Chapter 31

Click here to read the Disclaimer and Warning.

Chapter 31: Shooting stars never stop

The following afternoon, after a final round of hugs for Bruce, Tyrone, Troy and Zack and one last sweet kiss for me, Cliff disappeared in the security line at the airport. Despite our talk and resolution from the previous night, it still pained me to let him go, but at least this time I had my surrogate gay dads and brother around me, a new job to look forward to, and the knowledge that we would stay friends, which made it a little more bearable.

The following Saturday I asked Seth and Emmett to come out to the house to hang out. Seth had plans, as usual, but Emmett eagerly agreed, arriving in my driveway a few minutes after I got home from the last shift of my first full week of work.

"So, what do you think, Ranger Cullen?" he boomed, slapping my back before he deposited the beer he brought with him into the fridge. "Does it feel any different now that you're officially on the full time payroll?"

"It does and it doesn't," I shrugged. "The work is pretty similar, but I feel a hell of a lot more official, and now the volunteers and seasonal employees seem to treat me with a little more respect. Or maybe it's just my imagination. Anyway, I always knew I'd love it and I do. And I couldn't ask for a better boss."

Emmett chuckled. "You sure did get lucky there. Rog is a great guy. I like my boss too, but it's not the same. I certainly don't go out drinking with him every Monday night."

"Well, since the promotion and Larissa, Roger doesn't come out with us every week, but he still shows up on occasion. And that is very cool. I assume steak's OK? I'll just marinade the meat a little while the grill's warming up."

"You know me, Edward, I'm a carnivore. You want me to do that while you change?"

I left him in charge of the food while I went into the bedroom to change. "Did you bring your trunks?" I yelled as I stripped. "I was thinking we could go swimming and then warm up in the hot tub after dinner."

"Yup, I brought trunks and stuff for tomorrow. I figured we'd be drinking tonight and you wouldn't mind if I crashed here instead of driving back," Emmett yelled from the kitchen.

I pulled on my swim trunks and a tee-shirt and joined him back in the kitchen. "Of course not. There's plenty of room. Though I do have to work tomorrow so I'll probably be gone before you wake up, but I'll give you my spare keys. Keep them. I'll make a set for Seth too. You're both welcome here any time."

Emmett looked up from his task of slicing vegetables for the salad. "Thanks, Edward. You really don't have to do that."

"I know, but the girls have a key and you guys are like family, so you should have keys too. That way if you ever get here before I do or need to get in for any reason, it's not an issue."

I helped him with the salad and when it was done we took the beer, salad and the meat out onto the deck. Emmett had turned on the grill before, so by the time we got there it was preheated and all we had to do was throw the steaks on and wait a few minutes.

"It was nice of Cliff to surprise you with that visit last week," Emmett said carefully. "How did it go after we all went home?"

I took a deep breath. "It went as well as I had any right to expect. I mean, I won't lie, a part of me was hoping he'd see me again and realize what a mistake he'd made and we'd get back together and live happily ever after, but deep down I knew that wasn't gonna happen."

"Only in fairy tales, bud. Sorry!" Emmett shook his head and drank down some of his beer. "So what did happen?"

"Well, we slept together," I offered and watched Emmett's eyebrows go up in question, "just like old times," I added, my tone making my meaning clear even if the words were not.

"And?"

"And it was good. Great! But afterwards we talked and we decided, well, more like he decided and I agreed, that we should cut down on our calls and start dating other people. So I guess now, four months after we broke up and he moved away, I'm finally totally back on the market, single and looking."

Emmett grimaced and took another swallow of his beer as I flipped the meat.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I know it's not easy to let a good relationship go. But you guys have been talking too much for a couple that is no longer together, and if you kept on like that it would hold you back. Dating, though? Fuck! That always sounds a hell of a lot easier than it actually is. It's not a coincidence that date is a four letter word."

I chuckled darkly.

"And here I wanted to ask you for help on how the hell to get into this whole dating thing. I mean, I met Jasper in grade school and Cliff in the waiting room of my therapist's office. What the hell do I know about how dating works? Other than one high school girlfriend, I never dated."

"You do notice that it's Saturday night and I'm here with you, right? And you do remember that since that whole David disaster I'd only been out with three, maybe four guys, right? I mean, in a week I'm going home for my younger brother's wedding, and I still haven't even come close to finding a guy I want to be really serious with, how depressing is that? Clearly I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. If you need dating advice, ask Seth."

I scoffed "Seth doesn't date. He fucks. I already know how to do that." I pulled Emmett's steak off the grill and handed it to him on the plate, then did the same with mine. We served the salad and dug in, apparently both pretty hungry.

"Do you?" Emmett finally asked when he was about halfway done.

"Huh?" I'd forgotten what we had been talking about.

"Do you really know what it's like to do what Seth does. I mean, I know you've done that with with women. Jesus, anyone in our old apartment building knows that. But you really haven't with guys. I mean, you went from being in love with Jasper to an exclusive relationship with Cliff. You never slept around, checked out what you really like."

"Yeah, but..." I paused, trying to decide why the idea seemed so unappealing, "I don't think that's exactly what Cliff had in mind when he said we should see other guys," I frowned at the thought of Cliff out with different faceless strange men night after night. "At least I hope that's not what he meant."

I drained my bottle, got up, and brought us both fresh beers.

"Well," Emmett said, "I don't mean you need to be exactly like Seth. But maybe instead of looking for Mr. Right you should get a few Mr. Right Nows under your belt. You know, get comfortable in your gay skin. I did that for a little while after Jared. I determined pretty quickly that I really wasn't interested in that scene, but at least I gave it a shot and can speak from experience. Maybe you should do the same?"

"I don't know, Emmett," I shook my head. "I'm supposed to be looking for someone who will finally help me get over Jasper. I don't think I'm gonna find that among guys who are only interested in how well I can fill their ass."

We finished our meal and put away the dishes, then switched to other topics as we jumped into the lake and worked off some of the calories. It was only later, when we were relaxing in the hot tub, that Emmett brought the conversation full circle to where we left off.

"Did you ever consider that maybe focusing your search on the guy who is gonna help you forget Jasper is not the most productive thing you could be doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, making you forget Jasper, that's a really high standard, isn't it? I mean, even Cliff, who is an amazing guy, couldn't meet that high bar. It's kind of like looking for a needle in a haystack. And that's just a recipe for failure."

"Then what do I look for?"

"I don't know. When you met Cliff, asked him out for coffee, what were you looking for then?"

I thought back. What had attracted me to Cliff that first afternoon? I wanted to keep talking to him because he'd been the first guy since Jasper to make me hard on sight, and because I liked his voice and mannerisms. It was all purely physical, but in large part it was that he reminded me of Jasper. Emmett frowned when I relayed this to him.

"I always suspected that was a part of it, though I was hoping I was wrong."

"Why?"

"Because I worried that you weren't really looking so much for someone to help you forget Jasper as someone who could step into his place. And there's no one out there that will be able to do that."

"I know that. Don't you think I know that?" I nearly snarled, infuriated by the accusation that I'd been with Cliff only because I thought he was some Jasper clone. "I didn't spend nearly two years of my life in love with Cliff because I thought he was Jasper, and I never did anything to try to make him more like Jasper."

Emmett placed his hands up and the gestured had its desired instant calming effect on me.

"Sorry, Em. I guess you hit a sore spot I didn't even know I had. I didn't mean to snap at you," I said apologetically.

"No problem. And I didn't mean to imply that you tried to turn Cliff into Jasper. But you have to admit, they had a lot of similarities, and not just physical. They were both mild mannered, easygoing, intuitive, and they both tended to mostly follow your lead."

I frowned. "Yeah, but I mostly coerced Jasper into doing that. I never did that to Cliff, and he took the lead sometimes..."

"Edward, you don't have to get so defensive. I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm just saying there were more than superficial similarities between Cliff and Jasper. And if you're looking for someone to make you forget a guy, maybe another guy who is very much like the first one is not the best way to do that."

"So what do you suggest? I go out and look for a short, stocky, loudmouth, brown-eyed brunette, let him take charge of sex and see if a guy like that can make me forget?"

"No, though I sure would pay money to see that," Emmett giggled at the thought. "I'm just saying that sometimes you take a guy home for a night and he doesn't have to be your exact type or fit any criteria other than where he wants you to stick it, and he may end up surprising you and it may turn into more. And if it doesn't, so what? You didn't have any high expectations so you're never disappointed. And then, once you realize that you can handle spending time with someone who may not seem like your type right off the bat, you can start looking at everyone with a different mindset and see more possibilities. And maybe that's how you'll find the guy who makes you forget Jasper."

I slid down until all but my head was submerged in the hot bubbling water and leaned my head to stare up into the peak of the gazebo. "I wish I didn't have to forget him, Emmett. I wish I could talk to him and explain, tell him about all the changes I've made. Tell him I'm a different man. Ask him to get to know me again, the new me." I turned my head to look at Emmett. "Have you talked to him lately?"

"Yeah, a few days ago," Emmett admitted.

"How is he doing?"

"Pretty good. He says he likes his job, but doesn't have time for much else."

I took a deep breath to summon the courage to ask the question I really wanted to ask. "He never asks about me, does he?"

Emmett put his large hand on my shoulder and squeezed sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Eddie, but no, he doesn't."

I sighed with regret and looked back up at the gazebo ceiling, then frowned and turned back to him.

