Chapter 18

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Chapter 18: There's a Yearning Inside

When I opened my eyes again I was slightly disoriented. I was alone in a bed that seemed familiar, and yet was not my own. It took me a moment to realize that I was in Cliff's room, though he was obviously not in it with me. I wasn't too concerned, though, as the delicious smells wafting in from the kitchen made it pretty clear where he was and what he was doing. I peeled off the sheet that he must have placed over me after I dozed off and got up, looking for my jeans. I found them folded on the dresser, with a pair of cotton sleep pants I didn't recognize folded on top. Taking the hint and pulling on the sleep pants, I glanced into the dresser mirror, smirking at my bed hair. I ran my hands through the bronze mess, knowing the futility of my actions before I even started, but feeling like I owed it to Cliff to at least go through the motions. I looked around, thinking I would help to clean up the shaving stuff, but Cliff must have already taken care of it, leaving me only to follow the beckoning scent.

I made my way to the kitchen and saw that my nose didn't steer me wrong. Cliff, dressed in a pair of sleep pants similar to mine, was multi-tasking. A stack of golden waffles rested on a plate next to a steaming waffle iron, while he fried bacon and sausages on a griddle placed over a couple of the range burners. I saw that the coffee carafe was full of freshly brewed, dark, aromatic liquid and a large, glass measuring cup was placed in front of a citrus juicer to catch the last drips of freshly squeezed orange juice.

"I so do not deserve all of this," I observed from the kitchen doorway. "After everything you've done for me, I should be making breakfast for you."

"Hey," Cliff said happily, throwing me a smile while continuing to tend to the items on the griddle. "Did you have a nice nap? Hope I didn't wake you with the noise."

"Nah," I assured, walking up behind him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed the side of his neck. "I think it was the smells that woke me, but it was time to get up anyway. I'm starving and all this looks amazing. Can I set the table?" I knew better than to offer help with cooking.

He turned his head away from the griddle and we kissed, softly and sweetly. "That would be great," he accepted after we broke apart. "The dishes and glasses are in the upper cabinet to the left of the sink. The silverware is in the top drawer below that cabinet."

I let him go and pulled out the plates, cups, glasses and silverware from the cabinet and drawer he mentioned, carrying the lot into the dining room and setting up two place settings.

"There's a pitcher in that cabinet for the orange juice," he said, pointing out the cabinet with his head after I returned to the kitchen for more instructions. "And you could put the butter and maple syrup on the table. Both are in the fridge."

When I returned to the kitchen the second time, having completed my assigned tasks, I watched Cliff pull out a skillet and some additional ingredients.

"You know there's just the two of us here," I teased. "You're cooking for an army."

He shrugged.

"I like to cook, especially breakfast, and I want to make this morning special for you," He looked over at me with a sexy smile.

I went up to him and took him in my arms again, kissing him deeply, my tongue exploring the depths of his mouth.

"You already did that, without ever stepping foot in the kitchen."

He smiled in acknowledgement. "I'm glad you enjoyed that. But now I need to replenish your energy and I want you to enjoy that as well. Can you handle slicing a couple bananas?"

"I think I can manage that without bleeding all over your kitchen," I laughed. He pointed towards a cutting board already out on the counter and topped with two bananas and a knife. "What are these for?" I asked as I began peeling and slicing.

"Just a little topping for the waffles," He replied, pouring some sherry into the skillet along with some butter and brown sugar. "Just put the slices in here when you're done."

I did as I was told, then watched him stir his concoction to coat the banana slices. There was something about the way he looked, moving confidently around the kitchen clad only the thin sleep pants that hung low around his hips and did little to hide the thick cock swinging freely between his legs, that was turning me on all over again.

"I like to watch you cook," I said as I moved in behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist again, this time pressing my hardening cock into his ass. "It's sexy."

"Oh yeah?" he giggled, but did not look back at me this time, concentrating on his stirring. "I'm certainly glad of that, as I hope to cook for the two of us often. In fact," he turned off the burner and turned to face me, placing his hands on my upper arms and rubbing them gently, "I was kind of hoping you'd be able to spend the whole weekend with me. We could go by your place and pick up some clothes for you," he suggested, looking up at me with eager eyes. I gave him a sheepish grin in return.

"We don't need to go back to my place," I told him. "I was kind of hoping you'd want me to stay, so I packed a bag, but I left it in the car. I didn't want to be presumptuous."

He gave me that beautiful wide smile, making me respond in kind and filling me with an incredible sense of joy. That megawatt smile of his was so bright, happy and contagious, it could be raining cats and dogs in Seattle and no one around him would notice, because he'd light up the room like the brightest sunshine. That thought gave me sudden pause and then I grinned even wider.

"What?" Cliff asked, laughing. "You look like a cat that swallowed the canary."

"Oh nothing," I pretended nonchalance and looked off to the corner of the kitchen before turning my eyes back on him. "I just thought of the perfect nickname for you, that's all."

"Well?" He asked, still laughing, but with his trademark arched eyebrow. "Don't keep me in suspense. What is it?"

"Sunshine," I told him, suddenly shy. "Because being with you and seeing your smile takes away all the grayness and makes me happy, which I haven't been in a long time. Don't you like it?" I asked, noting that his smile seemed to have lost some of its brilliance.

"No," he shook his head. "I don't like it."

His words took all the winds out of my sails. I stared at him in disbelief. It never occurred to me that he might object.

"I mean I don't just like it, Eddie, I love it,” he said as he looked deep into my eyes, my anxiety instantly receding. "It's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. And if I've been smiling lately, it's all because of you. Before I met you, it had been a long time since I felt happy enough to really smile. If I'm the sunshine, then you're the wind that blew away the clouds that wouldn't let the sunshine through."

We hugged and held each other close, needing no additional words. A few moments later we pulled away and continued with our breakfast. I took the plates of waffles and bacon and sausages out to the dining room and Cliff followed with coffee and the bananas, after he poured the waffle topping into a small serving bowl. He made one last trip to the kitchen for sugar, milk and whipped cream, before we sat down and started eating the delicious breakfast he'd prepared. Everything was cooked to perfection, and I made sure to let Cliff know several times how much I enjoyed the fruits of his labors. He blushed a little and finally asked me to stop, saying that I was embarrassing him. I could tell, though, that he was pleased with my compliments.

