Chapter 25

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Chapter 25: Time's not Sleeping

Coming back home from Forks, it was really hard to think or talk about anything other than what happened with my parents and the trust fund. I really wasn't sure how much of my family's sordid history I wanted to disclose to all my friends, and I especially didn't want to let everyone know of the enormous amount of money I'd just inherited, fearing that it would make them see me differently than before. Cliff and I spoke about it at length on the drive home, and in the end decided that we would explain that my father was less than understanding about my homosexuality, that my parents were getting a divorce, and that I had inherited a fairly sizable trust fund from my grandfather, which meant I was no longer dependent on my father for school or any other expenses.

Back in Settle, we invited everyone over for dinner and broke the news to everyone at once. Maggie nodded knowingly when I talked about our father, but since neither of us expected any better from him, she knew she didn't have to offer me too much comfort. She was thrilled to hear that my mother made the decision to leave him and that I no longer needed his money.

"Now if only we could figure out a way to get him fired and the hell out of Forks, we'd make everyone in town happier," she stated. I hadn't really considered that option before, but I kept the idea in the back of my mind, figuring there had to be any number of ways to get him terminated, now that he didn't have the backing of the Masen name and stipend.

Having everyone over at our place made me very aware of the space limitations of our one-bedroom apartment, and with Troy coming to stay with us in just a couple of weeks, I decided to use some of my new funds to upgrade our digs. Cliff offered a mild protest, but relented when I pointed out that we needed more space and that he'd shouldered the burden of living expenses for us long enough. With Rosalie's help, we found an empty three bedroom apartment in a building that was a bit further away from campus, but closer to Cliff's work, so we signed the lease immediately and gave notice to Cliff's landlord. We took advantage of some of our free time to coordinate the move and buy furniture for the extra two bedrooms, turning one into a guest room and the other into a den. The new apartment also had a larger dining area and a bigger kitchen, which pleased Cliff to no end, as well as a beautifully appointed master bathroom with a nice large shower and a double vanity, which pleased us both. More than anything, I was just happy that I was finally financially able to cover our household expenses. Being able to afford a larger apartment, in an area more convenient for Cliff, with amenities he liked, was just icing on the cake.

By July 3rd the apartment was fully stocked and ready for guests, and we were excited about Troy's visit. Having spoken with him and his fathers the previous night, we knew he was excited as well.

"I think he's imagining that the two of you will just let him do whatever he wants," Tyrone laughed. "But we all know that's not true, right?"

"Don't worry, Pops. We'll have fun, but it's not going to be a free-for-all," Cliff assured him.

"Just remember to keep him on schedule with his medication. It's really critical," Bruce threw in, and Cliff and I could both hear his concern. "And make sure he stays sober. I'm sure he'll try to talk you into letting him drink or more, but with his history it's just not a good idea. We do not want to jeopardize all the work he did in rehab. It would be great if the two of you could set a good example."

"We will, Ba Ba," Cliff winked at me as he spoke, but I knew he meant what he said, too.

"And don't be afraid to discipline him if he's not listening to you. We told him that if he misbehaves, you were instructed to put him on the plane back. Now, you don't have to be that drastic, but if he gets out of hand keep him at home doing nothing or assign him chores," Bruce kept going.

"What if we offer him a reward if he does behave?" I asked.

"Sure, that would work too, but coming out to be with you two was a reward already. What do you have in mind?"

I outlined the plan that I'd already discussed with all the other involved parties. Bruce and Tyrone seemed overwhelmed, but given that everyone else had already agreed, they too said it would be all right.

"He won't even be able to use it yet, right?" I confirmed. "So this will give him an extra incentive to behave, not just while he's here, but at least for another few months."

"That is a very good point, Edward," Tyrone conceded, "though after those few months, I might as well resign myself to all my hair turning gray."

With the plans all set, Cliff and I set off for the airport the morning of July third to meet Troy's flight. We waited anxiously, hovering near the security exit to make sure we didn't miss him. The flight landed on time and, right when we expected, Troy emerged, pulling a small carry-on. He was watching for us as eagerly as we were for him, and we all saw each other at the same time. He immediately veered in our direction, first stopping to hug me, then Cliff.

"Oh my God, you guys! I'm so excited! I can't believe I'm here. This is gonna be so much fun! I mean, Dad B and Dad T are great, but they're so, you know, strict, and I know they mean well but I'm just used to more freedom and hanging out with people my age and I've been so bored! You guys have to show me all your hang outs and hook me up with some cute guys!"

Cliff and I looked at each other, and then back to Troy.

"Leo, I know when you were out on the streets you could do whatever you wanted and I'm sure family life must sometimes seem really boring compared to that, but look at everything you gained when your dads adopted you!" Cliff pointed out.

"Oh, I know," Troy corrected quickly, looking a little scared and throwing me a helpless look like he was searching for a lifeline. "I appreciate having a family, I do. Really. It's just..." he looked down to the ground.

"I'm sure it was a big adjustment for you," I said, wrapping my arm around Troy's shoulder. He was as short and slim as Seth, and I felt so imposing standing next to him. "And I know you haven't had the easiest time making friends your own age at school."

Troy snorted, still looking down at the ground. "They're all so straight and white and spoiled and stupid," he muttered. "I have nothing to say to any of them, and if I'm lucky, they have nothing to say to me. I just wish I could be here with you guys, and other younger people like me."

"You know, we're pretty white ourselves," I joked, bumping his hip. "And pretty spoiled, too. And even though we want you to have fun while you're here, we have to be pretty strict, too. Just imagine if something happened to you under our watch and it got reported to the state - Bruce and Tyrone might get in trouble for letting you spend time alone with us and the adoption might get revoked and it might cause problems not just for Bruce and Tyrone but other gay couples trying to adopt. So it's not just about you, Leo. Do you understand? You need to behave and listen so that other kids like you have a chance to get adopted and stop living on the streets," I was laying it on a bit thick, but I figured there was no harm in scaring him a little if it would calm him down for the two weeks he would be with us. Having survived out on the streets meant that he was probably craftier than anyone realized, and could outsmart us if he wanted to. He needed to have incentives to behave, both negative and positive, which I was just about to deliver. "But the good news is, if you do behave, there's something in it for you."

"There is?" he looked up at me, his eyes large. "What?"

"Come on, let's go get your luggage and go home. We'll show you rather than tell you."

We picked up Troy's suitcase off the carousel and walked together to Cliff's car, where we loaded the luggage into the trunk. Troy got into the back and sat forward in the middle of the back seat, his bent arms resting on tops of the two front seats.

"This is such a cool car, Cliff," he said. "Both of you have cool cars. You're right, Gem, you guys are pretty spoiled."

I laughed, then told him to sit back and buckle up, which he did with a small pout.

"I'm sure living with Bruce and Tyrone, you're getting pretty spoiled too."

"Well, yeah, compared to what I had before, which was nothing. But I wish I had a car."

"You do?" Cliff asked innocently, looking at me sideways and sending me a wink with the eye that was out of Troy's line of sight. "You don't even have a license yet, right? What would you do with a car?"

"Dads said since I got caught up in school I could get a permit when I go back and start lessons. Then I'd get my license for the fall and they'd let me borrow the car as long as I keep my grades up to get the good student discount on insurance," he said wistfully. "But that would only be every once in a while. If I had my own car I could drive to school instead of taking the bus like all the Freshmen."

"And you'd like a car like this one?" Cliff asked.

"Well, this one is probably too nice. I'd take anything, even a junker, as long as it runs, you know?"

"What if you could have this one? This exact one?" I prompted.

"Then Cliff wouldn't have one," Troy rolled his eyes and laughed at what he thought was a funny joke.

"As it happens, Cliff just got another car," I explained. "It will be delivered next week."

"Oh yeah?" Troy's eyes were bright with excitement and curiosity. "What did you get, Cliff? And why? This car is very cool, and it's not like it's old."

"The other car isn't brand new - it's kind of a hand-me-down from my father," I said. "He wasn't able to use it anymore, and I thought it was perfect for Cliff. Once it gets here, Cliff won't need this one, so we spoke with your dads and they said we could give it to you, if you behave yourself while you're here."

"No shit?" His eyes were as big as saucers now. "You're fucking lying!"

"He's not lying," Cliff confirmed. "But Leo, besides the restrictions that Pops and Ba Ba put on when you can drive this, I'll be counting on you to be responsible with this car. This was my brother Wenn's car, and while I want you to be safe whenever you drive, I especially don't want to see this car in a wreck because of something dumb or reckless. So you'll have to promise me you'll be careful when you're driving this, all right?"

"Of course I'll be careful!" Troy exclaimed. "I don't want to wreck my car either. Oh my God, guys, this is so awesome, so cool. I don't even know what to say," I looked back to see him looking around the car, checking out his potential new possession. "Thank you!" he finally remembered. "Thank you so much!"

"It's not yours yet," Cliff reminded, looking in the rear view mirror and smiling.

"Oh yes it is," Troy nodded his head vigorously. "Or it might as well be. What do you think I am, dumb or something? I'm gonna be a model citizen while I'm here, you'll see. Hell, I'll even do chores, if you guys want. A car of my own would be so worth it!"

We assured him he didn't have to do chores and we laughed and talked for the rest of the ride home. Once there, Leo went on and on again about the apartment, which was obviously different from the one he saw when he came out for graduation.

"I was so totally expecting to bunk on the sofa, you guys, which was totally cool," he quickly added, as if worried that he might be offending us, "'cause then I thought maybe you'd let me sleep with you in your bed, 'cause it's big and I'm so small, right?" he sounded rather hopeful. "But now I have my own room, and my own bathroom even. Shit! I am getting spoiled. Hey, Gem, look at my arm. Look at it!" he demanded, shoving the arm in front of my face and pulling up the long sleeve of his shirt. I glanced down at the thin, dark skinned limb.

