t he?”

“Because we’re still trying to figure out how we’d make this whole thing work.”

“That sounds like a smart approach.”

“I guess. Obviously he’ll have to move, but the big question is will I move too? He’ll be so busy, we won’t have a lot of time to be together even if I move, and if I don’t... Either way, it will take time for me to find a job. I won’t be able to move immediately, and I’m not sure I want to move at all. Career-wise, it would be a parallel move at best, and more likely a step back. Unless a station recruits me, which they’re not doing, I would have to start at the bottom again. Field reporting on local stories.”

“Derek wouldn’t want you to sacrifice your career for his.”

“I know, but for both of our careers to progress we have to be in different places, just like you and Jasper. You know better than anyone how hard the long distance thing is. Only you and Jasper are openly together. You don’t have to lie to your colleagues and friends about why you’re visiting each other.”

“Actually, Jasper decided to move here. He loves the house and Liam and Owen, so he’s going to start looking for jobs at local stations.”

Cliff’s breath caught.

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m just surprised. I expected you to tell me that you’ll be moving to New York. Not that I thought this would be a good thing, but it’s what I expected.”

“Oh-kay,” I drew the word out, not sure how to take his surprise.

“Look, it’s good. I mean it shows he really loves you. It shows you made the right call waiting for him. I’m really happy for you. I wasn’t sure before, but now...”

“Why does this make such a difference?” I challenged.

“Because before I didn’t think he was worth all the sacrifices you made. But now I see that he’s willing to make a huge sacrifice too.”

“Moving to Seattle is not exactly a huge sacrifice, Cliff. You know how beautiful it is out here.”

“I know, and for you that’s hugely important, but I doubt it carries the same weight for someone who prefers to spend his days in a TV studio. And let’s face it, Seattle is not that great of a market, especially not for someone who’s working in New York. Compared to what he’s doing, my complaining about moving to follow Derek seems so petty.”

“You were working in Seattle,” I reminded him.

“I was, because that’s where I went to school and you were still finishing up. But we’d talked about moving after you graduated, remember, because my job there wasn’t going to get me where I wanted to be, career wise?  This move to Wilmington was motivated in part by what was happening between us, but it was also a good move for me.”

“You really think this is a bad move for Jasper?” I bit of a torn cuticle and ran my hand through my hair. Suddenly I wasn’t at all sure Jasper made the right decision when he agreed to move to Seattle.

“No, wait, I didn’t say that,” Cliff tried to backtrack. “What I’m saying is that it’s a clear signal of how much he loves you. It means you’re more important to him than his career. It’s a good thing. He’s obviously a better man than I am. Shit!”

“I didn’t tell you about Jasper to make you feel bad, or to imply that you should move for Derek’s sake.”

 “I know, but the fact remains that Jasper is willing to give up his dream career so you can keep yours. I should be willing to do the same.”

“So should Derek,” I pointed out.

“Well, he hasn’t taken the offer yet. Damn it, why does it have to be so hard? Why couldn’t we both have been accountants or engineers or something that wouldn’t restrict us so much in terms of job opportunities?”

“It seems to me that Derek’s career is more flexible than yours in terms of geography,” I pointed out. As is mine, I added silently, given that I don’t even need a career, as such.

“In theory, maybe, but he moved to North Carolina because he had his heart set on this job.”

“Like I said before, if the job was that important he would have accepted the offer already. That he hasn’t is a clear signal that you’re more important. Tell him how you feel. He needs to know.”

“I can’t be that selfish. I can’t stop him from pursuing his dream so I can follow mine.”

“No, that’s not your call. It’s his. You can’t be that selfish, but he can be that selfless, if he wants. You’ve already made sacrifices for him. You went back in the closet, and I know how difficult that was. You’d have to go back even deeper into that closet if he took this job, right?”

“Yeah,” Cliff reluctantly admitted. “To be honest, I don’t even know if we could live together. Derek thinks it would be fine, but who’d believe two roommates decided to change jobs at exactly the same time, and both move to the same city?  It makes sense for him, but not for me. What if people got suspicious and he had to...I don’t know...date some woman?”

“I don’t think he’d do that.”

“He did when we were in high school,” Cliff said bitterly.

“That’s different Cliff. You know it is,” I said, thinking back to my own high school days. I’d never date a woman now, and I didn’t think Derek would either. Then again, I was out and he was still very deep in the closet, and likely had to remain there if he wanted to keep his current job or get the new one.

“I guess,” Cliff didn’t sound convinced, “but even if he doesn’t do that, we could never go out for anything remotely romantic, if at all.”

“Sounds like your relationship would suffer even under the best of circumstances. Derek must realize that. I bet that’s why he hasn’t taken the offer. Maybe he’s not looking for you to make a sacrifice for him. Maybe he’s looking to you to stop him from making a huge mistake in following a dream that isn’t as great as he once thought.”

“You think?” I could hear a bit of hope in Cliff’s question.

“I think you both need to be honest. If you don’t want to move, tell him and explain why. He deserves to know. If you’re willing to try the long-distance thing, tell him that too. Give him all the information and then let him decide.”

Cliff was silent for a long time. My heart broke for him and I wished I could take away all the pain and uncertainty I heard in his voice. I knew his biggest fear was having to go through another loss and heartbreak and start over yet again with someone else, and I wished I knew Derek well enough to assure him that wasn’t going to happen, but that just wasn’t the case.

“What if he turns down the job and ends up regretting it? What if he resents me for the rest of our lives?”

“If he makes that choice and then resents you for it, then he’s a fool who doesn’t deserve you, and I’ll personally kick his ass.”

“He’s in pretty good shape,” Cliff commented. I could hear a hint of a smile in his voice.

“I’ll bring Emmett for back-up.”

“You’d do that for me?”

“In a second,” I answered without hesitation. “But I bet I won’t have to.”

“I love him, Edward. I don’t want to lose him, but it feels like I could lose him no matter what choice he makes.”

“Your best bet for staying together is to be honest with each other. I think if you do that, he’ll make the right choice.”

“How can you be so confident in him when I’m not?”

“Because he and I both got a second chance with the guy we loved. He lost you once because of his own stupidity, and if he’s anything like me he’ll do whatever he needs not to do that again.”

“Just like you’d move to New York if that’s what it took?”

“Just like that.”

“I hope Jasper realizes how lucky he is.”

“I hope Derek realizes the same.”

“Thanks for calling, Edward. Even though I’ve talked this over with just about everyone else, somehow you managed to make me look at things differently. I’m so glad you’re still in my life.”

“And I’m glad you’re in mine. Now, go snuggle up to your man and figure this shit out!” I admonished.

I was already tired from not getting enough sleep the night before, and the conversation with Cliff drained me of any remaining energy. I ate some leftover pasta for dinner and took care of Remmy, then retired to my bedroom to get my uniform ready for the next morning. Afterwards I lay in bed thinking. Cliff’s reaction at Jasper’s decision kept running through my head. He seemed so impressed and surprised that Jasper would give up his job in New York to move to Seattle. I knew damn well that Seattle wasn’t ideal for Jasper, but he didn’t seem to believe it was as bad as Cliff made it sound. He would still be doing what he loved, just in a different city, and his moving to Seattle would give us more time with the boys and with Seth and Emmett.

Even as I rehashed the arguments for Jasper’s move, I couldn’t help remembering that in addition to a dream job, he’d also be leaving behind his friends and his father. He truly was giving up everything to be with me, while my life would remain pretty much unchanged. Somehow it seemed very unfair, but it had been his choice. Even after reviewing all of our conversations, I was certain I never pushed for him to make this decision. He had arrived at it on his own.

But was he doing it out of a sense of obligation, to somehow make up for leaving in the first place? If things had gone differently between us that night we came back from Forks and he had stayed, would we still be in Seattle or would we both have moved to New York for his job, just as Cliff had reminded me we had planned to do for his job after my graduation. If Jasper had stayed in Seattle, would I even be a park ranger? The only reason I even had the idea of choosing a career in the NPS was because I needed a place to go and brood after he’d gone. I loved my job, but it hadn’t always been my dream career. Jasper, on the other hand, had always wanted to work in television.