"Eddie?" I asked with a raised brow.

"I heard Cliff call you that at the graduation. You seemed to like it when he did it."

"That was different. There was a reason why Cliff called me that, a special reason, one that I liked. But you know very well to everyone else I'm Edward. I've been Edward all my life and I'm not interested in changing now."

"To everyone else you can still be Edward," Emmett conceded. "But come on, you can't tell me that after all we've been through, I don't deserve some special perk. And I like calling you Eddie," He cupped his hand and sent a splash of water in my direction, soaking my face. I shook off the liquid droplets, grateful for the distraction that allowed me to contemplate his request. I owed a lot to a lot of people in my life, but no one had been there for me the way Emmett had, no one else had saved my life, twice. And although having him call me Eddie wasn't the same as Cliff doing it, and it held an entirely different meaning, I did kind of like it.

"So what do you say, Eddie?" Emmett taunted as he splashed me again. "Do we have a deal, Eddie?" he asked, sending more water flying my way. "Come on, Eddie. Don't be such a stick in the mud, Eddie. Just let me call you Eddie, Eddie." Each sentence was punctuated by another water splash, until I was laughing so hard it was difficult not to swallow the advancing water and choke. I sat up higher and used my hands to block my face.

"All right, all right," I said through my laughter. "You win! You can call me Eddie." The water assault stopped immediately, and I shook my head off again. "But I swear, Emmett, only you. If anyone else tries to call me that, I don't care if it's Seth or Leo or even Liam, it's up to you to straighten them out."

"No problem," Emmett smiled and relaxed against the side of the spa, resting his arm on its edge, one of them coming up on my mid-back, which he now patted lightly. "I'll make sure everyone knows Eddie is my special privilege, and we'll just keep them guessing why I get to use it."

"Ha!" I exclaimed and laughed again. It felt good to be so carefree, and I realized I should have expected it would be Emmett who would get me to that state.

What I also should have expected was that Seth would hear all about how I was ready to start dating again. And yet I wasn't prepared when he called a few days later to announce that, while Emmett was going to be out of town for Carson's wedding, Seth and I were going clubbing, and he was not going to take no for an answer. Annoyed but resigned, I called some of my co-workers until I found someone who was willing to work my Sunday shift for me. I cursed Seth for making me do this so soon after I started my new job, but the little diva was merciless and deaf to all reason, so that Saturday I met him at his place and unhappily followed him down to catch a cab that took us to the club.

"Seth, I really don't feel like doing this," I complained as we got out of the cab at our destination.

"Edward," Seth flipped his hair dramatically as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the club, waltzing right past the bouncer with a smile and a wink and no move to pay the cover charge. "When will you ever get it through that beautiful, but thick skull of yours that I know best? Now come on, buy me a drink."

It was late enough in the evening for the club to be crowded, so making our way to the bar was challenging, to say the least, especially with Seth being pulled this way and that in greeting by the other regulars. Being with Seth did have its advantages, though, as a bartender appeared in front of us immediately upon us reaching the bar.

"Hey, Danny," Seth said affectionately as he climbed onto the foot rail of a bar stool without so much as a look or word to its occupant, and leaned over the bar to kiss the waiting bartender on the lips. The guy sitting at the bar turned with a scowl that disappeared as soon as he recognized who decided use his bar stool as a step ladder. Seth paid him no attention. "This one's paying for my drinks tonight," he said to Danny as he pointed at me. "But he's a friend of mine, not a trick, so be extra sweet to him, okay?"

"You got it," Danny said, looking me over quickly and winking in my direction. "I'm at your service behind the bar until 2. After that, you pick the location," he said, ending his speech with an air kiss.

"Just get us the drinks, Danny. Edward's not your type," Seth replied for me. "I'll have a cosmo and he'll have..." he looked back at me appraisingly. "He'll have a Jack, neat."

"I'll have a beer, Danny," I countered, scanning the available selection and sighing when I realized I'd have to settle. "A Rolling Rock."

It wasn't my favorite, but it would do. Seth rolled his eyes.

"You could use a Jack tonight, at least to start. Get him both, Danny!" he ordered imperiously.

We watched Danny mix Seth's drink and pour the Jack for me, pausing to scowl in annoyance at another, less important patron, who was trying to get his attention. He slid the drinks to us before grabbing a Rolling Rock and popping off the cap, sliding it to me as well. I gave him a C-note to start, then grabbed the Jack and downed it in a couple of swallows, moving on immediately to the beer. Seth just shook his head and took a sip of his cosmo, turning to look at the dance floor.

"I can see I'm going to have my work cut out for me tonight. But I suppose that was inevitable," he announced knowingly.

"Spare me," I said, tilting back the beer bottle. "Tell me again why I'm wasting my fucking time here tonight?"

"Because you need to fuck someone," Seth didn't mince words. "And you're not gonna find any suitable partners in fucking Covington."

I grimaced, offended not just by his complete lack of tact, which I was used to, but for making me sound socially incompetent. "I've fucked recently enough, thanks. And I don't need you to be my Goddamn pimp. I'm perfectly capable of finding a damn piece of ass on my own when I'm ready to fuck again."

"Correction, you made love recently. That isn't what I was talking about. I said you need to fuck someone. Once upon a time you used to be good at that -fucking just for the sake of fucking, for the release, for the sheer enjoyment of it, without any emotions involved. I understand it was different when you were with Cliff, but that's over, and you're here so I can help you get that joy of fucking drive back."

"I don't need to get it back. I'm not like you anymore, Seth," I said, draining the bottle and signaling for another. Although I would never admit it out loud in this place, he was wrong anyway, and of course he knew it. The time in my life when I was fucking with wild abandon was when I was still in denial and with women, and there was no enjoyment to it at all. It had never been like that for me with men. Shit, I'd only had sex with two men in my life, and I'd loved them both. I wasn't trying to keep up appearances anymore or to impress anyone with my sexual prowess, so if I couldn't have sex with the men I loved, what the hell was the fucking point?

"Honey, you were never like me and you couldn't be if you tried, but that is completely irrelevant. " He narrowed his eyes at me and I knew he could read my mind like an open book. I could also tell he was asking me to trust him. I wanted to do that, though he sure didn't make it easy.

"Edward, I'm not trying to turn you into me. I'm just trying to find you a piece of ass that will keep your dick happy and help you rebuild some of that self-confidence you lost along the way."

"My self-confidence is just fine," I growled, though we both knew that was a lie.

"Whatever," Seth turned away with a dramatic flip of his hair, showing me the flesh of his palm. "Just stay there and drink your beer. I'm going to scout for a bit." He slipped off the stool footrest and, drink in hand, waded into the throng of dancing boys. A moment later he disappeared in the crowd.

I shook my head and picked up the bottle that Danny had obligingly placed in front of me. I was glad he'd gone, because I didn't feel like arguing with him either. I resigned myself to my fate and figured that this was as good as any place to get a buzz, though at the pace I was on, I'd be rip roaring drunk before Seth ever came back. I took a swallow of the beer but then placed the bottle down in front of me, determined to slow it down a little and make this one last.

"Hey handsome. I haven't seen you here before. Wanna dance?" The invitation came from somewhere behind me.

"No, thanks," I declined without even turning around to see who had spoken. It didn't really matter who the stranger was or what he looked like. Dancing was absolutely at the very bottom of the things I felt like doing.

"Fine," the response was huffy. "Maybe if you keep staring into that bottle long enough, you'll find your lost manners. Danny, a gin & tonic?" The guy leaned onto the bar next to me and I glanced over at him, amused at his indignation. He gave me a dirty look and turned his head away, which only gave me the opportunity to observe him further. He was wearing a tight, long sleeved, snake-skin patterned tee-shirt. His black hair was spiked into a fauxhawk and his skin glimmered when the bouncing lights of the club hit it just right. I wasn't really interested, but my eyes wandered down to his round ass, nicely displayed in black pants as tight as his shirt. He wasn't my type, but judging by the way my cock started to harden, he'd do in a pinch. Though that hardly mattered. As soon as Danny pushed the gin and tonic in his direction, snake boy slammed his money down, grabbed his drink and walked away, nose up in the air.

"Good call," offered the guy sitting on the bar stool Seth used earlier. "That one's a catty little bitch and his mouth's always flapping too much and not sucking enough."

I nodded, but didn't say anything.

"So you're a friend of Seth's?" he continued, undaunted by my silence. "That's pretty impressive. Think you could introduce me?"

I looked at him more carefully. He seemed all right, but not really in Seth's league.

"I only introduce Seth to people I know," I said. "He'll be back soon enough. Introduce yourself." I could have been nicer, but I didn't know this guy from Adam and I wasn't there to make friends. He looked like he was going to say something, but then he just turned away and went back to his own drink, as did I.

I nursed my beer and tried to ignore my surroundings, but that only left me to my thoughts, and those weren't much better. Fortunately, Seth came back before I had to ask Danny for another bottle.

"Ready to go?" I asked hopefully. I really should have known better. Seth ignored my question completely.

"See that the boy at the end of the bar? The real pretty one, with a face like a doll?"

I glanced in the direction he was indicating to see a sweet looking kid with closely cropped black hair and delicate Asian features. He snuck a look at me just as I was checking him out and our eyes met for a moment, before he looked away.

"What about him?" I asked Seth, my curiosity aroused, if nothing else.