After breakfast we fell into our now natural routine of cleaning up together. I surprised myself by really enjoying this slice of domesticity. With nothing to do and no one to see the entire day, we could afford to be leisurely, and the whole thing felt relaxed and fun, rather than like a chore. When we were done we went to brush our teeth, Cliff presenting me with a brand new toothbrush.

"I did bring one with me," I told him. "It's downstairs in my bag."

"Yes, but you'd be taking that one back with you, right? And I want you to have one here."

I smiled, ripping open the plastic and taking out the toothbrush. "Thanks," I said sincerely, "and thanks for lending me the sleep pants, too. They were more comfortable than my jeans."

"Those aren't a loan," he commented. "They're yours. I got them for you along with the toothbrush."

"You bought me sleep pants?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "I figured you'd spend at least one night this weekend here, and since you've taken to going commando, like me, I thought you might need something to lounge around in."

He squeezed toothpaste onto his toothbrush and put it in his mouth, preventing me from asking any more questions. I followed suit, trying to decide, as I brushed, how I felt about the sleep pants. On the one hand, there was something a little too familiar about buying someone lounge pants after only a few dates. On the other hand, it wasn't exactly an engagement ring. There was no question that went along with the present and, as near as I could tell, no expectation. Just looking at the apartment he lived in, the clothes he wore and the car he drove, I could see that Cliff was not exactly destitute, and a pair of lounge pants was not going to break the bank. I decided to stop obsessing and just accept them for what they were - a thoughtful gift from a thoughtful guy.

When we were done brushing, we giggled as we took a chance and ran down to my car together to get my bag, still wearing nothing but the thin sleep pants.

"What if your neighbors see?" I asked, laughing, as I quickly pulled the bag out of my car and slammed the trunk shut before running back inside. "We'll scandalize the building."

"It'll be worth it just to have seen you run in those," Cliff quipped. "Maybe I should have gotten you some briefs as well."

"You need to get some for yourself first. I've got nothing on you when we're like this."

As soon as the elevator closed behind us, I immediately dropped my bag, pinned him to the back wall and covered his mouth with mine, while my free hand traveled to his hardening dick.

"Edward," he chastised when I finally released him. "Behave yourself!"

"Oh, come on, Sunshine. We're just having a little fun, and it's not like there's anyone else here."

Just at that moment the elevator bell rang and the doors started to slide open. I grabbed my bag from the floor to shield my crotch from any prying eyes and stepped in front of Cliff to hide him. Fortunately, there was no one there, and we dissolved into another fit of giggles as we ran back to Cliff's place.

"And here all your neighbors thought you were such a nice, quiet young man," I teased him. "Wouldn't they be surprised to find you running around half-naked with your..." I paused for a moment, the elephant from the previous night galloping back into the room and stopping squarely between me and the slightly wide eyed and expectant Cliff. What was the right phrase to use in this situation? I knew I needed to act quickly so I decided to jump right into the deep end. ". . . Boyfriend?" I tried to sound confident, but it still came out more like a question. I breathed a sigh of relief when his wide smile took over his face.

"Hopefully they'll be able to appreciate that the half-naked state is for their benefit. It's certainly more than I would normally prefer my boyfriend to wear," his tone was suggestive.

I rolled my eyes. "You're insatiable."

He came closer and slid his hand down my pants, cupping my newly shorn genitals. "Maybe I am. Is that so wrong?" Without waiting for my response he pulled me to the bedroom and it was a good hour and a half before we emerged again, this time fully clothed.

"So, what do you want to do for the rest of the day?" I asked, glancing at my watch. "Shit!" I couldn't help my exclamation.

"What is it?" Cliff asked, concerned.

"Nothing," I said, feeling a little foolish. "But do you realize it's 2 in the afternoon already?"

Cliff smiled and shrugged. "Time flies when you're having fun, I guess," then his face clouded. "We should figure out what we want to do for dinner, though. If we want to stay in, I might need to do some shopping."

"You've been cooking a lot lately," I pointed out. "Would you like a break? We can go out to dinner tonight and maybe catch a movie?" Even as I was saying it I had a hard time working up the enthusiasm. It was hard to get excited about going out and having to deal with other people, when all I really wanted was to stay in and keep getting to know each other. However, I certainly didn't want him to think he had to constantly cook for me. "Or we could get some take-out," I suggested.

"I don't mind cooking," he assured me. "In fact, I'm really enjoying it. I haven't done much of that in a while and I didn't even realize how much I missed it. And I can do stuff other than Italian. How about some Moo Goo Gai Pan? Or maybe Mongolian Beef? Or I can make stuffed pork chops, though that might take too long," he tapped his chin, lost in thought, undoubtedly mentally rifling through favorite recipes.

"I know," I said, slipping behind him and wrapping my arms around him. "Why don't you pick something really easy and teach me how to make it? That way I won't have to feel like you're doing all the work. And maybe someday, down the road, I can cook dinner for you."

"Really?" he was surprised.

"Sure," I could have elaborated about how much I loved watching him work in that kitchen of his, but I chose not to. There was no need to make him self-conscious.

"Okay, well, let's see. How about chicken in a wine mushroom sauce with rice and steamed vegetables? That's pretty simple."

"Sounds good to me," I agreed, "though it hardly sounds simple. But I'm game to try. I know I'll have a good teacher," I added with a wink.

Cliff grinned beautifully, appreciative of the compliment. Every time he did that I just wanted to take him in my arms and kiss him. It was amazing the feelings he could bring out in me with just that simple smile.

"We'll need to go to the grocery store to pick up some stuff, but we have plenty of time before we have to start cooking," he observed.

"How about we catch a matinee and then go shopping. Anything you want to see?"

Cliff got his lap top and we checked movie selections and times. We settled on a new thriller that was playing at a convenient time and left for the theater. Our selection turned out to be less than inspired. The movie was decent, but also very popular, even in the middle of the day. I was quickly becoming more and more comfortable with my homosexuality, but not comfortable enough yet to make out in a crowded movie theater, despite really wanting to. Cliff and I settled for holding hands and an occasional kiss on the cheek while pretending to whisper something to one another so as not to disturb the other movie goers. It was nice, but hardly satisfying. I found that even after being with him the previous night and that morning, my desire for Cliff had not abated in the slightest, and I couldn't wait not just for the end of the movie, but for the end of dinner, when we could retire to his bedroom again. Just thinking about it made me hard enough to necessitate some re-adjustment, earning me a giggle from Cliff, along with a promise to help me take care of my problem later.

