Chapter 45

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Chapter 45: Even the Best Fall Down Sometimes

Christopher and Brady both turned in my direction.

"Edward?" Christopher said, clearly surprised. "Son of a bitch! How are you? And what are you doing here?"

He released Brady and stepped towards me to give me a hug. I was still holding Jasper's hand with one of mine, so I returned the hug with one arm.

"You two know each other?" Brady was equally shocked. Christopher released me and reached for his boyfriend again.

"Yeah, we sure do. This is Edward. We were friends back in Seattle, but we've lost touch since I moved out here. Did you two meet already? Edward, this is my boyfriend, Brady."

I nodded, confirming his assumption that Brady and I had already met. I was a little stunned to see Christopher, and uncharacteristically at a loss for words.

"What a small fucking world," he commented, running his hand through his short-cropped hair. He looked a little older, but otherwise nothing much changed about his appearance. "What brings you to Chicago?"

I must have waited too long to answer, because I felt Jasper squeeze my hand. I looked back at him and saw his confused and expecting expression. I instantly felt horrible. He still had no idea what was going on or who Christopher was.

"Um, this is my good friend, Jasper," I said, pulling him forward. "He moved away from Seattle before you and I met and we'd been out of touch until just recently. He was here for work this week, and since neither of us had been to Chicago before, we thought it might be fun to see the city together. Jasper, this is Christopher," I introduced, though by this point it was hardly necessary as Jasper had undoubtedly heard his name.

Christopher nodded. "So you're just here for the weekend, then?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Leaving tomorrow."

"Well shit, that's too bad. I mean, had I known we could have gotten together for dinner or something."

I gave a half chuckle and shrugged. "I didn't even realize you were still living here," I offered by way of an explanation. It was better than admitting the truth, that I hadn't really given him a second thought after what he did to Emmett. "Well, it sounds like you and Brady were just going to spend some quality time together, so..." my voice trailed off. I was hoping that was enough to let me off the hook and let Jasper and me get back to the hotel so we could figure out what the hell happened out there on the dance floor. Apparently, however, my luck had turned.

"No worries, Edward. Why don't you guys take a moment to catch up. I'll take my break at the top of the hour," Brady offered.

I threw Jasper an uncertain look. He nodded his agreement, and I knew protesting would make this whole situation more awkward than necessary. I glanced at my watch and saw that the top of the hour was fast approaching. It would be easier to chat with Christopher for the few minutes than to try to explain why we couldn't.

"Come on," Christopher said, without waiting for my answer. "It's less noisy away from the bar."

He led us to a somewhat less crowded space by one of the large front windows, then shook his head as he looked at me. "I still can't believe it's you. It's been, what, five years?"

I did a quick mental calculation. "Yup," I confirmed. "About that long. So how are you doing? Things going well? Brady seems like a great guy."

Christopher threw a glance back at the bar and his face lit up with a smile. "Yeah, he is," he confirmed. "We've been seeing each other for about five months, and it's going very well. We plan to move in together when his lease is up in October."

"That's wonderful, Christopher. Congratulations!" I said sincerely.

"Thanks. It's been kind of a rocky road here for me, but things are finally falling into place. And you?" he asked. "How are things back in Seattle?"

"Things are good," I offered. "I'm a full time Park Ranger now, working on Mount Rainier. Rosalie and Maggie had another son, Owen. Seth got married in June."

"What?" Christopher exclaimed. "Get the fuck out of here? Little Power Bottom Seth? Married? How?"

"Well, there was a ceremony," I began to tease, then stopped to laugh. "Same as anyone else, I suppose. He finally met the right guy. He and Garret had been together for over a year already, and Seth would have been happy with that forever, I think, but Garrett is a little more traditional, so last Christmas he popped the question, and the rest is history. Jasper came out for the wedding. That's how we reconnected," I explained, looking over at Jasper and smiling, loving the smile he gave me in return. We were no longer holding hands and I missed the contact, but the expression on his face went a long way to calm my anxiety.

"Well, I'll be," Christopher mused. "I bet that was quite an event." He paused for a moment and his face clouded a little. "How's Emmett?" he asked, slightly more subdued.

"Emmett's doing well," I was happy to say. "He's actually getting married next month to a really great guy. They are perfectly suited for each other and very much in love."

Christopher kept his face impassive, but I could tell by the way he closed his eyes that the news made an impact. Whatever that impact was, however, he quickly pushed past it. "That's wonderful. Emmett absolutely deserves every happiness in life. Please pass along my congratulations," he offered. "Both to him and Seth. And what about Cliff? How is he doing?"

For a second I panicked. Jasper and I had not discussed any of our past relationships yet, and I so did not want to have that conversation here, in this bar, in front of a man who was now a near stranger. Then I realized that I could just nip the subject in the bud. "Cliff moved to North Carolina for work. He's doing really well," I said, hoping that would close that topic. It wasn't until Christopher spoke that I'd realized I hadn't quite said enough.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Edward," he said with regret, placing a hand on my shoulder. "That must have been," he would have continued, but was interrupted by Brady, who walked up and molded himself to Christopher's side.

"Are you guys having a good time reminiscing?" He asked, even as his hand wandered over Christoper's chest, down his stomach and lower still, finally resting on his fly. I nearly sighed in relief at his timing, not daring to look over at Jasper to see if he caught any of what Christopher said.

"We were," I answered Brady instead, smiling gratefully in his direction. "But we know you want some time alone with your man, and we do have to go. It was great seeing you, Christopher. Best of luck with everything."

"Thanks," he said, already distracted by his boyfriend's attentions. "You too, Edward. Nice meeting you, Jasper. You boys have a safe trip back."

"Right, goodnight," I said, and Jasper offered his goodnight as well. I grabbed his hand again and led the way to the exit, finding openings between groups of drinking and flirting men and holding on to Jasper to make sure we didn't get separated.