"His name is Simon and he likes you. Ask him to dance."

I turned back to him with a grimace. "Seth, I don't dance. You know that."

Seth gave me an exaggerated sigh and an eye roll. "Fine. Then just go over there, buy him a drink and talk to him. Doesn't have to be long. He's pretty easygoing and I'm sure he'd love to go home with you. He just likes to be courted a little first."

I nearly spit out my beer. "I am not going over there to court some twink. You must be out of your mind."

"Look," Seth poked his finger into my chest angrily. "Simon's not just some twink. He's sweet, and careful, and talented, and selective. I wouldn't have even bothered trying to get him to look at you, because he doesn't do anyone those kinds of favors."

"So why are you telling me to go talk to him? You think I haven't learned how to be rejected well enough yet?"

"No, dumbass. Lucky for you, you're hot. So hot that Simon noticed you New Year's Eve and remembered you. He says he even tried dancing with you then but, of course, you only had time for Cliff."

I looked back at the boy at the end of the bar, trying hard to remember him from 6 months ago, but couldn't. I remembered turning away a few people so Cliff and I could dance alone, but Seth was right, that night I only had eyes for my partner. The only guy whose face I remembered was the one I found Cliff dancing with when I came out of the bathroom, and thankfully this was not him. I turned back to look at Seth and shook my head. "I don't remember him."

"Yeah, well, he remembers you. And he's been watching you since you came in, hoping to catch your eye, but you've just been staring at the bar all night. He asked me about you when he saw me, so I vouched for you. And he's so interested, I personally watched him turn down offers from a couple of really good tops. But while he might approach you out on the dance floor, he's never gonna do it here. It's just not his style. So you need to make the first move."

"Seth," I started to protest, but didn't get far.

"Goddamn it, Edward!" Seth was heated up. "How many times have I given you bad advice?"

I closed my mouth. He was right. I'd never gone wrong listening to Seth.

"All right, I'll go." I pushed away from the bar, my beer bottle in hand. Seth grabbed me in a quick hug and wished me luck, and then I was walking down to meet the boy whose company was apparently nearly as in demand as Seth's. It was ridiculous, since I've done this hundreds of times with women, yet walking towards the end of that bar to pick up someone who I knew was already interested, I was still nervous as hell. By the time I reached him, though, some of the old instincts came back.

"Hey, I'm Edward," I said, stepping up next to the stool he was sitting on. "Buy you a drink?" I asked, giving him my patented crooked-but-sexy smile and getting a cute, almost shy smile in return.

"Sure. Thanks. I'm Simon."

I flagged the bartender on this side of the bar to refresh both of our drinks and we started talking. Simon was sweet and the conversation flowed easily. Not only was he easy to talk to, he was easy on the eyes too. Up close he was even better looking than from afar, with warm, chocolate brown eyes, and soft looking, pale, pink lips. Partly in an effort to avoid staring at those lips and imagining where else I'd like to see them, I started noticing the way his body moved to the music even as he sat, and the occasional wistful glances he threw to the dance floor. I could see how big of an effort it was for him to stay talking to me at the bar, so after we finished our second round of drinks I found myself uttering the words I thought would never pass my lips, "Wanna dance?"

I didn't have to ask twice. The question seemed to re-energize him. His eyes lit up and he jumped off the stool, reaching for his shirt and pulling it off, tucking it into the waistband of his jeans. "Come on," he said, pulling my hand, and I followed, unable to take my eyes off his perfect back and his gently curved backside.

"I'm not very good at this," I confessed when we reached the floor and he turned to face me.

"That's okay," he grinned. "I am."

Just like Cliff did the last time, Simon made me look like a decent dancer by using me as a fixture he could gyrate against and wrap himself around. Otherwise, though, Simon was nothing like Cliff or Jasper, not just in his coloring and features, but also in his height and build. He was 5'9" at the most, so considerably shorter than me, and not nearly as lean. When he took off his shirt I was pleased to see that he obviously worked out, building up just enough bulk, the thicker muscles rippling beautifully under the smooth skin of his back, chest and arms as he danced.

I wasn't sure of the moment we transitioned from dancing to making out. One moment I was Simon's prop, the next we were both hard and entwined in each other, groping and squeezing and rapidly approaching the point where we would need more privacy than the dance floor afforded.

"You wanna get out of here?" I asked, slipping my hands inside his jeans and down his ass to pull him in closer.

"Yeah, about that. I still live in the dorms, so for the summer I'm just camping out on a friend's living room couch, and he's pretty cool, but his roommate not so much, so I can't bring guys over. Do you have a place?"

I grimaced. I lived too far away and didn't really feel like taking a guy I just met home. I saw his eyes dim a little with understanding and disappointment.

"We could go in the back," he suggested. "Or maybe your car?" he asked more hopefully, obviously preferring the more private environment.

My car was parked in the garage of Emmett's building, but even if it had been around the corner I would never be able to use it for the purpose Simon obviously intended. I couldn't even look at the back seat without thinking about Jasper. There was no way I would ever be able to get in back there and entertain a trick. I furrowed my brows and then smiled when I realized the simplicity of the solution.

"Come on," I said to him, pulling him with me towards the door.

"Where are we going?" he asked, a bit cautiously.

"I'll get us a hotel room. Do you mind?"

"I guess not. Depends on the hotel," he answered honestly.

I paused, realizing I needed more of a plan. I didn't know much about the hotels available in the area.

"The Sorrento is real nice and nearby. Pretty pricey, though, and they don't have hourly rates."

"Price is not really an issue," I told him honestly. "If you like that place, let's go."

We took a cab to the hotel and checked in as quickly as possible, the clerk at the front desk sporting a subtle but knowing smile. The room was tastefully decorated but we hardly noticed, our attention focused on each other and the reason we got the room in the first place. As soon as I closed and locked the door, Simon pressed himself to me, slipping his hands beneath the hem of my tee shirt and pushing it up over my head. I obliged him, lifting my arms so he could remove it completely, then leaned my head against the door as he began to explore my back with his hands and my chest with his lips.

"You're really hot," he complimented. "Why do you keep everything so hidden? You should wear stuff that shows all this off." As he spoke he brought his hands to my chest, squeezing my pecs and running his fingers through my chest hair.

"You're pretty hot yourself, Simon," I returned the compliment. "And way too overdressed."

"That's easily remedied," he said, walking backwards into the room and towards the bed as he peeled off his shirt and kicked off his shoes. I followed, ridding myself of my shoes as well, watching him unbutton his jeans and pull down the zipper, giving me a glimpse of his white Calvin briefs. For a moment I was disappointed, and I realized I had expected him to wear something more interesting and fun, like Cliff. Then I reminded myself that I wanted this experience to be as different from what I had with Cliff as possible, and the underwear didn't matter anyway, as it would soon be decorating the hotel room floor.

"Wait," I ordered as he started pulling down the jeans. "Let me."

I walked up to him and turned him around so that he too was facing the bed. I grabbed the top of his jeans and yanked them down to his knees in one decisive motion, causing him to gasp. I pushed him over onto the bed and knelt behind him, my legs straddling his feet, pulling off the jeans and his socks. I liked the way he looked from that vantage point, just his briefs between me and his firm ass. I ran my tongue up the back of his thigh to the edge of the briefs, then sunk my teeth lightly into his meaty flesh, loving the resulting surprised soft moan. I snaked my arm around his abdomen and pulled him off the bed so that he was kneeling and leaning back against my chest. I inserted my hand into his briefs, caressing his balls and then wrapping my fingers around his erection. He seemed fairly average in both length and girth, which again was somewhat disappointing, until I remembered that for what I wanted to do with him, his size really didn't matter.

He reached up and put his arm around my neck, twisting his head to nuzzle at my shoulder as I stroked him with one hand and traced his six pack with the other.

"You're the one who's overdressed now," he said, pressing his ass into me through my jeans. "Can I help you with that?"

"So polite," I said, lowering my head to gently bite his neck, eliciting yet another sweet moan. "Yeah, you can help."

I withdrew both of my hands from him and leaned back. He placed his hands on the edge of the bed for leverage and stood up, turning to face me. I took his offered arm and stood up as well, then allowed him to turn us so that I stood at the foot of the bed, facing him. He lowered to his knees and reached for the closure of my jeans, quickly working the button out of the hole and pulling down the zipper. I wore nothing underneath, and the base of my hard rod was clearly visible as he parted the flaps.

"Commando. Nice!" he remarked, before his lips descended onto my shaft as he pulled the jeans down past my thighs and knees to my ankles. My cock sprang up, hitting him in the face. Undaunted, he lowered his head and applied his tongue to my balls in long, smooth, broad licks. I inhaled deeply and threw my head back, relishing the sensation. He began sucking on one of my eggs, pulling it into his wide mouth and gently massaging it with his tongue. Even with Cliff gone, I'd continued with manscaping as he taught me, and now I realized why. It paid to always be prepared. The feeling of his wet strong tongue on the smooth skin of my sac was amazing. I gasped with disappointment when he released my stone, only to sigh with contentment as he moved to the other one.