After the movie we got in the car to go shopping. I was surprised when Cliff passed right by the Safeway in our neighborhood, and continued on to Capitol Hill.

"Whenever I can and have time, I try to support gay businesses," he said in answer to my questioning look. "Plus Mad Mar has some top notch produce and meat. I take it you've never shopped there?"

I shrugged. With as little cooking as Maggie, Rose and I were capable of, grocery trips were few and far between.

I was a little nervous about going to Mad Mar with Cliff. I knew what it was, of course, and I knew that Emmett and Seth and, on occasion, even Maggie and Rose shopped there. The four of them had tried to get me to 'embrace my gay' and go with them, but to me it was one thing to admit I was a homosexual, and another thing altogether to openly mingle with other gays in their neighborhood. I'd been living as a straight guy all my life, and I didn't know how to be any other way. With my father's stereotypes still filling my head, I wasn't even sure I wanted to "be gay" in anything other than my sexual preference. I'd never be like Seth or even Emmett, as "regular guy" as he was. It seemed like despite all the therapy, my hang ups would always keep me at least partially in the closet.

Over time I got used to hanging out with Emmett and Seth and stopped being embarrassed by them or even noticing the stares. However, I still acted and dressed the way I always had, and I was certain that in a gay neighborhood I'd stick out like a sore thumb. I could imagine people treating me like some alien life form, pointing and running away in fear. I knew this was ridiculous, that no one would care even if I was straight and that, in fact, the gays could probably spot me as being one of them long before I was even able to, but I couldn't stop the fears from overcrowding my mind and preventing me from ever venturing to Capitol Hill. I smiled a little at the realization that this would be yet another milestone in my gay education, courtesy of professor Clifton Barringer.

"You're awfully quiet over there," Cliff teased. "Care to share what you're thinking so hard about?"

I glanced over in his direction, his warm smile exuding happiness, and I couldn't help but feel good right along with him.

"Nothing important, Sunshine. Just enjoying the afternoon and looking forward to the cooking lesson."

Cliff's smile grew. "It's gonna be a lot of fun."

We parked the car and walked over to the market holding hands. Familiar with the store layout, Cliff led the way, selecting the produce he needed, then the meat, and finally venturing into the aisles for some staples. As we shopped he explained the process, what he was looking for in each selection, and I recognized that he was a natural instructor. It was almost too bad he was going into journalism, since he had such a gift for teaching. I was so absorbed in his explanations I stopped paying much attention to my surroundings, so it was a huge shock when we turned a corner and I suddenly saw the long hair and small frame of one of my best friends. Ordinarily I wouldn't try to avoid Seth, but the last thing I needed right now was to get the third degree over what Cliff and I were up to, and I was pretty sure that was the last thing Cliff needed too.

I turned and saw that Cliff was still oblivious to Seth's presence, so I grabbed his hand and yanked him back around the end cap and out of Seth's line of sight. Startled, Cliff lost his balance and fell into me, bracing himself against my chest. He looked up at me, alarmed.

"What's going on?"

I felt a little foolish and wondered if I overreacted. "Nothing serious. It's just that Seth's in the other aisle, and if he sees us we'll never get out of here without giving him all the details on our entire weekend."

Cliff smiled and I knew he understood. "So we're going underground? Hiding from the master interrogator?"

We both started giggling as I set him back straight on his feet. "That's the long and short of it. Are you almost done? Can we make a quick getaway?"

He took quick stock of the items in the basket. "Yeah. I have everything we need."

"Okay then, let's go."

I grabbed his hand and started giggling again when I heard him humming the Mission Impossible theme. I took a quick peek around the end cap and, seeing that the coast was clear, pulled Cliff along towards the registers, pausing slightly and scanning each aisle before running past it to the next end cap. We were almost to the checkout area and I breathed a sigh of relief when Seth emerged in front of us from behind a row of display shelves, his hands on his hips and face contorted into a deep frown.

"Hello Edward, Cliff." He accented his words with a brief nod in our direction. "Having fun?"

I looked back at Cliff, and for a moment our mutual horror was reflected in our eyes, before we realized the absurdity of the situation and started laughing.

"You didn't really believe you could sneak out of here without me noticing, did you?" Seth continued.

I turned back to him, still laughing, and gave him a small shrug. "Sorry, Seth." I said simply. He'd know damn well what I was sorry for.

Seth crossed his arms in front of him and scowled at us, making me feel like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Subconsciously, I pulled Cliff closer to me and stepped in front of him to shield him from Seth's withering gaze.

"We were in a hurry," I told Seth, though we both knew that was a lie.

"Hmm," Seth maintained his unforgiving scowl. "So," he said, looking behind me, "What's for dinner?"

"I'm going to teach Edward how to make chicken in white wine mushroom sauce," Cliff answered, stepping up to stand beside me, our hands still intertwined.

"Really?" Seth's eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up. "You're going to teach Edward how to cook?"

"Yeah," Cliff said, as if it was the most obvious and natural thing in the world. "I think he'll be a great cook."

"Huh," Seth seemed unconvinced. "And you've been evaluating his talents, have you, Cliff?"

"Let's just cut to the chase, Seth," I was getting tired of the cat and mouse game. "I'm spending the weekend with Cliff, and yes, that includes sleeping and not sleeping in the same bed. And yes, if he'll have me, I'd like to keep seeing him," I looked to Cliff who squeezed my hand in response. "And someday soon I'll invite Cliff over for dinner with you and Em and Maggie and Rose. And as long as you're polite and tasteful in how and what you ask, we'll be happy to tell you all about our relationship."

There, I'd said it. The R word. I glanced over at Cliff again to see a pleased smile of approval.

"But for now," I continued, emboldened by Cliff's silent support, "we need to get home so my boyfriend," I looked to Cliff again, who was wearing a smile that threatened to eclipse the sun, "can show me how to turn all this stuff we're buying into some sort of a meal. And I, for one, am getting pretty hungry," never mind that it wasn't food I was hungry for. "So if you don't mind, we'll be on our way."

Seth stared at me for a moment, undoubtedly evaluating whether he was ready to let me off the hook. Then the scowl was gone.