"You two make sure you have a really good night," Brady called after us suggestively. I was too afraid to look back at Jasper to see his reaction to Brady's implication. A moment later, however, I had no choice but to look back, as I reached the door and realized that outside the bar a summer storm released a torrent of rain.

"What do you think?" I asked as he caught up with me and looked outside. "Should we try to wait it out?"

He glanced up at the sky. "Summer storm," he said. "It could be over in a few minutes or last for hours. We could take a cab home," he suggested.

I looked out into the street at the passing cars. None of the cabs I saw were available. "We'll never get a cab unless we're willing to stand out in the rain to flag one down, and if we're going to do that, we might as well walk back to the train."

Jasper nodded. "I think there's a stop on this end of Boystown, closer than the one we got off at to get here. We could make a run for it."

I agreed. We asked one of the boys waiting to get inside and he confirmed Jasper's recollection about the stop. We pulled on our shirts, looked at each other once and broke into a sprint. The rain was heavy, but at least the air was warm and the deluge had caused most of the men to seek refuge inside the many clubs and bars, giving us plenty of room for our run. It didn't take us long to reach the train stop, climbing up to stand in the center of the elevated platform.

"Look," Jasper bumped me and pointed. "I think that's Wrigley Field."

Judging by the lights mounted on top, he was right. They were turned off, however, and it was difficult to see anything through the torrential rain.

"The most important stuff to see is inside," I commented, hardly looking in the direction of the dark building when I could instead watch Jasper standing next to me in his wet, clinging white shirt. "Guess we'll have to come back."

"Funny how close it is to Boystown," he giggled. "I wonder how many straight drunk baseball fans ever went in the wrong direction and stumbled into one of our bars. That would be an eye-opening experience for them."

"Oh, the horror!" I exaggerated. "I bet they have volunteer patrols to keep the straight boys from doing exactly that," I chuckled.

We joked around some more until the train arrived. The platform wasn't exactly crowded, but we certainly weren't alone, and there were no seats available in the car we got into. Shrugging, we stood facing each other, His left and my right arm stretched up above our heads to grasp the provided metal rail hold, our opposite hands resting on the back of the seat next to us. Our fingers brushed against one another, amplifying my acute awareness of him. I looked up to find him staring at me, and I couldn't break the eye contact for anything in the world. We stood, lost in each other's eyes, as the train swayed and jostled us until it came to the next stop. More riders boarded, and we now both had people standing behind us, crowding us closer together. I felt his fingers seek space between mine, and I readily made room for our hands to intertwine. I watched his lips part slightly, realizing mine had as well. There were people all around us, yet in that moment we were there, on that train, aware of no one but each other.

We were standing so close I could feel the heat radiating from his skin through his wet shirt, his breath ghosting over me. With only an inch difference in our height, our faces were perfectly positioned. All it would take was for both of us to lean a little bit forward, just a measly few inches, and our lips would be joined. A shiver went through me at the realization that this could be our first real kiss. Of course, we had kissed before, more than once, but it had always been hot and hard and hungry, except for that very first time when he had kissed me so sweetly as he held me in his room, the night I broke up with Bella. More than anything I wanted to show him that I could be that for him too. That I wasn't the pushy, demanding, selfish jerk he knew before. That I could be a patient, gentle, sensitive and caring lover, if that's what he preferred, what he needed. I moistened my lips with my tongue and knew he noticed by the way his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, and the way his breathing became faster and shallower.

"Jas," I whispered, his name hanging between us like a sigh. I was so close, just waiting for some sort of a sign that my kiss would be welcome. Then it came, as he exhaled and slowly closed his eyes. I leaned forward, angling my face slightly upward, parting my lips further to take his. We were less than an inch apart when the train suddenly turned and, unprepared, we both lost our balance.

"Oh, shit!" Jasper exclaimed as his body twisted to the side and back, only his firm overhead grip keeping him from falling backwards to the car's floor. It didn't help that my body was thrown in the same direction as his, and I was now leaning on him, adding my weight to the load he had to support with just his one arm.

"Fuck, I'm, sorry," I said urgently as I gripped the seatback with my hand in an attempt to push myself up to a standing position.

"Ow!" Jasper complained. With our hands intertwined, I managed to nearly crush his fingers in my attempt to regain my footing. I relaxed my hold and released his hand, relying on my overhead grip to keep me upright as I pulled him forward with my free arm. His momentum pushed me backwards for a moment, but I held strong and steadied us together. We both breathed out and then looked at each other, wide eyed, just as the train slowed to a stop.

"I suppose we'd better pay more attention," Jasper tried to joke and I laughed a little, though I really wanted to vent my frustration at being so stupidly interrupted at that particular moment. We were silent as we stared at each other again. Then Jasper looked down and moved back, angling his body slightly away from me to look out the window.

"The city looks different at night," I commented, for lack of anything else to say, as the train started moving again.

"Yeah. A lot of things look different at night," he said cryptically, leaving me to wonder what he meant. He continued starting out the window, seemingly lost in thought, so I did as well. Not that much time had passed since we were dancing together at Hydrate, yet somehow it seemed like hours or even days. I desperately wanted to talk to him about what happened between us on the dance floor, but now I wondered if it wasn't better to just let things be and wait for the next opportunity. I couldn't read his mood, and as much as I wanted to know if he felt about me the same way I felt about him, I didn't want to open up Pandora's box if he wasn't in the same place I was. Right about then I would have paid any price, including selling my soul, for some mind reading abilities. Unfortunately, no one came around with any supernatural power offers.

Several stops later we finally reached our destination and exited the train. The rain had not let up and the temperature had dropped enough to make our soaked clothes uncomfortable. I noticed Jasper was starting to shiver and, once we reached street level, started looking around for a cab.