Such random thoughts with no conclusion kept churning in my mind for the rest of the night, exhausting me further. I was still awake when Jasper texted that he’d arrived safely in New York, but just barely, and I fell asleep almost immediately after returning his text.

***

Although I could not remember any dreams the next day, I felt that I’d been through a restless night. I let the shower rouse and refresh me as I looked forward to a distracting day of guiding hikes at work. Unfortunately, I quickly found out my expectations were very wrong.

The first hike of the day went okay, even if my group seemed larger than normal and they were far more interested in taking my picture and getting my autograph than in anything I tried to tell them about the natural beauty of the park. I grew more frustrated when, at the end of the hike, my immediate boss asked me to come to the Paradise Visitors Center.

“I have a hike to guide in thirty minutes, Bill. There’s not enough time to get to Paradise and back,” I reminded him.

“Toby will lead the rest of today’s hikes. He’s already on the way. We need you at Paradise today.”

“What? Why?” Toby was a seasonal ranger who was far better suited to answer visitors’ questions at Paradise than to lead interpretative nature hikes. I could think of no reason why I would be reassigned to what I considered inferior duty.

“There are a lot of visitors who want to see you, so get your butt over here,” Bill said sternly. Anger boiled to the surface at this change in my itinerary,  but rather than argue with him over the radio, I decided to confront Bill in person. Once I reached Paradise, I immediately stormed into his office, barely giving him enough time to respond to my knock.

“What’s going on, Bill? I’m a senior interpretive ranger. I belong out there leading hikes,” I demanded, resting my hands on the edge of his desk and leaning towards him in a gesture that some could misinterpret as aggressive.

“Edward, calm down.” Bill’s tone demanded respect. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Good. Now, I know you don’t like working indoors, but we give people just as much information here as out on the trails, if not more.”

“I know that, Bill. That’s not the point. I didn’t do anything wrong and I have more experience guiding hikes than Toby, so why the change?”

Bill drummed his fingers on the top of his desk with impatience. “Not that I have to explain my decisions to you, Cullen, but we’ve had a lot of visitors coming in specifically to meet you. They want to see the hero for themselves. There are too many to send on hikes with you, even if they were all able to hike, which they’re not.”

“So what? I’m supposed to be the Mount Rainier Mascot? Shake hands and pose for pictures with the kids?”

“If you want to look at it like that, yes,” he barked back, “or you can see it as an opportunity to introduce these folks to the park.”

“I can do a much better introduction on a hike.”

“But you won’t be doing that for the rest of your day. I have decided that this is the best allocation of resources. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the superintendent.”

“Fine. Don’t think I won’t,” I spat out.

“Do what you have to do,” Bill advised. I turned to walk out but heard the “Spoiled little rich boy,” muttered under his breath.

“What did you say?” I turned around as I spoke. The Lead Interpretive Ranger and I had never been very close, but we had a cordial working relationship. I never realized he harbored any resentment for me.

“I said you’re a spoiled little rich kid who always gets what he wants. Must be nice to have all that money and get preferential treatment from the big boss. ‘Weekend off to visit your boyfriend in New York? Sure! Want to go up and play hero in the helicopter? No problem. Interview on a national morning TV show? Of course! Bring your hot-shot New York boyfriend to our work party? Absolutely.’ If you didn’t go up in that helicopter and do that interview the people wouldn’t be here asking all these damned questions that no one but you can answer. And now, because you prefer to lead hikes, we’re supposed to disappoint them? Whatever, Edward. Go run to Roger and get him to override my decision. Won’t change who you are.”

I stared at him, slack-jawed and dumbfounded. I never realized the man resented me so much, and I hated that his rant had a ring of truth to it. Had I been acting like a spoiled kid, taking advantage of my friendship with Roger to get preferential treatment?

“I don’t want anyone to clean up a mess I created, if that’s what this is, but I’m not some damned store greeter.”

“No, you’re a park ranger,” Bill bit back, “and guess what else that PR stands for? That’s right, public relations. We’re all spokesmen for the Park Service. If you have to answer a few questions and smile for the camera for a few days to represent the NPS, it shouldn’t be a huge deal. It’s the least you can do.”

I was pissed. I hadn’t had an interaction with one of my coworkers that went this poorly since I came out to them back when I was still in college. I’d always tried to do a good job and to go above and beyond, and I thought everyone I worked with understood that, but it was clear that Bill had been carrying around a chip on his shoulder. We stared at each other across the room, eyes narrowed, nostrils flared. I had to remind myself that I was at work, and regardless of the provocation, I had to remain professional.

“I’ll stay at the center, boss” I finally said, sarcasm dripping with the last word. “And I’m sure glad we had this talk. It’s good to know where I stand with you.”

I turned, reached for the handle, and was about to open the door, but I just couldn’t let his accusations go unanswered.

“For the record,” I said, turning my head to look back at him, “I didn’t go up in that helicopter to be a hero and even though Roger and I are friends, I’ve never used that friendship to get preferential treatment at work. More to the point, Roger wouldn’t give me that even if I asked, and you’re a jackass if you think he would.”

I yanked the door open and stepped out into the corridor.

“Edward,” Bill’s voice stopped me. I looked back to see that he’d gotten up and was walking toward me. I waited, wondering if he was going to take it in the direction I’d been trying to avoid.

“I was out of line. I shouldn’t have made that crack about preferential treatment. You’re a good ranger and you’ve always done what we asked you to do. I don’t know where all that came from,” Bill said, and I could tell he was sincere, but I also noticed that he only addressed a part of his earlier statement.

“I think it’s pretty clear where it all came from,” I said quietly but firmly. I definitely wasn’t ready to put this conversation behind us.

“We’re all under a lot of stress. Maybe I didn’t realize just how much and said things I shouldn’t have as a result. I don’t want this conversation to get in the way of our working relationship. What do you say?”

He held out his hand. I looked at it for a moment before  reaching to take it for a brief shake.

“I won’t let it interfere with my work,” was the best response I could muster. Deep inside, though, I knew our relationship was changed forever. I had to work with the man, but I certainly didn’t have to like or respect him.

“And can we keep it between us?” he added, and I finally understood. He didn’t want me to tell Roger what he’d accused me of, and small wonder, since it made him look like a petty dick and would undoubtedly reflect poorly on him in terms of career advancement.

“I wasn’t planning to talk about it unless I have a reason to,” I told him, knowing it sounded like a threat. Bill was fair-skinned to begin with, but I was sure the freckles across his nose stood out more prominently after my statement.

“Good luck then, with the visitors,” he said lamely, probably to get in the last word. I nodded and walked back out to the visitor center lobby.

I made eye contact with the volunteer behind the desk, who smiled at me with relief. Before I could make my way over to say good morning, I was cut off by a group of visitors.

“Are you ranger Cullen?”

“We saw your interview on TV.”

“You were so brave!”

They spoke over each other without waiting for me to answer their questions. I felt like a stalked celebrity which, I supposed, was exactly what I was, on a very small scale, even if the camera flashes in my peripheral vision were from tourists’ cameras, not the paparazzi.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for visiting Mount Rainier National Park. Mount Rainier is an active volcano and in addition to being the most prominent peak of the Cascades range, it is also the most glaciated peak in the lower forty-eight states. It’s the  source of six major rivers and twenty-five named glaciers, and-” I tried to launch into my introductory park speech, but was quickly interrupted.

“Were you involved with the hunt for the gunman?”

Resigned to the fact that I’d get nowhere until I answered at least a few questions about the shooting, I replied, “No, ma’am. I was sent out to warn park visitors just like you about the danger.”

“But your helicopter was shot down,” a man stated.

“The gunman fired on our aircraft and the pilot felt it was in our best interest for him to land,” I reported the facts in an attempt to avoid sensationalism. I figured the less interesting I made the whole episode sound, the fewer questions I’d get about it. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The initial small group of visitors attracted others, and soon I had a crowd all around me. I barely had time to answer one question before another was tossed out. At first people kept their distance, but as more and more gathered, the circle around me came closer and closer, until I almost began to feel claustrophobic.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Bill’s voice cut through the crowd noise, but he still had to repeat himself. “Ladies and Gentlemen, please, could I have your attention!”