"I'm looking at it, Leo, but what exactly am I looking for?"

"Am I turning white yet? 'Cause I'm getting so spoiled it kind of feels like I might be turning white!"

Cliff and I both burst out laughing.

"No, Leo, you're not turning white. You're as Pacific Islander as you ever were," I assured him. Though Leo was actually half Caucasian, his predominant physical characteristics were inherited from his native Hawaiian father. "So will this be okay? You can still sleep on the sofa if you prefer."

A sly look came over his face. "If I do, will you feel sorry for me and let me sleep with you guys in your bed? Come on, I hardly take up any room and I'm very cuddly," he let his lids fall over his large eyes rapidly in a flirtatious manner. The kid was cute and he knew it, and he also knew how to use his best assets to his advantage. The way he learned those lessons, though, was sobering. My smile disappeared as I thought about what he'd been forced to do in order to survive on the streets. One glance at Cliff told me he'd been thinking the same thing.

"You can sleep anywhere in the apartment except for our bed," I told him firmly, but kindly.

"You're like our little brother, Leo," Cliff added. "We love you, but our bed is for us only."

Troy sighed with resignation, then brightened again. "I'm like your little brother, really?"

"Well, yeah," Cliff confirmed and looked at me, confused by Troy's sudden change in attitude and the tone of the question.

"So that makes you my big brothers right? That's so cool! I've always wanted a big brother, but I never had one. I was the oldest one. My parents always said I had to set an example for my younger siblings, and then when I didn't set a good example..." he trailed off. We all knew that's when his parents threw him out of the house to fend for himself at the ripe old age of fourteen. My hands curled into fists at the thought. What kind of monsters would do that to their son? Thank God when the state went to them and asked them to give up their parental rights to Troy so that Bruce and Tyrone could adopt him they didn't put up a fuss, though from the sound of it the father actually thought about it, changing his mind only after he found an envelope with $2,000 in cash, that he'd hinted he needed to make house repairs, sitting on his doorstep like magic. I was outraged that Bruce and Tyrone let him sell his own kid for two grand, but they said parents of babies got paid far more in gifts by folks who wanted to adopt newborns, and that two grand was money well spent to make them Troy's legal parents. It wasn't right, but they had a point. In the end Troy's welfare was the most important thing, and it was in his best interest for Bruce and Tyrone to adopt him, by whatever means necessary.

"But now," Troy continued, much more brightly, "I have two gay older brothers and I can follow their example!"

Cliff and I both melted, and the three of us shared a long hug before we sent Troy to his room to unpack. When he was done, we had lunch as Troy quizzed us about our plans for the rest of the day. Our tourist plans seemed to get a stamp of approval, so after lunch we set off. True to his word, Troy didn't give us any trouble, besides being adorably excited about everything we did. I was secretly thrilled that he was still able to reach this level of innocence, after spending such formative years on the streets. Given everything he had been through, I could easily picture him never quite fully emerging from the sullen and withdrawn shell of a kid he was when Tyrone first saw him in the hospital. But Troy seemed to reject the jaded smart ass persona, and instead seemed to revert to his pre-street youth, looking at everything through very young eyes.

Instead of going home for dinner, we decided to meet up with Emmett and Seth at Mario's. On the way, Troy could barely contain himself, bouncing in the back the way I'd only seen Seth do before. In fact, with their size and dark skin, hair and eyes in common, Troy was the most Seth-like guy I had ever met. I figured that's what had to have him so excited about seeing our friends. I realized I was wrong as soon as we walked into the restaurant and Troy's eyes fixed on Emmett to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. I gently nudged Cliff and pointed him in Troy's direction with my eyes, waiting for him to recognize what was happening and turn back to me with a wide smile. Our adorable little charge clearly had an Emmett-size crush on Emmett himself.

Emmett and Seth had gotten a round table to accommodate the five of us, and Troy made a beeline for the chair next to our large friend as Cliff and I settled in the other seats.

"We already placed the order," Seth announced, "I hope you guys are fine with the usual."

"We're fine with it," Cliff replied, "but I'm not sure about Troy."

"What do you like on your pizza?" Emmett turned to ask the boy, who stared at him like he had just been addressed by his favorite rock star. Fortunately, Emmett didn't seem to notice, but I saw Seth's eyebrow shoot up knowingly.

"I'm sure I'll like whatever you like," Troy responded, slightly tongue tied. "I'm easy," he added, and as if suddenly gaining confidence from the double entendre, he continued, "with food and other things too." He completed his sentence with a smile that was clearly intended to be suggestive. Thank goodness Emmett remained clueless.

"Yeah?" he asked with a friendly, dimpled smile. "I'm pretty easy too. Sausage, pepperoni, whatever - I just gotta have meat."

"Uh-huh," Troy was still gazing up at Emmett, "I like meat."

Seth was nearly bursting, trying to contain his laughter.

"Did you know Emmy's part German, Troy? Do you like to eat German sausage?"

"Who doesn't like a good bratwurst, am I right?" Emmett elbowed Troy lightly, oblivious to Seth's innuendo.

Troy nodded his head enthusiastically. "Yeah, I'd love to get my mouth on some German sausage."

Cliff and I exchanged a worried look. This conversation was quickly getting out of hand.

"Well," Seth said gleefully, clearly enjoying himself, "maybe Cliff and Edward can make sure you get some tomorrow at the 4th of July party?"

Troy's eye widened and he looked over to us. If we had been in a cartoon, there would have been a bright white light bulb floating over his head.

"Seth," I said with an edge to my voice that I was sure he would not have been able to miss, "the menu for tomorrow is set. No brats or any other German sausages. Now, speaking of Germany, did you guys make it back today to the International Beer Fest?"

Cliff, Seth Emmett and I had gone to the Fest the previous day, because Emmett was eager to sample all the different German beers that were being offered, and we knew we wouldn't be able to go once Troy got here, since he was underage. We all enjoyed sampling a variety of brews from different countries, but for Emmett the fest had been a beer Nirvana, and he vowed he'd go back before it was over.

"Oh, yeah!" Emmett confirmed enthusiastically. "That was great! I mean, I always knew I liked German beer, but being able to sample all the different Spaten brews was awesome. I think I finally zeroed in on my favorite - the Oktoberfest."

"Really? How many samples did it take for you to reach that conclusion?" Cliff teased.

"More than I would have been able to handle," Seth threw in, "But then clearly Emmett is a big boy. All over!" he added, winking in Troy's direction, then pointedly looking sideways and down at Emmett's lap. I looked at Troy just in time to see his gaze travel in the same direction, as the tip of his tongue slipped out to moisten his lips.

"Oh yeah," Emmett laughed at Seth good naturedly, "Like you're not hiding a third leg in those pants."

Troy's eyes snapped up at Seth, who smirked and shrugged. "How big are you?" Troy asked innocently.

I was just about to interrupt when the server showed up with our pizza, and everyone got busy passing out the napkins and plates, then loading them up with the food. The previous subject of conversation was momentarily forgotten as we all sated our hunger.

"So, Leo," Emmett began after he ate a couple of slices. "That's what you like to be called, right, Leo?"

"Yeah," Troy was obviously extremely impressed that Emmett remembered his nickname.

"So are you looking forward to the fireworks tomorrow, Leo? Edward has some surprise planned that he won't tell us about. Any idea what it is?"

"No. I didn't even know there was a surprise," Troy threw Cliff and me a hurt look.

"You didn't need to know," Cliff answered for me. "You were going to spend the holiday with us anyway. We needed to tell these guys where and when to meet us."

"Oh, okay," Troy was mollified. "So what's the surprise?"

"Well if we told you..."

We continued to talk about the fireworks and our plans for the week, somehow managing to avoid any more sexually charged comments from Seth. The pizza was long gone by the time we separated for the night. And while the innuendos may have stopped earlier in the evening, Troy made it clear all the way home that his fascination with Emmett was very much still in place.

"Oh my God, you guys, Emmett is so hot. He must work out all the time!" he gushed. "He looks like he could snap me in half like a twig. Or either of you guys, for that matter."

"I don't know about that," Cliff chimed in. "I bet Edward could put up a good fight."

"But he probably wouldn't have to, because Emmett's so nice. He's funny. I love the way he laughs - sitting next to him I could almost feel it, the deep rumble. And he has dimples! And his eyes are so warm and kind..."

"Don't let the teddy bear demeanor fool you," I told him, remembering our encounter with James. "Emmett can be a grizzly when he needs to be."

"He can be any kind of bear he wants, as long as he calls me 'cub', and takes me into his den" Troy said under his breath, but not quietly enough.

"Bears don't generally like lion cubs, Leo," I pointed out, looking back at him. His only response was an exaggerated eye roll.

It had been a long day and we were all worn out by the time we got home. Knowing the following day was going to be busy and long, we decided to get ready for bed. All three of us clad only in boxers, we gathered to say our good nights.

"So I know you guys said your bed was just for the two of you, but what about the guest room bed? It's not as big as yours, but I bet all three of us could fit."

Cliff and I exchanged a glance. It was clear that Leo really didn't want to sleep alone, and though we couldn't indulge him completely, there was something we could do.

"How about we lay with you in your room until you fall asleep?" Cliff asked.

"Okay," Troy readily agreed. He got into his bed and under the covers while Cliff and I got in on either side of him, but stayed on top of the covers. "Ow," he pouted, "Why you gotta be like that? It's not like you're gonna sleep here or we're naked or anything's gonna happen."

Cliff and I looked at each other again, both conflicted. Even if we weren't in an exclusive relationship with each other, neither one of us would have been interested in a 16-year-old kid, especially one we thought of as a little brother. And cuddling with him in bed seemed to push both of us beyond our comfort zone. On the other hand, he clearly must have needed it pretty badly to be so persistent in his requests.

