Chapter 42

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SPOILER WARNING: This chapter will reveal significant aspects of the plot of Culture Shock, written by JTrue. If you do not want that excellent story spoiled, please read it before you read this chapter (link to Culture Shock is in the sidebar.)

Chapter 42: Better Thank Your Lucky Stars

I wasn't sure what to expect the following night. It was still the weekend and the same things that kept me from calling Jasper Friday night still applied. So it was a pleasant surprise when my phone rang with his ring tone after dinner.

"Hey, Jasper," I greeted him enthusiastically. "I didn't expect to hear from you today, but I'm glad you called. I have some news about Emmett."

"He and Nasir are in London," Jasper said, taking the wind right out of my sails.

"Yeah, how did you know that?"

"My friend Greg called to let me know Emmett met him and some of our other friends for a drink tonight. I thought you were going to call me and fill me in if there was any news?" his tone was mildly accusatory, and I instantly felt badly for not calling him immediately after I heard from Seth.

"Sorry, Jas. I just found out yesterday, and it being Friday night, I figured you'd be out. I didn't want to interrupt."

"I didn't go out last night, and even if I had, this is the kind of thing I would have wanted to be interrupted for. But I know I'm probably not at the top of your call list."

"No, Jasper, that's not it at all. I hadn't bothered to call anyone, because there was so little to tell. I figured I'd wait until the next time we talked or there was more substantial news. But it sounds like now you know more than I do. Did your friend say anything about what's going on? And did you say he only met Emmett? Where was Nasir?"

"Nasir was apparently meeting his sister and brother-in-law, to convince the sister's husband to let her go back to the Emirates."

"And of course Emmett couldn't be with them," I said quietly.

"I guess."

We were both silent for a while.

"Did your friend say anything else? How's Em holding up? This night out, being away from Nasir, had to be tough on him."

Jasper sighed. "It was. Probably tougher than anyone could have anticipated." I could hear the hesitancy in his voice, and I sensed there was something germane to the conversation that he didn't want to tell me. I struggled between wanting to know what was going on with Emmett and wanting to let Jasper off the hook, so he didn't feel so uncomfortable. Jasper won.

"We can just leave it at that," I offered.

"No, it's okay. I was just trying to figure out how to explain. One of the guys over there is in a relationship with a married man. He and his lover met in boarding school and had been together since then, but the other guy refused to come out. Worse, he's passing for straight. He got married and has a couple of kids. It basically leaves him only a few hours a week to be with the man he supposedly loves. It's a tough situation, and when Emmett learned of it, I guess it hit too close to home."

"Oh, wow. But this other guy, the married one, he's not like Nasir. I mean, he's in the closet by choice."

"Isn't Nasir?" Jasper challenged. "I suppose if he were living in the Emirates it would be a different story, but he lives in the States. He does have a choice, doesn't he? Same as the rest of us."

"Yeah, but he's not a US citizen and he's still not completely divorced from his culture and family. I think it's harder for someone like him," I felt compelled to defend my close friend, even though I pretty much agreed with Jasper's assessment.

"You're probably right. I'm sorry. I don't know him at all and I have no right to judge. It's just, the thought of Emmett having to settle for that kind of life, where his partner is not all his; the thought of him actually preferring that to someone who would love him and be totally and completely devoted to him..."

"That's not really the choice Emmett has at his disposal," I gently reminded, surprised at his vehemence. "It's not as though there is a Nasir substitute waiting in the wings, offering Emmett everything that Nasir can't deliver."

"No," Jasper checked himself. "Of course not. I didn't mean that. And Nasir isn't like H. He didn't arrange his own marriage, didn't court the girl, and didn't basically toss his lover aside to make his own life easier. At least Nasir's trying to make the best of the situation."

It had slipped in unobtrusively, but I caught it. A name. An unusual one. Heych. I knew as soon as I heard it that this was not someone Jasper thought of fondly. I wondered what the history was, why he seemed so bothered by the actions of some guy's married lover? I figured the guy Emmett met must have been a good friend of Jasper's, and he was upset on his behalf, just as we were now upset for Emmett, but I certainly was not going to press him for information he so clearly did not want to provide. I merely filed the "Heych" name away for future reference.

"I do believe Nasir is trying his best to resolve this. Though, like you, Seth and I fear the effort will be fruitless. But maybe he needs to try and fail before he can turn his back on his culture and family completely?" I posited.

"Maybe. I suppose that makes sense. And that's a good character trait, trying to find a compromise instead of acting on impulse. I guess that makes him a good man."

"Nasir is a good man, Jasper. He really is. He's generous and funny and kind. Seth and Garrett both love him, and it's not easy to earn those two's approval. In fact, everyone in our group loves him, Emmett most of all. That's what sucks the most. Emmett's dated so many guys we couldn't wait to see the back of, and then he finally found the right one. And now this..."

"I suppose life isn't a fairytale. We don't always get the happily ever after. In fact, statistically speaking, few of us do."

I noticed he included himself in the statistic. I hoped that meant he hadn't yet met the guy who was going to be his prince charming. Or rather, I was hoping he had met him long ago, and was just now getting re-acquainted. There was no way to comment on that, though, so instead I replied, "Yeah, but if anyone should beat the odds it's Emmett. He deserves it more than any guy I know."

"Let's keep thinking good thoughts, then. Hopefully somehow it will all work out."

We fell silent again. When we next spoke, the conversation turned to other topics. Jasper teased me for being home on a Saturday night. I reminded him that I'd said I was a homebody, but wasn't he supposed to be out clubbing. We talked about clubs, in general terms. I explained how much I hated dancing, making Jasper laugh in a rich timbre with a velvety undertone. His laughter was so beautiful, so genuine, and so familiar, I could do nothing but close my eyes and enjoy the knowledge that something I said provoked that reaction. He told me he felt uncomfortable dancing at first too, but that he loved it now. He said we'd have to go out sometime, together. That he would have to teach me how to loosen up the same way he'd been taught. And then he stopped talking, and the silence was suddenly awkward instead of friendly. I laughed, a bit uncertainly, and told him I feared I was a lost cause, so lessons would be a waste of time. Seeming grateful for the lifeline, he proposed going to see live music shows instead.

"No need to dance there," he said. "You can just stand around, beer in hand, and appreciate the performance."

I agreed, and we spent the next couple of hours discussing our favorite bands, which drifted into a discussion of soundtracks and favorite movies. By the time we hung up it was well past 2 a.m. on the east coast, and Jasper had been stifling loud yawns and battling fatigue for a good 30 minutes.

"Shit," he finally said. "I'm not a college kid anymore and these crazy work hours this week hadn't helped any. I'm sorry, but I gotta get some sleep."

"Me too," I laughed. "I have to get up at 6:00 to make it up to the Mountain in time for my shift."

"Fuck, Edward, why didn't you say anything? We could have cut this off hours ago. At least I can sleep in tomorrow morning, I hope," he said mysteriously, making me wonder why he wasn't sure.

"I'll be fine. I was enjoying myself too much to stop," I told him honestly. "I'd really missed you, Jasper. It's nice reconnecting again and getting to know the new you."

"New and improved, I hope," he chuckled.

"And I hope the same is true for me."

"Well," he hesitated. "Let's just say this version of you is totally not what I expected, in a good way. Then again, my expectations were based on so many false assumptions, it's hard to..." he began to berate himself.

"Jas?" I spoke firmly and hoped that I didn't sound too authoritative.

"Hmm?" he asked

"We already covered that territory and we moved past it. You don't need to go there again. Let's just enjoy learning about each other now."

He didn't answer immediately and I worried that I came off too much like the controlling jerk he'd tried to escape so long ago. Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut? Why did I feel the need to try to tell him what to do and how to behave?

"You're right," he finally admitted, allowing me to exhale. "Let's just keep looking forward. Thanks for the reminder."

"Anytime, Jasper. Good night."

I knew I was risking overkill, but I called him Sunday anyway, and he seemed pleased. He asked about the house and I tried to describe it, but then, remembering the Skype tour I'd given Cliff when I first bought the house, I suggested doing the same for him and he agreed. We hooked up via the on-line service and suddenly he was more than just a voice on the phone. He was right there, a slightly blurry and not particularly well lit, but a hell of a lot better than nothing, image on the screen. Unfortunately I couldn't look at him as I turned my laptop around so that the camera faced out and gave him the tour of all the rooms, thankful that the house wasn't too messy. I even took the laptop outside so he could see the yard and the deck and the lake, as well as the garage with the apartment above. I also made sure to show him Remmy napping in the living room. Finally done, I returned to the office, replacing the laptop on my desk and getting seated so I could finally speak with him while also looking at him properly.

"That is quite an impressive house, Edward," he commented. "I guess I should have become a park ranger, if they pay you well enough to afford that."

I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly. "Remember what I told you about finding stuff out about my family on my 21st birthday? Well, one of the things I learned about was a trust fund my grandfather had set up for me. So Uncle Sam isn't exactly covering the mortgage."