I had to wonder what he had to say?  At this point I didn’t think anything short of a couple of grizzly bear cubs wrestling in the parking lot could distract these people. They were like bloodhounds who had found their scents and were closing in for a kill.

“We know you have a lot of questions for ranger Cullen. We thought both you and he would be more comfortable if we set up question and answer sessions in our auditorium,” he pointed towards the double open doors to a room where we usually played films about the park. It was supposed to be a quiet space where visitors could rest or find a bit of peace, but clearly that was not going to be its function today. “We’ll do thirty minute question and answer sessions and at the end of the session those of you who want pictures can form a line. Max here will be happy to take the pictures for you,” Bill introduced another volunteer who apparently would be sucked into this hero worship vortex with me for the day. Max smiled and waved, but then he could afford to be friendly since no one was hounding him.

The people around me seemed reluctant to abandon their spots and I thought Bill’s planning had been for naught. Then some of the older ladies mentioned that it would be nice to sit and they could probably hear me better in the auditorium, and that seemed to convince everyone. The herd, encouraged and led by Max, turned and walked obediently into the auditorium.

“I know it’s not much, but at least you won’t have them surrounding you all day. And we’ll project pictures of the park onto the screen, just in case you get a break from the personal questions and can do a nature talk,” Bill explained. I sensed this arrangement was an apology for earlier and while I still wasn’t ready to let it go, I appreciated the effort.

“Thanks,” I told him. “That was getting a little intense.”

Not wanting to prolong our conversation, I followed the crowd into the auditorium and made my way to the lectern at the front. I didn’t exactly feel comfortable, but it was a relief to once more be in a position of authority and have some control over the audience.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” I began, “As you can imagine, this Q&A session is a little unusual. Normally, I only speak with visitors about the beauty of the park that surrounds us, and the conservation efforts that we can all make to preserve this and other natural habitats that are so vital for the wellbeing of people and thousands of other species who share this planet with us. Last week, however, our peace within the park was interrupted and we are still recovering. I know you are here because you are curious about what happened to me during last weekend’s crisis, but I would be remiss if I didn’t take a few minutes to talk about another park ranger, one who lost his life in the defense of this park and other visitors like you. Aaron Anderson was a ...”

I launched into a summary of Aaron’s career and if the audience was frustrated because they were being lectured, they didn’t show it. All the faces seemed enthralled with my anecdotes, even as I moved on from Aaron to the other rangers who took care of visitors amassed at the center and still the other hero rangers who were guiding law enforcement officers through the park. I closed with the description of our helicopter’s mission, explaining how we dropped messages to hikers out on the trails and how, eventually, we got caught in the crossfire and had to put down. I was brutally honest in explaining the decision to wait for reinforcements instead of pursuing the gunman, so that there would be no doubt that I did not engage in any defensive heroics.

“So you see, I was only one of many men and women who stepped up to deal with a very stressful and dangerous situation, and my role was minimal at best. Sorry to disappoint you, but I am hardly the hero you may have been led to expect. However, if you have any questions, I will be happy to answer them now.”

It would have been too good to be true if no one had questions, but at least now they were being asked one at a time and everyone could hear my answers so there were no repeats. Max assisted by running around the auditorium to hand people the wireless microphone so that everyone could hear the questions as they were being asked. It was all very civilized, and I breathed a sigh of relief, especially as I glanced at my watch to see that the first half hour session was nearly over. Max had noticed as well, and announced that we had time for a couple more questions, which were asked and answered. Then Max advised the audience to form a queue if they wanted a picture or an autograph, and everyone lined up in an orderly fashion, handing Max their cameras and stepping up onto the stage when it was their turn.

It wasn’t how I envisioned spending my day, and it was far from desirable, but it was such an improvement over the earlier chaos in the lobby, that I was almost grateful to Bill. He was right that none of the other rangers deserved to be accosted by the visitors with questions when I was best equipped to answer, even if it meant spending the day and perhaps longer insider the visitor’s center.

“They’re insatiable, aren’t they?” Max commented during our short lunch break. “It’s too bad you’re not single. I bet you could get a lot of action from this whole thing,” he added wistfully.

I didn’t bother pointing out that I hadn’t seen any single gay men among the visitors so far. Instead, I resolved talking up Max more during the afternoon sessions in the hopes of getting him the benefits that I didn’t need.

“You know, if I could go back to do it again, I probably would have stayed in the center instead of going up in that helicopter. It’s so not worth all this crap we’re forced to do today. Hopefully this will be the end of it and we can get back to normal tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Max expressed. “Almost all the calls we’ve been getting today are about your work schedule. You may as well get used to it. We’ll probably be doing the Q&A gig for the rest of the week, if not longer.”

“Seriously?”

“‘Fraid so. But hey, it’s not so bad. The park is getting a lot more visitors, and besides the entrance fee they seem to be buying food and stuff from the gift shop. I bet if we sold autographed photos of you in there, we’d make a mint.”

“What? No! Why would they bother to buy them if they can get their picture taken with me for free.” I was outraged at the mere suggestion.

“Well, yeah, I guess they can do that today. But what about the days you have off? They’re still gonna want a piece of you on those days.”

My unease with this situation grew stronger and stronger. I most certainly never set out to be the poster boy for Mount Rainier National Park.

“Let’s get back to the Q&A,” I said, eager to get the rest of the day over with.

The first afternoon session started out much like the morning ones, but it took a different turn when the first question asked by an audience member was, “Did hearing about today’s helicopter crash bring up bad memories for you?”

“What helicopter crash?”

“Oh, you haven’t heard,” the girl asking the question seemed chagrinned. “I thought you would have heard.”

“Heard about what?” I reminded her that she hadn’t answered my question.

“The traffic helicopter for King 5 news crashed this morning. They said everyone aboard died. I really thought someone would have told you.”

I was stunned into silence. Less than ten days before I had been up in a helicopter for what had certainly turned out to be a harrowing flight, but that was during a police event. The poor people who had been aboard the helicopter this morning were just trying to report on the morning’s traffic.

“What happened?” I asked, almost involuntarily since I wasn’t really sure I wanted to know.

“They haven’t said. There’s going to be an investigation. Are you okay?”

I looked down at my white knuckled grip on the lectern and wondered the same thing.

“I think so. I’m sorry. This news is a bit of a shock.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I think ranger Cullen needs a few minutes. If you just stay in your seats, we’ll be right back.” Max said as he headed toward the stage. When he reached the lectern, he made sure both our mikes were turned off before asking if I needed to leave.

“I’ll just get a drink of water,” I said, still shocked. “Thanks, Max,” I said belatedly, grateful he kept his head and took control of the situation. I left the auditorium and headed for the staff room, where I poured some cold water into my mug and gulped it down in a few swallows. News reporting was supposed to be safe, at least when done outside war zones and conflict areas. Logically I knew Jasper would never have to be in a helicopter in his line of work, but I couldn’t resist the urge to call him.

“Hey, Edward, couldn’t wait ‘til tonight, huh?” He teased.

“Hey, Jas. How are you?”

“I’m good, all things considered. I could have used a few more hours of sleep last night, but I’m almost done here and I planned to grab a nap before our call.”

“Good. That’s good,” I said absently.

“Speaking of calling, it’s not like you to call in the middle of the day. Everything all right?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Well, not really. Apparently everyone coming to the park wants to see me and ask questions about last weekend, so my boss pulled me from my hikes and I’ve been doing Q&A sessions in the auditorium all day,” I grumbled.

“Superstar ranger Cullen!” he laughed.

“Don’t. It’s not funny. They descended on me in the lobby like a swarm of mosquitos until Bill set up the auditorium. It’s ridiculous!”

“Aww. I’m sorry, Edward. Not that I don’t understand them, but I know you’d much rather be out hiking.”