"I'll tell you what, we'll compromise, okay?" I said, pulling the covers down to his waist and spooned up behind him. On the other side of Leo, Cliff lay on his side facing away from the both of us and scooted back against our guest until we were all snugly fitted and I could wrap my arm around both of them so that my hand rested on Cliff's stomach. "Is this better?" I asked Troy, who purred contentedly in response.

"Much," he said quietly. "When I was living on the streets, my friend Ginger and I would sleep together, holding each other. During the day, mostly, when we couldn't work anyway. She's a girl, so she didn't feel as good as you guys do, but she was pretty soft and warm. I haven't had anyone to be with like that since I was found. Dad B and Dad T are nice, they hug, but not at night, because of the state and all that. And there's no one else there who'd want to snuggle with me. It's been a long time," he said wistfully.

I was all choked up. This was such an easy thing, and yet for various good reasons Troy had no one to give him the simple human contact he craved. It was so sad.

"Well," Cliff said. "We'll make sure to have lots of snuggle time while you're here, okay?" Cliff said, and I knew from the tone of his voice he felt the same way I did. He reached up with his right hand to squeeze the hand that I was resting on his stomach, and I squeezed right back.

"Yeah, that will be nice," Troy said, "And maybe you can help me get some snuggle time with Emmett," he hinted.

I closed my eyes, remembering how valuable my snuggle time with Emmett had been after I returned from Rochester, and I knew he did the same thing for Jasper after Jasper first came out, and then when he came home after leaving James. If I thought for a second Troy wouldn't try to push it past snuggling, I'd be tempted to ask Emmett if he could use some of his soul healing powers on the kid. Trouble was, I knew Troy would not be able to keep his hands off our big friend or his big cock.

"Come on, Leo, give it a rest," I said. "Emmett's like, 8 years older than you."

"He doesn't like younger guys?" Troy looked back at me over his shoulder. "I know I'm young, but I know what I'm doing. I bet I could give him one of the best blow jobs he's ever had. I can swallow a lot of cock and I'm good at it. Come on, will you talk to him, put in a good word for me? Jesus, I would love to suck him off."

Cliff flipped over to face us.

"Troy, we didn't invite you to stay with us so we could play matchmaker, especially with guys who are much too old for you."

"Too old?" Troy said incredulously. "You should've seen some of the guys I've been with - they were too old. Emmett is nowhere near too old - he's just right."

"No, he's not," Cliff said firmly. "Not when you're only 16 years old. You have time still to be with guys his age, when you're older."

"If I live that long," Troy was dramatic. "I haven't been with anyone for over 6 months. Do you know how hard that is? I'm sick and tired of wanking off by myself. Have you ever wanted it all the time and not had any for six months? I just want someone to touch my dick. Hell, I just want to touch a dick that's not my own. I wanna know that I can still make a guy scream and moan. Spokane suburbs suck. There's like, no gay people anywhere. I thought if I came out here you guys would help me out, before my dick shrivels up and falls off."

I was glad he was facing away from me, because I had to smile. I remembered being his age and wanting to fuck daily. Of course, I was with Bella, so I had someone to fuck. If I didn't have anyone, I'd probably feel much like Troy did. But by now I knew that you could go for quite some time without sex, something that he would have to learn.

"I grew up there, remember?" Cliff responded. "I know how hard it is to be the only gay guy in the school, and not have anyone to date. And I'm really sorry. But you have a lot of time ahead of you. You already know so much more about sex than a guy your age should. It'll be good for you to slow down. And since you're positive, you know it won't ever be as easy. Pops and Ba Ba talked to you about that, right?"

Troy tucked his chin into his chest. "Yeah. I know I have to be safe and I have to tell every guy before we do anything," he said quietly.

"And you know some guys may not want to do anything after they find out?"

"Yeah, I know," he sounded so dejected.

"But you also know that it will have nothing to do with you, right?" I prompted. "If they decide to pass, it's because they're scared of the disease, it's not you personally any more than it would be if someone didn't want to kiss me if I had a cold sore or didn't want to kiss Cliff if he had the flu. It's not you. No one in their right mind would say no to you," I pulled him close to me in a tight hug. He resisted a little at first, but then let himself be pulled back.

"What if no one ever wants to be with me after I tell them?" he asked quietly.

"That's not gonna happen," Cliff said forcefully. "Trust me, Leo, you will find the right guys, the guys who understand and who are safe, some of them may be positive themselves and you will have to decide if you want to be with them. Having HIV just means that you won't be able to have mindless sex, you have to think and talk about it before you do it. But that's probably a good thing - what we all should be doing anyway."

Troy didn't say anything. His head was still down. Cliff looked over at me, clearly uncertain what to do next. I lifted my head and curled around Troy even more, leaning over him a little to rest my cheek on top of his.

"Leo, you're a really beautiful boy, and there will be plenty of guys who will desperately want to be with you, believe me. But you don't have to rush things just because you had to grow up way too early and way too quickly. I know you're frustrated in the suburbs, but believe me, there are plenty of straight boys in your school who are in the very same boat and can't get laid either, even though there are hundreds of girls around. Now, wouldn't that be worse? Think about it. You are so much better off than they are."

Reluctantly, Troy chuckled. "Yeah, I guess it would be worse to be rejected by all the girls and feel like a loser. You really think I'm beautiful?"

"Sure. We both do," Cliff nodded in affirmation. "Have you looked in the mirror lately? You're gorgeous and so sweet. Guys are gonna want to eat you up."

"Mm," he looked up and I could feel him smile. "Now you're talking."

I retreated to my earlier position and Cliff, taking a cue from me, turned to his other side as well.

"But for now, you should concentrate on getting plenty of sleep and food so that you grow a little and not stay Seth's size all your life," I teased. "So come on, say good night and close your eyes."

"Good night," he murmured obediently. I could hear how tired he was in his voice. It was only a few minutes later that I felt his breathing even out and deepen and I knew he was asleep. I tapped Cliff's stomach to signal him and we both carefully got off the bed. I put my arm around his waist as we made our way back to our own bedroom.

"Poor kid, he's too young to have gone through all he's gone through," Cliff said.

"Yeah, but he's a survivor. Now that he has Bruce and Tyrone, he'll be all right. Better than all right."

"You think we managed to nip this Emmett obsession in the bud?"

"I don't know. Maybe. But knowing Seth, he'll stir it all up again tomorrow. I'll have to talk to him."

"Well, that's something to do tomorrow. In the meantime, though, all this talk about sucking and blowing has given me some ideas," as he spoke he turned towards me and palmed my cock through my boxers.

"Really?" I grinned. "Huh! Far be it from me to block a good idea."

We kissed, then closed and locked the bedroom door before falling into bed and making sure we were both nice and relaxed prior to falling asleep.

The next morning Cliff was up first and was mid-way through cooking breakfast by the time I joined him in the kitchen. Our teenage charge was still in his room, and we were all too happy to let him sleep in as long as possible. We finally had to wake him when it was time to take his medication, but by then he seemed pretty rested up. We feasted on blueberry pancakes with strawberry sauce and whipped cream - Cliff's idea of a patriotic breakfast for Independence Day. After breakfast I excused myself while Cliff and Leo cleaned up. I wanted to call Seth to make sure Mr. Big Mouth didn't stir up the Emmett pot again while we were with them all day. At first, Seth was unapologetic about wanting to have his fun encouraging Leo's Emmett worship. No amount of pleading or reasoning had any effect, and I was getting extremely frustrated.

"Seth, he's a sixteen year old boy and two third's Emmett's age. You could make things very awkward for both him and Emmett if you keep egging him on. Please, I'm really asking, back off. Let this be."

"Come on, Edward. Do you mean to tell me that when you were sixteen you didn't have a crush on some hot older guy? Or wait, you thought you were straight, right, so it would have been a woman? And did that scar you for life?"

My mind flashed to one summer afternoon after my Sophomore year in high school when one of my Father's nurses took me out to the back of her SUV and nearly sucked my brains out through my dick. I hated every moment of it, but was too concerned about my image to have enough guts to tell her no. The memory sent a chill right through me despite the warm temperature. I shuddered and re-focused on the subject at hand. It didn't look like I was going to have any luck using traditional arguments, so as much as I hated to violate Troy's privacy, I decided to bring out the big guns. I walked as far away from the bedroom door as possible and lowered my voice.

"Seth, you know he lived on the streets for a while, after his parents kicked him out. It wasn't exactly a safe environment. He's positive."

There was silence on the other end of the line.

"He knows he has to tell potential partners. We just talked about that again last night. But I don't want to create a situation where the first guy he likes rejects him and he's also one of my best friends. And I don't want Emmett to feel like he has to do anything he might not want to do because he doesn't want to hurt our guest's feelings, regardless of the reason. So please, please, let it go. I know it was funny yesterday, but let's not extend it, alright?"

"Edward, he's sixteen and you know what Emmett looks like. Even without me doing anything, his fascination with Em is not gonna stop."

"We had a talk with him and hopefully that will work. And we'll keep an eye on him all day."

"What might work even better is a distraction."

"A distraction?"

"Yeah. This thing, whatever it is you're planning for tonight, is there enough room for me to bring someone?"

I hesitated, wondering what he was thinking of doing and if it was wise to agree. But I couldn't really tell him he couldn't bring a friend. "Sure," I said. "But what's on your mind?"

"I'm not gonna say anything, in case it doesn't work out. Just trust me, Cullen. You know I know what I'm doing. I gotta go. See you later."

He hung up before I could respond. I turned off the phone and stared at it for a while, wondering if I just managed to unleash a tsunami to put out some smoldering embers. I shrugged, knowing that regardless of the answer, it was now out of my hands.