"All right, but you two aren't going anywhere without giving me a hug first!"

He opened his arms and, relieved, I stepped into them. "This isn't over, Edward," he whispered. "We will talk more later. But for now, I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks, Seth," I mumbled and moved out of the way so he could hug Cliff, whispering something to him as well. Cliff responded equally quietly, with a smile, and then kissed Seth's cheek before joining me. Seizing the moment before Seth changed his mind, I pulled Cliff to the register and quickly unloaded our purchases.

Back in Cliff's apartment, we put away the groceries and he started teaching me how to prepare the meal. It turned out to be easier than I would have thought and with his easygoing manner the whole lesson was much more fun than even I anticipated. When everything was on the burners steaming and cooking, I finally gave into my curiosity and asked Cliff what Seth said to him in the store.

"Nothing important," Cliff evaded. I stuck out my lip in a near pout. I was surprised at how much I really wanted to know.

"Oh, all right," he conceded, wrapping his arms around me and leaning in to kiss my neck. "He told me he thought we made a good couple and that I'd better treat you well or he'd cut off my balls."

I leaned away from him with a shocked expression.

"You're kidding, right?" I was 90 percent certain that he was joking, but with Seth you never knew for sure.

"Nope," he shook his head. "He really cares about you. It's sweet."

"Huh," I was too taken aback to know how to feel. Never in a million years would I have expected Seth to say or do anything even remotely protective in connection with me, except maybe to make sure I didn't hurt someone. "I can't believe he threatened you. I'm really sorry about that. It was so uncalled for and unnecessary. I can take care of myself."

"Don't worry about it, Eddie," Cliff assured. "That's how Seth is. He'll surprise you. He's a tough and prickly diva on the outside, but he really does have a heart of gold and a soft spot for his friends. And apparently you fall within that small privileged group."

"Okay, I guess," I was still hesitant and surprised. "So what did you say to him?"

"I told him there is no need to sharpen his cutting implements."

I laughed and reached down between his legs to cup his sac.

"I'm so very glad. I'm growing rather fond of these."

"That's nice to hear. As you can imagine, I'm rather fond of them as well."

He laughed and pulled away to check on the food. In short order everything was ready and we were back in the dining room, enjoying the first meal I ever prepared myself, albeit with a lot of supervision from my instructor. We finished off the wine that didn't make its way into the sauce and kept things simple with lemon sorbet for dessert. After dinner we cleaned up together and, like a Pavlovian dog, my expectations set based on previous experiences, I actually found myself hardening in anticipation of our evening activities as I dried the pans. I made a snide comment to Cliff that more men would be willing to do the clean-up if they had an early evening in the bedroom to look forward to, which made him giggle.

"It certainly has been the case for me lately," he concurred, reaching over to give my butt a squeeze, "I definitely don't want to dawdle in the kitchen."

We put away the last of the dishes and for a few seconds stood in the center of the kitchen just looking at each other. Then I recognized a glint in his eye and, as if on cue, we both turned simultaneously and dashed for the bedroom, the race ending in a tie as we threw ourselves onto his mattress, laughing, the bed frame creaking beneath our sudden weight. We shifted to our sides, facing each other, still laughing with an almost child-like glee. And then his hand was on my cheek and my arm snaked around his back to pull him closer and we were kissing, softly and slowly and sweetly. These weren't our usual hot and steamy kisses that led to fumbling and disrobing and touching and sucking. They were less yet somehow more than those. They were communication without sound, through the mere whisper of the flesh of our lips brushing against each other. I closed my eyes, allowing my other senses to take over. I was filled with his taste, his scent, the soft sound of his breathing as he inhaled and exhaled through his nose, and the faint coarseness of his thumb moving back and forth along the side of my face. This was unlike anything I'd ever felt before, the peace and calm of it filling me with contentment. For a brief moment my mind strayed to another boy with whom I wanted to share this kind of kiss, but I banished the thought as soon as it had appeared, reminding myself that while the other boy was lost to me forever, the one in my arms was caring and beautiful and willing to be with me despite all my faults. I sighed against Cliff's mouth and he hummed in response, and with more than a little surprise I realized that I would have been perfectly happy doing nothing but this for hours.

He pulled away first, just enough to breathe "Eddie," with such longing that I was instantly reminded of our original reason for rushing into the bedroom. He pushed me onto my back and lifted himself to straddle me, shifting his hips so that his erection rubbed against mine through our jeans even as he rested his hands on my chest and leaned forward to kiss me with more hunger and demand. I moaned, sucking his probing tongue deeper into my mouth and throat. Suddenly the contentment was gone, replaced by a fiery urgency to see, feel, hear, smell and taste more of him.

He pushed himself up, reaching for the hem of my layered shirts to try to pull them off me, but I wasn't about to let him have his way again. I grabbed his wrists and held them in place.

"No," I said roughly, opening my eyes and fixing them on his.

"No?" he asked, clearly confused.

"You've always had your way with me first before. Not this time," I explained, letting go of his wrists and reaching for the hem of his rugby shirt instead.

"Oh," he signaled his understanding with a single word and a smile that reached all the way to his gorgeous eyes. He raised his arms, allowing me to pull his shirt off over his head and toss it to the floor. I immediately brought my hands back to his now bare shoulders and down his chest, palming his pecs as I circled the pads of my thumbs around his rapidly hardening nipples.

"You're beautiful," I told him, watching him flush with pleasure and arousal. I moved my hands down over his lean abdomen to the button of his jeans, which I quickly worked through its hole. I carefully tugged down the zipper, knowing when I parted the flaps there would be nothing between the denim and the part of him I couldn't wait to hold in my hand and mouth. Once unzipped, I spread open his fly and reached in to pull out his hot, hard penis. I wrapped my fingers around the shaft loosely and gave him a couple of careful strokes, knowing he didn't have much extra skin to offset the lack of lubrication. "And you have a great cock," I complimented, even as his eyes half closed at my touch and a sweet moan escaped his lips.

I let him go, settling my hands on his hips and, using that leverage plus all my available abdominal strength, lifted myself to a sitting position, almost immediately wrapping my arms around him and flipping us so that he was lying on his back with me on top. I extracted my arms and pushed myself up off the bed into a kneeling position, reaching for the top of his jeans and tugging downward to remove them. He lifted his hips compliantly, and in no time the pants joined his shirt on the floor, followed by both his socks. I sat back on my heels, slowly running my hands up his legs as I admired him, wantonly spread out before me. He held his cock with his one hand, while caressing his balls with the other, watching me with lust glazed eyes.