“That’s an understatement.”

“So you called to get a bit of a break?”

“Not exactly. Hearing your voice always makes me feel better, but I didn’t call for that. Did you hear about the King 5 helicopter crash?”

“Yeah, I did. Terrible stuff. Three people died.”

“I only heard about it myself and haven’t even had the chance to look up the news sites. Do they know what happened?”

“If they do they’re not saying. It could be anything, really. Mechanical malfunction, pilot error...”

“You’d never have to go up in one of those things, would you?”

“As an editor, no. I suppose if I was ever filling in for a cameraman...”

“But you don’t do that, do you?”

“Well, not here in New York. In Seattle the budget is tighter and staffing leaner. Still, I don’t think they’d need me to...”

“So if you came here there’s a chance you might have to fly in the helicopter?”

“I suppose there’s a remote chance, Edward, a very slim, remote chance. Certainly not enough for either of us to worry about. Is that why you called?”

“Maybe?”

“Then I’m glad I can put your mind at ease. The chances of me having to go up in a helicopter are very small, and the chances of there being a problem with that particular helicopter are smaller still.”

“I don’t like the thought of you in a helicopter at all,” I confessed, “but if you’re sure the odds are low...”

“Very low,” he emphasized.

“Edward, are you okay? I hate to rush you, but the natives are getting restless.” Max poked his head into the staff room.

“Yeah, Max, I’m fine. I’ll be right there,” I told him. “Sorry Jas, duty calls. We’ll talk more when I get home, okay?”

“”I’ll be all rested up after my nap. Good luck with the rest of your presentations.”

I groaned. “Thanks. I’ll need it.”

Talking with Jasper helped, and the rest of the afternoon passed uneventfully, if too slowly for my liking. When the last of the visitors filed out after Max snapped the last picture and I signed my last park newspaper, I took off my hat and ran my hand through my hair.

“Rough day?” Roger asked from the doorway.

“Not exactly what I thought I’d be doing,” I admitted, walking toward him.

“Bill and I both appreciate you stepping up. I know you would have preferred guiding. Thank you.”

“It wasn’t so bad,” I grudgingly admitted. “It’s just that I was counting on being outside to distract me from thinking about Jasper. But, as it turned out, this was a good distraction too.”

“Did you hear about the traffic ‘copter?”

“Yeah, one of the visitors brought it up. After last week and this, it’ll be a wonder if anyone in Seattle will get into one of those things again.”

“It’s probably like plane travel, statistically safer than driving or walking. Sucks that people died, though.”

“I called Jasper. He says the chances that he’d have to go up in one of those things for work are very slim.”

“I would imagine. It’s pretty much limited to traffic reporters, right?”

“And cameramen, sometimes. though that’s not what Jasper does, usually. He doesn’t like flying, even on airplanes.”

“Stop worrying, Edward. I’m sure whichever local station hires him will use his skills appropriately.”

“That’s what he said. Anyway, I’m ready to head home. See you tomorrow?”

‘I’ll be here. Thanks again, Edward. I’m sure this will pass over in a few days.”

“I hope so, I don’t know how many more times I can go over the same story and answer the same damn questions.”

Roger just clapped me on the shoulder in sympathy and let me pass him on the way to the staff room.

“Thanks for the help today,” I told Max, who was getting ready to leave as well.

“No problem. I’ve got classes tomorrow so someone else will be helping you out.”

I nodded, sorry that our team had to be broken up. We’d worked pretty well together.

“You’re studying forestry at UW, right?”

“That’s right. I’m hoping that and volunteering here might help me land a full time job with the NPS someday.”

“That’s exactly what I did.”

“And you’re happy, right? You like your job?”

“Most days I love it.”

“Not today,” Max nodded with understanding. “So, you think you’re going to take the lead interpretive ranger job someday? Maybe even become superintendent?”

I didn’t know how to answer. Telling Max that I’d never given a thought to advancing in my career seemed wrong, even if it was the truth.

“I don’t think either Bill or Roger are ready for retirement, so for now I’ll just stay an interpretive ranger.”

“But there could be openings at other parks, right? Didn’t you work at Northern Cascades last summer?”

“I worked there, but where I was posted I didn’t have much interaction with management. Besides, this is my mountain. I wouldn’t leave it for another job.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Max said, though he sounded as though he very much didn’t. “I’d like to get a job in this park, but heck, when I graduate I’ll take any permanent position at any NPS site. They’re hard to come by and I’m not that picky, Just want to get a foot in the door, you know?”

“Sure,” I said, though I had as hard time understanding his motivation as he did mine. My job satisfaction had much more to do with the Mountain than the NPS. Then again, I didn’t need to work. It was a luxury most people, especially young people with student loans, couldn’t afford. “Let me know if you ever need a recommendation. I’d be happy to give you one.”

“Thanks, that’s super cool!” Max grinned. “You may not be happy that you had to spend the day in that auditorium, but I’m really glad I had a chance to work with you and get to know you better.”

“Me too, Max. Good luck with school and the job hunt. Now come on, let’s go home.”

Driving out of the park, I saw a roadside memorial with flowers and stuffed animals left at the spot where Aaron had been shot. I pulled over and read some of the letters that people had left behind, grateful that some of the park visitors focused on the true hero.

On the way home, I couldn’t help going over everything that had happened, especially the confrontation with Bill. However hard he tried to make up for it later, the man couldn’t change the fact that I now knew how little he thought of me. It shouldn’t have bothered me-I didn’t depended on him for a promotion or pay increase-but I felt his assessment was unfair to both me and Roger, and I wanted to figure out what brought it on.

Fortunately, my drive home was more than long enough to accomplish my purpose. By the time I walked into my house and started taking care of Remmy, I was not only done thinking about Bill, but also more than half-done with a new plan. It was the kind of turn-the-world-on-its-head plan that at first sounded crazy, but on further reflection it made perfect sense. In fact, I wondered why I didn’t come up with it sooner.

I didn’t even bother cooking dinner, just slapped together a quick sandwich and grabbed a beer before settling in on the living room couch and booting up my computer to call Jasper.

“Hey, you’re early. Is that all you’re having for dinner?” he asked, noticing the sandwich in my hand.

“Yeah. I couldn’t wait to talk to you. You don’t mind if I eat?”

“Nah. Makes me feel closer to you, actually. Almost like I’m right there, like I was last week.”

“That was so great. I already miss you so much.”

“Me too, but I’m sure it won’t be long before I can move out there.”

“I’m glad you brought that up, actually, because I have an idea. It may sound kind of crazy, but hear me out, okay?”

“Okay,” he replied with a cautious grin.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think since you left, and I’m convinced it makes more sense for me to move to New York than for you to move to Seattle.”

“What? No. There are too many things for you in Seattle: your family, the Mountain, Rainbow Beginnings, Seth and Emmett. You can’t just leave all that behind. We already decided-”

“I know, but we were wrong. Look, I found out today that Bill, my boss, thinks I’m a spoiled little rich boy who always gets what he wants. And he’s right. I’m taking a job that someone else could use to pay bills or loans or use as a stepping stone to a career. I don’t need or want any of that. I could just volunteer.”

“Okay, but quitting your job won’t bring Mount Rainier to New York. It doesn’t really change anything.”

“I’m not done. See, today I realized that I never had a dream career. Somewhere along the way I discovered I liked nature and wanted to support its conservation, but I became a park ranger because of Roger. He’s the quintessential career NPS man. He’s good at his job and he loves it. I hope that someday he’ll go all the way to the top. But today one of the volunteers asked if I would switch parks for a promotion and the answer was easy - no way. I’d never leave my Mountain for another job-”

“There you go then,” Jasper interjected, as if I was proving his point.

“No, wait. I’d never leave my Mountain for another job, because the job’s not important. But I would leave the Mountain - I did leave it - for a more compelling reason. Last time I left was because I wanted to be alone. Leaving to be with you is a no brainer.”

“But you don’t have to leave to be with me. That’s my point.”