He laughed. "I didn't think so. I figured it had to be something like that, or a gift from your folks or maybe you got lucky in the lottery. In any case, good for you for buying an investment instead of blowing your money on cars and clothes and whatever other junk people our age would normally do. And now I completely understand why you like to sit out on your deck. With a view like that, I'd want to spend a lot of time out there too."

"Well, you saw I have a guest apartment. Next time you're in town you're welcome to take advantage of it. I'll invite the gang over and we can go swimming or relax in the hot tub or whatever. I throw pretty good parties."

"I don't doubt it," he laughed again. "All right, Edward, You've got a deal. The next time I'm in Seattle I'll stay at your place and you can cook and host parties and whatever else you want to do. But when you come to visit New York, I'm in charge of the arrangements, all right?"

The one downside of video conferences was that I had to monitor my facial expressions, and when he said something like that it was nearly impossible not to show first my shock and then the absolute thrill. The statement at brunch hadn't been a fluke. He really seemed serious about playing host in New York. Obviously it wouldn't be for a while, since we had already planned a trip to Chicago. But someday, down the road, not only did he express interest in coming back to Seattle and staying at my place, but also in me going out to New York. I had to remind myself to breathe.

"Sure. That sounds great. I've always wanted to see New York, and I'm sure you know the best things to do and places to go. Do you have anything in mind?"

He thought about it for a moment and then launched into a list of Manhattan attractions, some of which I knew, some of which sounded familiar, and some which I'd never heard of. I didn't mind being a little lost, because the excitement on his face and in his voice as he described a tour that we could not possibly fit into a weekend, was amazing to watch. Just the thought of visiting him in his home, of him actually welcoming me into his life, was completely overwhelming. I only wished all of it could happen sooner rather than later.

He was in the middle of a sentence when the cell phone on his desk began to chirp.

"Excuse me a moment," he said, picking it up and placing it next to his ear.

"Hey, you're done already?" I heard him say. "Um, sure, yeah, I can be there in 15-20 minutes. I just have to finish up some stuff here. Is that all right? Great! I'll see you soon."

"Sorry, Edward," he turned to me apologetically. "That was," he hesitated for a moment "a friend. I promised him I'd help him move some stuff after he was done with an event, so I have to go."

"An event?" I was loath to let him go. "Is your friend a performer?"

"A caterer," he explained. "Normally the crew takes care of the packing and moving but one of the guys couldn't stay today so I offered to pitch in, since the reception is nearby. Anyway, I do have to run. I might be tied up in the evenings this week, but call me if you hear any news from Emmett, okay?"

I assured him that I would and we hung up again. I hated having our conversation cut short, but it was just like Jasper to volunteer to help a friend in need, and it's not like he had been expecting my call. I did notice the pause in conversation before he explained who called, but I refused to dwell on it. Most likely he had been about to say a name that he wasn't ready for me to hear yet. If we continued talking the way we did, I knew it was just a matter of time before he felt comfortable enough to tell me who his friends were, perhaps even to introduce me to them during my visit.

As I sat back and thought about the conversation, I realized that even though I'd given him an extensive tour of my home, he hadn't done the same. In fact, even though he was clearly in his apartment, I had been too absorbed by his image to even notice anything in the background. I cursed myself a little, because I would have liked to imagine him relaxing around his home with the actual details of the apartment in my mind, but I figured I'd just have to ask him for a tour later.

Seth called me Monday afternoon. It was clear that he was upset, and I soon understood why. He'd spoken to Emmett and right upon their arrival in the Emirates there was a glitch - apparently Nasir's family, who were all supposed to be out of town, were all at his family home, which meant that Emmett could not stay with Nasir. I figured he would have had to be keyed up after his night out with Jasper's friends, and spending the day at a hotel away from his partner couldn't have helped, because Seth said by the time he called him, Emmett was a mess.

"He's cracking under the pressure, Edward. I could hear it in his voice. I wonder if Nasir shouldn't have gone alone on this trip. As it is, he can hardly spend any time with Emmett. Obviously he couldn't take him home with all his family there, but even in London he had to go out with his sister and brother-in-law and Emmett couldn't go with them. I knew I should have gone with them. I knew it. Then at least Emmy wouldn't be all alone."

"I hate to say it, Seth, but he's experiencing what it will be like if Nasir gets married and starts living with his wife, having family obligations. As hard as it is, maybe he needs to go through that to see if he can stand it later."

"He met our friends in London for drinks while Nasir was out and through them he met a guy who is having an affair with a married man. Emmett said he was the most unhappy, tortured person he'd ever met. I think it was a little like looking in a mirror that shows you what you'll look like in the future."

"I would do hate for him to end up like that, Seth. I know he and Nasir love each other, but he deserves better."

"I know. I feel the same way. I love Nasir too, but I can't support him and the relationship if it makes Emmy this unhappy. I don't even want to think about it. I don't want to think about what that could do to me and Garrett. He and Nasir are best friends. I would never ask him to choose sides, but my loyalty will always be with Emmy."

"If it comes to that, and I hope it doesn't, you and Emmett were in Garrett's life first. I know Garrett and Nasir are close, but there's no doubt in my mind that if he had to make a choice, Garrett's would choose you and Em. No doubt at all. He loves you so much, Seth. I know it kills him any time he has to be away for a few days when he travels to New York or Ohio. He'd understand exactly why Emmett could not do that day in and day out. So, has anyone talked to the bride to be yet?" I tried to change the subject.

"No, though Emmett didn't even know that since he hadn't heard from Nasir. That was one of the problems too. Nasir had promised to call and hadn't. But I know he couldn't call because his father invited his future family-in-law to the house and they stayed late. Nasir called Garrett and he was just as upset as Emmett. He hated having to leave Emmett at the hotel, hates what this is doing to Emmett. He started saying that Emmett deserves someone better."

"Oh, Jesus. He's not thinking of leaving him? I don't know if Emmett could take that. And it would be so Goddamn unfair, too. That should be Emmett's decision, especially after going through as much as he already has."

"I know, and I have no idea if he ever could or would leave Nasir. Though the way he was talking tonight, I don't know if he could handle being the other man, either. In any case, Garrett talked to Nasir and got him back on track, he thinks. And Nasir's sister will go to meet with the girl tomorrow morning, or I guess this evening for us. I suppose we'll hear more then."

Seth promised to get me an update as soon as he had one. Since it was my day off and I was home, I immediately called Jasper, not wanting to be accused again of holding back information. I explained why I was calling and he asked me if I minded switching to Skype, since his cell battery was low and he forgot to bring the charger. When his image popped up on the screen I quickly realized that he wasn't home.

"Yeah, I'm still at work. Actually it's one of my co-worker's birthday today and we're going out for drinks, but the stupid summer page spilled coffee all over my shirt earlier. Thank God I keep a couple of changes of clothes here, just in case I pull an all-nighter or something. Do you mind if we keep talking while I change?"

I swallowed the saliva that pooled in my mouth. "No, not at all. Go ahead. So anyway, Emmett called Seth..."

It was so difficult to keep track of what I was saying as I watched him get up and pull off his shirt. He had always been attractive, in a lean, boyish sort of way, but there was nothing boyish about him now. Even through the grainy computer camera, I could see that he was all man, and a well chiseled one at that. He asked questions, which I answered as best as I could while my dick grew impossibly hard watching him walk around the office with his shirt off and bending down to reach into some cabinet to pull out a new one. I nearly protested when he started pulling the new shirt on, biting my tongue at the last moment. And through it all he was completely oblivious. When he was done, he sat in front of the computer again with a mild scowl on his face.

"The whole thing is such a shit storm," he said, and I realized he was still talking about Emmett and Nasir. "I don't know how they can ever resolve this in a way that will make them both happy, short of Nasir coming out."

"I know, but Nasir hasn't realized that yet, so we all have to go along as he keeps trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Oh," I laughed a little. "I suppose that's a bad analogy. Nasir's quite averse to pigs."

"However you put it, the analogy is apt. He's looking for a miracle, and I think the guy who used to perform them has long ago left the desert."

I had to smile at his comeback. I'd always loved Jasper's black humor. He was usually so very sweet and kind, but he had a darker side too, and I loved it all, every part of him.

"Well, Edward, I'd love to stay and chat, but people are waiting for me. I'll talk to you soon, yeah? And do call me if there's more news."

I had occasion to call him the next day, when Seth got a disturbing text from Emmett. Then we all stayed on pins and needles as the radio silence continued. Seth kept texting and calling, but received no response until early Wednesday morning. That's when we all finally sat back and relaxed a bit. Seth had no details except that, apparently the jig was up, but Emmett and Nasir managed to flee the country and were safe in Hong Kong. They would be coming home Thursday and Seth, of course, wanted everyone in his place to welcome them. Fortunately it was my day off, so I didn't have to call Roger for yet another favor.