"Hey," I chastised, "That's my job."

I leaned forward, positioning my face right between his legs. I reached for his sac and he removed his hand, weaving it into my hair instead. I held his balls gently as I lapped at first one, then the other. Now knowing first-hand how wonderful this felt on shaved nuts, I was determined to lick, kiss and suck until he had as much pleasure as he could possibly handle. I coated my other hand with saliva and reached for his rod, stroking it slowly as I alternately laved and nuzzled his heavy orbs. At first Cliff didn't move at all, content to let me tend to him at my own pace. As I continued my unrelenting, patient treatment, however, he began to writhe more and more, until he finally implored me to stop.

I relented as soon as he asked, swiping the flat of my tongue up along his cum tube to his frenulum, where I flicked the tip several times against the sensitive juncture before swirling it around his head and, finally, enveloping his cock head in my mouth.

"Oh, shit, Eddie. Eddie!" he cried as I sucked him as deep into my throat as I was able, trying to remember how I had been able to do it all the way that morning. The head of his cock was lodged in my throat and I just held it there, moving my tongue gently against the base of his shaft. When I needed a breath I pulled off, only to suck him in deep again when I'd replenished my oxygen. I followed this pattern several times and then pulled off more so that just his head was in my mouth and I could suck on the engorged knob, his moans and thrashing movements speaking louder than words.

Suddenly his fingers tightened in my hair and he forcibly tugged at it, trying to pull me off his turgid shaft. "Stop, Eddie, please, I'm too close," he begged. I released his cock, eager to delay his climax to increase its intensity. I shifted up over him, kissing my way back to his mouth and plunging my tongue in deep when I reached my destination. We kissed hard for a while before I pulled back, letting him catch his breath and speak.

"You are such a fast learner," he panted. "That felt unbelievably good."

I smirked and was about to kiss him again when I saw a change in his face and eyes. My brow creased in confusion as I tried to figure out what could possibly have happened to suddenly make him so serious.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, concerned.

"Yes," he nodded. "Very much okay. Only..."

He paused, looking uncertain.

"Only what?" I was getting slightly paranoid. What was he so reluctant to tell me? "You can tell me, whatever it is. Am I doing something wrong?"

"No," he shook his head vehemently. "Quite the contrary."

"Oh-kay," I drew out the word, still confused. "Then I don't understand."

"Eddie, you've made me feel so good," he began. "You're been really, really fantastic, and I know it's a little soon but I just feel so close to you and I want to be even closer," my frown deepened along with my confusion as he kept speaking. "And I was just wondering if you would... would you, please... would you please make love to me?"

I felt like someone knocked the breath right out of me and my elbows nearly buckled beneath me. I shifted off him to lie beside him on my back, staring at the ceiling. My breathing accelerated. I feared I would go right from shock to a full blown panic attack. I still remembered the lecture Emmett gave me on the difference between making love and fucking, though beyond that, lovemaking was a mystery. When making love to someone I was supposed to care about their pleasure more than my own, but how could I do that when I had no idea how to please anyone during sex? I felt like Cliff and I were on either side of no man's land filled with hidden land mines, and I wasn't nearly brave enough to try to cross it to get to him.

He moved to lie on his side, his fingertips tracing a random pattern on my chest over my two shirts.

"We don't have to if you don't want to," he spoke softly in an attempt to soothe and calm me. "I'm sorry if I pushed things too far too soon. It's just that I really want to feel you inside me."

"Cliff, it's not that I don't want that, because I do, of course I do," I turned my head to look into his eyes so he could see my sincerity. "It's just that I don't know how, I'm not any good."

"Shhh," he placed a finger over my lips. "Don't say anything for a moment and just listen. You can answer by nodding or shaking your head, All right?"

I nodded to indicate my assent.

"I know the last time you did this was traumatic for you. I realize you're nervous and concerned. You are a top, right?" I nodded again, my eyes wide with worry.

"Edward, I'm a good bottom. I know what I'm doing. We can do it in a way that will make it practically impossible for you to hurt me or do anything wrong. You'll only be able to make me feel good. Please, Eddie, let me show you."

I looked away from him to consider his request. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, because he'd given me every reason to have faith in what he was telling me. I just didn't know if I could trust myself. He and I had only started to see each other. I didn't want to ruin that before it really had a chance to grow. I was terrified that I would do something that would cause him to run or throw me out. After what happened with Jasper, and my disastrous performance in bed our first time, I didn't want to lose Cliff too.

Of course, I could just as easily lose him if I refused. If he needed to make love and I insisted on waiting, maybe he'd try to find someone else who could meet his needs. We'd never said we were exclusive, and yet the thought of Cliff with another man was making me very uneasy, which surprised me as much as anything. And what if that other man was not only willing and better at love making, but also better at everything? How could I push Cliff in that direction?

The throbbing erection trapped by my jeans also weighed in on the decision, letting me know in no uncertain terms exactly where my cock stood on this matter.

"I'll make sure it will be good for both of us, I promise," he cajoled, "and when have you ever known me to break a promise?"

"Are you sure I won't be able to hurt you or scare you in any way?" I asked, hesitantly.

"No," Cliff shook his head for emphasis, "I'll be in full control."

"Okay," I agreed. "What do I have to do? Oh, wait," my brow creased again, "you have condoms, I hope. I didn't bring any with me. I didn't expect we'd need them this weekend."

Cliff's face fell and he frowned, shaking his head. "I haven't even thought about a condom in ages. Gio and I had been exclusive for so long, condoms weren't necessary, and I haven't had any need for them since he died. Shit," he balled his fist in frustration and closed his eyes, his face contorted into a heavy frown. Then a thought must have occurred to him that made the frown clear.

"I'm clean, Eddie. Like I said, Gio and I had been exclusive and the doctors ran tests immediately after the accident and then 6 months later just to make sure. And you, you haven't been with anyone in over a year, right? Have you been tested?"

I looked at him carefully, needing confirmation that he was suggesting what I thought he was suggesting.

"Yes," I replied, "most recently just a few weeks ago, and the results were all negative. But isn't it still safer to use condoms just in case?"