By the time I came out of the bedroom clean-up was complete, so we just played video games until eleven, which was the appointed time to pick everyone up. The party bus I chartered was waiting outside the apartment and, once again, Cliff and I loved the surprise on Leo's face.

"Jesus, did you guys just win the lottery or something? How much does a thing like this cost? It's so cool. There's a whole sound system in here. Check it out!"

Leo inspected the entire bus on our way to pick up Leah and her date, Ian, a friendly Australian transplant who was tall and good looking enough to catch Troy's eye and finally calm him down enough to sit in one place for the next leg of the trip, to Roger and Yvonne's house. Leo had a bit of a hard time keeping the drool from leaking out of his mouth when Roger boarded the bus, wearing denim shorts and a tight sleeveless tank. Of course, as far as Troy was concerned, we saved the best for last. Once we stopped to pick up my sisters and Seth and Emmett, the teen only had eyes for one man. He barely even noticed that there was a guest on the bus that none of us, except Seth, had met before.

"Everyone, this is Zack," Seth introduced the dark haired, slim kid. I arched an eyebrow in Seth's direction, but he just shrugged and proceeded to introduce everyone to Zack, one by one. I could tell Troy was disappointed that he had to take his eyes off Emmett when it was his turn to say hello to the new boy, but he seemed to mind a little less once he actually took a good look and saw someone close to his own age.

"Hey, I'm Leo," he said, sounding more confident than I would have expected.

"I'm Zack," the other boy was a bit shyer, but he had nice light brown eyes and pretty lips that turned up in the barest hint of a smile and made it clear that while he might have been intimidated by the size of our party, he felt much more at ease now that he met Leo. "Seth said you're just visiting Seattle for a couple of weeks? My mom and I only moved here in the beginning of the summer, so I still feel like a visitor too," he volunteered. I could see that, almost despite himself, Troy was interested in hearing more of the kid's story.

"Oh Yeah? Where'd you move from?"

The boys sat down, lost in their conversation. Seth came over to give Cliff and me a hug. "I'll tell you later," he whispered, seeing my questioning expression and, understanding the difficulty in talking without being overheard within the close confines of the bus, I let it go.

"So, Little Bro," Rosalie asked from her seat on the other side of the bus, "this is pretty classy," she moved her hand to indicate the luxurious interior of the bus that really seemed more like a limousine with headroom. "But where is this bus taking us?"

"What does it matter, Rose?" Yvonne jumped in before I could give my non-answer. "The babies are with their grandparents and the mommies get to play! I don't care if we spend the rest of the day on this bus and watch the fireworks from the roof. This is fun!"

"It is fun," Maggie agreed. "But I know my brother, and we are definitely not going to spend the rest of the day on this bus. I also know that he won't tell us a thing until he's ready to."

"Emmett, why don't you pop open that champagne," I directed, indicating an open bucket filled with several chilled bottles. "And there's non-alcoholic sparkling cider, too." Seth grabbed the non-alcoholic beverage and poured out a few glasses, passing them out to Zack, Troy, Maggie and Rose, who was still not drinking in solidarity with my sister. After Emmett opened the champagne, Seth continued his pouring duties, distributing flutes to everyone aboard. When everyone had a drink in hand, I stood up.

"I'm not gonna make long speeches, but most of you know the tortured history I've had with my father and that a couple of weeks ago, on my 21st birthday, thanks to a trust fund left for me by my grandfather, which I knew nothing about until that day, I could finally stop worrying about Dad paying for college and tell him the truth about my life. So for me, this Independence Day has an extra special meaning, and I am just so glad that I can celebrate with all of you, my Seattle family, who have pulled me through some really dark times and worked very hard to turn me from a self-absorbed, selfish asshole, into the hopefully somewhat decent guy I am today. So thanks for being here and enjoy. The bar is stocked, the snacks are out and when we arrive at our destination, in about an hour and a half, there'll be a full lunch spread," I was about to drink and sit down, when Emmett came up to me and slung an arm around my shoulder.

"Edward, we've known each other for a few years now, and though it was rocky in the beginning, I think you're way better than somewhat decent and I'm proud to call you a friend. Thanks for the party - I know we'll have fun doing whatever you've got planned, and congratulations on gaining your independence!" We hugged, and then everyone laughed when Roger commented that watching gay friends bonding was fun, but were we ever actually going to drink? The atmosphere relaxed again as everyone mingled, and before we knew it we arrived at our destination.

"Oh my God, are we going on a cruise?" Troy was the first to look out the window and voice his thoughts as the bus came to a stop.

"Yeah. Cliff and I thought it might be fun to spend a day on the water, watching whales and wildlife, and then head up to Seattle to watch fireworks from the deck," I grabbed my man's hand and smiled at him as I watched the surprise and excitement reflected on everyone's faces.

"Oh, hells yeah, Edward!" Roger exclaimed. "You know how to celebrate in style. Yvie and I have been dying to go whale watching, but with Ren it can be a challenge. This is awesome! This whole big boat is just for us?"

"I have to give you credit, Cullen. When you do it up, you don't go halfway. Nice!" Leah voiced her approval as she and Ian got up to get off the bus.

"Seth?" I asked our most discerning guest.

"I'm just glad you got a boat big enough to keep me from getting seasick. Watching the fireworks from the water will be spectacular, though. You did good. Brad will be sorry he didn't come with us."

"Who's Brad?" I frowned.

"A guy I work with and Zack's cousin," Seth explained. "I'll tell you all about it later."

Everyone got off the bus and made their way along the shore to the boat, where a couple crew members were waiting for us. Holding Cliff's hand firmly in mine, I walked with him to the front of the group.

"We're the Cullen party," I announced. "I'm Edward Cullen," I reached out my hand and shook hers in greeting.

"Yes, of course," a middle-aged woman with obviously dyed platinum blond hair smiled pleasantly. "I'm Nina. We spoke on the phone. Please come aboard. Everything is ready as you requested. Is this everyone or are we waiting for additional guests?"

"No need to wait, Nina. We're all here."

"Excellent. Please make yourself at home, then, and I will let the captain know that we're ready to go. The luncheon buffet is set up in the main cabin as is the bar. You can eat inside or, if you prefer, there are also tables on the main forward deck. I will be your guide to all the wildlife we'll be seeing on today's cruise. We have a video presentation that might help in your wildlife viewing, which you can watch at any time - just let me know when you're ready to start."

I looked to Cliff for advice. "We'll start with lunch, Nina," he responded for me, "And we'll let you know when we're ready for the video."

I smiled at him and nodded to Nina who looked to me for confirmation. "Nina, this is my partner, Cliff," I explained. "We worked on all the plans together, so he can answer any questions you have."

"Sounds good. Bon appetit," Nina said to the group in general, as we made our way aboard and into the main cabin. "Have a great lunch and make yourselves at home. We'll be sailing shortly."

We walked into the main cabin and I was very pleased with the setup. On one side of the room the tables in the booths were set as a series of buffet tables with the various lunch options. On the other side the tables were set to give us a chance to eat inside. I walked to the front of the cabin and noted through the windows that additional tables and chairs were set up outside.

"Wow, Edward, you've thought of everything, haven't you?" Rosalie complimented. "If Annabel saw this, she'd hire you on the spot. You can put together an event better than some of her employees."

"I didn't really do a thing - I just told Nina what I wanted and she made it happen. So dig in everyone - there should be something here to suit all tastes. Should we eat outside just in case there's anything to see?"

"Gem?" Troy came to my side and bumped my arm to get my attention. "Can I go check out the rest of the boat before I eat?"

He looked so excited, it didn't make any sense to tell him no. "Sure, just be careful and don't get in the crew's way."

"Cool," he smiled wide, then looked to Zack. "Wanna come with me?" he asked.

"Yeah," the other boy smiled. "Can I?" He looked to Seth and then to me.

"Go," Seth waved them away. "Have fun. Come back with a full report."

Troy walked past the food laden tables, snagging a breadstick on his way out of the cabin. Zack followed his lead. As soon as the boys were gone and I saw that our guests started to load up their plates, I pulled Seth and Cliff aside.

"So what's the deal with Zack? I know he's your co-worker's cousin, but why isn't he with his family today?"

"Well, it's kind of a long story and I'm hungry, so I'll give you guys the abbreviated version. Brad's mom and Zack's mom are sisters. Zack's mom's husband cheated with some hussy who got pregnant, so Zack's parents got a divorce and he and his mom moved here so she could be closer to her sister and Zack could be closer to Brad. Back in Peoria, where they lived, there weren't exactly a lot of great gay role models for him. So Zack's new to Seattle and doesn't know a lot of kids yet, since they moved after school let out. I just thought he might appreciate meeting Leo and vice versa, and when I called Brad I found out that he was doing some stuff today that wouldn't be appropriate for a 17 year old, so Zack was just going to be home with his mom. Brad vouched for me and Zack's mom liked the idea of him getting to know another kid his age, so here we are."

"Good call," Cliff said approvingly. "Clearly they're getting along."

Seth rolled his eyes and I smiled. Of course the little oracle knew that this would work out perfectly. "As you can see, I've been busy, working hard to find an optimal distraction for your little lion. So can I eat now?"

"Yeah," I put my arm around his shoulder. "I'd say you earned your lunch and then some."

Seth punched me in the ribs, hard enough for me to feel it.

"Ouch!" I complained. "What was that for?"

"For even implying that I haven't done enough for you already to deserve to dine like a king for the rest of my life, with you hand-feeding me grapes and whatever else my heart desires. How quickly they forget!" he raised his eyes to the sky.

He was joking, but at the heart of the matter he was right. Were it not for Seth and his constant prodding to get me see things I should have seen for myself, I would still have been a closeted, depressed waste of oxygen, instead of happily in love with a great partner and finally completely out and content with life. Without any further thought or hesitation I pulled Seth in and hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry if I've ever seemed ungrateful, or not grateful enough, for everything that you've done for me, Seth," I told him quietly as I held him. "And I hope you know that there's nothing I wouldn't do for you that was in my power to do."