"You are so very good at that, Simon," I complimented. He was polite enough not to try to talk with a mouthful, but his hands wandered up, one wrapping around my shaft and the other caressing my lower abdomen, before he flattened it out and pushed. Unprepared, I fell back onto the bed, with the soft bedding completely cushioning my landing. Simon released my nut and rod just as he shoved me backwards and immediately raised himself over my thighs, so that his face was even with my cock. He began licking at the base, and then moved his tongue up my cum tube to my head, where I could see beads of precum seeping out of my slit. Even as he worked his lips over my head, I felt his hands at my ankles, pulling off my jeans and socks. He leaned against the edge of the bed again to push himself higher over my body, then lowered his head to take my shaft deep within his mouth and throat, holding me there as my cock throbbed with pleasure. I groaned in response, and felt him start to bob, slowly, his lips conforming to me as they moved up and down my turgid pole. I let go of the bedding I hadn't even realized I was fisting and moved my hands to his head. His closely cut, dark hair felt surprisingly soft, like peach fuzz, a most pleasant sensation as I simply massaged his scalp while he sucked and slurped, humming appreciatively. When I felt I'd given him enough free rein, I held his head still with my hands and began bucking my hips up, thrusting deep into his mouth and throat. He didn't protest or move, happily supporting himself above me and letting me use him as my fuck toy. I continued for a little while longer, until I realized I needed more than his mouth had to offer. I released his head and lowered my hips.

"I like fucking your mouth, Simon," I gasped when just the tip of my cock was left between his lips. "But I really want your ass!"

He released me completely and looked up at me with a wide smile.

"Then we both want the same thing."

He pushed back off the bed and stood up just as I pushed myself up to a sitting position, bringing my face against his taut abs. I flicked my tongue against the dark hair of his thin happy trail that started right below his belly button. He was still wearing his underwear, a state I rapidly remedied by pulling his briefs down all the way to the floor. I pressed my nose against his neatly trimmed pubes, inhaling as I rubbed my cheek against his hard staff. His natural musk was mixed with another more familiar scent that I wasn't able to immediately place. I looked up at him inquisitively, to find him staring down at me, his face slightly apologetic.

"Not quite as impressive as you," he offered with a slight shrug.

"I like everything I've seen so far," I replied honestly. "And what I've smelled. You use something?"

He furrowed his brow for a moment, then smiled. "Oh, it's the conditioner. I use it before I shave to make the hair softer. I just grabbed whatever was in the shower and my roommate uses vanilla sugar cookie scented conditioner. Sorry about that."

"Don't apologize. You smell delicious."

He really did, and I couldn't resist taking his hard cock into my mouth. After two years with Cliff, who was both thicker and longer, swallowing Simon whole was easy, with the added benefit of placing my nose right at the source of the yummy scent. I'd have to remember the scented conditioner idea. I inhaled deeply again, then started to move my lips up and down his pole, holding his hips firmly with my hands in case he decided he wanted to take charge. He made no move to do so, however, placing his hands on my shoulders for balance and support, his breathing indicating rising excitement. I released his hips and moved my hands back to his butt, kneading his cheeks until the fingers of both of my hands met in the center. I spread his cheeks with my left hand and teased his opening with the fingertips of my right.

"Fuck! Right there!" he exclaimed and pushed his hips back, pulling out of my mouth.

"You like that?" I asked, looking up at him with a smirk, already knowing the answer.

"That and more," he nodded.

"This isn't the best position," I pointed out, and then frowned. "And I don't have anything with me."

"I do," he said and stepped back, reaching to the floor to retrieve his jeans. He extracted a condom and a small tube of lube from his pocket. I stared at the condom, startled. Intellectually I knew we had to use one, to protect us both, but since Cliff and I never needed these, the only time I had ever used one had been the only time I'd been with Jasper. Suddenly I wasn't sure I could actually go through with this. I never once questioned myself when I'd had meaningless sex with women, but now I wondered if it was somehow wrong to be with a person you didn't care about at all, someone you'd only met a few hours ago, someone you had no intention of seeing again, someone who you had to shield yourself from with a condom. If I fucked Simon tonight, would it be a step forward or backward? Would I just be regressing to the thoughtless, selfish asshole I thought I'd left far behind?

"I don't fuck without them," Simon said quietly, mistaking the reason for my hesitation. "Maybe I should have made that clear up front."

'No, of course not. I wouldn't expect you to..." I paused. How could I possibly explain? "It's just been a while for me, so I wasn't thinking. My partner and I didn't need them."

Simon nodded his understanding, but it was clear he didn't really want to discuss personal stuff. "So are we still gonna fuck? I mean, I know there are guys out there who'll bareback with you, but I don't take chances. Neither does Seth," he added, almost defensively.

He didn't know it, but it was exactly the right thing to say. Not because he needed to justify his position, but because it made me remember my friend, and the reason I was where I was in the first place. Seth did this kind of thing all the time, and I never thought there was anything wrong with it. And if he could have meaningless sex with a different guy almost every night without it being wrong, why couldn't I? I didn't have any obligations to remain celibate - Cliff had made that abundantly clear - and there was nothing wrong with two young guys who were attracted to each other acting on that attraction. No one was leading anyone on - we both knew why we were here and exactly what we wanted to get out of it. I was queer, but that didn't mean I had to be a pansy. It was time to man up and take what Simon was freely and enthusiastically offering.

"I'm still game if you are," I said, reaching for the condom and the lube.

He tossed both on the bed behind me. "We probably need a little more playtime before we're ready for them," he said, drawing my attention to the fact that the conversation had cooled both of us off a bit. "Lay back, " he suggested, "and let me get another mouthful of that fantastic cock."

I shifted back on the bed until I was lying down, my head resting on the pillows. Simon crawled onto to bed, his arms and legs between my wide spread legs, and lowered his head to nuzzle at my balls. The instant his tongue came in contact with my scrotum I knew it wouldn't take me long to be ready for the next step. It was getting late and I didn't want to waste time, so I decided we should multi-task. I told Simon to turn around, reaching for the lube to give him an idea of what I was planning. He understood immediately and turned, positioning his legs on either side of my torso so that I could work on his ass as he sucked me. I slicked up my fingers and reached for him, preparing him for my cock as he expertly used his mouth, tongue and throat to make me as hard as steel.

"I'm so ready," he said a few minutes later, releasing my engorged dick and looking back at me as I massaged his prostate with my fingers.

"Put the condom on me," I ordered, withdrawing my fingers from his hole and tossing the packet to him. He sat back on my chest, carefully tore off the top of the package with his teeth, took out the condom and placed it over the head of my cock, squeezing out the air from the tip and rolling it down slowly, almost sensuously. He reached back for the lube and then poured some over the condom, using his hand to ensure I was thoroughly coated. It felt strange, almost foreign, to have the latex sheath on, but I told myself I'd better get used to it. It was yet another price I had to pay for being unable to love Cliff as much as he needed.

Simon lifted and walked towards the foot of the bed on his knees, until he was positioned over my cock. He held my shaft in one hand as he parted his cheeks with the other and lowered himself onto my pole. I watched as my dick disappeared inside him, feeling his tightness envelop me completely. I groaned as Simon lifted his body up slowly, then lowered again. It felt good, though the condom dulled the sensation and I knew I'd need more than I normally did to get off. That was okay, since I didn't like lying back passively as Simon used my cock to fuck himself. I used my arms to raise my upper body and supported myself on one arm as I re-arranged the pillows behind me with the other so that I was in a semi-reclined position. Simon stopped and looked back at me curiously.

"Put your feet flat on the mattress," I commanded. He complied without protest, still sitting on my cock. "Now lean back on me and lift up a little." Obediently, he placed his hands on my chest behind him and lifted his hips off me. "That's it. Good boy, " I complimented, then took hold of his hips and began to thrust.

I didn't bother with any more preliminaries, since I knew I'd prepared him well and he was already adjusted to my size. I fucked him hard and fast and, from the sounds he made, he loved every second. Over his shoulder I could see his hard penis bouncing against his stomach as I pumped him, but with his hands on my chest he could do nothing about it. I let go of his hip and wrapped my right hand around his shaft. Thankfully, there was still some lube on my fingers and by then he was leaking enough precum to prevent any discomfort as I jerked him in time with my thrusts.

"Oh yeah, right there," he cried out as a slight change in my position hit his magic spot. "Right fucking there!"

His head hung back and his arms were shaking with exhaustion as I drilled his tight tunnel. He whimpered and his spike expanded in my hand before he shot his load all over his chest. I didn't slow down, continuing to pump both his dick and his ass until his arms finally gave out and he fell onto my chest. I let go of his cock and used my cum coated hand to gather the rest of the jizz off his chest before bringing it to his mouth. His eyes were closed and he was moaning softly as I continued to move inside him at a slower pace while he licked my hand clean.

"Relaxing time's over, Simon," I told him when he was done. "It's my turn." I pushed him up off my chest and told him to get on all fours, shifting to my knees behind him. He lowered himself to his elbows, resting his head on his clasped hands. A thought of Jasper in the same position flashed in my head, but I shook it off, forcing myself to focus on Simon, and the differences in his body. I ran my hands over the well-developed muscles on his back, then along his spine to his small, tight butt. I reached for the lube again and applied another coat both to me and him, enjoying the way his soft, contented sighs changed into needy moans.

"Do you want it?" I teased, sliding the length of my hard spear along his crack.

"I do. I want it. Please," he begged, but did not move, wisely sensing that if he had tried to rush me I would have delayed. Instead, I rewarded his insight by parting his cheeks and inserting my rod into his already relaxed hole, sinking all the way in to full depth with one hard thrust.