"It's pointless, Edward," he commented when he noticed what I was doing. "We're never gonna find a cab in this rain. It's not that far, let's just go back on foot."

"Wanna run?" I asked, thinking running would at least get our blood gong and warm us up a little.

"Sure," he shrugged, glanced over in my direction and then, with a wicked smirk, broke out into a sprint.

"Son of a bitch," I cursed as I gave chase. "That's cheating!"

The sidewalks were virtually empty, giving us ample space for our foot race. My competitive nature drove me to run hard in order to catch up with him, though another part of me was enjoying the view and not at all eager to end the race. As we ran down Grand and then turned onto Michigan Avenue, I noticed that his stamina had improved dramatically since I knew him in high school and college. He could always sprint, but he'd never been able to beat me in a run. Now, while I was starting to catch up, it had taken a lot longer than it would have before. Nevertheless, I had nearly caught him as we dashed across the street on a green light at a crosswalk, and by the time we reached the Gleacher Center I put out my arm to tap him on the shoulder as I prepared to pass. He must have noticed how close I was getting and that I was trying to tap him, because he laughingly angled his upper body away from me, causing me to reach further than I had been prepared to. The slight change in position impacted my balance a little, but it would have been nothing had I not, at the exact moment, stepped onto a metal grate in the sidewalk, which had been slicked with the falling rain. My sneakers lost traction and, with nothing to hold onto, I plunged to the ground, throwing my hands out in front of me to cushion my fall.

"Fuuuuuck!" I screamed as my left knee connected with something hard and metal, causing indescribable pain. I rolled to my side and onto my back and reached down to touch my knee, almost afraid of what I would find.

"Oh my God, Edward, what happened?" Jasper was kneeling on the ground next to me instantly. "Did I do something? Shit! I'm so sorry."

I shook my head but with my teeth clenched tightly against the pain, I couldn't reassure him. Gingerly, I felt all around my knee with my hands, wincing at the painful contact. I relaxed a little as it all seemed to feel all right. I began to bend my leg, and that too caused no problems. The initial pain was starting to fade to a dull burn. I exhaled and released the knee, laying back on the sidewalk in relief.

"Edward, what is it? Tell me what's wrong?" Jasper asked frantically. "Do we need to go to the hospital?" he asked, pulling out his phone. I knew if I said nothing he'd be dialing 911 any moment.

"No, Jas. It's all right. I'm fine. No need for a hospital. I landed on my knee and it hurt like a motherfucker, but I can bend it and it feels all right, so I don't think it's anything more than a bruise."

He put away his phone and leaned over to look at my leg.

"Your jeans are torn," he said, "and you're bleeding. It's definitely more than just a bruise."

"Maybe," I conceded, "But it's no reason to call an ambulance. We're close to the hotel. Let's just go back there and see what the damage is. If the leg looks bad, I'll just take a cab to the nearest ER. Come on," I said, pushing myself up to sit. I saw uncertainty in his face.

"I promise I'll have someone look at it if it's bad. I'll even have someone look at it if you think it's bad and I don't, all right? Now, help me up and let's just go back to the hotel."

I could see he was skeptical and reluctant, but he stood and extended his arms, practically lifting me to a standing position. The rain had slowed but not stopped, and the sidewalks were still slick, so he immediately moved closer to me and wrapped his arm around my waist in support. I would have pushed him away, had I not relished the close contact, whatever the reason. I placed my right leg on the ground and was relieved to see that I was free of any new pain.

"It's fine, Jas. I really think I overreacted when I fell. It just hurt so damn bad. But now it's fine."

"Okay," he nodded, clearly unconvinced. "But no harm in leaning on me a little, is there?" he asked, almost daring me to defy him.

"No harm at all," I conceded, placing my arm around his shoulders to make it easier for us to walk together. I winced as I took the first step, as the knee still hurt. I knew, however, that the injury wasn't serious. Definitely not debilitating and not something that would warrant a hospital visit.

We walked the remaining three blocks at a slower than normal pace. Jasper wanted to stop in the lobby to examine my leg, but I convinced him it would be better done upstairs. The elevator took hardly any time at all, and not more than two minutes later I was opening the door to my room and leading Jasper inside.

"All right," he said with authority. "Sit down and let me look."

Obediently, I sank onto the edge of my bed, supporting myself on my arms as I straightened out my leg for his examination. He squatted and reached for the leg, first touching my knee gently and watching my face for signs of pain, which were there pretty quickly.

"I told you it was bruised," I explained. "Bruises hurt when you touch them."

"I know," Jasper replied, and the way he said it instantly made me think of the bruises on his body the day Emmett brought him to our apartment. Of course he would know all about bruises. I was an idiot for saying a damn thing!

Jasper reached for the tear in my jeans, attempting to see what was going on underneath. We could both see that the torn fabric was stained with blood. Jasper huffed in frustration.

"I can't tell what happened through this hole, Edward, and these jeans are too tight to roll up the leg. You're gonna have to take them off."

I swallowed hard, wondering if he knew what he was asking. Ordinarily I wouldn't think twice about disrobing in front of another guy, but this wasn't just any guy. This was Jasper! I felt myself growing hard already, at his mere request that I undress.

"Come on, Edward. You promised you'd let me see what was going on with that cut and that you'd see the doctor if I felt you needed to. Now either take of the pants or we're going to the hospital right now."

Oh, God! He wasn't just asking me to disrobe, he was ordering it. And my cock apparently liked his voice of authority, because it was certainly throbbing to be released from its fabric prison so it could stand at attention. I was just so grateful that Seth insisted I wear underwear, however tiny it might have been. If Jasper looked, he wouldn't be able to miss my erection, but at least it would be discretely covered up. Resigned, I reached with one hand to unbutton my fly and pull down the zipper, then laid back on the bed to lift my butt and hips off the mattress so I could pull down the jeans. The fact that they were soaking wet and clung to my skin made the process that much more difficult.