"Oh, stop being such a drama queen, Cullen," Seth swatted at me as he pulled away. "Trust me, if there's anyone who knows how to call in favors, it's me. And I know exactly how big you owe me," he leaned towards me and pulled down my head to give me a quick kiss on the lips. "Turns out you were worth all the effort after all. But don't worry, I'll still cash in someday. And now I really do need to eat. Everyone else is outside already!"

He danced away to grab a plate and started loading it up with food. I turned to Cliff and held my arms open. He stepped into them readily, wrapping his own arms around me.

"I think everyone is having fun so far," he commented. "This was a good plan, Baby."

I lowered my lips to his in a loving but chaste kiss, since this was not the time or place to get frisky. "I couldn't have done it without you. Not just this day or the move or everything else we've done in the last two weeks, but everything that's happened since the day I met you. I give Seth a lot of credit and I'm very grateful for all he did, but you're the one who really brought me out of my shell and helped me see the light. You really are my sunshine. Without you none of this would have been possible."

He pressed his head to my chest and hugged me tightly, then turned up and pressed his lips to my neck, up over my jaw and back to my lips for another loving kiss, slightly longer than the last. "Like Seth said," he quipped with a happy smile when he finally broke our lip lock. "Turns out you were worth all the effort."

"... And they actually said if I follow all the rules while I'm in Seattle I can have Cliff's car. Isn't that awesome?" We heard Troy said as he and Zack came into the cabin through a door opposite the one they originally left through. "Oh, hey," he paused when he noticed us. "How come you're not eating outside with the others?"

"We were just about to get our food," Cliff said, stepping out of my arms. "Come on," he encouraged the boys to get plates and we followed.

Out on the main deck our friends had settled at the plastic folding chairs and circular tables, which had been spruced up for us by the caterer with floor length tablecloths and fabric chair covers.

"It's about time, you guys," Yvonne commented as we came out. "We were starting to wonder if you fell overboard."

We sat down and chatted with everyone as we ate. The bartender employed by the catering company came out to ask for our beverage selections and to refresh the others' drinks. Roger, Ian and Emmett made their way back into the cabin for seconds, generously bringing out not just their own portions, but additional food for everyone else to share. After everyone ate their fill, we collectively moved to the railings to observe the scenery, with Nina coming down to join us to point out points of interest and a variety of wildlife. She informed us that the captain was sailing towards one of the resident Orca whale pods, which had been spotted by a network of whale watching enthusiasts. Troy and Zack were nearly jumping out of their skins at the prospect of seeing some killer whales, and were eager to follow Nina inside the cabin, where she offered to show them the whale video and explain some of the behaviors they might observe when we finally saw the whales in person. But that was before Emmett announced that he preferred to take advantage of the sunny day to work on his tan, and took off his short sleeved button down shirt. Both Zack and Troy practically had to pick up their jaws off the deck, suddenly losing all interest in videos, much preferring the nature show they were getting on the deck, especially when Roger and Ian followed Emmett's example.

"Well, we might as well all sunbathe," Leah shrugged, pulling her skin-tight tank top over her head to reveal a bright yellow bikini top that covered only as much as needed to keep her decent. The other three girls did the same. Those of us who still had our shirts on shrugged as well and took them off. Seth clapped in delight.

"This day is just getting better and better!" he exclaimed. "Forget killer whales and check out all the killer bods. You're better built than I would have expected, Ian," he said, walking up to his sister's date and wrapping his hand around the man's bicep, "You work out?"

"Um. . ." Ian threw a panicked glance towards Roger and then Leah. "Yeah, mate, a little. Why?"

"Hands off, little brother. You should have brought a man of your own to play with," Leah laughed as she pulled the somewhat shell shocked but grateful looking Ian away from Seth.

"You always were a selfish bitch," Seth stuck out his tongue at her.

"And don't you forget it," she shot back, still laughing. "If I told you once, I told you a thousand times - get your own toys and stay away from mine," Ian looked a little taken aback, but it was fairly clear that the two were just teasing in a way they'd done many times before.

"Does anyone need sunscreen?" My fair-skinned sister took a bottle of sunscreen from her bag. "Rose, would you put some on me?" She asked, holding the bottle out to her wife.

"You don't have to ask me twice, Freckles. As long as you do the same for me."

Emmett, who was at the railing flanked by Roger and Seth looked to both sides and shook his head. "Clearly you guys don't need any of that stuff, but we'll be out here a while so I could probably use some."

"I could put it on for you, Emmett," Troy immediately volunteered.

"I'll probably need some too. Will you help me, Leo?" Zack said hopefully, but tentatively. Troy turned to him, obviously torn, then looked back at Emmett, then briefly at me and Cliff, then finally returned to Zack.

"Yeah, sure," he said to the other boy whose face lit up at the positive response. "You're pretty white," he commented as he looked over the taller boy's smooth pale chest. "Guess you don't get out in the sun much, huh?"

Zack looked down at himself, clearly embarrassed. "There hasn't been that many sunny days since we got here, and I have no one to really hang out with during the day, so I mostly stay inside. And even if I was out in the sun all the time, I'd never look like you. When I lay out I burn. And then, after I peel, my skin just looks kind of dingy. It would never be a beautiful bronze color like yours. So it might be best if I stayed out of the sun altogether," he said, reaching for his tee shirt.

"Don't be stupid," Troy grabbed Zack's hand before he could reach the shirt. "You'll be fine with the sunscreen. I'll make sure I cover you real good so you don't burn. And you don't want to be the only guy here with a shirt on, do you?"

Once Rose and Maggie were done applying sunscreen to each other, they passed the bottle to Troy, who carefully covered Zack with the protective lotion, starting with his back, then moving to his stomach, chest, arms, shoulders and finally, the face. As promised, he was very thorough, massaging every bit of exposed skin. I tried not to be too obvious about it, lest the boys get self-conscious, but I kept sneaking glances in their direction to watch their progress. I couldn't really see anything, because Troy stood in front of him, but by the way Zach shifted slightly I surmised he was experiencing a typical teen gay boy's reaction to having another cute guy rub him all over. As if in confirmation, I saw Troy lean in and whisper something to him, and watched as a faint blush crept up Zack's neck and face as he replied equally quietly, prompting a soft giggle from Troy. I felt Cliff's hand tighten slightly around my waist as he leaned closer to me and whispered "These two are too cute together. Seth should be a matchmaker." Seth, who'd been observing the boys as well, just looked back at us triumphantly, as though he'd heard every whispered word.

The sunscreen traveled to me and Cliff next, then to Emmett and Seth, who helped each other, and finally to the straight couples who all applied some protection even though most of them needed it less than the rest of us. Ian in particular was all too happy to let Leah get her hands all over him. With everyone adequately protected from the sun, we enjoyed the rest of our cruise around the San Juan Islands, with Nina pointing out wildlife both ashore the different islands and in the water. We were fortunate to come across two different resident Orca pods and watched the whales put on a display of behaviors that beat any nature show we had ever seen on TV. Roger, Yvonne and I were definitely the most impressed of the adults, though I think everyone, even Seth, enjoyed the nature show. Troy and Zack were totally fascinated, especially by the whales, as neither of them had ever seen anything like it before in person.

"I feel like I've just been to Sea World, or something," Zack said, "Except this is even better."

We continued to cruise around the islands and then slowly made our way down the coast towards Seattle. Our bartender refreshed the buffet with the salad and entrees that would make up our dinner and we ate on deck again, then enjoyed cocktails at sunset as the vessel settled into viewing position for the fireworks. Maggie and Rosalie announced that they were house hunting again, since the market was favorable and between the two of them and Liam they were starting to outgrow the apartment. My reaction was tempered by the fact that Maggie had informed me of this already, but I still felt a slight pang knowing that in a short while I would no longer even be able to visit the one place where Jasper and I had lived together. The advanced knowledge, however, helped me hide any hint of a negative reaction from Seth and Cliff.

"Maybe it's time for me to move too," Emmett mused. "the location isn't convenient to anything anymore and there'll be no one we know nearby and it’s time to start thinking like an adult. Maybe a condo would be a good investment? I've got some money saved up for a down payment. What do you think, Seth?"

Seth frowned. "With what I make at the paper and the student loans to pay off, I'm strictly month to month, so I'd have nothing for a down payment. Besides, buying sounds too much like settling down."

"Well," Emmett proposed, "What if I bought a two bedroom condo and you were my roommate?"

"I'd pay you rent," Seth perked up at the idea, "but I can't afford much more than what we're paying now."

"Me either," Emmett said. "So we'll just have to find something that fits in that price range. Rose, think you can help us out?"

"Sure. We should get together and figure out your budget, so I can start putting a list of properties together. Do you have a preferred lender?" She asked, then continued when Emmett shook his head. "I work with someone pretty regularly and he's a good guy. We'll set up an appointment and get you pre-qualified for a loan. That will help when you find something you like."

Bored with the grown up conversation, or pretending to be, Troy and Zack asked if they could go inside the cabin to watch the whale video. We all pretended not to notice when, on their way into the cabin, they surreptitiously grabbed one of the blankets that Nina had put out to ward off the potential evening chill.

"Do you think we should do anything?" I asked Cliff quietly. "I mean, do you think Troy will be responsible?"

"I think we have to trust him at some point to do the right thing. Besides, with all the windows and the bartender coming in and out of the cabin, there's virtually no privacy in there," he pointed out. "I figure at most they can use their hands, and that's pretty harmless."