“Yes, I do, because unlike me you have your dream job. I know you’re willing to give it up to be with me, but you shouldn’t have to. I don’t want you to. That helicopter crash today... I don’t want you working at a place where you might have to do double duty, where you wouldn’t be focusing on what you love. I spoke with Cliff yesterday and he reminded me that he’d always intended to move away from Seattle to further his career. If he and I were still together, I wouldn’t be in Seattle right now.”

“Edward,” Jasper tried to interrupt.

“No. Please, just let me talk. Rusty has a great handle on Rainbow Beginnings. Most of what I do is by phone, and I can do that as easily from New York as from Covington. If I need to be here for some reason, I can fly in, and that will give me a chance to see the boys. I won’t lie, being away from them will be the hardest part, but they don’t see Rosalie’s brother all that often and they still love him every bit as much. We’ll just have to make time to fly out here and see them as often as we can, and make the most of our visits.

“The girls can bring them to visit us in New York, too. Liam would love it and Owen would grow to love it, I think. He usually follows Liam’s lead. My mom can also fly out to visit, or we’ll see her when we’re out here. As for friends, Emmett’s in New York every other weekend anyway, so we’ll see him and Nasir then, and I’m sure Seth and Garrett can be persuaded to fly with him to see all of us now and then. We can make it work. We’ll be together and you won’t have to give up the job you love and worked so hard for.”

“But I’m the one who should be making the sacrifices. I’m the one who left.” He pushed back his hair with exasperation as he spoke.

“That doesn’t matter. Don’t you see?  Let’s say you had stayed and we were together the whole time. I would have never reconnected with Maggie and probably wouldn’t even know I had nephews, I would have never met Roger and would probably have some business degree right now, and we probably would be living in New York anyway, because we would have moved there to help your career and probably mine too.”

“Edward, I don’t know.” He was torn, but I could tell he was starting to warm to the idea. I just had to seal the deal.

“Knowing that you’re willing to move here to be with me is enough, you don’t actually have to do it, not when it’s so much easier and faster for me to move out there. I’ll hand in my resignation tomorrow and I can be there the next day. No,” I frowned, “Wednesday is the day of Nasir’s hearing, and I should be here for that. But I can be there Thursday,” I said with a wide smile. “I can move to New York Thursday!”

“Edward, that’s crazy. Don’t you need to give notice?”

I paused, because in my eagerness to be with Jasper I’d forgotten about real world niceties like giving notice. But while I didn’t want to leave Roger strapped, I also didn’t want to wait to be with my man.

“They’ll be fine without me. The busy season is over and Roger will have money in the budget for some overtime pay without me on the payroll.”

“So you’re serious. You’re going to be here Thursday?” He still seemed shocked and incredulous, but I saw the change in his face, the hint of excitement in his eyes. “I’ll have to tell Ross and Dimi. Hopefully they won’t mind you moving in until we find a place. And hopefully it won’t be a problem for you either. I mean, my room is spacious enough for one, but...”

“Are you kidding? I’d live in a foxhole with you and love every minute.”

That, of course, was a given. What I tried to keep well hidden was my unease about living under Peter’s roof, especially knowing how much he still disliked me.

“The apartment could get a little cozy with the four of us here,” he said hesitantly. I was sure his thoughts had mirrored mine. “Oh, what about Remmy?”

As if on cue, the cat jumped into my lap and extended his paw toward the computer screen.

“Yeah, Remmy, It’s Jasper and he’s talking about you. You miss him too, don’t you?” I scratched behind his ears as I spoke, and then ran my nails over his arched spine. “What do you think, bud? You want to move to the Big Apple with us?”

Remmy meowed his consent.

“See, he wants to go too!” I exclaimed triumphantly.

“It’s just, I’m not sure how Ross and Dimi will feel about hosting a cat,” Jasper said.

I imagined they, or at least Peter, would welcome Remmy before he welcomed me.

“Don’t worry about it. It’ll be better if I leave him with Diane or Maggie until we have our own place. That way we’ll minimize the disruption in his life. Cat’s don’t like change.”

“Yeah, that might be best,” Jasper nodded absently. Then his eyes flashed and he was suddenly very present. He leaned towards his computer camera. “Oh My God! You’re going to be here Thursday! I’ll get to spend Thursday night in your arms!”

“Thursday night and every night after that!”

“You won’t change your mind, right? You’re not going to wake up next week and regret making a decision in haste.” I saw a faint worry line on his forehead and wished I could reach across the miles to smooth it away.

“The only thing I’ll regret is not moving out there sooner.”

“Wow, Edward, I just can’t believe it. I was all set to move back to Washington. This is so...I love you so damn much! I wish I could hold you right now.”

As always, his wide smile set my heart soaring. It was the confirmation I needed that I’d made the right decision.

“I haven’t even had a chance to tell everyone that I was moving. Now, I won’t have to. I just...are you sure you’re going to be all right, living in this busy city? It’s nothing like Covington.”

“I was there only a few weeks ago, and I enjoyed it. It’s not Covington or even Seattle, but  change is good. I love this state, but I’ve lived here my entire life. I’m ready for you to show me what Manhattan has to offer.”

“Oh, I’ll show you all right. I’ll take you to all my favorites and when I’m done, you’re gonna love it as much as I do.”

“I can’t wait for that, I really can’t. And by the way, I love you too.”

“Ugh! It’s only three days, but the wait’s gonna kill me!”

“Me too, but we can do it. Just get plenty of sleep between now and then, because when I get there, I’ll probably keep you up all night.”

“Mmm, make it harder, why don’t you?

“That’s exactly my plan.”

***

I probably kept Jasper up too late, but he assured me that after the nap he took that afternoon he was fine, and we were both too wired to simply hang up. I woke up the next morning just as energized and I couldn’t wait to get to work to deliver my news. On the way there I stopped at the supermarket and picked up a bouquet of flowers, which I placed at Aaron’s memorial. I still reached the center before it opened to the public and quickly made my way to Roger’s office. Technically, I should have delivered my resignation to my immediate supervisor, but I didn’t want Roger to find out about it from anyone but me. Thankfully, he was already there and bid me to come in when I knocked.

“Got a few minutes?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“I made a decision, and it’s one you’re probably not gonna like.”

“Oh?” Roger put down his pen and sat back in his chair, giving me his full attention.

“I’m going to resign today, and unfortunately I won’t be able to give notice. I need to go to Nasir’s hearing tomorrow and then I’m leaving for New York Thursday.”

“What? Why? Is anything wrong? No, if there was anything wrong you’d have been on a plane already.” He answered his own question. “Was it because of the Q&A sessions yesterday? I should have realized it would be too much,” he became agitated.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just some things people told me lately that I didn’t put all together until my drive home yesterday.”

“What things?”

“Things about the importance of doing what you love, and the value of a career.”

“Now I’m really confused. I thought you were doing what you loved and that you wanted a career with the NPS.”

“I love working here, that’s true, but Jasper loves working in New York more.”

“Wasn’t he making plans to move here?”

“He was. He feels like he has to come back here because he’s the one who left all those years ago, but that’s a stupid reason to give up a dream job. This is not a good place for his career. It would be like the regional director coming back to work here as an interpretive ranger out of some misplaced guilt. It doesn’t make sense.”

“So you’re moving instead.”

“Yup. I like my job, but there are other ways to further conservation. I’ll find some organizations in New York.”

“The National Park Service is in New York,” Roger said and I grimaced.

“No offense, but I don’t want to guide tours at Ellis or Liberty Islands. I totally respect the rangers who do that, but it’s not me. Besides, last time I checked they didn’t have any openings.”

“I don’t know who has openings right now. I do know that I won’t accept your resignation.”

I pulled my head back in surprise. “You can’t exactly force me to keep working.”

“No, I can’t. But you’re making a rash decision, and as both your friend and supervisor I would strongly advise against it. I won’t get in the way of your move, but why don’t you request unpaid administrative leave instead of resigning? Considering what happened last weekend, it won’t be a problem to get it approved, especially with my recommendation.”

“But if I’m on leave, you won’t be able to hire anyone to replace me,” I protested.