"Here, let me help," he said and I felt his hands wrap around the waistband of the jeans as he tugged them downward. Then I heard his sharp intake of breath and his movements faltered. Alarmed, I rose up to my elbows to see what was going on. I instantly knew that this vision was going to be burned into my memory for the rest of my life. Jasper was kneeling at the foot of the bed, with his hands pulling down my jeans, but his eyes were wide and laser focused on my crotch. As I followed his gaze I realized with mortification that the rain had soaked not just through my jeans, but through my underwear as well, so while my prominent hard-on was technically covered, the wet, white, clingy fabric left almost nothing to the imagination. Worse, as brief as the briefs were, they could barely contain me in my aroused state, the head of my cock already peeking past the elastic. I held my breath, waiting to see his reaction, realizing that there was virtually nothing between me and his mouth, just a few inches away. I saw him close his eyes, exhale softly, and then lick his lips, which only made me grow harder. It took a great deal of effort not to close my own eyes and imagine him reaching up to pull down the underwear along with the jeans, but I forced myself keep my eyes open and trained on him. He didn't move for a few seconds, then drew a deep breath and, keeping his eyes closed, continued pulling down my pants, stopping to untie and take off my sneakers, then pulling off and tossing the jeans aside to lift and examine my leg.

"You were right. It's a bit of a gash, but nothing life-threatening. I should clean it off for you, though," he said.

I shivered. Having him so close to me, I couldn't help it. He looked up, and from his position my erection was prominent in our line of sight.

"Um," he hesitated for a moment, as if distracted, then recovered. "The air conditioning must be making you cold in those wet clothes. Let me get you some dry things and you can change while I get a wet towel to clean that cut. Do you by chance have a first aid kit?" He said, standing up and walking to the closet to pull out a dry tee shirt.

"In my toiletry kit, in the bathroom," I told him, wishing I had the balls to tell him that my shiver had nothing to do with the temperature.

"Shorts and underwear?" he continued to quiz me without looking at me.

"In the armoire drawer," I replied. If nothing else, the conversation had a chilling effect on my arousal. I sat up and peeled off my wet club shirt, tossing it to the floor. I considered peeling off the underwear as well, since it provided so little cover anyway, but I thought that might make him even more uncomfortable than he already was, so I just waited for him to toss me the dry clothes and walk to the bathroom. As soon as he was gone I quickly yanked off the underwear, pulling on the fresh pair that Jasper threw me, along with the cargo shorts. I pulled the tee shirt on last and then waited for his return. He came into the room a short while later, carrying a wash cloth and my travel first aid kit. I knew the supplies in there were rather sparse, but probably well suited to this injury. A couple of antiseptic cleansing wipes and a bottle of liquid bandage would be enough to take care of my cut. I sat up and watched as Jasper used a wet wash cloth to clean the dried blood off my leg and cut, then winced a little as he wiped the cut with the antiseptic. He looked curiously at the bottle of liquid bandage, then opened it to find the brush.

"I've never seen anything like this before," he commented. "Except in my mother's make-up case. It looks like clear nail polish."

I laughed. "That's probably what it is, or close to it. But it seals off the wound and prevents infection."

"I just paint it on?" he asked uncertainly.

"Yeah. Here, I'll hold the skin together."

I leaned over and pressed the edges of the cut close to each other as he brushed on the liquid, blowing on it gently to dry it as he worked. I could have told him it was unnecessary, but I was enjoying the feel of his warm breath across my skin much too much. I was disappointed when I realized that he reached the end of what turned out to be a fairly insignificant and superficial wound. His fingers ghosted over my knee, his face turning to a frown as he noticed the slight swelling.

"You should put the leg up and ice it," he said. "And take something for the pain." He looked back into the first aid kit and pulled out a pill packet. "I'll go and get you some ice for the leg and some water to wash down the pills," he explained as he got up and picked up my discarded jeans, fishing my room key out of the pocket. He grabbed the ice bucket and left the room, finally giving me a chance to properly exhale and reflect on everything that happened.

A glance at the clock told me it was late enough that we probably would not be having the discussion I had so hoped to have tonight. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. Maybe that was a good thing? Maybe we weren't ready yet, and this was the universe once again trying to give me a sign to stop and think before rushing in and messing everything up? I knew he was conflicted. I could see it plain as day etched into his face at various times this weekend. Maybe instead of trying to force a decision from him it was better to let him work things out for himself? Except that after tomorrow we would be apart again, and what if it was only our proximity that was making him consider me as anything other than a friend if, in fact, he was considering that at all? What if, after we left Chicago tomorrow, he would dismiss and forget any feelings of attraction he might have had when we were spending all this time together? Frustrated, I slammed my closed fist into the mattress, pissed off at the enormous physical distance between us. Sure, we'd continue calling and e-mailing, and that was much better than nothing, but it was no substitute for being next to him, seeing the emotions in his eyes, watching all the physical reactions, being there next to him to act when the time was right. I wanted to stay hopeful, but actually feeling the difference of spending time with him in person, as opposed to on the phone, made that a lot harder. Christopher and Emmett couldn't make a long distance relationship work, and they had practically lived together before Christopher moved to Chicago. How the hell could I even imagine building a long-distance relationship from nothing?

The door to the room opened and jasper walked in with the ice. He must have stopped by his room on the way, because I noticed he was wearing a new, dry outfit. He scooped some into a glass and left for the bathroom, where I heard him filling the glass with water. He returned to hand me the glass while he poured the ice into a plastic bag he found by the bucket, tied it off and wrapped it in a towel. I swallowed the pills he'd given me earlier as I watched.