"Yes!" his cry was that of victorious pleasure. "Again."

I obliged him by pulling all the way out and impaling him fully. His satisfied grunt was music to my ears. I took a firm hold of his hips and began fucking him hard, with deep steady thrusts. Despite the latex barrier, which definitely reduced the sensitivity, I was still starting to get close. Simon must have realized it too, because suddenly he started talking dirty, spurring me on.

"Yeah, Baby, fuck me with that hard cock. Fill me up, all the way. I love the way you feel inside me. I want you to come. I want to feel that dick pulse and spasm in my ass. Do it! Let it go."

His voice was sexy enough, but then I felt him contract his muscles, simulating an orgasm, and I was done. A hoarse cry ripped from the back of my throat as I felt the walls constrict around my shaft and seconds later surge after surge of my jizz rushed forth to fill the protective sleeve. I continued thrusting a few more times until, both of us exhausted, he fell onto the bed and I collapsed right on top of him, burying his face in the bedding until he turned his head back to me and smiled. "Thanks. You're as hot in bed as you are out of it."

"You too," I said, running my hand up his side from his hip to his armpit, and then down his firmly muscled arm. "I loved the dirty talk."

He giggled and sighed. "I had a feeling you would. That was really great. You pushed me to the limit. I almost came again and now I'm worn out, in the best way," he assured. "In fact, if I don't get up and go now, I might just fall asleep." I felt him flex beneath me in an attempt to rise. I rolled off him to the side of the bed, folding my hand under my head so I could watch him as I lay. He got up, his sexy nude silhouette clear against the sheers covering the window, illuminated from the back by streetlights. He reached down to retrieve his clothes from where they were strewn on the floor, but hesitated before putting them on.

"Do you mind if I take a shower? It's nicer here than at the apartment."

I glanced at the clock. It was already 3:00 a.m. and would be even later if he took the time to shower before he left. Seattle was a relatively safe town, but there really wasn't any need for him to be marauding at the wee hours of the morning, not when the hotel room had already been paid for.

"Of course you can shower if you'd like, but you don't have to leave at all. I'm too damn tired to drive back to my place, so I'm staying here until tomorrow. Why don't you spend the night as well? I bet this bed is better than the couch too. We can shower before we leave in the morning."

"Really?" he hesitated. "You wouldn't mind? This is a hell of a lot more comfortable than the couch."

I replied by pushing myself up to sit and reaching over to pull back the bedding at the top of the other side of the bed. He tossed his clothes onto the nearby chair and climbed in underneath the covers.

"Any special time you need to get up tomorrow? I can put in a wake-up call."

"No," he said through a yawn. "Any time you want to leave is fine," he really sounded drained. I chuckled, but I was running out of steam too. I was soft enough now to pull the condom off with ease. I tied it off, then got up only long enough to toss it into the trash, pull down the bedding on my side and get under the covers myself. I was tired, but sleep wouldn't come easily. I was more than satisfied physically, and I felt completely relaxed and truly spent for the first time in months. Jacking off had been fine, but nothing compared to coming with another guy, even while wearing a condom. But although my body was doing just fine, something was still missing. The sex had been good, no question, but I felt nothing for the kid who lay on his stomach on the other side of the bed. I hoped he enjoyed our fuck as much as I did, but only out of courtesy, not because I felt any obligation or anything else towards him. I missed the post-sex cuddling and sleeping wrapped up in my lover, but I didn't want to do either with Simon nor, I suspected, did he want to do either with me. This didn't feel quite as empty as fucking women, but it came too damn close for my comfort. And yet, if I was completely honest with myself, I knew what I just did was somehow better for me than staying home and beating off. I remembered Troy and his desperation for human contact, and I finally realized what he meant. Sometimes a man just needed to interact with another man.

Light streaming into the room woke me the next morning. A glance at the clock told me it was already 10:00, which, I reflected, wasn't too bad as amount of sleep went, especially since I'd slept like the dead. I looked over to the other side of the bed, where Simon was still asleep. He was on his stomach, in the same position he'd fallen asleep in, but overnight the covers slid all the way down his back, exposing the very top of his adorable, little ass. I wasn't trying to wake him up, but I couldn't help the fingers of my left hand ghosting over the plane of his back until they reached the top of the covers, pulling the fabric down slowly so that it raked gently across the skin of his butt. I heard his quiet grumble and groan and then he shifted, first to press his face into the center of the pillow, and then to turn his head to look at me.

"Good morning," he stifled a yawn, then stretched his arms above his head. "Do we need to get going?"

"If you're hungry, we have enough time to order room service and shower before the food gets here."

He grinned. "That sounds like a good plan."

He put his right hand beneath the covers reaching for my cock, which was still semi-hard from when I woke up. He gave it a couple of strokes. "We can always play a little in the shower too, right?"

"Hold that thought," I told him as I removed his hand. "I gotta take a piss first, and then we'd better order breakfast."

"I'll have a spinach, mushroom and cheese omelet, coffee, and a large orange juice," he said, flipping over onto his back and stretching again, giving me another great view of the muscles rippling beneath his skin and the head of his dick, just peeking from beneath the top edge of the covers. I smiled and shook my head, resisting the urge to pounce and getting up instead.

"Let me guess," I said, walking to the bathroom, "this isn't your first time at the Sorrento."

"I've spent the night here once or twice," he conceded, following right behind me. "Room for two?" he asked, indicating the toilet with his chin. I shrugged. We positioned ourselves over the toilet and relieved ourselves at the same time. When we were done we washed our hands and returned to the room. I picked up the room service menu and reviewed my options, then placed the order and asked for it to be delivered at 11:15, which would give us 45 minutes to eat, dress and check out.

Though Simon brought the remaining lube and another condom into the shower with us, we ended up not using either. We started by washing each other, a highly pleasurable and unexpected luxury. When we were both clean, Simon slicked us both with soap and grasped both of our hard cocks in his hand, jacking us simultaneously.

"I really like that you're whole," he expressed. "Too many guys I've been with are cut, like me."

"Does it make a difference?" I asked curiously. "I mean, with a condom on, can you even tell?"

"It doesn't make much of a difference in fucking, I mean, with a condom, you're right. But I love sucking an uncut cock, and I really love docking."

"Docking?" I was puzzled. "What the hell is that?"

"You don't know?" he asked, surprised. "What a shame. Here, let me show you."

He placed the heads of our seeping cocks tip to tip and moved them around so that each head was completely coated with precum. After re-soaping his hand, he held his cock head against mine with one hand as he slid the other over my shaft, gently pushing all my loose skin towards the tip until my foreskin covered not only my head, but also most of his. He placed a soaped up hand over both of our heads and started moving the foreskin back and forth, taking care never to move it completely off his head.

"Fuck, that's hot!" I exclaimed as I watched him create a tunnel for us both with just my excess skin. As he was jacking us, I placed my left hand over his pec and brushed my thumb across his hardened nipple while I caressed his balls with my right.

"Oh, yeah," he breathed. "Feels so damn good."

I leaned back against the shower wall, closing my eyes and focusing on the amazing smoothness of his cock head pressing against mine as his hand guided my soft skin back and forth over us both. This feeling was completely new, completely unprecedented, and erotic as all hell. In no time at all I felt my balls crowd to the base of my dick as I rushed towards an orgasm.

"Shit, Simon, if you keep doing that I'm gonna come, soon."

"I know, Edward. That's the idea. Even better if we come together. I'm close too!"

I could tell by the way his balls constricted that he was telling the truth. I panted, moving my head side to side against the shower wall while I let Simon work his magic. When I knew I was just about there, I pinched his nipple while simultaneously gently tugging on his now taut sac. He gasped and then I felt his hot cum flowing out between our heads. In almost the same instant I exploded too, jets of my seed mixing with his inside my foreskin casing. The sheer volume of jizz overwhelmed us and forced us to undock, though Simon kept his hand on my cock and continued to stroke me through my orgasm. I quickly moved my hand from his balls to his dick and followed suit. We milked each other until we were both spent and Simon leaned into me, his breathing still heavy as he came down off the orgasmic high.

"Goddamn, Simon," I gasped. "That was amazing!"

"Yeah," he agreed, exhaling deeply. "It was great."

When we both calmed down a little more, we re-washed ourselves and stepped out of the shower, toweling each other off. We both donned the hotel-provided fluffy robes just in time to greet the room service delivery boy. I signed for the meal and the tip and we ate our breakfast leisurely before getting dressed and checking out. The hotel car service took us to Emmett's building where we picked up my car. I dropped Simon off at his friend's apartment and continued home, where I spent the afternoon relaxing. I wasn't at all surprised when my phone started to ring and I saw Seth's number in the caller ID.

"So, I heard you had a good time," he opened without a preamble.

"I did indeed. Thanks."

"Simon gave you very high marks. That's good news."

I frowned. "I wasn't aware I was being evaluated."

"Don't get all huffy," Seth sighed. "You weren't being evaluated. I wouldn't have put you together with Simon if I didn't think you would treat him right. But it was still good to hear a confirmation. And Simon's endorsement is a very good thing for you. Not as good as mine, of course, but you'll never get that."

"Are you sure, Seth? You don't know what you're missing," I teased.

"You might be a good top, Cullen," he retorted. "But I doubt you could handle me. It's better for you not to even try. After all, the whole point of this exercise is to boost your ego, not depress you even more."

I laughed, and was a bit surprised at how good it felt.