“I don’t need to replace you right now. I’ve got at least six months before the start of the busy season. I can wait. In the meantime, you can take care of the move, settle in, get through the holidays, and then explore your options.”

“That’s a really generous offer, but I wasn’t really planning to go back to work. If I want to help out at a national park, I’ll volunteer. That will give me the flexibility that I need. So thank you, but--”

“Look,” Roger ran his hand over his short hair, “you’re one of my closest friends, but I’m not being entirely selfless here. We’re going to have to tell the visitors something when they ask what happened to our hero ranger, and I’d much rather tell them that he decided to take a few months’ leave than that he decided to leave the NPS altogether.”

“Oh.” I hadn’t considered the fact that my resignation at this point in time could not be kept private.

“I think the press has moved on from this story, but if some reporter desperate for an angle learns that the millionaire hero ranger with strong ties to Seattle decided to quit and move to New York, they might pursue it too.”

I waved my hand in the air. “You don’t need to go that far to convince me, Roger. I don’t want to cause you problems and your suggestion absolves me of any qualms I had about leaving you with no notice. My only concern is that someone else can use this job, and I’ll be keeping them from it.”

“If you decide at the end of your leave that you don’t want to come back, we’ll be posting the opening in April, right before graduation. It may give some college kids who are about to graduate a shot at the job they wouldn’t have right now,” he pointed out and I grinned.

“You do know me well, don’t you? All right, you win. How do I go about requesting leave?”

“I’ll call HR and let you know by lunchtime.”

“Okay, and Roger?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for not trying to talk me out of moving.”

“I’ll let others beat their heads against that wall. Besides, much as I would like to keep you here, I agree with your reasoning. I’d do the same for Yvie. I’m gonna miss you though. Come here,” He stood and opened his arms for a hug. The best thing about Roger was that he didn’t do those half-assed, straight man one-armed hugs. He pulled me in and we clasped each other tightly.

“I’m gonna miss you too! Once Jasper and I have a place, I want your whole family to come out to see us, okay? By then I’ll hopefully know enough to play tour guide.”

“That sounds like a plan,” he nodded.

“Here,” I said, moving back and reaching into my pocket. “I won’t be needing these anymore.” I handed Roger the keys to my work car, which I’d emptied of personal stuff earlier in anticipation of this moment. “But now that I don’t have any way of getting out of here, think you might give me a lift to Maggie’s on your way home?”

Roger pretended to consider his answer. “No way to get out of here, huh?” He tapped his chin.

“Except on foot, which wouldn’t be optimal.”

“Of course I’ll give you a ride. I can take you home, too, so you can drive yourself to Maggie’s. You know, in case she’s too mad to drive you after you tell her your news.”

I grimaced. Roger knew my sister too well. “She won’t like the news, that’s for sure, but I’m pretty sure she’ll still drive me home.”

I decided to wait until I had all the relevant information before I informed Bill about my request for leave, so I spent my morning in the auditorium answering questions and posing for pictures. True to his word, at lunchtime Roger found me to explain the process and deliver the forms, which I promptly filled out. I faxed the application to human resources and took the hard copy with me to Bill’s office.

“What’s this?” he asked when I laid them on his desk.

“My request for six months unpaid leave.”

“Leave? Why would you-?”

“Personal reasons. I need some time to think things over and regroup after what happened last week, and re-telling the story over and over in the auditorium isn’t really helping me do that.” I wasn’t above yanking Bill’s chain a little, even if it did make me look like a wimp. Besides, this was the official reason for my request, the one that would make it most likely that the request be granted.

“Look, Edward, I didn’t realize that the Q&A sessions were causing you additional stress,” Bill floundered. “We can put you back on the hikes.”

“Actually, I think you hoped those Q&A sessions would cause stress, or at least make me unhappy, but that’s not really relevant. The hikers were asking all the same questions anyway, so that won’t help. I just need to take some personal time.”

“Six months is a long time. I’m not sure-”

“The application is in, so I’ll just wait to hear if it’s been approved. In the meantime, I have a scheduled day off tomorrow and I won’t be in for the rest of the week. I have enough vacation time left to cover those days. Hopefully by the end of the week there will be a decision on the leave request.”

Bill looked like he was going to protest all the unscheduled time off, but one glance at my firm stance and he swallowed his argument.

“Okay, Edward. Are you staying the rest of the day?”

“Yeah, I’ll finish up this shift.”

“Let me know if you need anything, and if you want to stop the Q&A-”

“I’ll finish up my shift as scheduled,” I interrupted him again and walked out of his office. There was no point in being cordial; I was never going to work with the man again.

Roger was still busy at the end of my day, so I Iogged into my work e-mail using the PC station in the staff room and drafted my farewell message to co-workers. I also booked my ticket to New York. By the time I was done, Roger was ready to leave and we made our way to his car.

“Have you been in touch with Michelle since the funeral? How are they doing?” I asked as we passed the roadside memorial.

“I spoke with her yesterday. I don’t want to make a nuisance of myself by calling too often, but I did want to check on her. She says she’s doing as well as can be expected, under the circumstances. She’s trying to keep things together for the boys.”

“She shouldn’t keep everything bottled up, though.” I was concerned. Placing her responsibilities ahead of her own grief sounded very much like the Michelle I knew, but before she had Aaron to relieve some of the burden. I worried that if she didn’t let herself release her pain, it would backfire down the road.

“Human resources made sure she had the numbers for the EAP, who can refer her to a number of counselors. At least she’s taking a few weeks off. She’s tough, though. She’ll be okay. and we’ll all be there for her if she needs us.”

“Me too, Roger. I mean, obviously I won’t be here, but if there’s anything I can do to help, you let me know, okay? I know everything can’t be solved with money, but if she needs some extra for daycare or whatever...”

“I will let you know. You already did a lot, setting up the trust fund for the boys. I know she really appreciates that. Now, let’s talk about something else, like what’s the first thing you’re gonna do when you get to New York?”

“Grab Jasper and kiss him senseless,” I said with a wide smile.

We spent the rest of the drive speculating about life in New York. Since my decision was so spontaneous, I really had no idea what the future held. I assumed that Jasper and I would get a place together, but I had no idea if it would be a house or an apartment, or where it might be located. The only thing I knew was that I wanted a big kitchen.

“If I’m going to be a house husband, I gotta have the right equipment to cook for my man,” I explained with a happy smile.

“You’re looking forward to this, aren’t you?” Roger teased. “Are we going to see you on one of these reality cooking shows. What’s that one with the home cooks and three judges?”

“Master chef and no way! I don’t need three chefs criticizing my skills. I already know I’m just a cook, not a chef. Hell, Jasper lives with two guys who run a catering business, so I doubt my cooking will impress him. But I know he can’t cook and he eats a lot of take-out now, and there is something to be said for having dinner on the table when your guy gets home after a hard day.”

“Tell me about it! There’s some Puerto Rican rice and a pork shoulder with my name on it waiting for me tonight. I love Yvie’s cooking! Almost as much as I love her...”

“All right, all right, TMI!” I raised my hands to cover my ears and we both laughed.

“I bet Jasper won’t mind if you greet him at the door wearing your chef’s apron and nothing else, even if dinner’s a little late, is all I’m saying.” Roger punctuated his statement with a saucy wink.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You do that. But do me a favor, don’t let me know how it turns out.”

“Yeah, yeah. You say that, but we both know you secretly want the details. Like how good it feels when I slip my...”

“Enough!” he reached over and whacked me on the back of my head. “I don’t need to take those images home with me tonight.”

“You never know. You could share with your wife. I hear some women are as turned on by watching gay porn as you straight guys are when you watch two girls together.”

“I’ll tell you what, if that’s what gets Yvie hot for me that’s just fine, but I don’t need to know.”

“Eh, somehow I doubt Yvonne needs that. I have a feeling you’re all she needs to get hot and bothered.”

“I haven’t had any complaints,” Roger said and grabbed his junk for emphasis. I just laughed and shook my head.

“Well, here we are,” Roger said as he pulled into Maggie’s driveway. “I may not see you again before you leave, so let’s hug it out one last time.”