I couldn't help it. My mind instantly leaped back to that night in Jasper's room after I caught Bella with Jacob. That hand job that Jasper gave me was anything but harmless - it had been a catalyst for everything that came afterwards, good and bad. But then these boys weren't just discovering their sexuality. They each knew who they preferred to be with and if they indulged in a little innocent summer hand-held fun, who were we to interfere? For them it probably was, as Cliff said, harmless.

I put the boys out of my mind and turned back to our adult discussions, but when twilight turned into night and the time of the fireworks display was getting closer, Cliff and I excused ourselves and decided to go get the boys, figuring if they were still messing around, they'd rather be found by us than one of the other guests. Rather than two horny teenagers going at it like rabbits, what we found instead was almost too sweet for words. Zack was stretched out on a long booth bench beneath the flat screen TV with Troy lying on top of him, his mop of black hair spread on Zack's chest and the rest of their bodies covered with the blanket. Both boys were soundly asleep, and while Zack's left arm was wrapped around Troy, his right arm disappeared somewhere between their bodies. The light blue light from the television screen cast a soft glow over the slumbering teens, and they looked so serene together I almost hated to wake them. However, knowing how disappointed they would be to miss the fireworks, I had no choice. I stepped up to the bench and gently scratched Troy's back.

"Leo, Zack," I said quietly, not wanting to startle them. "It's time to get up if you want to see the fireworks."

"Just a few more minutes," Troy muttered, shifting on top of Zack. Suddenly, realizing where he was, his eyes snapped open and he lifted his torso, twisting his head to look in my direction. "Gem, Cappy, shit!"

"Huh," we heard Zack's groggy voice, followed by "Oh my God!"

"It's all right, guys. You're fine," Cliff assured them. "It's just time to get up to see the fireworks."

"So, if you're awake, we'll go back out there and wait for you," I added, knowing that they would likely need some privacy to potentially get re-dressed, depending on what state they fell asleep in.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks," Troy answered for both of them.

Cliff and I left them alone, but as we were walking out of the cabin curiosity got the better of me and I looked back to see them whispering and exchanging a quick kiss.

"Somehow I don't think this is what Bruce and Tyrone meant when they wanted us to be responsible guardians for Leo this weekend," I told Cliff, shaking my head.

"Probably not, but they were teenagers too once, and they know how it is. Leo's no stranger to those activities, and it's not like you can put the cat back in the bag. As long as he's being safe, I don't think they'd mind too much."

"Just the same, I'm not gonna tell them. Are you?"

"Hell no. What they don't know won't hurt them, or us," he said with a wink.

The boys emerged from the cabin shortly after we did and stepped up to the railing next to where Cliff and I were standing together, my arms wrapped around him, pulling him close into me. Maggie and Rose stood together on our other side, with Seth and Emmett beside them, followed by Leah and Ian and, finally, Roger and Yvonne. The fireworks were beautiful, and we had the perfect vantage point. And standing there, with Cliff in my arms and my friends and sisters around me, I felt really content and happy. For once, it didn't even matter that one important person was missing. For once, I was felt too content and loved and liberated to care.

The next couple of weeks went by extremely fast. After bonding at the 4th of July party, Zack and Troy could barely stand to be separated from each other, so during the day Zack became a fixture on our outings. As often as possible the four of us would do things together. When I had shifts scheduled on the mountain, the boys either stayed home and played video games or went out with Cliff or, a couple of times, came out to the park with me and hiked and explored while I worked. Zack was a good kid and didn't cause any trouble, and he and Troy got along great. Zack's mom, once she met me Cliff and Troy the day after the party, seemed to approve of the boys' friendship and was so happy with the change in her son's demeanor that she let us take him pretty much anywhere without question, as long as he came home at night. If it had been up to the boys they would have been together at night too, but all the adults drew the line there.

When we got home after the fireworks Troy told us that he and Zack had indeed exchanged hand jobs on the boat, leaving it at that and kissing both because of Troy's HIV, which he informed Zack of, and because Zack hadn't really had any experience with boys beyond knowing that he preferred men to women. Cliff and I were secretly relieved that Zack had grown up in Peoria where he didn't have a lot of opportunities to experiment, because it clearly put the brakes on the boys in the current situation without making Troy's disease in focus. Troy told us he didn't mind not going further, and that just being able to hold hands with or hug or kiss Zack and get the affection from the other boy in return was enough. Anything beyond was a bonus. The only thing the boys didn't like about the arrangement we came up with was the inability to sleep together, which apparently they very much enjoyed doing on the boat. So a couple of afternoons when I was on the Mountain, Cliff let them nap together in Troy's room, on the condition that they keep it to the activities they already engaged in on the boat. After that, Cliff went straight up to God-like status on Troy's admiration list.

We had a lot of fun hanging out with Troy and Zach for the two weeks Troy was in town, and it was hard saying goodbye when it was time for Troy to go back to Spokane. It wasn't nearly as hard for me and Cliff as it was for Troy and Zack. The two developed strong feelings for each other and hated having to be separated. Troy was especially bitter, knowing he had to go back to a place where he would have few, if any, gay friends.

"He's going to be hanging out with his cousin and he'll meet someone cool and forget all about me," he complained to us after we had dropped Zack off the night before Troy was due to leave.

"That could happen," I acknowledged. "You are both very young. A little too young to be forming lifetime relationships," I felt like a total hypocrite as I spoke, knowing that I forged a bond with Jasper when we were 10 years old that I still hadn't been able to get completely over. But just because I was emotionally stunted didn't mean Troy had to be. He could turn out to be like Jasper, perfectly capable of forgetting his first love and moving on.

"But it's not a given that you or he will meet other people, and until something like that happens you can keep in touch by phone or e-mail or skype," Cliff said, winking at me over Troy's head. "And even if you or he or the both of you meet other people, it doesn't mean you can't stay friends."

Even though everything Cliff said made sense logically, we weren't able to convince Troy of the merit of Cliff's argument. The only thing we could do was cuddle him tightly between us in his bed, with him beneath the blankets and us over them, our nightly ritual after that first night, until he cried himself to sleep. The next day the mood was somber as Troy packed up his stuff and we ate breakfast quietly. Even the mention of shipping the Audi back to Spokane so Troy could start his driving lessons didn't perk up his mood. A few minutes before we were due to leave for the airport there was a knock on the door and we found Zack and his mom. Troy's face instantly lit up with a smile and the boys went to his room while Zack's mom explained that he told her he simply had to see Troy off, and would we mind taking him with us one last time and dropping him off on our way back from the airport?

"He's really taken with Troy," she told us. "He's not going to take the separation very well. I'm glad the two of them met and had this time to get to know one another, but I'm concerned too. Zack's always had a hard time making friends, because being gay made him self-conscious and wary and he's just naturally shy. With the divorce and move and all the changes lately, I'm afraid that this may make him withdraw even more. It's too bad Troy doesn't live in Seattle. These last couple of weeks, as little as I saw him, I still saw a side of Zack I haven't seen before. You boys and Troy have been really good for him."

"Troy feels the same way. He doesn't have any gay friends in Spokane, so going back will be hard for him. But we told him that they can keep in touch and we'll invite Troy up to visit us again. We also go back to Spokane fairly regularly, and if you felt comfortable we could certainly take Zack back with us for a visit."

Zack's mom looked thoughtful, but we could see she was considering the suggestion instead of instantly rejecting it. "If you are planning to go to Spokane let me know before you talk to Zack," she said. "I still have to think about it, but I might allow that. For now, though, I have to get to work. Thank you for taking Zack and bringing him back home, and for everything you did for him over the last two weeks. Like I said, he's been a different boy. And he got to know Seattle a little, so he won't feel like such a transplant when school starts."

Almost as soon as we said goodbye to Zack's mother and the door closed behind her, Troy was at our side. "I know we have to leave soon, but is there enough time for Zack and me to take another nap together?" he asked hopefully. I arched my brow at the new euphemism as Cliff checked his watch. We looked at each other and I could see in Cliff's eyes that there was enough time for the boys to "power nap." With a slight nod I indicated my inclination and Cliff smiled.

"A short nap, Troy," he said. "We have to be on our way in 20 minutes."

"Thanks, Cliff," Troy said gratefully. We all knew 20 minutes was plenty of time for what the boys had in mind. He hugged us both, then disappeared behind his closed bedroom door.

Things quieted down a little after Troy went back home. The apartment almost seemed empty without him and Zack around, but it was also nice for Cliff and me to have some time for ourselves. We tried not to stay anti-social too long, though, and a couple weeks after Troy left we invited Maggie and Rose and, of course, Liam, over for dinner. Hanging out with my sisters was always fun and I relished every opportunity to see my constantly growing and changing nephew. I had absolutely no regrets about moving in with Cliff. Living together strengthened our relationship and, so far at least, had no negative effects. We got along remarkably well and, at most, had tiny, insignificant tiffs now and then, more for the make-up kissing and other activities than due to any real conflict. So the living arrangements were working out and the relationship was going well and I was sure the girls liked having their apartment to themselves as well, so on the whole moving out had been a fantastic idea. The one thing I missed, though, was daily contact with Liam. He was at a stage where each time we saw him there was something new, and I just knew I was missing a ton of stuff not seeing him every day, so regular visits with him, like this dinner, were a huge treat.

"So how's the house hunting going?" Cliff asked the girls as I sat on the floor with Liam, helping him stack the blocks that I kept in the spare room closet for him to play with when he came over.

"Not bad, we finally settled on a location," Maggie said. The girls wanted to live in the suburbs, but within easy commuting distance of the city for their jobs. "We're thinking Kent."

I frowned. "Parts of Kent are pretty industrial."

"Yes, which means there is a huge business tax base, thus reducing the burden on home owners," Rosalie countered. "And we're plenty close to nature in Kent. In fact, we'll be closer to Mount Rainier."

"Yup, you will. I'm jealous of that. There sure are days I wish I could reduce the commute."

"Maybe after you graduate and get a job we can move to the suburbs," Cliff offered.