"Lie back," he directed. Obediently I slid back on the bed, reaching to put a couple of pillows against the headboard for me to rest on. He went into the closet to retrieve the extra pillows stored inside and placed them underneath my calf to elevate my leg as he placed the towel with ice over my knee. Done, he stood by my bedside, clearly unsure of what to do next.

"Stay and talk for a while?" I motioned with my head to the other side of the bed. He nodded and walked around, sitting down beside me with his back against the headboard.

"So," he started, "Hydrate was fun. Thanks for helping me get rid of the overeager Italian."

"No problem," I forced a laugh, though thinking of Vito made me want to mash my teeth together in anger. "Thanks for the dance lesson," I said, wondering if I'd been wrong before, and if maybe we could have that conversation I wanted after all.

"You did well," he complimented. "Really well. But if you want to learn more, I'm sure Seth would teach you. In fact, I'm surprised he hasn't already."

"Seth has a good self-preservation instinct," I said dryly.

"Oh," I could hear the disappointment in his voice. "I'm sorry I forced you out there, then. You didn't have to dance and be miserable just to humor me. We could have gone back to the bar."

"No," if he hadn't been sitting next to me I would have slammed my head back against the headboard out of frustration with my propensity to say the exact wrong things, especially when he was around. "That's not what I meant at all. I enjoyed myself tonight. I had a great time dancing with you," I looked over and took his hand for emphasis. "What I meant is that it wouldn't be the same with Seth. Not the same at all," I stared into his eyes, willing him to understand everything I was trying to tell him. For a moment I saw a spark of recognition, and then a something akin to panic as he looked away, making me wonder if I went too far.

"He can be a little dictator, as you well know," I added, just to give him another, less threatening reason for preferring him over Seth. It must have worked, because he looked back at me and laughed.

"I guess being friends doesn't necessarily have to mean that your personalities mesh up perfectly."

"No," I laughed with him, "That it does not. Let's just say that we have grown to appreciate and ignore our differences, and to focus on the similarities."

Jasper laughed again, but said nothing.

"What?" I asked curiously.

"Nothing," he tried to wave me off with the hand I wasn't holding.

"Come on, what's so funny?"

"I just remembered the night we met Seth and Emmett. Back then you would have hit the roof if anyone suggested you and Seth were similar in any way."

"Yeah," I agreed, uncomfortable with this turn of the conversation. "I told you I've changed," I said for the umpteenth time, and then berated myself for repeating it when he said softly, "I know you have, Edward. I'm not questioning that, just commenting on the differences. After so many years, there are many things to notice. It's only natural. Like with you and Christopher, earlier."

"Me and Christopher?" I repeated dumbly. "There is no me and..." I stumbled over my words, wondering how to put this correctly. "I only knew him through Emmett," I finally said. "They dated."

"I figured as much," Jasper said. "I mean, you only had to take one look at Brady to know Christopher's type."

"I know, right?" I acknowledged with a smirk, remembering Brady's resemblance to Emmett.

"Maybe it's because he never quite got over Emmett?" Jasper theorized. "He hid it pretty well, but Christopher definitely had a reaction to your announcement of Emmett's upcoming marriage."

"He's the one who broke things off," I said coldly, not at all sympathetic to any regrets Christopher might have been feeling. "He moved here for a job and wanted to keep the relationship going. Then, after a few months, he called Em and told him he couldn't handle the long distance. He wanted to see other guys. Emmett was a mess when he heard that. It took him a long time to get over it. Whatever second thoughts Christopher might be having, they're too little and way too late."

Jasper sighed and looked away from me towards the window, where the barest outlines of other buildings could be seen through the drawn sheers. He pulled his hand out of mine and combed it through his hair.

"Well," he said after a long silence. "No matter what regrets he may or may not have right now, it sounded like he was sincere in wishing Emmett well, and he and Brady certainly looked happy together, so maybe it all turned out the way it was supposed to? Maybe everything in life is fated after all. That was one of your friends' theories, wasn't it?" he asked, turning back to me, his eyes suddenly sad and tired.

I shivered again, this time with apprehension. The mood in the room had suddenly changed again, and it was now loaded with tension.

"That was his theory, yeah," I confirmed. "But I thought you didn't believe in that. And I don't know if I do either, really."

I stopped talking. Without knowing what was going through his mind, it was impossible to figure out what to say, which side of the fate debate to fall on. I wished I had never said a damn thing about Cliff and his fatalistic theories. And of course, as soon as I thought of Cliff, I remembered Christopher's slip in the conversation. I wondered if Jasper had heard it too. He might not have, but I figured it was better to say something than to leave him guessing and coming up with his own theories. I took a deep breath, and began, "So, um, you may have heard Christopher mention Cliff. He was,"

"Don't," Jasper ordered as he clasped my wrist and squeezed. "I appreciate you wanting to explain, but I don't really want to know. Not right now. The past doesn't really matter right now, does it?"

I was a little shocked at his vehemence, but I wasn't sorry that I didn't have to explain my relationship with Cliff at that moment. I was happy to do as he requested and leave the past in the past, at least for the time being. What I wasn't happy about was that my mention of Cliff seemed to bring the entire conversation to an end.

"I've really enjoyed this, Edward, but it's getting late and tomorrow, with flying back and all, is gonna be a long day. We'd better get some sleep," he suggested, sliding off the bed. I wanted to protest, sorry that my unfortunate mention of Cliff seemed to be chasing him away, but couldn't argue with his reasoning. "I'll just get you some fresh ice for the night," he offered and went to get another bucket of ice, once again leaving me with my thoughts.