We gathered at Seth and Garrett's penthouse Thursday afternoon while they went to the airport to pick up Emmett and Nasir. Rosalie was going to stay home with the boys, but I offered to keep them occupied to ensure they did not destroy any of Seth and Garrett's decidedly not child-friendly decor. The two little monkeys wanted to be horseback riding cowboys, and as a result I spent a large chunk of the afternoon pretending to be their horse and "galloping" around the living room. Liam was getting bigger and more coordinated, so when he was on my back I bucked and reared and generally misbehaved in a way that made him laugh with glee. Owen was just starting to emerge from his toddler phase, so he was still light and a little bit clumsy, forcing me to be slower and more cautious. When he was the "rider" he leaned forward and clutched at my shirt, sometimes even wrapping his little arms around my neck, so that he looked more like a baby monkey than a cowboy. But when he felt safe and secure as I crawled on my hands and knees around the living room, he let out the sweetest soft little giggles. He was starting to mature, though, and with that also starting to look more and more like me, so much so that no DNA test would be required to figure out I was his genetic father. He had the Hale blue eyes and Rosalie's lips, but as he lost some of his baby fat, his nose and chin were very clearly Cullen. And then there was his hair, identical in color to my own. I worried about the resemblance, figuring sometime soon either he or, more likely, Liam, was going to start asking questions. I hoped when they did, the questions would go to the girls, who presumably were prepared with some sort of a reasonable answer. I took a mental note to speak with them about that soon, just in case the boys came to me first.

When I finally got too tired and unsuccessfully tried to disentangle myself from my over-energetic nephews, Rosalie came to the rescue and took charge. I felt bad about abandoning the boys, but I needed a break and a beer. Of course, getting a drink was itself a perilous task, the bar being staffed by a new, attractive and overly accommodating bartender. The boy, Kiril, was Russian, and made it clear that he was available, explaining that he'd heard about my talents and assets from his friend, Milan. I was certainly flattered by the offer, and very nearly took him up on it, but when I realized the essence of his appeal came from his close physical resemblance to Jasper, I stopped myself. If anyone forced me to, I wouldn't have been able to clearly explain my reasons for being so reserved. It wasn't as though I'd made a commitment to anyone, or that I'd never used a boy purely for physical release before, or even that I thought there was something wrong with doing that in principle, as long as both people were willing and understood what they were doing. It was more that now that Jasper was back in my life, it made me want to be a different man than I had been before. It sounded a little foolish, but I wanted to wait for him. If he and I didn't work out, there would be plenty of other bartenders available in the future. For now, though, I could practice some self-restraint. That would make any potential reunion with Jasper all the more satisfying.

Our hosts and the guests of honor finally arrived several hours after the plane landed. Garrett had texted, so we all knew it was due to Nasir being stuck in Customs. That, however, was just a minor inconvenience, considering Emmett and Nasir were home, together, looking exhausted but happy. I understood the reason for their good mood immediately when Nasir emphatically answered "no" after I asked if the wedding was still on. Relieved, I exchanged a meaningful glance with Seth, who gave me a slight nod in affirmation, followed by a big smile. I could tell this was the first time he'd relaxed since the day after his wedding. I hugged Nasir and told him how glad I was and how he and Emmett belonged together. I felt a slight twinge of guilt when he thanked me for being such a good friend, recalling the conversations I had with Seth in which I was ready to ally against him with Emmett if need be, but I also knew that if the two of them had come back with news that the wedding would go on, I would have tried to talk to Nasir alone and explain why I thought that position was untenable. I would have tried to remain a good friend to him until it became impossible for me to be a good friend to both him and Emmett. If I could have only been a good friend to one of them, there really wouldn't have been any choice, but thankfully that unfortunate situation had been avoided.

It was so good to see Emmett back and happy, I didn't even protest when he corralled me and led me out onto the terrace for what I knew would be an interrogation about Jasper. Now that he had good news of his own, I didn't mind sharing mine. In fact, I wanted to share everything. I wanted to shout it from Seth and Garrett's terrace so that all of Seattle could hear. Things between me and Jasper weren't just going well, they were going great!

I managed to sound a good bit calmer as I explained to Emmett that Jasper and I had been talking, and even as I explained that we were planning to meet up in Chicago, though only as friends. I was glad I had waited to say anything to anyone until I saw him, because Emmett's enthusiastic and joyful response, coupled with one of his patented bear hugs, was exactly what I needed. I knew that the others, with the possible exception of my overly cautious sister, would have reactions similar to his, but he was the most hopeful and supportive of getting Jasper and me get together, so it meant more for him to be the first to hear of my progress.

The full-out celebration was tempered on Friday with news that Nasir's asshole brother showed up at the condo and threatened Nasir, while letting him know that his father was ready to forgive all if he just returned to the Emirates and married the chosen woman. Fortunately, Nasir rejected the offer. Unfortunately, his response resulted in him losing his job and, most likely, any future contact with his family. Nasir had suspected the latter would be the case even before Kasim's visit, but the confirmation must have been painful. And then even that paled in comparison to what happened the following Monday, when Immigration officers showed up to tell Nasir that his visa had been revoked and he had 48 hours to voluntarily leave the country or be picked up and deported. That sent us all into a panic, with Emmett actually considering moving out of the country to be with his partner. Thankfully, Garrett pulled on his Superman suit and saved the situation. Or, rather, he called his father, a Federal Circuit Court of Appeals Judge in Philadelphia, who had enough friends and connections to hook Nasir up with the best immigration lawyer in the city and to arrange for an emergency hearing in front of one of his counterparts in Seattle.

After the hearing was over, and Nasir had the right to remain in the country out of government custody while is application for asylum was being processed, Seth and I both thought we needed a big bash. I informed Seth that he'd done enough party planning for a while, and insisted on hosting the party myself. I had some ulterior motives. A party at my home meant I wouldn't have to deal with the temptations posed by Seth and Garrett's catering help. Also, while I enjoyed gatherings at the penthouse, they were always a little too stuffy and formal, and at this party I really wanted everyone to finally relax and let loose. Plus, being the host put me in charge of the guest list, so I could invite Roger and Yvonne and the kids, which made taking yet another Saturday off work a little easier.

The party was a blast. Luckily for us, the weather was warm and sunny, absolutely ideal for a bar-b-que. Since the lake water was still a little cool, the moms vetoed swimming for the kids, but they did not object to a water gun battle. Seth took charge of Ren, Liam and Owen, organizing them into his personal tribe against the not so "pale" faced tribe made up of Roger and Leah's latest, and seemingly more than casual boyfriend, Roberto. I rather liked Roberto who, for a Hispanic straight cop, was remarkably tolerant not just of our group as a whole, but also of Seth's crazy antics and familiarities. He seemed like exactly the kind of guy who could finally tame the other Clearwater.

Unfortunately for him, he was still too new to understand all of our interpersonal dynamics, and made the mistake of helping Roger ambush Seth at the end of the battle and then standing by as Roger deposited his captive into the lake. I wasn't around to witness Emmett promptly tossing the two men who accosted his best friend into the lake as well, but when I got over the shock of it and saw that Roger was quite good natured about it, I had to laugh at the mental image my mind readily supplied. I wasn't laughing a few minutes later when Seth tried to follow Roberto and my very straight boss into my bedroom, where the two were going to change into dry clothes. It took a bit of convincing, but I finally managed to get Seth to promise to leave the straight men alone, only to be nearly thwarted by Roger, who was quite obvious in deliberately coming out of the bedroom naked, save for a towel covering his cock, ostensibly to apologize for scaring Remmy, but really to tease the hell out of Seth. And he achieved his purpose very well, especially when he turned around to walk back to the bedroom, giving us a perfect view of his toned, hard, round ass. And damn, I'd known him for years, but up until that moment even I hadn't realized exactly how fuck hot the man was. Much as I loved Yvonne, I thought it was a travesty that such a fine ass was completely wasted on a woman. He was lucky Jasper had re-entered my life and left no room for me to think about anyone else, otherwise I likely would have been polishing my wood for many days to come thinking about tapping that bubble butt. As it was, I only had to physically hold Seth back from following Roger, until he finally promised to behave. I was relieved, though I had half a mind to let Seth do what he wanted, since Roger certainly was asking for it. Still, as comfortable as he was with me and the other gay boys, I didn't think Roger fully appreciated what it would have meant for him to be on the receiving end of Seth Clearwater, unleashed. I decided it was best not to enlighten him.

After all the big and little boys changed back into dry clothes, the party continued. Seth initiated his little band of warriors into his tribe by giving them all crow feathers in lieu of the more appropriate, but highly elusive and illegal, eagle feathers. Then, as I manned the grill, he announced that he and Garrett were going to New York and were going to see Jasper. I nearly dropped the tongs I was using to flip the chicken. As much as I was looking forward to seeing Jasper in a month in Chicago, I would have given my right arm to see him in New York before then. Of course, he still hadn't invited me and the idea of suggesting the visit myself or, worse, surprising him, was absolutely out of the question, at least for now. Which didn't stop Justin, who to be fair had no idea of what happened between me and Jasper in the past, from suggesting it. I could feel the tension radiating from those in the know, and I was thankful that I was at a point in my life when I could dismiss the suggestion with a cryptic joke, rather than get totally bent out of shape. It didn't however, stop me from being extremely envious of my little friend.