He set his mug on the coffee table and slid off the sofa to sit by me and Liam. Liam shifted and crawled up into Cliff's lap just as Cliff leaned over to kiss me.

"Aw," Rose teased. "Don't you two look domestic. Maggie, get the camera. We have to document this."

My sister pulled a digital camera out of her purse and snapped a shot. "You three look so sweet together. Maybe one day you will live in the suburbs and have a kid of your own."

"Thanks for the advice, Aunt Cecilia," I groaned. "What's wrong with borrowing this little guy when we need a kid fix?"

"Who's Aunt Cecilia?" Rosalie was confused.

"My mom's sister, who lives in Connecticut and wants us to move out there after Edward graduates so she can plan our wedding," Cliff provided a pained explanation.

"Ha!" Rosalie exclaimed and started laughing. "And here we thought we were the first with this idea."

"So how's Emmett's house hunting going?" I asked, eager to change the subject. I certainly wasn't ready to talk about marriage and I didn't think Cliff was at that point either. Not before we had a chance to discuss the topic ourselves.

"Not bad. I've shown him a few condos but nothing really grabbed him. Unfortunately, the really great units on the market right now are out of his price range. There is one on Spring Street, between 2nd and 3rd avenues. A nice unit with two bedrooms and two baths and a balcony, workout room in the building, heated underground parking garage, luxury finishes - a great investment property. But it's priced too high."

"How much over his limit is it?" I asked.

"About 25 thousand," Rose replied. "We crunched all the numbers over and over but he just can't swing it."

"I could loan him the money," I thought out loud.

"His mom offered the same thing. Actually, she offered to give him the money outright, but he won't accept it. He says he wants to get his first place on his own without overextending himself. It's a point of pride for him. He won't even consider the rent that Seth will be paying into the equation because he says he doesn't want Seth to feel obligated to live with him and he may not want to have to get another roommate. And I get all that. But it does mean that he's letting a really nice condo and a great investment slip through his fingers. Don't worry, though. I'll find him a nice place within his budget."

"Of course you will," Maggie confirmed.

"So there's nothing you can do? Negotiate with the owner?"

"It's a brand new building so the owners believe they can get what they're asking, and they're right."

I looked down at Liam, who had crawled over to me and was tapping my leg with a block. I grabbed him and picked him up, bringing him up to my eye level. He smiled wide, two small teeth protruding slightly from his upper gum. "Uncle Emmett's being stubborn," I said to him. "Think you could talk any sense into him?" Liam kept smiling and gurgled something unintelligible. "Yeah, I don't think he'd listen to me either," I told him, setting him back down on the blanket spread out over our carpet.

Later that evening, in bed, I told Cliff that I hated thinking of Emmett settling for a less than great condo where the difference in price was just twenty five thousand dollars, something I could easily afford and the least I could do for him given that he'd basically saved my life twice.

"But if he won't accept a gift or a loan, what can you do?" he asked.

"I don't know," I shook my head. "It's frustrating."

"Well, maybe you could talk to your lawyer? They're bound to have some real estate guy at the firm, right? Maybe they can think of something?"

I looked over at him gratefully. "That's a great idea, Sunshine. Let's get the legal heads working on it. I'm sure they'll think of something."

And think of something they did. It wasn't easy, by any means. In order to make everything legal and on the up and up, the owners had to increase the price of something else in order to lower the price on Emmett's condo. Since I really wasn't interested in buying a condo in the building we had to come up with another plan. The perfect option presented itself in the form of an extra parking space. I agreed to purchase the extra parking space for 25,000 over its market value and the owner, in turn, agreed to reduce the price of the condo by the equivalent. The professionals came up with some elaborate cover story to explain the price drop that would pass muster, even with Rosalie, and in short order the deal was done. Knowing how important it was to Emmett that he was able to get his first place totally on his own, I resolved never to let him know about my role in the purchase. I simply told him that I bought a parking spot in his building because I never wanted to hunt around for street parking when I came to visit and a spot in his building was the most convenient. He shook his head at me indulgently, but never caught on. Seth watched me closely with narrowed eyes for a while, but I didn't slip and, his suspicions neither confirmed nor denied, he eventually let it go.

Shortly after Emmett closed on his condo, the girls purchased a house in Kent. It was a very nice house and it would make a perfect home for the three of them, and that made me happy. But the day they moved out of the apartment and handed the key back to the landlord was incredibly emotional for me. I did my best to hold everything in and not let anyone, especially Cliff, know how much it affected me. But as large of an ache as I was trying to hide, I'm not sure if I managed.

Fortunately, Cliff had a whole-day orientation session on the day of the move, and the girls were kind enough to leave me alone in the apartment after everything was moved out, so I didn't have to put on a front for anyone in my last moments of reflection inside the walls that reminded me of the best times, and the worst times. Devoid of any furniture or personal belongings, the apartment was a perfect metaphor for what remained of my relationship with Jasper - an abandoned space with nothing but memories clinging like vivid stains that stubbornly resisted all cleansing efforts. I sat inside the bedroom that used to be his for the few months that he lived with me, and thought about all the things I could have done differently that would have led to us still being together. I would have been the first to admit that the whole exercise was dumb and pointless and a supreme act of masochism, yet I could not stop myself from doing it. The only saving grace was that as much as I ached, I did not cry. The tears seemed to have been spent already.

By the time Cliff was done with his orientation, the movers had delivered and unloaded all of the girls' things at the new house and they were busy unpacking and settling in. I had helped them as much as I could, knowing that staying busy would help me to mostly pull myself together. Cliff drove out to the house, picking up Chinese food on the way, along with a bottle of champagne to celebrate. Now that Liam was pretty much switching to solid food, even Maggie had a small glass of the bubbly. Since we were all tired, Cliff and I didn't linger too long after dinner. Back in our apartment, it was as if Cliff knew what I needed without me having to say a thing. We got ready for bed but for once, instead of making love, he took care of me in other ways, starting with a thorough body massage that nearly put me to sleep and then by simply kissing and holding me until I did actually fall asleep, safe and comfortable in his warm embrace, but still with an ache in my heart.

With only a couple of weeks left before Cliff had to start work, we arranged for a weekend trip to Victoria to belatedly celebrate our anniversary and invited everyone to come with us. During the day we all toured the island together and Saturday night we all went out to dinner and the dancing afterwards, but Cliff and I left pretty early to partake in a more private and far more pleasurable celebration back in our room. I had to admit that when we first returned to our room at the bed and breakfast I was concerned, because Cliff made a first time request that, despite all of our time together, absolutely terrified me. After engaging in extensive foreplay, with both of us ready for me to fuck him absolutely senseless, Cliff asked me to take him from behind, the same way I had taken Jasper the one and only time he and I had been intimate. I was taken aback and, at first, didn't know how to respond. A part of me couldn't believe he would ask me to do this ever, much less on such a special night, knowing my history. Another part of me was deeply afraid that I might not be able to grant him not only his request, but any sort of pleasure, now that my mind was preoccupied with the pain I caused Jasper. There was, however, a third part, the part that realized why Cliff made the request and was pretty ready to exorcise the same ghost. Thankfully that was the dominant part, so after only a moment's hesitation, I grabbed him and flipped him over onto his stomach, then lined up behind him as he lifted his body onto his hands and knees. I looked down on him and had to admit that in that position he looked really, really hot. I grasped his ass cheeks in my hands and squeezed as I parted them, giving me the perfect view of his beautiful tight hole. I moved forward on my knees and spread my legs slightly to open his out more. The head of my turgid cock was leaking precum, so I shifted my hips to push into the space between his cheeks and rub it across his puckered ring.

"Eddie," he moaned my name and tried to push his hips back, but I held him in place with my hands, sliding my thumbs down to rub the slick precum into the sensitive skin around his hole.

"Patience, Sunshine. You know you're not ready yet," I reminded him. I didn't know what to do the last time, but that wasn't a mistake I would ever repeat. I let go of his ass and leaned down, placing the flat of my tongue on his tail bone and following his spine until my lips reached the back of his neck. "I need to get the oil, Baby," I said as I reached over to the nightstand, where we had previously placed our preferred lubricant.

Bottle in hand, I knelt behind him again and spread his cheeks, this time placing the tip of my rod just below his hole, effectively using it as a stopper to catch any drips. I flipped open the bottle cap and poured the oil out carefully, drizzling it over my fingers first, and then into his crack. Snapping the lid closed, I tossed the bottle to the side, but still within reach, as I used my lubed fingers to massage the oil first outside his entrance and then deeper into his tunnel. Cliff groaned and circled his hips as I penetrated him further, until I reached the spot that made him gasp in pleasure.

"Do you like this?" I asked in a tone that demanded a response. "Does it feel good when I finger fuck you?"

"Yesssss," his reply came out in a soft hiss. I reached around him and wrapped my hand around his shaft, pumping him slowly as I massaged his prostate.

"Should I make you come like this?" I prompted, surprising myself at how easy it was for me to handle foreplay in this position.

"No," he whimpered even as he rocked his hips back to deepen my penetration.

"You don't want to come?" I teased, increasing the pace of my strokes and thrusts.

"I want you to fuck me till I come," he grunted.

"Isn't that exactly what I'm doing?" I was pumping his dick pretty quickly now, and concentrating my fingertips on his most sensitive spot. I could see the muscles in his thighs start to quiver from the tension. "I don't understand, Sunshine. You aren't being very clear. What exactly do you want?" It would have been cruel teasing him this way, if I didn't see how much he enjoyed it.

"I want your cock, Eddie," he gasped out, his breaths coming in short bursts. "I want your long, thick, hard cock inside me. I want you to fuck the cum right out of me."

"Now you're talking," I approved, pulling out my fingers and placing my head against his hole once again, pressing, but not with enough pressure to actually penetrate the tight muscle. "Is this what you want?" I reached for the oil again as I asked.