"I'm glad you're in a good mood, Edward," he said sincerely.

"I am too, Seth. And, well, you were right. It was a good idea to go out with you."

"Well of course I was right. That goes without saying. But I'm glad you acknowledged it. Maybe you won't argue so much the next time. Now I have to go. I've got to leave soon to pick Em up at the airport. He called this morning and sounded pretty tired. Said he got trashed at the wedding."

"Take care of our friend, little diva."

Seth huffed. "Of course I will."

We said our goodbyes and hung up. I placed the phone on the coffee table, leaned back on the sofa and closed my eyes, reflecting on how lucky I was to have such good friends.

After that I became a sort of regular at the club. I didn't go on the weekends, since I had to work most of those, but I had Thursdays off, so each Wednesday night I went to the club, sometimes with Seth and sometimes alone. I quickly found that discretion was not highly valued in this community, though in my case it worked in my favor. Simon apparently spread the word about what happened at the Sorrento, because the next time I went to the club I'd barely had time to take a swallow of my beer before I was approached by a tall russet-haired twink, who offered to provide my cock with a cozy retreat. It didn't take him long to rub up against me in all the right places on the dance floor and get us heated up so we could go back to his place and I could take him up on his hospitable suggestion. And so it went, week after week, mostly with a new guy each time, though Simon and I did get together again a few times, always leaving more than a month in between encounters to make sure there was no mistaking our repeat engagements as anything like a relationship.

Troy came out in July to spend a couple of weeks at my house which, of course, meant that I played host to two teenage boys. This holiday I had to work, and Brad had already moved to San Francisco with Stig, so I made sure Seth and Emmett took the kids under their wings. Otherwise I pretty much left the boys alone to do what they wanted, within reason. I let them borrow my car while I drove my government issue Chevy, so they had transportation if needed, but they elected to spend most days at home, where they could swim and play in the hot tub or stay inside and watch movies or play video games. A couple of times they came to work with me to go hiking until my shift was over. Either way, they were usually there when I got home from work and on more than one occasion actually had dinner waiting. They were really good boys and didn't cause any trouble, which meant that when they left for their two week visit with Cliff, I actually really missed them.

Despite the re-affirmation of our break-up at graduation, Cliff and I remained good friends. We no longer talked daily, but we still called each other regularly and we talked about everything. In some ways, that last talk following graduation made everything easier by releasing some of the pent-up tension and uncertainty. I was surprised at the ease of the transition, but I felt comfortable telling him anything. I even ended up telling him about Simon shortly after I slept with him, though I was almost a little disappointed when Cliff didn't react with disapproval.

"I am a little jealous," he admitted. "I miss making love with you and I don't like the thought of you with another guy, but," he quickly threw in before I could say anything, "I know this is how it has to be and I'm glad Seth got you to go out."

"You're glad?"

"Yes. You and I, we both need some experience, I think. I know I'm much too likely to look for a serious relationship and commitment, over just a casual hook up, and I don't think you were ever that comfortable with the idea of sleeping with lots of different guys. We both need some experience just doing what most other guys our age do."

"That's what Emmett said," I relayed.

"Well, I think he was right. So, I guess I need to get out there too."

He didn't end up doing anything until after the boys left North Carolina, but eventually he told me that he finally did go to a club and hooked up with a guy who seemed nice enough, at least nice enough for Cliff to accompany him to his place.

"I topped," he admitted sheepishly after I asked him. "It's been a long time and it just seemed, I don't know, easier. I think I need to know a guy a little better before I can bottom for him. Or maybe it was just that all of the tops I met that night seemed really arrogant. In any case, it was a first step."

If pressed, I too would have admitted that the thought of Cliff with another guy incited a flare of jealousy, though knowing that he topped made it a lot easier to handle. And since Cliff, in general, was a lot less comfortable interacting with strangers, his sexual activities weren't nearly as extensive as mine. Eventually, I stopped worrying about or trying to keep track of what he did with whom. When we talked about the guys we were with, it became less about what we did and more about what the guys were like and, more often, what they lacked. I wasn't exactly proud of these thoughts, but I was glad that Cliff didn't have any easier time than I did of finding another guy to even contemplate having a relationship with. Somehow, in one way or another, everyone we met came up short.

Other than my inability to find any decent boyfriend material, life moved on. In September, Zack started his first year at UW. Moose, his preferred roommate, couldn't quite come up with enough money to cover UW, so he decided to keep his full time summer job as a stock boy at an art gallery in Pioneer Square and attend community college. Unfortunately, that left Zack with no one to live with. While between his parents, financial aid and a work-study job he could afford to live on campus, Zack really didn't want to be randomly assigned a roommate that would probably be straight, and potentially bigoted. His only other option was to live at home and commute, but without a car that would suck up a lot of his time and energy, not to mention isolate him from most on-campus activities. Thankfully, Troy told me about Zack's problems, and I suggested that he share an apartment with Brett, whom I was still helping out financially. Since both boys were shy and quiet, I figured they could become friends, and that turned out to be the case. I also knew that Brett and Zack wouldn't be attracted to each other sexually, being not at all each other's type, which would reduce pressure on Troy, who constantly fought his paranoia that Zack would leave him for someone else. I even flew Troy out to Seattle so he could meet Brett and see for himself that Zack's new roommate wasn't a threat, and that finally made him more comfortable. I was a little concerned that Troy's extreme and completely unwarranted possessiveness, jealousy and insecurity might eventually cause a problem between him and his boyfriend, as mine did when I was with Jasper, and I tried to talk to him about it as delicately as I could, unfortunately without any great results. Zack, however, seemed to take it all in stride and demonstrated great patience and understanding, always reassuring and calming Troy, without any evidence of resentment. It was yet another thing I envied about the boys' relationship, but I still hoped that, with time, Zack's attentiveness to Troy's unusual needs would finally defeat Troy's phobias.

In the beginning of October I got a call from my lawyer with some suggestions about the handling of my trust fund. I didn't feel I was being overly extravagant with spending the money, but after buying the parking spot and house, loaning Mom money for her inn, funding Rainbow Beginnings and the generous donations to a few environmental groups, the sum total of my inheritance decreased to nearly half of where it started the previous year. Enough so that my attorneys suggested hiring a new investment manager, someone who could take a more aggressive approach and build up the funds through strategic investments yielding higher returns.

"It's not that the current fund investment advisors are bad, and it might make sense to leave them in charge of the second fund, but one of our clients has been raving about a new manager at the Private Client Group at Fifth Third Bank. He's young, but he has a fresh and reasoned investment approach and he's already done wonders with her portfolio in a relatively short period of time. We'd like to recommend you make the same change, at least for a portion of your funds."

I didn't know too much about investing, but I knew the firm had never steered the funds wrong in the nearly 20 years they'd been handling them, so I figured it made sense to listen to their advice now. On the appointed day, I showed up at their offices to meet the new advisor and sign the necessary paperwork. I'd been prepared for the guy to be young, but in my head I imagined a slightly younger and nerdier version of Emmett's David, so I was a bit taken aback when I was introduced to a well-dressed, polished, and seriously hot guy. When we were introduced I couldn't help holding his hand a little too long as we shook. His complete lack of reaction or surprise at the prolonged contact confirmed my suspicions - the man was clearly gay. However, other than lack of fear or discomfort, he had no other reaction to the physical contact, maintaining a completely cool, serious and professional demeanor.

As we sat down, I found myself paying too close attention to his background as he introduced himself. His name was Garrett Thompson and he was a Stanford graduate, out of school for several years, who had recently been transferred to Seattle from Fifth Third's headquarters in Ohio. He didn't specify the year of his graduation, but looking at him I guessed he was maybe four or five years older than me. I was impressed that in such a short period of time he had manage to convince the higher ups at the bank to trust him with the handling of such high value investments. Though as long as he had a knack for picking profitable investments, age didn't really matter. That became crystal clear as I listened to him explain his research and investment strategy and philosophy. I was no financial expert, but I could tell both from what I was hearing and the expressions of the other people in the room, most of whom were far more experienced in these kinds of matters than I was, that Garrett Thompson knew what he was talking about. By the time he stopped speaking, I'd made up my mind, and agreed to let him handle the investments in my trust.

The paperwork had all been drawn up in advance and reviewed by the attorneys, so all I needed to do was sign. Several attorneys who had been in the room just to meet Garrett departed, until it was just me, him, and one lawyer. With a couple of documents left to sign, a secretary stuck her head into the conference room, indicating that the lawyer had an emergency call. He excused himself to take it, leaving just me and Garret in the room. I finished signing and pushed the documents towards Garrett, who checked them over and separated them into two neat piles - one for himself, which he promptly put in his briefcase, and one for me.

"I hope you don't think I'm being too forward, Mr. Cullen," Garrett said suddenly, "but I noticed you've made quite substantial charitable contributions out of your trust already, and your attorney indicated you intend to donate more in the future. I'd just like to say that it's very admirable to see such generosity in someone in our age group. Most people tend not to want to part with their money until they are certain they will not need it, if ever."

"Call me Edward, please, Garrett. I hope I can call you Garrett?"

"Of course," he replied with a nod and a smile.

"Well, Garrett, I'm not foolish enough to say that money is irrelevant, because this inheritance has and will make my life easier and allow me to do what I've always wanted to do without all the constraints I've been anticipating. But the money came to me unexpectedly, to say the least, so I wasn't ever counting on having it. And now I would much rather use it to support the causes I already strongly believed in before it fell in my lap, and maybe actually see some of the results, than to hoard it until I'm dead or nearly so."