We talked more as we ate and after the meal, as the host, I took it upon myself to make a toast. I wasn't quite as erudite as Garrett, but I earned myself a big hug from Emmett, who then made a toast of his own. Then the afternoon took on an almost surreal quality as Nasir got up to speak as well and Seth pointed out what the rest of us were thinking, that Emmett and Nasir's speeches sure sounded like wedding vows. And then, before we knew it, Emmett was proposing, and he and Nasir were asking Seth and Garrett and me to stand up and Rosalie to officiate, and Seth immediately began to plan the wedding. It all amounted to a sudden and unexpected, adrenaline fueled rush of happiness and excitement, as all of us relayed our congratulations and generally basked in the glow of Emmett and Nasir's radiating love. Maggie and I got the cake and ice cream and then the kids came back to join us from where they had been playing in the yard and we all fed off the sugar and excitement, creating a general euphoria that lasted for quite a while.

After we were finally all done eating and some of the excitement over Emmett and Nasir's engagement faded, allowing everyone to sit back and relax again, I used the need to put away the leftover food as an excuse to go inside and take a few moments for myself. It was hard to believe that within a space of three weeks Nasir and Emmett went from happily reunited after a fortnight apart, to nearly being torn asunder by an arranged marriage, to becoming engaged to each other. Quite an emotional roller coaster for them and the rest of us. At least it had all been somewhat quick. I was sure not quick enough for Emmett and Nasir, but considering the nightmare could have dragged on for months, 21 days seemed like nothing.

I finished putting away the food, but wasn't quite ready to get back to my guests, so I moved to the sink and began to wash some of the tools that weren't dishwasher safe. The window over the sink looked out onto the garage, and my eyes rested on the staircase leading up to the guest apartment. Emmett and Nasir's wedding would be a perfect occasion for Jasper's next visit to Seattle, and he had said that the next time he was here he'd stay at my place. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to imagine him at my home, sitting causally in my dining room, leaning back in his chair, that confident smirk on his face, talking while I prepared and served dinner. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, marveling at how natural the image seemed. I was so engrossed with my fantasy, that I didn't realize someone had walked into the kitchen until I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around me from behind. I jumped, startled, before I recognized the familiar shape and scent.

"Emmett! Shit! You scared the piss out of me. I didn't hear you come up."

He laughed, but didn't let go. Instead, he rested his chin on my shoulder, turning his head to kiss my cheek.

"Sorry, Eddie. I wasn't being particularly quiet. You must have been really deep in thought."

I turned around, still in his arms, reached up to take his face in both my hands and briefly brushed his lips with mine.

"I was just thinking how happy I am for you and Nasir," I started and watched his smile widen. "And how Jasper will have to come to Seattle soon for another wedding," I added.

"Aaah," Emmett understood immediately and nodded. "Of course. I didn't even think of that, but yes, he has to come to my wedding. He barely got to say two words to Nasir the last time."

"He said the next time he's in Seattle he'd stay here," I tilted my head back towards the garage. "In the guest apartment. And that I could cook him dinner. I guess he eats out a lot," I explained.

Emmett stepped back and looked at me carefully. "It sounds like you two have been talking quite a bit. Can we talk in your bedroom? There's less of a chance of us being interrupted in there."

"Sure," I agreed easily. "But shouldn't you be with Nasir?"

"You know, for the first time since Seth's wedding I feel like it's okay to be apart for a little while. He knows where I am if he needs me. He's having a good time with the others, anyway, and I feel like I've been hogging him."

"Everyone understands, Em," I assured him.

"I know, but now I don't have to do it as much anymore. I can take a few minutes to catch up with one of my future husband's groomsmen. Thanks for that, by the way. It makes asking Carson to stand up easier."

"You know I love Nasir, Emmett. I'm honored to be asked, and very happy to do it."

We made our way to my bedroom and both lay down on the bed, side by side. "So," Emmett said as he flipped onto his side and propped his head on his folded arm. "Tell me everything. What have you and Jasper been talking about?"

I clasped my arms behind my neck and turned my head towards him. "A little bit of everything, I guess. What we like to do, music we listen to, movies, what we're going to do in Chicago," I had to smile at that. "Or the next time he comes to Seattle, or when I go visit New York."

"Yeah?" Emmett play punched me with his free hand. "No shit? He asked you to come visit him in New York?"

"Not exactly," I admitted. "It wasn't an invitation, per se, but it wasn't just a theoretical discussion either. We don't have a specific date set, but I get the distinct impression that if and when I decide to go, I would be welcome."

"God, Edward, that is so great! And so huge!"

"I know," I affirmed, pleased with his excitement. "I've waited for this for so long, it's almost like a dream. Aside from the initial bumps at the wedding, things have gone so smoothly."

"That's awesome, Eddie! You more than deserve it. I don't think it's possible for a man to go through a bigger change than you did. You know when we met I didn't think you were worthy of Jasper's love..."

"I wasn't. I was a Goddamn prick," I interrupted, looking back up at the ceiling.

"Yeah, but after he left you really changed. It' s hard for me to even believe you're the same person as that guy. You've worked really hard and have been so patient, and it’s only fair that it starts paying off now."

We both reflected for a while without saying anything.

"I didn't do it for a payoff, you know," I finally said. "I mean, maybe I did at first. I guess initially I was doing what I thought I had to do to get him back. But then, after Rochester, I really had no hope of a payoff. After that I just really wanted to be a better person for me and for you guys and Maggie and Rose and for my nephews. A year ago, when all hope of ever seeing Jasper again seemed lost, I would have said that I wished I could have been a better man for Cliff, but now..."

"All that perseverance is paying off. You know, Eddie, there was a moment back there, in the Emirates, when I was stuck alone in my hotel room while Nasir was with his family, when I just didn't know if I could do it. I didn't know if I would be able to handle being away from him for however many months it took to appease his family. And you know what I thought about? You. I remembered how strong you were, how long you waited for your soul mate to find his way back to you. And I thought if you could do that, if you could wait six years, then I sure as hell could wait six months. You were my inspiration. I admire you so much."

I was shocked. Emmett and I were close and I always felt we could tell each other anything, but he'd ever expressed anything even remotely like this before. But the more I thought about what he said, the more uncomfortable I felt.

"I don't know about the soul mate stuff, Emmett. Jasper and I are getting to know each other again, but there is nothing to suggest he wants anything other than friendship. Obviously I'm hoping for more, but I don't want to assume anything. We're two different people now, and he's still so very guarded about his personal life. I don't even know if he's seeing anyone..."

"Do you think he would ask you to go to Chicago if he were?"

I considered the question for a moment. "It is supposed to be a purely platonic trip, though I suppose if I were seeing him I sure as fuck wouldn't want him to spend a weekend with a guy he was once in love with, no matter how innocent the intentions. But some people are more open minded, more understanding, more tolerant."

"Yes," Emmett sighed. "I learned all about that over the past month. I sure as hell was willing to become more open minded and understanding about sharing my partner with some woman. I didn't want to share Nasir, but I think I would have, if that was the only way to have him in my life."

I turned to face him again. "I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am that you never had to find out if you could, indeed, do that. I think I can say for sure that I would not be able to do that. I mean, Jasper and I are on separate coasts, but if we were in a relationship, I could not handle it being open in any way. The jealousy would kill me, even if I knew he was just tricking to get off. Hell, I don't think I could share him with a trick even if we were both involved and attracted to the third guy."

Emmett raised his eyebrow in question, as if sensing there was more to my statement than I had already revealed. I sighed.

"When I lived in Stehekin last summer I ran into these two hikers. They were in love and committed, but they often invited other guys they both found attractive to join them in bed. They extended the invitation to me and I have to admit, it was hot. And it was very clear to me that I did not threaten their relationship in any way - they both put each other first and me second, but made sure that we were all satisfied. Afterwards we talked, and when I told them about my inability to commit to anyone other than Jasper, they suggested I try an alternate arrangement. They said in a threesome no one would be depending exclusively on my emotional commitment. I thought about it for all of a minute, but I couldn't see it for me. I may have changed a lot, but I do not like to share. And I could never share Jasper. Like I said, even if the other hook up was completely meaningless, it would still kill me. I'm not criticizing anyone who is in that sort of relationship, whether by choice or necessity, but it would never work for me. And I am so very, very glad you do not need to find out if it would ever work for you."

Emmett considered me seriously for a while. "I'm very glad too," he said finally. "Obviously. I can't imagine ever willingly sharing Nasir with someone else. I didn't realize you'd given it that much thought, though, or that your tryst with Leah and Luc wasn't your first threesome," he gave me his dimpled grin. "You continue to surprise, Edward Cullen."