“Roger, is there something you haven’t told me?” I teased him.

“Just get the hell out of the car,” he groused good naturedly. I did and we met halfway for another full-body friendly hug.

“You may be moving across the country, but I heard phones and skype and emails work on the east coast too, so don’t be a stranger, right?”

“I won’t, and you can call me too, you know,” I told him.

“You know I will. I need someone to bitch to when things are going to shit on the Mountain because our best ranger decided to move on.”

I play punched him on the shoulder. “I’m far from your best ranger, but thanks, for everything. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t met you way back when. I couldn’t ask for a better friend, mentor and boss.”

“Oh, go on now. Git before you make me cry,” Roger said with a smile as the front door opened and my nephews spilled out onto the driveway, Liam in the lead.

“Uncle Edward! Uncle Roger!” he let out his typical exuberant shouts, running towards us for the expected hugs. He wasn’t remotely surprised when I snatched him up and lifted him high before pulling him to my chest for a hug and handing him off to Roger so he could do the same. I was more measured with Owen, since he still preferred close contact to thrilling heights, but that only gave me time for an extra-long hug.

“Hi,” Owen said quietly but happily before reaching out for a hug from Roger.

“Hello, boys. So Roger, you get to play chauffeur while the car’s in the shop?” Maggie teased Roger from the doorway.

“In the shop?” Roger looked at me with confusion. “And hi, Maggie!” he added with a wave, setting Owen back down on the driveway beside his brother.

“There’s nothing wrong with the car, Maggie, I didn’t say there was.”

“Oh,” she frowned, “when you said you were leaving your truck on the mountain and Roger was driving you here, I just assumed... Why did you leave it up there, then?” She became suspicious.

“I’ll explain in a sec. Thanks for the ride, Roger. Come on, boys, uncle Roger needs to get home for dinner.”

“Say hi to Ren,” Liam bade him, “and Lissa,” he added belatedly.

“What about Auntie Yvonne?” Maggie prompted.

“Oh yeah, her too,” Liam amended.

“From me too,” Owen added. Both boys grabbed my hand obediently and we watched Roger get back behind the wheel.

“I’ll tell them all,” he promised. “Have a good night!” He backed out of the driveway and gave us all a final wave before driving away.

“Let’s go inside,” I told the boys, avoiding Maggie’s inquisitive gaze. To her credit, she held back her questions until after the boys told me about their day and roped me into multiple rounds of car races on their newly-constructed track. Only when they seemed to have had enough and were content to let the adults talk did she motion to the kitchen with her chin.

“Okay, spill. What’s going on?”

“Mags, please don’t be mad,” I implored. “And if you can’t help being mad, be mad at me. This was all my idea.”

“Just tell me,” she said sadly as her shoulders slumped. I might have preferred her anger to this.

“I decided to move to New York.”

She didn’t seem surprised. “Why? I thought Jasper wanted to move here.”

“He did, does, but that will take time and I don’t want to wait. Plus, I don’t want him to have to give up his dream job.”

“But it’s okay for you to give up your dream job? Just last week he seemed really excited about coming back to Washington.”

“I think he’d love to come back to Washington, but it’s because of the people. He may find a job, but it will be nothing like the job he has now. Even Cliff said so. I can’t let him do that. Maybe in a few years, after he gets the promotion he wants and has a chance to be on top, but not now. Not while he’s still chasing that dream.”

“And your dream?”

“Is to be with him and always has been. You know I never considered being a park ranger until after he left, and then only because I met Roger by chance. Even if you do  consider that my dream, then I achieved it. I don’t need it anymore, now that I have Jasper.”

“And you don’t need us anymore either.” It was a statement, and her eyes glittered as she spoke. She reached up and wiped the back of her hand across the outer corners to sweep away the moisture.

“You know that’s not true. I will always need and want you and the boys in our lives. If I could somehow meld Washington and New York so that Jasper could keep his job and we could all still be together, I would. I won’t be minutes away by car anymore, but I’m just a few hours’ flight away. If you need me, all you have to do is call. Plus we’ll come back here to see you when we can, and I hope you all will come to visit us.”

“The boys would like that,” she tried to smile, but the corners of her lips just wouldn’t lift.

“I hope their moms would like it too. Jas and I will take care of them while you two have a romantic weekend: a candlelit dinner, a Broadway show, a carriage ride around central park, a night all to yourselves,” I did my best to entice her.

“That sounds nice,” she admitted sadly.

“Mags, please try to understand,” I took her hands into mine. “I need to do this.”

“When?”

“I’m going to Nasir’s hearing tomorrow. I booked a flight to New York Thursday morning.”

“So soon?”

The question seemed rhetorical, but I replied anyway. “I miss him.”

She nodded, looking down at our joint hands. “You’ll tell the boys tonight?”

“I was hoping to, unless you think that’s a bad idea.”

“Can you wait until Rosalie comes home? She has a late showing, but she should be here in an hour. We can have dinner together.” Her tone had a ring of uncomfortable finality.

“Maggie, this isn’t a goodbye. Jasper and I will see you all again, and soon. Please don’t make it seem like I’m abandoning all of you forever.”

“I know,” she lifted her eyes to look directly into mine. “It’s silly, isn’t it? A few years ago I would have been jumping for joy to hear you’re leaving the state. What a difference time makes. Maybe this will be good for me too. I’ve gotten too used to you being around. We depend on you too much.”

“Never too much, and I hope you never stop depending on me.”

“So you’ll still watch the boys for me if I need to get some shopping done?” She finally cracked a small smile.

“If you give me enough advance notice, I could fly in.”

She swatted me on the shoulder. “Don’t be an idiot. We’ve no shortage of babysitters.”

I shrugged. We both knew I watched the boys because I loved spending time with them, not because there was no one else to do it.

“They’ll miss you,” she pointed out.

“I know. I’ll miss them too. But they’ll be fine. I’ll make sure I’ll still see them often enough so it won’t be any different than Jason.”

“What about your house?”

“We’re keeping it, of course. I’ll ask Diane to keep an eye on it and you’re welcome to use it whenever you want. It might be fun for a family sleep-over every now and then. I’ll probably close up the hot tub for winter, but it can be re-filled in the spring.”

“And Remmy?”

“Diane agreed to keep him for me until we find a permanent place to live in New York. It will be better if we minimize the changes for him.”

“So you have everything figured out?”

I nodded.

“Have you told your mom?”

“Not yet. I was going to call her tonight.”

“What did Seth have to say about all of this?”

“Nothing yet. I’ll tell them tomorrow after the hearing.” I didn’t think Seth would try to stop me, but all the same, I preferred for him to be one of the last people to know, no matter how mad that might make him.

“Well,” she took a deep breath and wiped her eyes again, though most of the moisture had dissipated as we talked. “Since you’re here, you may as well help with dinner. I have a roast and vegetables in the slow cooker, but I still need to boil and mash the potatoes.”

“Say no more,” I told her and stood to take out the peeler from her gadget drawer while she went to the pantry to retrieve the potatoes.

By the time Rosalie arrived the potatoes were peeled, cooked and mashed, the roast was resting and the table was set.

“Hey, Freckles, Sorry I’m so late.” Rosalie gave my sister a kiss. “And hey, Edward. I didn’t expect to see you here. What did you do, walk here from Covington?”

“The ranger-mobile is on the Mountain. I’ll explain after dinner.”

“Okay,” Rosalie raised an eyebrow. She looked back at Maggie’s dour expression and understanding flooded her eyes. “I’ll just change out of these clothes and we can eat. Give me two minutes.”

“I’ll come with you,” Maggie said and followed her wife to their bedroom, directing the boys to wash their hands on her way. By the time Rosalie returned to the table, her suspicions would be confirmed. I trusted that Rosalie would be more objective about my decision, and would provide the additional emotional support Maggie needed.

“Edward,” Rosalie said when she came back, wearing curve-hugging jeans and lightweight sweater, “I’m so proud of you!” She pulled me into a tight hug. Behind her, I could see Maggie frowning, obviously unhappy with Rosalie’s take on the situation.