"As I said, very admirable. It'll be a pleasure managing your investments."

"Oh, Garrett, I bet you say that to all the boys, I mean clients." I teased, though I was also fishing. He didn't take the bait, but I saw a slight smile that he quickly hid by pretending to look for something in his briefcase.

"So have you always liked Seattle, Garrett? Or was this transfer strictly a professional move for you."

He looked up at me for a second in a way that showed I'd caught him off guard, but the professional mask quickly re-appeared.

"It was primarily a career move," he replied, "but my older brother lives here with his family, and being close to them made Seattle more appealing than other locations."

"And have you been getting out and about?"

He took a moment before he answered, looking me over carefully, trying to gage the reasons for my inquiry.

"It's taken me a while to settle in, and work keeps me pretty busy. I treat my life the same way I treat investments. I try to study each opportunity carefully, and only jump in when I'm sure it's worthwhile. As a result, it sometimes takes a bit longer for me to get involved. I learned the hard way that's the smartest way to go."

I inclined my head in a half nod. I liked this guy, but I got the message. For whatever reason, he was cautious and unavailable. I also got the distinct impression the he was a top, which would have made a liaison impossible even if he had been willing. In any case, it was probably smartest not to mix business with pleasure, even a temporary, one-time pleasure.

My musings were interrupted with the return of my attorney. With all the documents signed, there was nothing left to do but exchange handshakes and depart.

"Thank you for your business, Edward. Please feel free to call me any time with any questions or concerns. I look forward to making your investments work even harder for you and your causes."

"I look forward to that as well."

Since I was already downtown and parked in my spot in Emmett's building, I decided to have dinner with Emmett and Seth, picking up Chinese take-out on my way to their place. Seth was already home by the time I got there and greeted me with a warm hug and kiss. But the time we got the food onto the plates, Emmett had joined us as well, changing in record time from his office clothes into sweats and a tee-shirt. We had a great time eating and talking, almost making me wish that I'd opted for a place in the city, maybe even in the same building as Emmett, so we could do this more often. Then I remembered my already lengthy commute to work, along with the evenings I could spend swimming in the lake or sitting on my back deck, and all the regrets were gone.

After dinner was over we cleaned up the table and re-located to the living room.

"You sticking around for the night, Eddie?" Emmett asked. "Seth's got a date, but I'd love some company."

The mention of Seth's busy social life reminded me of Garrett and brought a smile to my face.

"What?" Seth pounced immediately. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing," I said dismissively. "I just remembered the new investment manager I met earlier today. He's pretty new in town, so it might just be that I met one of Seattle's most eligible gay men before you did."

"Bah," Seth responded. "If he's gay and eligible, I must already know him."

"Maybe not," I mused. "I don't think he's hit the social circles yet. He seems a little reserved, but seriously hot. Perfect for you, actually."

"What did you say he does for a living?"

"He's an investment manager for the Private Client Group at Fifth Third bank. Pretty young to be in that position, and I understand he's very good. I'm sure he'd be able to wine and dine you in the style you're accustomed to."

"Whatever. There are plenty of hot men in this town who wine and dine me exactly as I like without me having to resort to some pencil-sharpening, paper pushing, boring accountant. I think David filled out our lifetime quota of those. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to make myself even hotter than I already am. Con's taking me to that new seafood restaurant everyone is raving about and I told Dane, the SGN photographer, to be there, ready to snap my entrance!"

Emmett and I just rolled our eyes and smiled at each other behind Seth's retreating back.

At the end of October, Seth and Emmett co-hosted a Halloween party. With Rosalie now pregnant, she and Maggie elected to skip the party again, so it was just boys, with Leah putting in an appearance towards the end of the evening. I dressed as a Safari hunter, since I was, in fact, hunting that night, and I managed to score myself a fine piece of tail indeed. And I didn't even have to remember his name or leave the party to do it, Emmett's bathroom giving us just enough privacy for just enough time for me to sink my weapon into him until we were both spent.

Thanksgiving weekend was quiet, with just me and Mom in Port Townsend. For the first time we sat down and I finally told her everything that had happened with Jasper. She was the perfect listener, and her reactions were entirely predictable, except at the anger she showed when I told her about what happened in Rochester.

"I can't believe after all the years of friendship that he just dismissed you like that, didn't even give you a chance to explain. No matter what he thought the night he left and immediately afterwards, six months later he should have realized that you were nothing like that James person. He should have understood that he acted on instinct, but that instinct was wrong! I'm just furious! After all the time you two spent together, as close as two boys could ever be, for him not to even give you the benefit of a doubt, it's unpardonable! It makes me want to go to New York and give him a piece of my mind!"

"Mom, no!" I panicked for a moment, terrified of what would happen if she carried out her threat.

"I mean, I'm disappointed too, obviously," I said as I calmed down. "And I too wish he had been more open minded. But I don't know what's in his head, and after what he went through with James, I can't keep pushing him. I still love him, Mom," I admitted. "All this time I've been trying to forget him but that will never happen, because he will always be the love of my life. I didn't love Cliff quite as much, and yet I let him go because he was better off without me. How could I not do the same for Jasper? If he needs me out of his life in order to be happy, then I have to give him that."

"And what about you? What about your happiness? Are you determined to go through life all alone? Can you understand how much that hurts me? I'm your mother. It kills me to see you so unhappy."

"I'm all right, Mom," I assured her as best as I could. "I would be happier with Jasper, obviously, but I'm happy enough. And I'm not going through life alone. I have friends and family and... companionship, when I need it. And I haven't given up looking for someone else who can make me stop thinking about Jasper. It hasn't been that long since Cliff left. These things take time. You don't just want me jumping into another serious relationship, do you?"

She didn't say anything, but I could tell she wasn't buying it.

"Well, what about you?" I asked, deciding the best defense was a good offence. "It's been over a year since the divorce and you're not exactly the social butterfly either. You're not setting the best example."

I watched a dark rose blush creep up Mom's cheeks and I sucked in my breath. That was not the response I expected.

"As a matter of fact," she said. "That was something I was hoping to speak with you about this weekend."

She paused. I looked at her quizzically, but said nothing.

"Well," she exhaled, "this is as awkward as I feared it would be. It's not exactly a conversation we'd ever had to have before."

"Mom, just spit it out. Are you seeing someone?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, Dear, I am."

"Oh?" given her lead up, I should have been expecting it, yet it still came as a surprise. "Who is it?"

"Well, that's part of what makes this awkward. It's Michael."

"Michael?" She seemed to think that I should recognize the name, so I searched my brain for any mentions she might have made of people she met recently, but there were none. "I'm sorry, Mom, but I don't know who that is. Should I?"

She looked down. "It's Michael, from Port Angeles. The owner of Michael's?"

I frowned again before recognition dawned on me. "That Michael? Oh! Okay," I didn't know what to say, as I contemplated the idea. I'd met the man before, but never thought of him as anything more than a restaurateur. I remembered now all the times he opened the restaurant for lunch just for Mom and me, and wondered if there had been more going on there than I realized. "Did you guys…? I mean before...?" I found it a lot harder to ask my mom if she was having an affair out loud than it had been in my head.

"No," she shook her head. "I mean, we enjoyed each other's company and talked on occasion, but I was married and after all those years I couldn't risk doing anything that might put you in jeopardy."

"So have you been seeing him all this time since the divorce?" I asked, somewhat hurt that she hadn't said anything sooner.

"No," she denied. "After the divorce I bought this place and moved here and you know the inn took up most of my time. As I said, there was never really anything between us, so since I haven't had a reason to be in Port Angeles, I also haven't had a chance to see him."

"But you're seeing him now," I pointed out. "So what happened?"

"Oh, well, there was a meeting in Sequim, sponsored by the local tourism board. They invited a lot of the local business owners who had an interest in the tourist industry, as I obviously do, to talk about marketing efforts and cross-promotions. I went and Michael was there and we talked. He had heard about the divorce and about Carlisle getting fired and leaving the area, but since I never went back to speak to him, he assumed I wasn't interested. When I assured him that wasn't the case, he asked me to dinner, and that was lovely."

"And?" I prompted.

"And since then we've had a few dates. Between the inn and the restaurant, neither of us has a lot of free time, but we manage. It's been nice. Not living in the same town takes off some of the pressure to see each other all the time, though we speak on the phone fairly frequently. He's a good, kind man, Edward." she added, as though I tried to imply otherwise.

"Is he divorced too?" I frowned in thought. "I seem to remember he had kids."

"He has two daughters. Chelsea is a senior in high school and Sarah is a freshman. Their mom died of breast cancer when Chelsea was only seven years old, and it's been just the three of them since then. Michael has dated before, but never seriously. The restaurant and his kids were his priority." I could tell from the tone of her voice that Mom approved of the way Michael had handled things. I approved too. Clearly he and Mom were matched in their love for their kids and the sacrifices they were willing to make for them.

"So is it serious?"

"I wouldn't say serious," she equivocated, "but I wouldn't say casual either. It's just right for both of us right now. But I was thinking of inviting him and the girls for Christmas dinner this year. It will still feel small after last year's celebration, but at least it wouldn't be just the two of us."