I shrugged. "It wasn't really anything important," I tried to be dismissive. No one needed to know that I had, at one point, considered a move to Boulder in order to live closer to Mitch and Teddy.

"And it's irrelevant now," Emmett contributed. "I know you don't want to be too hopeful about Jasper, but I really think it's gonna work out. He called while we were driving over here, you know," he said matter-of-factly, knowing full well that he was dangling a carrot in front of a starving rabbit.

"Did he say anything?" I asked anxiously.

"It wasn't so much what he said but how he said it. His choice of words. The tone of his voice. I'm not Seth, so I can't be certain. But I certainly am hopeful. And Seth is gonna see him next week. Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah," I said. Until that moment I had nearly forgotten about the New York trip Seth had announced earlier. "Shouldn't I be?"

"Absolutely," Emmett answered firmly. "Seth has your best interest at heart and he will not do anything to jeopardize your reunion. But he will be looking for signs, you can be sure of that. And I hope he'll see the same thing I heard earlier."

I shifted to my side to face him, "It's so good to have you back, Em. It's easier to be positive when you're around. And I really, really want and need to stay positive."

He opened his arms. "Come here, Eddie," he beckoned. I scooted over and allowed him to pull me into another bear hug. "Now that the situation with Nasir is resolved, I'll happily be your fountain of enthusiasm. I want you and Jasper to have what Nasi and I have, and what Garrett and Seth have. And I'll do what I can to make sure that happens."

"To make sure what happens?" I heard Seth's voice behind me and then felt his weight next to me as he flopped onto the bed and pressed himself in a hug against my back. "You guys got room for one more?"

I looked back at him over my shoulder and accepted his quick kiss. "We always have room for you, Seth."

"Of course you do," he announced. "that was a rhetorical question. But you're too big and I don't like being out here." He scampered up over me and inserted himself between me and Emmett. "That's better," he said approvingly. "Now I can see both of you. So what are we talking about? No, don't tell me, I know. Jasper."

"That wasn't too difficult to guess," I laughed.

"Not with your one-tracked mind," he agreed. "So the calls have been going well?"

"Very well," I confirmed. "We talk at least every other day. His schedule is pretty busy, so sometimes the conversations are short, but still, we speak regularly now. And e-mail. And I can't even believe I'm going to see him again in a month. Though you're gonna see him next week, and I'm jealous."

Seth patted my arm. "Garret and I will both do our best to subtly let him know what a wonderful man you are."

Emmett let out a booming laugh. "Maybe you'd best leave that to Garrett, Sweetie. Subtlety is not exactly your strong point."

Seth flipped to face Emmett and delivered a strong punch to Emmett's pec as he gave him a death glare. "I can be extremely subtle when the situation calls for it," he fumed.

"Seth, I love you more than anyone except Nasi, and I know you have an overabundance of wonderful qualities, but you're about as subtle as a disco ball," Emmett didn't give an inch.

I sighed. "You can be as subtle or overt as you'd like, Seth. Just please, do not let on that I might want anything more than to be his friend. I don't want him to start overthinking this Chicago trip and maybe change his mind."

"I would never," Seth was offended. "And you should know that you do not need to tell me that."

"I know, Seth," I said apologetically. "It's just..."

"I know, I know, you're a basket case and a nervous wreck," Seth conceded, turning towards me and pressing his face into the crook of my neck to let me know all was forgiven. "For what it's worth, you don't need to be. But I understand."

We lay together talking for a while longer, before getting up and re-joining everyone. It was really great to spend some alone time with the two of them, and if the other guests noticed that we had been missing, no one made a comment. The party continued late into the night, with everyone taking advantage of the opportunity to relieve their pent up stress. My only regret was that, as the host, I couldn't sneak away and fit in a call with Jasper. The two of us had already made plans to speak on Sunday, though, and Emmett gave me permission to share his good news, so I knew we'd have more to talk about than any brief Saturday call would allow.

"Holy shit! Seriously? He just proposed right there, on your deck?" Jasper was happy, but clearly just as stunned as we all had been.

"Yup. It was completely spontaneous. I don't even think they had ever talked about it. But it was the perfect thing for them to do. And, of course, Seth very nearly has the entire wedding planned already."

"Wow. Thanks to that tour you gave me, I can picture the moment perfectly. I wish I could have been there. I guess Nasir is going to be getting his wedding after all, but this time he's marrying the right guy."

"Exactly. And of course you're invited. We all hope you can come. The guest apartment is all ready." I sounded confident, as thought the plans were a given, but I nevertheless waited for his response with bated breath.

"I should be able to make it," Jasper said hesitantly.

"It would be great if you could squeeze in a few extra days so we could do something with all the guys before the wedding. Day of is usually crazy for the grooms, though this will be a much smaller affair than Seth and Garrett's ceremony. Still, I think they are talking about the weekend after labor day, so if you could take off that week . ."

Again, I held my breath. I was really pushing it now.

"A whole week? I suppose I might be able to swing that. Most of the parents who work on the show take their vacations before labor day, while their kids' are off for the summer, so after labor day may be a good time to take off. I'll look into it. I would like to get to know Nasir a little before the actual wedding. And speaking of getting to know people, it's cool that Seth and Garrett are coming to New York... "

We talked until he had to go to meet his father for dinner and then again Monday evening for a few minutes. The few days after that he was busy meeting up with Seth and Garrett, and then with various 4th of July social obligations. Even though we exchanged e-mails, I found myself missing his voice and his laugh, and wondering if he felt the same. It had been so easy to get used to those regular phone calls, to start to depend on them, even. It wasn't that I couldn't cope without talking to him, but I was distracted by his absence and it gave me pause. As hard as I tried to keep my feelings in check, they were growing with every conversation. He wasn't the same boy I'd been best friends with in Forks, but this new, more mature version of him was even better. There had been nothing he'd shared with me so far that I could consider a negative. Our tastes in books, music and movies didn't overlap exactly, but they were pretty damn close. I didn't share his passion for editing and television production, but I'd learned enough about it from Cliff to be able to hold a conversation and I loved hearing him talk about something that made him so seemingly giddy with excitement. Likewise, although he had not been an avowed environmentalist all these years, he was conversant on subjects involving resource and environmental conservation, and never complained when I went off on those tangents. Even after all these years and with so many changes in our lives, we made really good friends. The only thing I didn't know was if I was the only one who wanted us to be more.

Our group celebrated Independence Day with a party at Garrett's work offices. He wanted to do something special for Nasir and Emmett, and the windows of the boardroom on the executive floor of the Seattle offices of Fifth/Third Bank offered the perfect view of the city fireworks, in air conditioned comfort and away from the crowds and traffic. As was typical of Seth and Garrett's parties, the affair was fully catered, but I managed to make the staff aware from the start that I was not interested in any extracurricular activities. To reinforce my resolve and minimize contact with Kiril, who once again tended the bar, I ended up drinking a lot less than I normally would. Instead, I spent my time listening with rapt interest to Seth and Garret's recounting of their New York trip. Seth listed with faux nonchalance all the celebrities Jasper introduced him to during their tour of the studios where Jasper worked and their cocktails in the Rainbow Room. Garrett clearly wasn't as easily impressed, but even he was excited by Jasper's offer to introduce him to his father who, as it turned out, also wrote under a pseudonym and was one of Garrett's favorite authors. Both of them expressed that they very much enjoyed Jasper's company, and that he was a most gracious host and tour guide.

"Although we kept in touch over the years, it was different seeing him and talking to him in person," Seth told me later, when it was just the two of us, the others having moved on to different conversations. "It was especially striking to see him in his element. He's really comfortable there, in the studio and in the city. I'd never really seen him like that before. And he's hotter now than he's ever been. The way he dresses and carries himself - very sexy!"

"Did you," I paused, unsure if I wanted to know the answer to the question I nearly asked. Frowning, I considered the alternatives, and decided that it was better to know. "I wouldn't expect him to talk about a boyfriend or anyone he might be seeing, but you've never been a man who needs to be told to know. Did you see or feel anything, either way?" I asked, still tentative. I didn't much like the way he frowned.

"There were no tell-tale photographs in his office or any other obvious signs of a relationship. He was the picture of confidence almost the entire time, but he seemed conflicted whenever you came up in conversation. Not necessarily in a bad way," he hastened to add, "just not as certain as he was about almost everything else in his life. It doesn't have to mean that he's seeing someone else. In fact, he told me himself that he was surprised at how easily the two of you had fallen back into a friendship. It may be that he doesn't quite know what to make of you yet. But don't worry. Garrett worked his charm on your behalf."

"He did?" I laughed nervously. "How did he do that?"

"He told Jasper how you met, how impressed he was with you and how responsible you were being with your investments. How generous you were with your money, too. Of course, he didn't divulge any details or confidential information. He only revealed enough to let Jasper know that you have an altruistic streak."

"That must have been a surprise," I chuckled, not quite mirthfully.