I was disappointed that he still didn't want to discuss personal subjects, since I'd hoped that our interaction this weekend had made him see that he could trust me, but I was perfectly willing to live in the now and give him more time to deal with the past if he needed it. Overall it had been a great weekend, and we'd certainly strengthened our friendship by spending all the time together. I couldn't help but be frustrated at our inability to get further, though. There were moments, many moments, when I felt there was a chance for us to progress, when Jasper gave off signals that he might have been interested in and even ready for more. Unfortunately, something always seemed to interfere and change the dynamic. It was fucking maddening. Although I knew damn well I was supposed to be patient and give him all the time and space he needed, I found it nearly impossible to exercise that much self-control when he was right there, so temptingly within reach. And incredibly, he didn't seem to mind my touch. In fact, he was rather responsive and even initiated physical contact quite a bit. But then there were the damned interruptions, mostly in the form of me saying something stupid, sometimes without even knowing what it was, except that I could feel the cooling distance wedging itself between us as soon as the words left my mouth. Like this evening, when everything seemed to be going well until we started talking about Christopher and Emmett. If only I could figure it out, somehow decode the enigma of what exactly triggered his retreats, what prevented him from moving in the direction that I so longed for him to move in, and that sometimes I could swear he wanted to move in too?

Jasper returned with the fresh ice. He retrieved the bag from my knee and went to the bathroom to pour off the half-melted ice and replace it with a new batch. He carefully re-wrapped the bag with the towel and placed it over my knee, then sat down on the edge of the bed by my side, reaching up to sweep my hair back from my forehead where it had fallen, weighed down by all the product I'd applied earlier in an attempt to tame it.

"I had a good time tonight, Edward. In fact, I had a good time all weekend. I'm just sorry it had to end like this," he said regretfully, looking back to my knee.

"It's nothing, Jasper. I'll be good as new by morning. And I suppose if I had to fall, tonight was the night to do it."

"Right. Tomorrow we'll just have brunch and then head for the airport, so not too much walking. What time is your flight back?"

We confirmed what we already knew form previous conversations, that both of our flights left O'Hare within 30 minutes of each other, so it made sense for us to go to the airport together. I even agreed to take a cab, since my knee could give me problems and Jasper traveled with more luggage, which made the train impractical. I didn't like talking about the arrangements for returning home, and I got the feeling he felt the same way.

"I really enjoyed this weekend, too, Jasper. And I'm already looking forward to seeing you in September. There's so much in Washington that I'd love to show you. And the wedding will be great. You'll finally get to know Nasir. He's really a good guy. So perfect for Emmett."

"I'm looking forward to that. I was so glad to get to know Garrett better when he and Seth came to New York. Those two are obviously perfect for each other. Only a man as measured and even tempered as Garrett could handle someone like Seth without trying to crush that Clearwater spirit."

"Garrett loves Seth exactly as he is," I confirmed. "I don't understand it, but I've seen it with my own eyes. When you look at the two of them together, it's impossible not to believe that love conquers all. Even if it took Seth a while to concede that."

"They told me a little about how they got together, but sometime I'd love to hear how it happened from your perspective," he smiled. "I bet it's a great story. Tonight, though, we really should go to sleep. Good night," he said, reaching to take and squeeze my hand.

"Good night, Jas," I said, pushing myself forward off the pillows and opening my arms for an embrace that I hoped he wouldn't turn down. Thankfully, there wasn't even a moment of hesitation before he was wrapped in my arms, with his own arms secured around me. We held on much longer than necessary for a friendly goodnight hug, but eventually he pulled back and stood up, reminding me to call him if I needed anything, before walking out the door. As reassuring as it was to know he was offering to be there for me, I knew I wouldn't have any reason to call. There wasn't anything I needed. I only needed him.

We'd planned to sleep in the following morning, so I didn't call him as soon as I woke up. After a night of icing and elevation, my knee was much better, if still a little tender, and the cut was showing no signs of problems. I took a shower and dressed, got my boxes ready for shipping and packed the rest of my stuff into the carry on, then checked my e-mails and read the news. By the time I was done with all that it was late enough that I didn't feel too guilty about pulling out my phone and pressing Jasper's speed dial. Still, I could tell immediately by the groggy tone of his voice that he wasn't fully awake.

"Edward, hey," he mumbled, though he didn't sound displeased to hear from me. "What time is it?"

"Morning, Jas. It's a little past ten. Sorry to wake you, Sleeping Beauty," I joked, "but if you're going to be packed and ready by checkout, you'd best get your day started."

"Oh, shit, that's right," he groaned. "I still have to pack. And we have those brunch reservations."

"I've been up for a while, so I'm done with my stuff. I could come over and help you pack while you shower if you want," I offered. It was a bold move, especially knowing how hard it would be not to go into that bathroom while he was in the shower.

"Um," he paused, considering. "That would be really helpful, but are you sure there isn't anything else you'd rather do? Plus, with your leg, shouldn't you take it easy?"

"My leg's fine, Jasper. And it's not like packing is heavy labor. But if you'd rather do it yourself, I completely understand."

"No," he protested. "It's not that at all. I sure could use the help, so if you're game, come on over. Just give me a minute to throw something on."

The thought of his sleeping in the nude just down the hall made me tingle all over. I wanted to tell him not to bother, but I stopped myself in time and told him that I'd see him in a couple, instead. Two minutes later I was knocking on his door and was greeted almost immediately by a still sleepy looking and disheveled Jasper, wearing a pair of cargo shorts and an embarrassed smile. He ran his hand through his messy waves to get the hair out of his face as he greeted me and motioned me in.

"Still not a morning person, huh?" I teased as I walked into the room.

"I am when I have to be, but on the weekends? Not so much," he admitted. "Let me get the coffee maker going. That will help wake me up."

"I'll do that," I offered, moving past him to the coffee maker, set up in the same place as in my room. "I already had some this morning. It's no Julius Meinl, but it does the trick."

"Thanks, Edward. I'm definitely not firing on all cylinders yet this morning. Let me figure out what I want to wear today and then I'll jump in the shower. That will go a long way towards making me feel human again."