"Oh," I was a bit taken aback. Memories of the previous year's holiday flooded my senses as I looked around, remembering the happy organized chaos of all the different families cobbled together. Now that Cliff and I had broken up, we'd never experience that again. This year Cliff would be celebrating with his families in Spokane, Maggie and Rosalie would be either in Forks or Tacoma, and it would be just me and Mom again for Christmas. Not that I minded spending time alone with her, but I would miss the large group. I had hoped to hang on to that longer than a single year. And now it was Mom who was bringing in friends to fill out our numbers.

"Would that bother you, Edward? I haven't said anything to Michael yet, and I won't if you'd prefer for me not to invite them."

"No," I protested. "I'm fine. Please do invite them. It would be nice to formally meet Michael's daughters, I guess. I think I saw them around the restaurant once, but I don't remember them at all."

"They're very sweet, really. You'll like them." I made a mental note of the fact that Mom had already met the daughters, and wondered if she was downplaying the nature of her relationship, but I figured that really was none of my business. More than anything, I was just grateful I had inadvertently stumbled onto the perfect distraction from the topic of me and my social life.

Of course, when I'd agreed to have Christmas dinner with my mom's boyfriend and his two daughters, I didn't realize just how bizarre the situation would be. When I'd met Michael previously, I never really thought about him much beyond a restaurant owner and caterer. Now I had to consider the possibility that if things between him and my mom got serious, he could become my step-father. Which also meant that the two girls sitting across from me at dinner, the younger one staring at me as if I were a movie star, clearly either not aware or not caring about my sexual orientation, would be my step-sisters. How the fuck had I gone from being an only child to having not one, but potentially three sisters? It was a mind boggling and very far from pleasant thought.

As if she knew I had been thinking about her, my half-sister showed up just as Mom was serving dessert, along with her wife and son. The three of them were driving back from Forks, on their way to Tacoma to spend the rest of the holidays with Rosalie's family. Over five months pregnant now and very clearly showing, Rosalie had on an outfit that perfectly showcased her bump, which quickly made babies the topic of discussion. All five women gushed over Rosalie, Liam and his yet unborn baby brother. Michael and I just sat back, about as uncomfortable as we could get, given we had so little in common to try to talk about. I didn't know who was gladder when dinner was over and it was time for everyone to leave.

Since I was the employee with least seniority, it fell to me to work the day after Christmas, which allowed me to leave Mom's at the same time as Maggie and Rosalie. The remainder of holiday week passed by quickly and peacefully. Seth and Emmett asked me to go out with them for New Years, but didn't press me much when I declined, reminding them how that outing the previous year marked the beginning of the end of my relationship with Cliff. My sister, however, wasn't so easily dissuaded.

"If you're just going to sit at home watching TV, you might as well come here and watch with us," she decreed.

"Maggie, I really would rather be alone," I complained. "Nothing personal."

"I'm sure you would rather be alone, but that doesn't mean it's a smart thing for you to do or that I'm gonna let you do it. Just get your butt over here. Liam would love to see you," she saved the best enticement for last.

"Fine," I said, resigned. I threw on my shoes and coat, and less than 20 minutes later I was pulling into the girls' driveway.

"I didn't even bring any beer," I grumbled as I walked into the house, referring to the girls' prohibition on alcoholic beverages in their home while one was pregnant or breastfeeding. "Which I actually think is some sort of a crime on New Year's Eve."

"It's not, I checked," Maggie said breezily, closing and locking the front door behind me as I took off and put away my outerwear.

"Come on in, Edward," Rosalie called from the family room. "Liam's got your present right here."

I turned to Maggie with an arched eyebrow. "Present? What present? We already exchanged gifts."

"I know," Maggie sighed. "But Liam saw this today and insisted that we get it for you. Well, truth be told, he tried to insist that we get it for him, but when Rosalie put her foot down he switched tactics. He's a crafty little toddler, that one," she giggled. "I think he knows this is as good as getting it for himself."

"What is it?" I asked suspiciously.

"Oh, I can't spoil the surprise," Maggie replied. "Liam would be so disappointed. Go on, he's waiting for you. He's barely been able to sit still."

I shrugged my shoulders and headed for the family room, wondering what had my nephew so excited. When I saw what he held in his arms I would have turned around and headed right back home, had it not been for Maggie blocking my way.

"Maggie," I complained quietly, as Liam was so absorbed with my present he hadn't noticed me yet. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. I know you know better than to do something like this."

"We didn't mean to, honestly," she whispered apologetically. "We went to visit Annabell today, not knowing that the stray she found last month had delivered kittens. Liam saw the kittens and fell in love, especially with this little guy. He wanted him so badly, but Rosalie absolutely refused. With the baby coming she just thought it would be too much. So then Liam decided that his uncle Edward needed a kitty to keep him company. He was so adamant, Edward. If you really don't want it, we'll take him back to Annabell's, but if she can't find homes for the kittens she'll have to take them to the shelter. Come on," she cajoled, "you live in that big house all by yourself. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone warm and furry waiting for you at the door when you get home from work?"

"I don't know, Maggie. When I think of someone warm and furry to come home to, this is not what comes to mind. I've never been a cat person. And I have no idea how to take care of one."

"Cats are very independent. You won't have to do much for him. Just feed him and change his litter box. And you can see how attached Liam is to this guy. It'll kill him to have to give him back."

I glanced back at my nephew, who was totally enraptured by the tiny black kitten wriggling in his arms. Then Liam looked up and saw me, and I knew the argument was over.

"Uncle Edward!" he cried excitedly. He awkwardly struggled to stand while crushing the kitten to his chest, but had no success. I decided to spare him the effort and quickly made my way to him, crouching down in front of him in the center of the room.

"Kitty, for you!" He stretched out his hands, holding out the animal like some sort of a ritualistic sacrifice. I reached for the tiny predator, hardly bigger than my hand, and looked him over carefully. He was jet black, except for a triangular white patch on his chest and four white socks, the back left shorter than the other three. His eyes were blue and large, and when he saw me staring into them he let out a pitiful meow.

"Nice kitty, for you," Liam repeated.

"You think me having a cat is a good idea, buddy?" I asked him. He nodded enthusiastically.

"What should I name him?" It was pointless to pretend I wouldn't take the cat now that I saw Liam's excitement up close.

"Emmy!" Liam announced. I wrinkled my nose. I really did not want a pet that would answer to Emmett's nickname.

"I don't think uncle Emmett would like that much, this puny little cat named after him. What about your best friend? How about we name him Rainier, after Ren?"

This wasn't my first choice either, but I could stomach a pet named after my favorite place on earth. Liam, however, wasn't pleased. His little face scrunched up into a frown as he considered. Suddenly he smiled.

"Remmy!" he shouted, scaring the kitten. "Remmy, Remmy, Remmy!"

I desperately looked over to Rosalie for help, but she and Maggie, who joined her wife on the sofa, were just giggling.

"Out of the mouth of babes," Rosalie stated, still laughing.

"It's out of our hands," Maggie pointed out.

"Of course it is," I said, moving the cat closer to my face. He shrank back on top of my open palm in fear, but then pounced forward, swiping his tiny front paw, including pointy sharp claws, across my nose.

"Ouch!" I yelled and moved my hand away from my face so the beast couldn't reach me the second time. Liam fell onto his back, laughing hysterically.

"So it's gonna be like that, is it, Remmy?" I said, glowering at the kitten who, once again, cowered as far back on my palm as he could without falling off. Moments later I felt wetness on my fingers. "Oh for crying out loud!" I exclaimed, adding my other hand underneath the first to try to contain the liquid emitted by the scared kitten, rising to my full height and looking around desperately.

"His litter box is in the powder room," Rosalie offered through her laughter. I reached the powder room in four strides and deposited the cat into the box next to the toilet.

"This is not an auspicious beginning," I told him sternly as he looked up at me with those big blue eyes. The big blue eyes that were the exact color of Jasper's. And suddenly I knew that even if I could force myself to break Liam's heart by giving back the cat, I wouldn't be able to give up anything that had those eyes. Remmy was coming home with me to stay.

I washed my hands and re-joined everyone in the family room. We played with Liam and Remmy until it was Liam's bedtime. Then we watched a movie until the New York telecast came on when, despite the disapproving glances from both of my sisters, I stared at the screen, transfixed, for the entire hour. Of course, predictably enough, there had been no reason to watch at all.

Not wanting to keep the girls, especially Rosalie, up too late, I left shortly after exchanging kisses and well wishes with them at midnight, gathering my new cat, his litter box and food on the way out. The kitten was so tiny that left loose he could easily hide himself in some nook or cranny of my car and I'd have to spend hours trying to get him out, so more to restrain him than anything else, I stuck Remmy inside my coat, hoping that he wouldn't decide to soak my chest on the way home. He didn't, settling inside the jacket instead, and purring contentedly the entire drive back. When I got home, I set up his litter box in my bathroom and tried to get him settled down on a towel-covered pillow on the floor in the corner of my bedroom, but he insisted on jumping up onto the bed as soon as I let him go. After three trips back and forth between the bed and his pillow, I finally gave up and allowed the little beast to sleep next to me, hoping that I wouldn't crush him overnight or wake up in a pool of his pee. Once I accepted that I was going to have to share my bed, I actually enjoyed falling asleep to the sound of his soft, gentle purr. The last thought I remembered having was that owning a cat might not be so bad after all.