"Jasper didn't seem surprised," Seth corrected my assumption. "He was more, well, thoughtful, I guess. Like he was just adding the information to his database. I think he wants to let go and allow himself to trust you, but a part of him doesn't trust himself to make that decision. It's like he's standing at the curb, ready to cross the street, but not sure if he can trust his eyes that the traffic is clear, you know?"

I nodded. "He's actually admitted something similar to me already," I informed him. "I think the only way to fix that is to give him time, as much as he needs, right?"

He put his arm around my waist and pressed himself close to me. "I have a feeling it won't take as long as you think. Jasper has changed a lot, but some things always stay the same. He has an innate faith in people, and he will be ready to take that leap a lot sooner than most others in his situation would be. Just stay patient a little longer."

I smiled down at him. "You know it's more difficult now than it ever was before, right?"

He nodded.

"But of course I'll stay patient. I'll do whatever it takes. I've waited too long and am too close now to fuck it up by rushing him. But damn! It is difficult, and hard!" I said with a wink that had him giggling.

"It doesn't have to be so hard. I'm sure there's someone here who could help you alleviate that problem, at least temporarily," he suggested slyly, looking in Kiril's direction.

I shrugged. "I'll pass, thanks. I've decided instant gratification can be overrated."

Seth's eyebrow shot up knowingly but he said nothing. He just walked to the bar, received two beers from Kiril and returned, handing one of them to me. I tilted my head in acknowledgement of the favor, not even minding his self-satisfied smirk.

The week following the holiday I switched up my schedule and took an extra day off in order to take a mid-week driving trip up to Port Townsend with Liam and Owen. Mom loved having the boys visit, and while summertime was peak season at the inn, there was less traffic mid-week than on the weekends, making it the perfect time to bring them up for both me and her. Liam and Owen were so excited, they could hardly sit still in their car seats during the drive. Mom absolutely spoiled them rotten every time they visited, preparing their favorite foods and buying them new toys that she hid around her private quarters, giving them "colder" and warmer" clues as they investigated until they each found their new treasures. She also let them do just about anything their hearts desired, and she was all too willing to cuddle them for as long as they wanted. As far as the boys were concerned, a visit to Esmeralda’s was absolute nirvana.

This time was no different. As soon as my car pulled to a stop in front of the inn, Liam was unbuckled and out of his booster seat to help free his brother, who was still struggling with his seatbelt. By the time I got out of the car and opened their door, they were both ready to spill out onto the sidewalk so they could run into the open arms of their auntie Esme. My mother ate it up, hugging both the boys closely and covering them both with kisses. Thankfully they were still young enough to appreciate every bit of the attention. I laughed and shook my head as I closed the car doors and retrieved our bags from the rear storage compartment. Thankfully we were only going to be at Mom's for three days, so we each made do with a single bag, though Owen and Liam's bags held significantly more than my own.

Mom stood up as I made my way up the walkway towards the house. Liam stayed on the ground, but Owen clung on, his little arms wrapped around Mom's neck and his legs straddling her hip. It was a little strange seeing the two of them like that. With Mom still looking as youthful as she did and Owen looking so much like me, it wasn't hard to imagine this had been exactly what other people saw years ago, when I was his age. Mom looked so happy and content holding him close to her, I once again said a mental thanks for Maggie and Rosalie for being so understanding and for never begrudging her time with the boys who, officially at least, were not in any way related to her.

"Hi, Mom," I said, leaning over to kiss her cheek as I continued to juggle the bags.

"Hello, Darling. How was the drive?"

"Uneventful, except for the two impatient squirming little monkeys in the back seat singing their usual chorus of "are we there yet?"

Mom laughed. "Let's go inside so you can put down those bags. And then we can all have something to eat. Are you boys hungry?"

"Yes," Liam answered enthusiastically, always ready to eat my mom's cooking. Owen shook his head against Mom's neck.

"Really, sweetheart?" Mom asked him gently, knowing full well he was a picky eater. "Not even for chocolate chip pancakes?"

I rolled my eyes as I saw Owen glance at her with renewed interest. "I like chocolate," he murmured softly.

"I know," Mom told him. "And so does your brother. That's exactly why I wanted to make them for you today."

"Yay!" Liam exclaimed and ran to hold the door open for me. I walked straight to the back of the inn and deposited the luggage in the office/guest room where the boys and I would be sleeping, together of course, unless one or both of them decided they'd rather sleep with Mom instead. No longer encumbered, I made my way to the kitchen, where Owen was settled comfortably in his high chair and Liam bounced excitedly on a chair stacked with a couple cushions to boost him up to a more comfortable height.

"Edward, can you pour the boys milk and juice? And there's coffee for us," Mom directed as she ladled pancake batter onto her griddle while keeping an eye on the sausage links that were browning in a skillet. I dutifully poured everyone's beverages, easily finding the spill-proof sippy cups for Owen and the superhero plastic ones for Liam. Mom deftly flipped the pancakes, to the boys' delight, and soon we were all tucking in. After brunch, the boys searched for their new toys and then played until it was time for their naps, when Mom and I finally had time for a little adult conversation.

"So who is this new guy you've been seeing? Will I get to meet him?"

Mom grimaced slightly. "Probably not. His name is Kevin and he works at the marina. He's nice and I enjoyed the dates we've had so far well enough, but frankly, he's a little boring. I honestly don't think meeting him is worth your time. I think I'm actually going to let him down gently the next time we go out. And that's enough talk about that. What about you? We haven't talked much since Seth's wedding. How are things going with you?"

I loved the fact that for once I didn't have to look away or down at the floor. I didn't have to try to reassure her that I was fine when we both knew nothing was further from the truth. For the first time in a long while I could look her in the eye and tell her honestly that I was doing well.

"Everything has been going great," I couldn't help smiling as I talked. I told her about my many conversations with Jasper and how easy it was to talk to him again. I described the ways in which he had changed. I relayed Seth and Garrett's impressions from their visit. And despite some reservations, I let her know that I was planning on meeting him for a weekend in Chicago. She tried to hide it, but I could see she was concerned.

"Is that wise, Darling? I mean, I know you're both experienced adults now, but a weekend together already? It seems a little fast."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. My mom either did not understand the speed with which hooks up formed, whether among hetero or homosexual young people, or simply didn't want to think about it. Talking for months before meeting up for a weekend of raunch and debauchery could easily have been considered slow as molasses. Still, I figured there was no need to enlighten her, since that was very much not in the plan for this trip anyway.

"It's not that kind of a weekend, Mom. We're meeting up strictly to see a city neither one of us has been to before and to get to know each other again."

"Oh," she said, relieved. "That's good to hear, Edward. You boys should take your time. You've been apart for more than a quarter of your lifetimes, arguably the most important, most formative quarter. So many people who were friends at a young age find that they become completely different people as they grow up and they simply have nothing in common and grow apart. I know right now, when you've been hoping to talk to him for so long, you're very much focused on the things you had in common or have in common now, but you should also consider the differences, right? It takes a while longer to figure those out."

"I know we'll have differences, mom," I explained patiently. "We always had differences. We were best friends despite the differences, not because of the similarities. In fact, we probably have more in common now than we ever did when we were kids."

She looked at me thoughtfully. "I suppose you're right," she finally admitted. "You and Jasper were always very different. I guess I just worry that now there may be more differences," she paused, looking down at her hands, then looked back right into my eyes. "No, that's not really it. It's not about differences and similarities. It's just about a mother who's worried and doesn't want her boy to get hurt."

"Mom," I protested.

"I know, I'm being overprotective. But there were so many times while you were growing up when I couldn't protect you the way I wanted to, that I guess I'm making up for lost time."

"Mom, I'm all grown up now. I can take care of myself. And we are going slow, so you don't have to worry, okay?"

"Okay," she relented and reached over to hug me. "I do trust your judgment, you know. And I know you need to do this. I just... well, I really hope it turns out the way you want it to. And I will always be there for you. Always."

I was twenty-five years old, but I liked how safe and secure and loved she made me feel in that moment.

Mom made Owen feel safe, secure and loved too. The boy could not have clung to her more if he had been surgically attached. Even Liam noticed, saying "Owen doesn't play with me as much when we're at auntie Esme's." It wasn't a complaint, however. More like an observation, or perhaps even an expression of satisfaction, since Owen's absence meant Liam and I could play games better tailored to his age. On our second and last night in Port Townsend, Mom watched me get the boys ready for bed and then tuck Owen in her bed, since he didn't want to be away from her even at night, before doing the same with Liam in mine. We turned off the lights in both rooms and went to the living room to share a glass of wine and what was probably going to be our last private conversation.

"It's really amazing to watch you with those boys," Mom told me. "I'm so glad you're able to give them such equal attention. I try to treat them both the same, but Owen does make it hard. Sometimes I wonder if he knows?"

I shrugged. "Both boys love you very much, but you and Owen have that same bond that I have with Liam. I don't think it has to do with anything other than regular human compatibility. You must simply be kindred spirits or something. I never had that with him. Maybe he and I are too alike?"