"Sounds good. In the meantime, do you want me to pack up the things you bought yesterday into the box they dropped off last night? Or do you prefer to ship your other stuff and take the new things with you?" I asked as I finished setting up the coffee maker.

"Well," he said as he stood in front of the closet, picking out his clothes for the day. "I suppose shipping the new things makes the most sense. But there are a couple of items I want to bring with me," he explained, listing the things he wanted in his luggage.

"Okay. Need some help?" I asked, moving to stand beside him.

"I'm good," he turned to me and smiled. "Believe it or not, I dress myself every day."

"I didn't mean to imply..." I back peddled, fearing that I'd insulted him with my offhand comment, when all I really wanted was an excuse to be closer to him.

"Relax, I'm just teasing," he laughed easily, clearly more awake. "I'm over thinking it this morning. I'll just wear these," he said, reaching for a pair of blue jeans, a light gray short sleeved tee shirt and a denim vest. "And I'll throw this one in the carry on just in case it's freezing on the plane," he commented, reaching for a long sleeved white tee. "Otherwise, I guess the rest of this stuff can be packed away."

"You know," I said, shaking my head and pretending that I was seeing his clothes for the first time. "I remember once upon a time I was friends with a boy who didn't know a thing about fashion, and didn't much care. Now you could be a stylist."

"Oh, please. If it wasn't for my friends in New York, I still wouldn't know thing one about fashion, and I probably wouldn't care. But for better or worse, I live in a city where appearances matter, so I've adapted."

"You've adapted very well. Even Seth approves!" I relayed.

"Really? Well how about that?"

"He went shopping with me specifically for this trip," I confessed. "He's always been a bit appalled at the state of my wardrobe, and this was a perfect opportunity for him to do something about it."

"You went shopping just for this trip?" he looked at me incredulously. "Why?"

"Well," I said, a little embarrassed. "Seth went on and on about your fashion sense and I'd seen it for myself after the wedding. I figured I needed some new stuff so I wouldn't look so, I don't know, plain, I guess."

"Plain?" he started laughing and turned to face me. "Oh, my God, Edward," he reached up to push my hair back and then ran his hand down the side of my face. "Don't you know it doesn't matter what you wear? The way you look, as hot as you have always been and continue to be, you couldn't be plain if you tried. There ought to be a law requiring you to wear more boring clothes, just so other guys have a chance to stand out, and even then," he paused, holding my unshaven, slightly scruffy chin in the v between his thumb and forefinger and stroking it lightly. "Even then I doubt anyone could outshine you."

I held my breath. It was just like that moment on the train. We were standing so close together, poised on a brink of a kiss. Only this time, there was no jostling, no fear of losing our balance. This time one of us just needed to make that first move. But in daylight everything was different, much more frightening, and I found myself unable to take that gamble. And then his phone chirped and he glanced away with a frown. He let go of my chin and walked to pick the phone up, punching some buttons to retrieve a text. His frown deepened as he read.

"Problem?" I asked, concerned.

"Huh?" he looked up at me, distracted. "Oh, no. It just looks like I lost my ride from the airport. No big deal. I'll just call a service. I should do that now, though. Do you mind?" he asked to be polite.

Horrendously disappointed at the interruption and yet another lost opportunity, I nevertheless maintained my outward cool and replied, "Of course not. Go ahead. I'll just fix your coffee. Do you still take cream and two sugars?"

"I've managed to cut the sugar down to one, but I still can't drink it black like you," he commented as he scrolled through his number directory. "Thank you, by the way. This will only take a minute."

I listened to him make arrangements for an airport pick up as I poured his coffee and stirred in the non-dairy creamer and sugar provided by the hotel. He was still talking when I walked up to him and handed him the steaming cup. He took a sip as he listened to the person on the other end and gave me a satisfied smile, mouthing a silent thanks. I smiled back, thinking how domestic and right this all seemed, and how much I wished we could do this together every morning.

Done with his conversation, he replaced the phone on his nightstand. He took a large swallow of coffee and smiled again. "Man, this was exactly what I needed. Thanks again, Edward." he drained the cup and set it on the nightstand as well. "And now I'd better hit that shower if we have any hope of me checking out on time and making those brunch reservations."

"Don't worry about it," I tried to calm him. "I'll have most of your packing done by the time you get out and if worse comes to worst, we can always take a cab to the Hancock building. Plus we can call the Signature Room to have them hold the reservation."

"All right," he said, opening a drawer to pull out underwear. "But I'm still gonna try to hurry."

His clothes gathered, he disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I didn't hear the click of the lock, and groaned a little at that realization. It would have been much less tempting and distracting if he had locked himself in. As it was, I was not only picturing him stripping and stepping under the warm water, but I was seeing me join him as well. Knowing that there was very little to stand in my way if I chose to make my fantasy a reality was absolute torture.

I tried to distract myself by doing what I was supposed to have been doing and packing up his purchases for shipment, but with each item I placed in the box I remembered our stops in the various fitting rooms and the fantasies took over again. Forcing myself time and time again to stop fantasizing and return to the task at hand was one of the most difficult things I'd done all weekend.

Thankfully, Jasper really did not take long in the bathroom. A few minutes after he went in I heard the shower go off and then, a few minutes later, the sound of the hair dryer. Then the door opened again and he came out, looking all fresh and delicious and way too overdressed compared to how he looked before. With his newly washed wavy hair falling softly around his face, he looked more angelic than ever and I felt an even greater urge to kiss those pink, full lips. I was thankful that once again I chose to wear underwear, because my cock was more than ready for action and, unlike the previous night, there really was no good way to explain a hard-on in the middle of the day, with nothing provocative or erotic around to cause the condition but him. Fortunately, he didn't focus on the details of my appearance as much as I focused on his, and as we continued packing his stuff, my stiffy eventually gave up and retreated.