"Yes. More. Please," his voice was tight with need. I poured more oil into my hand and stroked myself, making sure I was slick enough not to cause him any discomfort. Holding the base of my hard rod, I pressed myself into him slowly until my head was fully inside him.

"How does that feel?" I asked him, getting a bit breathless myself, the head of my cock encased tightly inside him.

He turned back to face me, his eyes heavy lidded and sultry, a slightly mischievous smile on his lips. "It feels really good," he said. "How does it feel for you?" he asked and simultaneously tightened his muscles and pushed back against me.

"Hoh," air left my lungs in a loud exclamation. I grasped his hip tightly with my free hand to keep myself balanced, the sudden onslaught of sensation so overwhelming I very nearly came right there. I pulled out for a moment to regroup before pushing back in, this time pressing into him slowly, watching my pole disappear in his ass. There was no other way to say it - this was fucking hot! I placed my hands on his cheeks again, digging my fingers slightly into the soft flesh and the harder muscles beneath, and began to slowly piston in and out of him, to the soundtrack of soft grunts from him with every thrust.

"Faster," Cliff pleaded after I held my pace steady for a couple of minutes, just enjoying the sensation of moving in and out of him. "Please!"

"No," I denied. He had chosen the position, but now I was in charge, and I wasn't ready for this to be over. It was different this time than it had been with Jasper. Back then I had no idea what I was doing and I was so frantically hot for him, and wanted so badly to be the hard pounding man I thought he wanted, that the entire act was over too quickly, almost as soon as it started. This time I knew what I was doing was good for my lover too, but I was in charge and I wanted to make it last as long as possible.

Cliff let out a frustrated growl, then tried to balance himself on one hand as he reached to stroke himself with the other. "Not that either," I said, pushing his hand back to the mattress. "Don't be so impatient. It's my job to make you come tonight."

Continuing my slow and steady deep thrusts, I leaned over him, pressing my chest into his back and supporting myself with my arms on either side of him braced against the mattress. I kissed his shoulder and neck, and when he twisted his head back I captured my lips with his, sucking his tongue into my mouth, loving the resulting moan. I released his mouth and pushed myself back, this time holding on to his shoulders and I increased my pace a little for several hard, fast and deep thrusts, enjoying Cliff's surprised grunt and then soft cries of pleasure. I paused after a few thrusts, fully sheathed within him.

"Don't stop," he whined. "More."

"All in good time," I assured. "We have all night."

He let out a frustrated huff, but said nothing else. I let go of his shoulders and placed my hands flat over his shoulder blades, pressing down gently. He took my cue and lowered himself to his elbows, his ass now sticking up in the air most attractively. "You're so beautiful like this," I said, completely sincere and slightly awed by the realization. "So hot!"

I kept my left hand resting flat on his lower back while I grasped his hard rod with my right and began pumping him in time with my slow thrusts, keeping my hand mostly around his shaft but occasionally extending the stroke to his head. Cliff didn't need to use any words. His breathing and the noises he made told me everything I needed to know.

Keeping my hand wrapped around him, I pushed my cock all the way in and followed with the full weight of my body, pressing his body forward and into the mattress. He relaxed his elbows and spread his arms out so that he was now lying flat on the bed. I relaxed my grip on his cock, but kept my flat hand beneath him as I started to plunge in and out of his ass again at the new angle. With each thrust his cum tube slid along my palm and his frenulum brushed over the ridge of my hand. His moans became louder.

"Feels so good, Eddie. Please, I need more."

I obliged him by increasing the tempo of my thrusts, though not enough to make either one of us come any time soon. I slid my left hand between him and the mattress and tweaked his hard nipple, causing him to shudder. Once again he turned his head and we kissed deeply. "I love you so much, Sunshine," I told him as I fucked him without pause.

"I love you too, Eddie."

I started feeling that familiar tension building up inside me. Between that and the sounds Cliff was making, I knew if I increased the pace a bit more we could both come like this, but I didn't want that. I had been the top that Cliff wanted and I indulged him in his choice of positions, but when we came on our anniversary I didn't want to be dominating him, I wanted us to be equals. In a split second decision I rolled onto my left side and shoulder and used my hands to pull him onto his side with me, without breaking the connection between us.

"We'll finish like this," I said into his ear. It was a statement, not a request, but Cliff accepted it without protest. He bent and lifted his right leg and hooked it behind my right thigh to give me better access to his ass as he twisted his torso and head to kiss me, moving his right hand up to hold the back of my head. I held him close to me with my left hand and caressed his smooth, tightening balls with my right. We kissed frantically as I pounded his ass even faster. We were panting through our kisses and I could tell he was close, as was I. I moved my hand to grip his cock and began to stroke him in time with my hard and fast thrusts. Then, when I could feel we were both right on the edge of the precipice I stopped abruptly, eliciting a mewling protest from him. I waited a moment, then pressed myself into him slowly again and withdrew equally slowly, paying close attention to his body language and sounds, until I was certain of the exact moment my head brushed against his prostate. Armed with this information I began thrusting again, quickly but just deeply enough to hit this spot. I wasn't even moving my right hand anymore, just holding him loosely so that my thrusts propelled his cock in and out of my loose grip. I knew that the hand was only there for support - it wasn't what was going to make him come.

"Oh my God, oh, oh," Cliff's voice got higher and louder as the head of my cock slid over and over his prostate in rapid succession.

"Come for me, Sunshine!" I commanded, breathing hard and near ready to orgasm myself. "Come for me, hard!" I tightened my grip on his dick slightly and sped up the thrusts as much as I could, feeling his pole harden slightly in my grasp.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed as warm cum exploded out of him onto the towels we'd laid down before and over the fingers of my hand. "Jesus!"

I relaxed my grip on him again and began thrusting all the way in, deep inside him. The smell of his jizz in the air and the feel of it running down my hand, combined with his contracting muscles around my cock as he rode out his orgasm sent me over the brink, and I flooded his tunnel with my cum. He moved his right hand from my hair down to my ass, pressing me closer into him.

"God, I love to feel you come inside me," he panted. I thrust into him a few more times and then stopped, my cock still within the confines of his ass.

"I love that too," I concurred, then leaned in to kiss the side of his neck. "Happy Anniversary, Sunshine," I whispered, suddenly so very pleased. Thanks to Cliff, I had finally successfully conquered my last bedroom fear.

"Happy Anniversary, Eddie," he replied with a soft sigh, completely relaxing his body against mine. "You're so good. Thank you."

I let go of his cock and brought my hand up to my mouth, licking his jizz off my fingers. "You taste so good, Baby. I wish we hadn't wasted so much of this."

He turned his head back for a kiss and I slipped my tongue into his mouth, letting him taste himself.

"This was hot and fun, and we can do it every once in a while," I told him, "but I much prefer to make love facing you, so I can look into your eyes and kiss you and trap your cum between us."

"This sure felt good," he said, turning to face me, "but when you put it like that, yeah, I prefer facing you too. I just wanted you to realize that we could do this, if we wanted."

I understood. He had requested this so that I would not have any more phobias. So that I felt free to do anything I wanted with him. I also knew him well enough by now to realize that he had an ulterior motive. This had been the only thing I'd done with Jasper that I hadn't done with him. Regardless of the reason, it represented for him a piece of me that Jasper had and he did not. Now that was no longer the case.

I thought about all of it after we cleaned up and were lying in bed, Cliff asleep in his usual spot, draped over my chest. We'd been together for over 15 months and, with the exception of the previous fall, when I was a cowering fool, we'd had a near perfect relationship. He was warm, kind, caring, considerate to a fault, he loved me and I truly loved him. Our families liked us and each other. He and I hardly ever even disagreed, much less argued. In fact, there was only one thing that ever got between us, and we both did our best to hide our feelings about it from one another. That one thing was Jasper.

We never talked about him anymore, almost as if saying his name would somehow conjure him up out of thin air, turn the ghost into a physical being. Although he tried to hide it, and did a pretty good job, I could see how much he hated any time someone else said the name. Whenever Emmett or Seth would mention having spoken with Jasper, I saw Cliff's eyes dart to me cautiously, evaluating my reaction. As a result I had taught myself how to remain impassive and keep my expression and voice neutral, rarely asking any questions, no matter how much I wanted to know what was going on in Jasper's life. Deep down I knew this was better for me too. The less I knew the less my mind had to work with, and the easier it was to put him out of my thoughts. And yet every time his name came up, curiosity burned inside me to the point of pain, and it was only my stronger will not to hurt Cliff that kept me from interrogating my friends.

It wasn't just mentions of Jasper that caused issues, however. Cliff probably didn't know, but I noticed how possessive and jealous he would get every time I paid the slightest bit of attention to a wavy-haired, blue-eyed blond. He might tease me if I ever flirted slightly with a brunette or a redhead, but there was no teasing about blonds. We didn't fight - there was nothing to fight about. I never did anything beyond noticing how some men looked and, on occasion, exchanging a few words with them. And yet, if he was with me when I spoke with a tall blond I knew I would feel his touch if he wasn't already touching me, or feel his grip tighten on me almost imperceptibly if he was. I tried talking about it with him once, trying to reassure him that it was nothing, at most innocent flirting, that I loved him and those guys could never change that, but he asked me if I could truthfully tell him that I never thought of Jasper when I looked at them and I couldn't tell him that without lying. We'd dropped the subject without resolution. It was as close to a serious disagreement as we'd ever had.

Truthfully, the longer Cliff and I were together, the less frequently I thought about Jasper, but I could never put him out of my mind completely, and I didn't know if I ever would. All I could do was to love Cliff with everything I had to give, and hope that this was enough. I hoped in giving him this anniversary night, I had gotten that much closer to making him truly happy.