Mom laughed and ruffled my hair as if I were still a small child. "You were awfully stubborn as a toddler, and you never really outgrew it. You were awfully sweet, too, as sweet as he is. In the evenings I couldn't cuddle you as much, because of your father, but I'd like to think I made up for it during the day. You loved it just as much as he does. I wish I could see him to do that more often, but as it is, I'm grateful for all the time the girls are willing to spare."

There was such longing in her voice, I couldn't help but feel guilty.

"I'm sorry, Mom," I told her sincerely.

"Whatever for, Darling?"

"For not being able to give you the grandchildren of your own that you really deserve. The girls have been generous, but with the boys already having two sets of grandparents, it's not quite the same. I wish there was a way you could have someone call you grandma Esme instead of auntie Esme."

"Is that what you think I want?" she teased. "You think I want someone to call me grandma? Darling, I am much too young to wear that label. I love you. I'm proud of you. I want you to be happy in life. And if that happiness doesn't involve children of your own, well, then I'm just grateful you have your nephews in your life and that, by extension, they're in my life as well."

"I love you too, Mom. You know that, right? I probably don't tell you enough."

"I do know, Edward. Even when you don't say it, you show it plenty. Like I said, I could not be more proud of you and the man you grew up to be. I can only hope that your nephews will use you as a role model and follow in your footsteps."

I used the evening after we returned to Seattle to get caught up on the housework that had been neglected while I'd been out of town. Jasper and I almost never spoke on Fridays, as that was the night he usually went out with his friends. I didn't pry for more information and he never volunteered any. Knowing that it was better not to think about what he was doing and with whom, I tried not to let myself dwell. I figured someday he would volunteer the information, and until then I had to be satisfied with knowing that he made time for me most Saturday evenings, which seemed to signal that at least he wasn't dating anyone seriously, since no serious boyfriend would have let him spend Saturday nights alone, week after week.

Just as I was done with my chores the phone rang, but not with Jasper's ring. Instead it was Cliff, and for a moment I debated not picking up. Cliff and I had only spoken once since the wedding, and it had been somewhat awkward. I hadn't wanted to let the conversation we had before the wedding change things between us, but hearing him confess that he still resented Jasper and didn't want us to be together cut me deeply, and the cut was slow to heal. I knew it was supremely hypocritical, considering what I said and did when he was first seeing Derek, but understanding how he felt didn't make it any easier to talk to him, especially since I could feel Maggie echoing the sentiment on a far more frequent basis. For his part, during our last conversation Cliff had stayed very neutral, saying nothing that could be construed as criticism or even concern, but knowing him as well as I did I sensed that he was holding back, and that alone made conversation difficult. As a result, I'd refrained from calling him, using all the other stuff going on in my life as a ready-made excuse. Not calling him and ignoring his calls were two different things, however, and I ended up picking up his call after a couple of rings.

"Hey, stranger," he said. "Haven't heard from you lately," I cringed at the hint of accusation in his voice. He knew I'd been avoiding him.

"Yeah, I've been really busy, with everything that was going on with Emmett, and then the holiday and a trip with the boys to see my mom..." I wasn't lying. It had been a busy time, work and my phone calls with Jasper overlaying everything I'd just listed. But we both knew I could have found a few minutes to squeeze in a phone call if I wanted.

"I was so glad to hear everything turned out all right with Emmett," Cliff said. "That was a horrible situation. We already received the save the date card for the wedding."

I chuckled. "Seth is very efficient. Do you think you'll be able to make it?"

"We're still talking about it. September is kind of a bad time for Derek to travel."

"Right," I replied. I wouldn't ever admit it, but I was almost glad the chances of Cliff and Derek flying out were very slim. I assumed Jasper would be here, and if that was the case I wanted to be able to concentrate on him exclusively, without having the risk of my ex-lover confronting my would-be boyfriend. I suspected Cliff would be far more diplomatic than I had been with Derek, but Jasper was intuitive enough that no one had to pound him over the head for him to figure out what was going on.

"Speaking of travel, we were thinking of flying out to Washington the first weekend in August, and Derek remembered your offer to stay with you in Seattle. Are you still up for that?"

Was I? I had been sincere when I told Derek I wanted to get to know him better, but I wondered if now was the right time? Then it hit me, I wouldn't be around that weekend anyway.

"Ordinarily I absolutely would be, but I'm going to be out of town."

"Oh, that's too bad. It's been a long time and I was really looking forward to seeing you. Derek and I both were," he corrected himself, though I doubted that Derek had been missing me much. "Where are you going?" He asked in a way that made it clear he didn't know, and I figured the subject hadn't come up in his conversations with Troy or Bruce and Tyrone, all of whom were very much aware of my Chicago weekend plans.

"I'm going to Chicago for the long weekend. Jasper's going to be there for work and when he's done we're going to check out the town, since neither one of us has ever been."

The silence that greeted my words was just a little too long, but I was determined not to fill it artificially.

"Wow," Cliff finally said. "That's a big step."

"It's not what you're thinking," I clarified. "It's just two friends meeting to talk and hang out."

"Even so, it's still big," he commented. "It sounds like he's making an effort."

"It was his idea," I admitted. "And he's talked about me coming out to New York too, though he hasn't technically issued an official invitation."

"I guess he realized he made a mistake when he left years ago and is trying to make up for it. He's lucky you're being so accommodating," the bitterness wasn't overt, but I could sense it beneath the surface. I sighed.

"Look, Cliff, I know I deserve this after what I did when you were first seeing Derek, but I'm not sure I can take it as well as you did. I'm grateful that Jasper has made this so easy and I love our renewed friendship. And that's all it is right now. But if it turns into more, and I fervently hope it does, it would help me tremendously to have all my friends in my corner."

"I'll always be in your corner, Edward. You know that."

"All right, then, in our corner, because Jasper will hopefully be right there with me. Can you do that for me, Cliff? I know I don't have the right to ask, but if your answer is no, then maybe it would be a good idea for us to take a break from talking again, at least in the immediate future?"

"I will support you in anything you do, and that includes any relationship, as long as it makes you happy. But if for whatever reason you feel I'm not being supportive enough and I'm not able to change my behavior, then I would understand if you requested a break," he finally said after mulling my words for a while. "I want you to be happy, Edward. And more than that, I want you to stop feeling guilty and blaming yourself for everything that happened. I don't want you to go through the rest of your life apologizing for stuff you didn't really do, that should be dead and buried already."

"Then you'll get along with Jasper just fine, since he hasn't asked me for any apologies."

"It's not so much about him asking - it’s about how you feel when you're with him, whether he wants you to feel that way or not."

"Cliff, if he's not asking and I insist on apologizing anyway then the problem is with me, not him. And I really don't think we should go any further down this road," I said in warning.

"Okay," he conceded. "You're right. I've said too much. I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to get into this when I called."

"It's all right. I'm sorry for being so sensitive about this. And I'm sorry I won't be in town to see you and Derek. Any chance you could change your trip to another weekend?"

"Unfortunately, no. My schedule is pretty tight in the summer. A lot of the more senior reporters and anchors take off, so they need the more junior guys like me to fill in, especially on the weekends."

"That's good for your career, though, right? More time on camera. It was why you moved there in the first place, wasn't it?"

"Yes," he admitted. "It just sucks that Derek and I are on completely different schedules. But I guess life is full of compromises and sacrifices."

With the conversation turning to other subjects, we actually spoke for quite a while, patching up the earlier rift. I thought about it after we hung up, though. I knew Cliff and I had an unusually close relationship as former partners went, and I now understood why Derek had been so threatened by that when he and Cliff first got together. I wondered how Jasper would feel about Cliff if we ever progressed to that kind of relationship ourselves. And I wondered if there was someone similar in his life who I would have to get used to.

Although at first I thought waiting for the weekend of the trip would be interminable, the general busyness of the summer season actually made the time go by pretty fast. Suddenly it was only a week and a half until my flight out, and I realized that I had nothing to wear. Well, that was an exaggeration, of course. I had plenty of clothes. But none of them seemed good enough to make the right impression. I remembered how carelessly stylish Jasper had been, and I wanted to show him that I too could be a fashion plate without even trying. Only in order to do that, I would have to try really hard. In a moment of sheer panic I confessed my concerns to Seth, and just like that I was swept into a whirlwind of shopping frenzy, with Seth insisting that he had to overlook the process to make sure I was making the right choices.

At first I was worried that Seth was going to take me to the specialty stores where he purchased a lot of his clothes, but fortunately my fears were not realized. Understanding that on my most relaxed day I still looked ten times more conservative than him, Seth took me to a high fashion department store instead, where he set me up in the fitting room and then proceeded to bring in what seemed like the store's entire men's wear collection, floating in and out of the fitting room without a care as to my state of undress, loaded with armfuls of clothes that made me exhausted to even look at, much less try on. Once the fitting room was as stuffed as it could get, Seth became a drill Sargent, ordering me to take clothes off and put others on like I was a cheap stripper.