"The bottom is in most danger," he offered, "and if you say you're clean, I have no reason to disbelieve you. You told me your history a while ago, and you brought up the condoms, so I know you're not just feeding me a line to get me into bed. We're really lucky that we both have the history we have, so that we can be together without any barriers right from the start. It's so much better that way. God, Eddie," he said as he wrapped his hand around the outline of my throbbing hard-on. "You don't know what it does to me to imagine how good your cock would feel inside me, with nothing else between us. Please, will you make love to me." he renewed his request.

I thought about his request. I knew all about how good it would all feel with nothing in between us. I only wish I had been able to feel that with Jasper, but my stupidity with all the women had made that way too dangerous for him. But I had been celibate over the past year and I knew I was clean, so this time around I could start things with Cliff the right way. And, I suddenly realized, I really wanted to start things with him. Remembering his question, I turned onto my side to face him, looking deep into his eyes. "Yes," I nodded. "I really want to make love to you. Just tell me what to do."

He leaned towards me to take my mouth in a searing kiss, sucking on my lower lip and then my tongue. "I'll be right back. Don't move," he breathed as he pulled away and got out of bed, heading for the bathroom. He returned momentarily with a towel and a small bottle of baby oil. In his absence I had gotten up as well, and was just about to pull off my shirts.

"Hey, wait for me. I don't want to miss the show," he complained. "Hold that thought for one minute, and then you can start."

Placing the baby oil on his nightstand, he snapped open the towel and spread it out over the top of the bed. Then he lay down, folding a pillow behind his head.

"Now I'm ready. Please proceed," he spoke indulgently.

I hadn't intended to perform a striptease, but seeing him on the bed, naked, watching me with lustful eyes, suddenly made it seem like a good idea. Instead of pulling off both of my shirts at once, I reached for the hem of my short-sleeved tee first, slowly pulling it off over my head. I ran my hand down to the hem of my long sleeved shirt and ran it up underneath the shirt over my chest. I turned away from him and crossed my arms as if to pull the shirt off, looking over my shoulder and sending him a quick wink. I pulled up the shirt about halfway up my chest, then dropped it and moved my hands to my ass, which I pushed back and wiggled a little, rubbing both cheeks before slipping my hands to the front of my thighs. I looked back to see if he was enjoying my display, and was thrilled to find him with a hand wrapped around his dick. I turned around again and lifted one foot to the bed, bending over to pull off my sock. I twirled it, laughing, and sent it flying across the room. I repeated the action with my other foot and sock, sending that one in the other direction. I ran my hand up my calf and the inside of my thigh, stopping to rub my very prominent erection.

"Oh, Eddie, you are a tease!" Cliff exclaimed, licking his lips as he watched me groping myself.

"A tease is someone who doesn't deliver," I threw his words from earlier right back at him. "And I fully intend to deliver," I continued, dropping my voice to a low and what I hoped was sexy semi-growl. Cliff's small moan provided exactly the kind of feedback I needed.

I reached for the bottom of the shirt once again, this time continuing to pull it up until it was off completely. I ran my hands down my chest, pausing to play with my nipples. I stuck one of my hands inside the waistband of my still fastened jeans, and very obviously ran my fingers along the length of my shaft. I popped the button on the fly with my other hand, and pulled down the zipper. This was where things got awkward. I just couldn't think of a graceful, sexy way to get out of a pair of jeans. I was considering my options, wishing I had on a pair of my basketball training pants, which I could rip off with a single pull that forced open all the snaps, when Cliff solved my dilemma for me, getting off the bed and kneeling in front of me.

"Allow me," he said, spreading open the flaps of the fly and lifting my hand out of my jeans. He pressed his nose into my newly trimmed pubes and inhaled deeply. "I love the way you smell," he said, looking up at me with a smile.

He hooked his fingers into the belt loops on my hips and tugged down the jeans until they were pooled at my ankles on the floor. He ran one hand up the back of my naked thigh to grab my butt cheek while the other traveled up between my legs to cup my already tightening scrotum.

"Wow, so smooth," he teased. "Is that for me?"

"If you're interested," I replied, and then took a sharp breath as he obliged and swiped his tongue against my shaved sac. It really did feel fucking amazing! This was one gay boy secret that straight men were missing out on!

Cliff looked up at me with smiling eyes and reached for my prick, already standing at attention, wrapping his fingers around my girth.

"I can't wait to feel this inside me," he said, placing a kiss on my head, the tip of his tongue flicking against my slit. I reached down and pulled him up by his armpits, wrapping my arms around him to hold him tightly against me, trapping both our erections between us. I loved the feel of his body, his hot skin pressing directly against mine. I kept one arm on his back while I pushed the other into the hair on the back of his head, holding him to me as our mouths ravaged each other. Finally, I relaxed my grip and he stepped back, breathing hard and obviously turned on.

I stepped out of my jeans and looked at him expectantly. "Where do you want me?" I asked.

"Lie on your back, in the center of the bed," he directed. I did as he asked and he lay down next to me. He reached for the bottle of baby oil, unsnapped the flip-top lid, and poured some out into his right hand. He reached over to grab my dick with his oiled hand, spreading the slick substance over my head and shaft.

"Shouldn't we be using lube?" I asked curiously, having always read about the benefits of water based lubricants.

"Lube is only necessary when you're using condoms, because it doesn't deteriorate the latex like oil can. If condoms are not an issue, oil is better because it lasts longer, so there's no need to re-apply."

I nodded, even as my hips and oiled up cock bucked into his hand.

"Now give me your right hand," he prompted, pouring baby oil into it when I complied with his request. I rubbed both of my hands together to spread the oil.

"Put your finger inside me," he continued to instruct, "Just one to start."

I was familiar with this part, having done it to some of the girls I'd fucked. I never realized gay men, especially experienced gay men, needed it as well. I thought back to my time with Jasper, when I deliberately dismissed the idea of stretching him. Was that what scared him away? God, how I wished I could have gone back in time and made a different decision! But that was impossible, and I now had to concentrate on pleasing Cliff, who was trying to help me become a better lover, and a better man.

I reached my open right hand out to him, slightly cupped palm up. "A little more, please," I requested. He picked up the bottle again and poured a bit more oil into my hand. I moved my hand directly down to between his legs and positioned it so that the oil could slowly roll down and drip directly onto the puckered skin of his opening. I used my middle finger to spread the oil around, massaging his sphincter. I heard the catch of his breath, and his hips rose into my hand.