“Thanks,” I replied tentatively. “I thought you’d be okay with what I’m doing, but that’s a better reaction than I was expecting.”

“Rosie’s happy you’re supporting Jasper’s career aspirations,” Maggie explained, her arms folded tightly across her chest.

I sensed the tension between them, and stayed quiet to avoid stoking the flames.

“I’m proud of him for taking a leap into the unknown. You and your sister have that in common, even if she was ahead of you by a bit.”

“What?” Maggie and I said in unison, neither of us understanding.

“You moved to Seattle to start a new life, without knowing what to expect. It would have been easier and safer to stay in the protective cocoon of your family, go to college, like all your peers, but you chose a different path. And even when you got here, you might have elected to play the field instead of settling down with an old broad and starting a family when you were still so young.”

“You were hardly an old broad, “ Maggie grumbled. “You’re still not.”

“Oh, Freckles, thank you!” Rosalie let me go and reached for her wife. “All I’m saying is that you were barely out of the nest with your whole life in front of you. You gave up a lot to be with me and to start our family. You sacrificed so that I could have my career.”

“It wasn’t a sacrifice. I love you, and I love our family. I did what was right for us,” Maggie huffed, uneasy with the accolades.

“Yeah?” Rosalie asked, looking deeply into my sister’s eyes. “You don’t have any regrets?”

“No, of course not!” Maggie protested. “I wish you didn’t have to work so hard, but I love our family. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

“Not even for moving closer to your parents? It is a pretty long drive to Forks,” Rosalie pointed out.

Maggie’s eyes widened.

“Now I see what you’re doing! But it’s not the same,” she protested.

“Isn’t it?” Rosalie challenged.

“Ugh! I hate it when you’re being logical!” Maggie fumed, but I could tell she wasn’t really mad. “All right, fine. I get it. But...” she paused, either unable to come up with a counterargument or ready to give up. “The food’s getting cold. Let’s eat. And since you’re so fine with all this, you can comfort the boys tonight when the cry themselves to sleep.”

I winced, but Rosalie just shook her head. “Sometimes I’m not sure if I married a pianist or an acting diva,” she gently chided. “Don’t you think this is hard enough for Edward without you making him feel even worse?”

Maggie’s cheeks turned a darker shade of pink.

“Sorry, Edward. Rosie’s right, I’ve been very selfish. It’s just...”

I waved a hand. “It’s okay, Mags. It’s nice to know I’ll be missed.”

“You will, by us all,” Rosalie added. She gave Maggie another squeeze and then let go so we could each grab a serving plate and carry it to the dining room. I sent her a look of thanks on the way out and she gave me a conspiratorial wink. Not for the first time, I was thrilled to have her for a sister-in-law.

I wasn’t sure exactly how to tell the boys about my plans, but about halfway through our meal I was presented with the perfect opening when Owen announced out of the blue, “I miss uncle Jasper.”

“Me too,” Liam added. “When is he coming back?”

I took a deep breath and plunged right into the deep end. “I wanted to talk to you boys about that. Do you remember what uncle Jasper’s job is?”

“He’s in the TV. Not on the screen, like uncle ‘Liff. He’s hidden so you can’t see him,” Liam shared his understanding. It wasn’t exactly accurate, but not bad for a boy his age.

“Yes, that’s right. He works behind the scenes in the studio, where you can’t see him. But his job is just as important. And you know he works on a big show that is broadcast from New York, right?”

“That’s why he left. But he said he was coming back and he would work here,” Liam announced.

“Yes. That was the plan. The trouble is, it would be very hard for uncle Jasper to find a job like that here in Seattle.”

“But he said he would,” Liam repeated stubbornly.

“He did, and he will try, but that may take a very long time.”

Owen’s lip turned out into a pout and I could tell tears weren’t far behind. Liam, however, was still interrogating.

“How long?”

“It will take too long. We don’t know if he can ever find a job like that here.”

“So he’ll need to get another job,” Liam concluded, satisfied with his solution. Maggie quirked her eyebrow at me and couldn’t hide her smirk. Obviously she was proud of her son’s efforts to resolve the issue.

“Perhaps someday, but for now he will need to keep working in New York.”

“So he’s not coming back?” Liam frowned and a tear rolled down Owen’s cheek. I couldn’t just watch. I stood up and pulled him out of his booster seat, pulling him to my chest.

“No, he will come back. He will come back to visit as often as he can,” I assured them both.

“Oh, that’s okay, then,” Liam settled down. “You don’t need to cry,” he chastised his brother.

“The thing is, guys, I miss uncle Jasper a lot too. A whole lot. So much that I don’t think I can be here while he’s over there.”

Liam’s face clouded over. “But you can’t be in two places at once! Mommy said even the Flash is only in one place at one time, he just moves very fast so it seems like-” he would have continued with his explanation of the Flash’s superpowers, so I had to interrupt.

“I’m not like the Flash, Liam, and you’re right, I can’t be in two places at the same time. What that means is that I have to go to New York and live there for a while so uncle Jasper and I can be together.”

Owen’s lower lip was trembling and he sniffed, not even trying to hold back his tears. He was breaking my heart.

“But you can’t, ‘cause how are we going to have sleepovers?” Liam reasoned.

“We’ll do sleepovers when I come out to visit, or when you come to visit us in New York?”

“We’re going to New York?” Liam’s eyes grew wide and he looked to his mothers for confirmation.

“We don’t know when, yet, but after uncle Edward and uncle Jasper settle in at their new home, of course we’ll go visit them,” Rosalie said firmly.

“And we’ll have our own room?” Liam needed assurance about the important things.

“Liam, you can’t expect-” Rosalie began but I spoke over her.

“Absolutely, you two will have your own room. Wherever I live, there will always be a room for you boys.”

“Edward, Manhattan real estate-” Rosalie tried to reason.

“We’ll find a place where the boys will have a room. It may not be as large as the one you have now,” I turned back to Liam, “and some other visitors may need to use it when you’re not there, like uncle Jasper’s younger sister. Would that be okay?”

“I guess,” Liam vacillated.

“Would that be okay with you, Owen?” I asked, trying to peer into his eyes. It was impossible with his face buried in my ranger uniform shirt, but his head shaking back and forth was a good enough, if disappointing, answer.

“You don’t want to share your new room with anyone else?”

Owen continued to shake his head.

“Even if you’re not there?”

“Why can’t we all move to New York?” Owen asked and sniffled again.

“Here, Edward,” Maggie leaned over the table to hand me a napkin which I placed under Owen’s nose. He tried to blow, but mostly I just use the napkin to wipe what had already flowed out.

“We can’t all move, sweetie, because I have a job here and Liam’s school is here, and our home is here, and your grandmas and grandpas, and uncle Jason and auntie Zoe, and Ren and Larissa, and all your other friends are here. You don’t want to leave them all, do you?” Rosalie reasoned.

“No,” Owen admitted, though he seemed far from certain.

“It will be hard at first, O, for me too. I’m gonna miss you all very much. But it will get better with time, and we’ll see each other pretty often, I promise. Once you start school, like your brother, you’re going to be so busy making new friends you won’t even miss me.”

He finally looked up at me, his eyes still filled with tears, his face splotched with red, his messy bronze hair so very much like mine. His disbelief was so clear, he didn’t even have to say anything to express it. I smiled, trying to reassure him.

“It’s hard saying goodbye to everyone at Christmas, isn’t it? But we do and it’s okay because we know we’re going to see them again real soon,” Maggie added.

Owen turned to look at his older brother for confirmation. Liam seemed torn, chewing on his bottom lip.

“So you will come back a lot?” he sought another confirmation.

“A lot!” I nodded affirmatively.

“Okay,” Liam nodded. “It’s okay, Owen,” he repeated for the benefit of the little brother who obviously looked up to him.

“Okay,” Owen repeated with less confidence, but willing to follow his big brother’s lead. I hugged him tightly and kissed the top of his head.

“Okay.” I added, and flung out my arm so that Liam could join us in the hug.