"You realize I'm only going for four days, right?" I asked, exasperated, after I'd tried on countless shirts and pants, with everything sorted into "yes," "No" and "maybe" piles.

"I do, but you need at least ten outfits, one for day and one for evening for each of the day's you're going to be there, and then spares, just in case you're in a different sort of mood on a particular day. Really, Edward, I saw the way Jasper dresses. He's absolutely yummy. You need an entire new wardrobe to keep up with him. Maybe not all for this weekend, but you do plan to see him again, don't you?" Before I could even answer he kept going. "And take off those offensive jeans at once. Who designed those things? I would not have believed it was possible for you to look frumpy in a pair of denims if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes."

I looked in the mirror, having no clue what he was talking about. The jeans I had on were a comfortable, relaxed fit. Maybe not appropriate to wear to a club, but for everyday...

As if Seth read my mind, he waxed on, "I should be able to see the curve of that sexy Cullen butt. And well designed, appropriately fitting jeans should not leave me to wonder if you have underwear on under them. I should be able to see that you don't. Take them off, quick, before you scar me for life!" Seth ordered, covering his eyes in an exaggerated motion. "And don't even dare think about putting them into the maybe pile. Those are a complete no! In fact, hand them over," he demanded and waited for me to do so. "I am taking them out. They offend me by their mere presence. I'll be right back with some that will fit you."

A good two hours later the yes pile had finally grown large enough to completely dismiss the maybes. Of course, I had not been allowed to actually place anything into the yes pile - absolutely everything was Seth's choice. The clothes he selected were not what I normally would have bought, but I didn't really mind, since that had been the whole point of asking for his help. And I had to admit, though everything was more fitted than I ordinarily preferred, it did make me look good. And, even more importantly, it made me feel sexier and more confident. I usually didn't have a problem with self-confidence, but when it came to Jasper I was man enough to admit I needed a boost. I didn't put too much stock in what Cliff had told me, but he was right about one thing. Whereas in the past I had been the leader in my relationship with Jasper, now that I was making an effort not to repeat past mistakes, I'd also lost some of my edge. Perhaps too much. And as stupid and shallow as it seemed, the new clothes helped me gain some of it back.

"Are you sure you won't need something a little flashier?" Seth asked, disappointed with my unwillingness to shop outside the mainstream. "Aren't you guys gonna go out, at least once?"

I hesitated before answering and Seth pounced. "Ha! I knew it. You're keeping something from me. Where are you going? Spill!" he ordered.

"Jasper mentioned maybe going out to Boys' Town one night. It's..."

"Please! Do you really think you need to explain Boys' Town to me? And just what, pray tell, were you going to wear that night? Surely not one of those outfits," he motioned to the bags filled with my purchases."

"Why not? It's not going to be a date, Seth."

He rolled his eyes. "How quickly he forgets! You can be so perceptive when it comes to other people and so clueless when it comes to you. Remember when I first met Garrett? What he did to make me realize that I really only wanted to be with him?"

I stared at him without comprehending. I certainly did remember Garrett's one man campaign and his incredible patience and persistence, but it was hardly a tactic I could utilize, with Jasper and me living on opposite coasts.

"I knew Garret was a great guy. I knew he'd be great in bed. But I didn't know he would be a great husband. I didn't see him that way at all. I didn't even know I wanted a husband. He had to force me to change the way I looked at him and myself."

"Okay," I said, still not really understanding.

"Jasper sees you as a friend. Right now, he may not want to look at you in any other way. And he may not be allowing himself to admit that he could be in love with you again. You need to make him see you as boyfriend material, whether he wants to or not. And what better way than to look the part when you go out, and maybe have other guys looking at you that way too?"

"Are you suggesting I try to make him jealous?" I was finally beginning to get it.

Seth shrugged. "It worked for Garrett. But you don't have to go as far as he did. You just need to look super-hot, get his heart pumping fast again, get that blood flowing, make him ha. . ."

"I get it, Seth. I understand. It's just, I don't know how to do that. I've never had to do anything like that with anyone else. Plus with him, I need to be careful. I don't want to scare him away."

Seth pursed his lips and arched his brow, crossing his hands in front of his chest.

"I don't think you really need to do much," he stated. "All you need to do is look really hot and let other guys do the work for you. So come on, let's get you something sizzling to wear for your night out."

He ended up taking me to a store I'd never been to that clearly catered to a gay clientele, where he picked out not only a club shirt, but also a pretty sexy pair of low rise, square cut briefs to go with it.

"But Seth," I protested, "I don't usually wear underwear with jeans."

"I don't really care what you usually do or don't do. You'll wear these the night you go out," he dictated.

"Wait a second. You're telling me to wear underwear? Who are you and what have you done with my friend Seth?" I teased.

"Har de har, Cullen. I have several reasons and I'll go slow. First, these are way sexy. They'll give you that little extra boost of confidence that will make you even sexier than you already are. No one need ever know but you, and me of course," Seth explained. "And if some guy tries to stick his hand down your jeans after seeing you in that shirt and actually manages to do it, he won't be able to grab a handful of your goods."

"What if the guy sticking his hand down my jeans is Jasper?" I played devil's advocate.

"Then you will explain to him the many benefits of delayed gratification all the way back to your hotel," Seth didn't miss a beat. "The underwear will also help you hide it a little when you get hard, and let's face it, we both know that will happen at least once. Probably several times. You're no slouch, so you won't really be able to hide it completely, but they will help. Now, go put them on so I can see you in them."

In the end I followed Seth's advice to the letter and packed all the outfits in accordance with his instructions. Of course, I could not fit all the clothes into the single carry-on bag I would have liked to bring with me, but Diane, who was a frequent traveler, suggested shipping some of the clothes directly to the hotel.

"It won't cost you any more than the checked bag charge you'd have to pay the airline, it's more likely to actually arrive at its destination, and you don't have to waste time waiting at the luggage carousels at the airport. Plus, if you are so inclined, it's easier to take public transportation with a single carry-on bag, and there is a very easy L connection between O'Hare Airport and downtown Chicago," she advised.

My neighbor knew me well. Public transportation appealed to me as a far greener choice than taking a cab, even more so when I found out that my walk from the station where I would get off to the hotel would take me right along Wacker Drive and the Chicago riverfront, where I'd be able to see some of the great architecture that I'd read so much about. I took her suggestion and shipped a box with some of the clothes to Jasper, figuring it would be better to have a recipient who was already there than to have the package sitting at the desk waiting for my arrival.

For his part, Jasper was busy with his on-location work the entire week, so I didn't get to talk to him much except briefly the Wednesday night before I was scheduled to fly out. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was at once frazzled and beat.

"We're up at the crack of dawn every morning, setting up for the live location shoot, and then when that's over we're off to shoot the pre-recorded segments for the next day, which takes us into the evening. Then we get dinner and fall into bed only to get up and do the same thing all over again. I shouldn't complain. It's not really all that different from what I do at home, though location shows are always more challenging. Still, in an unfamiliar city, without a full crew, it is more tiring. And then you get back to the room and everything here is strange too. There's just no downtime at all."

"It sounds rough," I commiserated. "But you only have two days left, right? And Friday will be easier. And I'll be around tomorrow night if you want to have dinner or a drink with someone more familiar."

"I'm so looking forward to that, Edward, I can't even tell you," he said, sounding so sincere it sent a thrill right through me. "I only wish I had time to meet you earlier, but that just won't be possible."

"Don't worry about that, Jasper. I'll be fine on my own. I'll check in and then head off exploring. I'll make sure to be back by five in case you get done early."

"That's not necessary, Edward. I'll just call you when we're wrapping up. No point in you being stuck at the hotel waiting."

"Okay, that works too. Good idea. So I'll just wait for your call and we'll figure things out from there."

"Great. Oh, and I asked that your box be delivered to my room when it arrives. I'll leave an envelope with an extra key for you at reception so you can get it while I'm out."

He trusted me to go into his room while he was out? That had to be a good sign. And since I'd been sort of vague about what I was shipping, if I could get the box out of his room before he saw it, I might be able to avoid him teasing me about being a clothes horse which, thanks to Seth, is exactly what I would look like.

"Thanks, Jasper. I appreciate that."

"No problem. But now I'd better wrap it up and get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Right. Good night, Jasper. See you tomorrow."

I didn't get much sleep that night. Like a kid about to head off for a vacation at Disneyworld, I was way too excited to sleep. Eventually, though, I did nod off, only to wake up to the buzz of my alarm clock before the break of dawn. I showered, got dressed and ate breakfast, then drove myself to the airport and waited impatiently until I could finally board the plane and settle in my seat. The first flight out in the middle of the week was not very full, so I had my row all to myself, giving me plenty of uninterrupted time to close my eyes and think about what I would do when I saw Jasper again. We were in the air for hours and I managed to nap a little, but mostly I was jittery with anticipation. I had a good feeling about this weekend, a feeling that it very well could be a game changer. When the plane's wheels hit the runway in Chicago with a light bounce, I felt I had arrived at a new chapter of my life.