"That feels really good," he encouraged, his voice slightly ragged.

I positioned the tip of my middle finger at the center indentation and pressed slowly, feeling the muscle give enough to allow the intrusion.

"Hoh," Cliff exhaled loudly and relaxed the fingers of the hand that had still been gently holding and stroking my cock.

"OK? I'm not hurting you, am I?" I asked anxiously. My finger wasn't even in up to my first knuckle, so nothing should have been particularly painful, but I needed to make sure.

"No," he rolled his head from side to side emphatically, his eyes mostly closed. "Keep going, please."

I smiled at how beautiful he looked, his arousal giving his entire body a slight tint of a pink flush. I bent my left elbow and pushed myself up into a sitting position without moving my right hand, and especially the middle finger. With my left hand I reached for his dick, and started to stroke it slowly as I gently pushed more of my finger inside him until I was slightly deeper than the first knuckle. I watched his face as he panted with parted lips, but I saw no signs of pain. I pulled my finger out, massaging the outer opening again before re-inserting the digit back into the tight tunnel, stroking his cock the entire time with my other hand. This time I pushed in deeper, until the tip of my finger brushed against a spot that evoked a vocal response from Cliff.

"Oh, shit," he exclaimed as he bucked into my hand again. I repeated the movement and watched as his breathing got even heavier.

"Does it feel good, Sunshine?" I asked, already knowing the answer by his physical reaction.

"Really good," he acknowledged, his eyes still closed. "It's been a long time."

"What exactly am I doing?" I asked, circling a rounded shape through the wall of the tunnel encasing my finger.

"You're stimulating my prostate," he explained, his voice tight.

"And that feels good?" I confirmed, still circling, even though I could see the effects with my eyes.

"Yeah," he breathed. "I could come from that alone, but I don't want to," he looked at me to make sure he was clear.

I nodded, indicating my understanding. I pulled the finger out again almost all the way, and then pushed it back in, a little faster this time. I began to thrust into him with the finger at a steady pace to match that of my strokes of his throbbing prick. I loved watching the look of pleasure on his face, knowing I was the cause.

"Add another finger," he directed. "Carefully," he added the needless warning. I would, of course, be very careful. In fact, knowing I was making him feel good like this, I was reluctant to do any more.

"Please," he prompted. "You won't hurt me."

I wasn't so sure. With a whole lot of trepidation I withdrew my middle finger and pressed my index finger against it before pushing both back into him, as slowly and gently as I could. I was watching his hole as I pushed, so his sudden hiss surprised me. I immediately stopped my movement and looked to his face, to determine if it was a sound of pleasure or pain.

"Still OK?" I asked, terrified of a negative reply.

"It's good," Cliff opened his eyes to look at me reassuringly. "It's all good."

I let out the breath I was holding and returned my concentration to pushing my fingers deeper within him. Once again I found and massaged his prostate, this time with both fingertips.

"Oh, my God, Eddie," Cliff exclaimed. He lowered his hand to my left wrist to stop my movement on his cock. I stilled my left hand, but continued to pump into him with my right, spreading my fingers as I pulled them out to stretch out his opening even more. "I think I'm ready," he breathed, after a little while. "How about you?"

He lifted his head to look between my legs. Watching him enjoying himself as I finger fucked him kept me mostly hard, but I wouldn't have minded a little attention before I had to fully perform. Cliff lifted himself to his elbows and told me to lie on my back. Then he rose to his knees and leaned over, taking my oily cock into his mouth and all the way down his throat. I groaned as I felt myself growing even while encased in his warmth. He pulled up and I instinctively bucked my hips to get back deep inside. He let me fuck his face for a few moments, until I was hard as steel, and very ready to go.

When he pulled up his head I started to lift up, thinking I had to get into position behind him, but he pushed down my shoulders and moved his leg to straddle me, staying down on his left knee but positioning his right leg so that his foot rested on the bed and allowed him to balance himself above me. I looked at him, wide eyed, not knowing what he was doing.

"This will make it easier for me to control the pace," he explained. "Trust me."

I lay back obediently, still looking up at him in surprise. I'd had women ride me before, of course, but I never thought it could be done by two guys. Suddenly I wished I had watched some of those porn flicks Emmett had in ample supply. I gasped as Cliff reached behind him to grasp my cock to position it at his entrance. I groaned as his fingertips pressed against my head, making sure it found its way inside him, past the tight ring of muscle. Moments later my head was fully inside him, as Cliff breathed out in several loud huffs.

"Cliff, if it's hurting we don't have to," I choked out, alarmed.

"Shhh," he bid, his eyes closed and head thrown back a little. I could feel him sliding down my pole at a most impossibly slow rate. "I'm just getting used to that big cock of yours." he said with a small smile, opening his eyes to look at me.

I stayed completely still, not daring to move, almost not daring to breathe. The sensation of being slowly sheathed in his tight warmth was unbelievable. I closed my eyes. I'd never experienced anything like it. With everyone else I'd ever been with, it had always been about speed and force. I never felt enough for anyone else to go this slow. Well, I corrected myself mentally, I felt enough for Jasper, but with him I didn't know what I should have done. My mind jumped to Alice, and her advice that I find a guy to fuck, given weeks before Jasper's return. If I had listened to her, would I have learned all this? Would I have been a better lover for him and not frightened him away? I let out a burst of air in frustration, fully cognizant of the irony that the only time it might have mattered, my abstention from sex caused the biggest blunder of my life.

I was brought back to the present when I felt Cliff's palms press flat against my chest. I opened my eyes to find him watching me.

"Still with me?" he asked quietly and I reddened, realizing that I'd been caught thinking about another man while in bed with him. I quickly evaluated the situation, realizing that Cliff was still carefully controlling his descent onto my rod, with a good couple of inches to go. As embarrassing as my mental lapse had been, it was probably a good thing, as it distracted me from the overwhelming sensations spreading from my cock through the rest of my body.

"Yeah, Sunshine. I'm sorry, I. . ." I didn't get a chance to finish as he leaned forward and covered my lips with his to silence me, the movement causing my hard length to pull almost entirely out of him. "Oh," I gasped at the new set of sensations caused by the much more rapid movement.

"Mm," Cliff murmured against my lips. He lifted his head slightly and positioned his mouth next to my ear. "I love how your cock fits inside me and fills me up," he said with a flick of his tongue against the shell of my ear, before pushing his upper body back and lowering himself onto me once more, this time a lot faster, though still not all the way. He rocked forward and up again, balancing the weight of his body against my chest as he lifted his right foot and tucked it back so that his knee was now resting on the mattress. This time as he sat back he descended completely, and I finally felt myself entirely enveloped within him. Cliff threw his head back with a sigh, reaching for his ankles with his hands and arching his back in the process, ensuring that there was not a millimeter of space left between us. It was impossible to describe in words how good I felt in that moment. I didn't think anything could be better, until he leaned toward me again and started to move, rocking forward to lift up his ass and then back to lower himself onto me again. I tried to distract myself, because it was all starting to feel much too good, but the continuous rhythm of his rise and fall over my turgid shaft rendered my attempts completely ineffective.

"Shit, Cliff," I gasped, "it feels so good. I don't know how much longer. . ."

He stilled and looked down at me, as if evaluating something.

"I'm getting close too," he confessed. "Is it OK if we try something?"

"Of course," I concurred. I would do anything he told me to.

He leaned on my chest again and brought his foot up to the position he started in. "Bend your left leg and plant your foot on the bed," he instructed. I followed his directive. "Now you can control the pace, Eddie," he explained.

The realization of what he was suggesting finally hit me. "Cliff, I don't know if that's such a good idea," I hesitated.

"It'll be fine, Eddie. I can still use my leverage to pull off if there's a problem, but I'm used to you now, so it will just feel good. Please, Eddie, I want you to fuck me. I need you to fuck me. Please," he repeated. "Just lift your hips," he encouraged. "Let me feel all of you again."

I closed my eyes and sighed, then opened them again. He looked so hopeful, I couldn't tell him no, no matter how scared I was of doing something wrong and hurting him. I had to trust that he knew what he was doing and how to protect himself if need be. I flexed my left quad and glute and pushed up into him.

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "That's it. Again."

I lowered my butt to the mattress and pushed up again.

"Oh, yeah. Go deep. More!"

Our discussion cooled us both off a bit, but Cliff's commands were quickly returning me to my previous state of heightened arousal. Without having to be asked or told, I started thrusting up into Cliff's ass at a faster but still smooth pace. He groaned and continued his vocalizations, though now they were more in the nature of comments and requests rather than commands.

"Yeah, Eddie. . . Feels so good... Right there... Don't stop...Fuck!... Please..." he leaned heavily against me, balancing on his left hand as he took hold of his hard dick with his right and began to stroke himself. His eyes were mostly closed, though periodically he would open them to look into mine, making the connection between us even stronger and more intimate. His continuous dirty talk turned me on beyond anything I could have ever imagined, and the walls of his warm, tight tunnel embraced my throbbing rod so closely and fully that I was amazed I held out as long as I had. I felt myself getting closer and closer to the edge and the expression on Cliff's face told me the same was true for him. I reached over and took his hand off his cock, replacing it with my own. I wanted to be the one to make him come.

I increased the speed of my thrusts and strokes. He moved his free hand to his chest and tweaked his nipples. I tried to watch, but my own feelings were getting too overwhelming, causing me to almost involuntarily close my eyes as I focused exclusively on the movements of my hips and hand. I was getting too close to maintain the smoothness, my muscles starting to quiver as I fought to retain control.

"I'm almost there, Sunshine. Jesus!"

"Yeah, Eddie, me too, almost, uh," his breath caught and I could feel him grow harder in my hand. I twisted my hand on the stroke moving up towards his head and wrapped my palm around his head, brushing his frenulum with my thumb before moving my hand back down his shaft. At the same time, feeling my inevitable and impending release, I delivered a hard deep thrust into his ass.

"Oh, God," his eyes opened wide and his whole body seemed to spasm, before cum flooded out of his dick onto my chest. Instinctively, I closed my eyes, but I could feel the jizz land on my skin as my nostrils were filled with the musky scent. That, along with his internal muscle contractions, made it impossible to delay my release. One more thrust and I felt myself exploding inside him, filling him with my cream. With my eyes still closed, I continued to thrust and stroke at a slower pace, until I felt Cliff reach for and remove my hand from his organ and lie down on top of me, his lips nuzzling at my collar bone. The head of my cock was still inside him, but I knew it was just a matter of time before I softened and slipped out. My breaths were still heavy, but no longer as ragged as right in the throes of orgasm, and I felt myself starting to relax. I wrapped my arms around Cliff, holding him close to me, one hand stroking his upper back and the other his lower back and ass.

"I never knew," I said, unable to think of anything more.

"I did. I had a feeling it would be this good," he said into my chest. Then he lifted his head and I opened my eyes to meet his gaze. "Thank you for trusting me again. That's a lot of new experiences for you in one day."

I chuckled quietly. "Yeah, you've taught me quite a bit today. I'm glad you're so much more experienced."

His eyes grew serious. "I may be more knowledgeable, but I'm hardly more experienced. You've only slept with one other man before and so have I. Gio is the only other person I've ever done this with. I hope that's okay."

I swallowed the saliva that suddenly pooled in my mouth. I never thought of Cliff as a player, but I had no idea he'd only ever been this intimate with one other man. It made the request he made of me tonight so much more meaningful and special. I wasn't at all sure I was worthy of that kind of gift. But as he looked at me questioningly, I knew I had to respond.

"I didn't know," I nearly stuttered. "I'm so..." For the life of me I could not think of the right adjective. My mind was a complete, stunned blank. "Thank you," I finally said. "For choosing me and trusting me. You were amazing tonight. Hell, you were amazing all day!"

The look on his face went from relief to the brilliant smile in about a millisecond. He slid up along my chest and kissed me sweetly. I kissed him back, and then we both looked at each other and laughed, realizing the nature of the lubricant between us that made it so easy for him to propel along my body.

"I guess we'd better clean up, huh?" he asked with a smile. "Come on, Cullen. Let's go hit the shower."

He moved to my side and then up off the bed, holding out his hand to me in invitation. I took it and followed him into the bathroom, where we cleaned off and brushed our teeth before returning to bed and falling into relaxed, peaceful sleep, wrapped in each other's arms.