We finished with plenty of time to spare. Between his extra luggage and all our boxes there was way too much for the two of us to carry, so we rang the front desk for the bellboy and luggage cart. We loaded up the cart and brought the boxes to the front desk, where I happily paid the shipping and service charges for them all, despite Jasper's protests. We checked out and left the rest of our bags with the luggage attendant before leaving to take one last leisurely stroll down Michigan Avenue to the John Hancock Center. My knee hurt a little, but it was nothing I couldn't handle and I didn't let it slow us down. We took the specially designated elevator up to The Signature Room restaurant on the 95th floor, and were seated fairly quickly. I had specifically asked the concierge to request a table by the windows so that we could admire the view as we ate, leaving a generous tip that, if necessary, he could share with his contact at the restaurant to make sure this would happen. Jasper seemed duly impressed with my effort and his obvious approval sent yet another wave of pleasure through me.

The brunch buffet was actually better than I had expected. Given the location, I figured the emphasis would be on the view and not the food, so I was pleasantly surprised to find a good variety of seafood and meats in addition to traditional breakfast favorites. There was the typical make to order omelet station, but also a make to order pancake station. Due to our travel schedule this was likely to be our first and last proper meal of the day, so Jasper and I had no qualms about indulging in our favorites. I noted everything he put on his plate, happy to find that his tastes and preferences had not changed much in our years apart, and even as we ate I was mentally preparing different menus that I could prepare for him someday. It was a beautiful thought, cooking for him, sharing meals, sharing lives. I could see it so clearly, a balance of staying in for a home cooked meal and cuddling on the couch to watch a movie and going out to a club where the two of us could dance shirtless to get each other hot and horny before either barely making it home to our bed or, more likely, frantically checking into a nearby hotel to finish what we'd started on the dance floor. I liked all these images, though now that we were getting closer and closer to our departures to the opposite sides of the country, I began to wonder how I could ever actually make them happen.

If we lived in the same city, we could continue to go out and I could show him over and over how different I was from the guy he probably remembered, and how compatible he and I still were. Living on opposite coasts, however, meant relying on e-mails and phone calls, and while these fostered communication and helped us get to know each other better, they were a serious impediment to moving the relationship to the next level. As I focused on the shoreline of Lake Michigan, the reflecting sun making the azure water glimmer happily, I found myself feeling more and more dejected, and Jasper noticed.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, reaching to grab and squeeze my hand. "Suddenly you look so sad."

I glanced over at him, concern etching his perfect face. I wasn't sure how to answer his question honestly without giving everything away.

"Do I? I'm sorry," I tried to force a smile, only half succeeding. "I don't mean to be a downer at the end of such a great weekend. It's just..." I faltered, still not knowing how much to reveal.

"Just what?" he prompted.

"It's just been such a long time since we did this, spend time together, I mean. Remember when we were boys? We used to do everything together. Some days we were practically inseparable. I know when we got older that changed, and now that we're working it really couldn't be like that, even if we lived in the same city, but still."

He squeezed my and again.

"I wish this weekend was longer too," he said. "Ever since we saw each other at the wedding I've been thinking a lot about things I had deliberately put out of my mind, and I realized I missed our friendship too. I've really enjoyed all the calls and conversations, getting reacquainted. To be completely frank, it scares me a little how much I've enjoyed those. I was afraid that it would somehow be different in person, you know? But it hasn't been. It's been just as good. Better."

"I know," I nodded enthusiastically, encouraged by his admission. "It was like missing all that time in between didn't matter, right? I love how we were just able to slip back into our friendship."

"Well, I wouldn't say the time in between didn't matter at all," he corrected. "It seems we both used that time to change, I think for the better. But the core of our friendship is still there."

"Right," I agreed. "That's exactly how I feel. And I just wish we didn't live so damn far apart. I know we can talk on the phone, but I wish sometimes we could just hang out together. Grab a beer and a pizza somewhere, or go see a movie, or go hiking," Jasper's eyebrow went up at the last suggestion and we both laughed. "All right, mall walking," I added with a wink. "But we're both going back home, and who knows how long it will be before we have a chance to do something like this again. That's what I'm bummed about," I concluded.

"I do know what you mean. At first, I was glad about the distance. It made it easier to agree to start talking again, back when even that was a hurdle. But now it's different," he trailed off and paused for a minute, then took a deep breath before speaking again. "I didn't want to say anything until I saw how this weekend went, just in case it didn't turn out the way it has, but for what it's worth, I did get that week after labor day off, and I was planning on spending it in Washington. That's just about a month away. I know it's not ideal, but at least we know when we'll see each other next."

"Oh my God! Seriously? That's fantastic news!" I was so excited I was nearly bouncing in my chair.

"I do have some obligations over that weekend, but I can fly out Monday. And then maybe you can come to New York in October?"

I forced myself to breathe normally because it would have been undignified to hyperventilate, but I felt lightheaded nevertheless. It wasn't a confession of love, by any means, but it was the next best thing. He wanted to spend time with me as much as I wanted it. He had been planning not just his next visit, but also mine!

"I guess I don't have to ask what you think," he teased. "That smile is all the answer I need."

"I can't wait," I admitted. "I can't wait for you to be in Washington again and I would love to visit you in New York. Wow! Thanks! I still wish we lived closer to each other, but you just made things a lot better." He was still holding my hand, so I flipped it over and squeezed his. He looked down in surprise, then looked back up with that big wide smile.

"So what do you say, should we cruise the dessert table before we head back to the hotel? Good news deserves a celebration, right?"

"Sure," I said, though I might have picked a different way to celebrate. Still, I didn't want to rock the boat now when it was on such a smooth course, heading in exactly the right direction. So instead of grabbing him into a passionate embrace, I just followed him to the dessert table and loaded my plate with a piece of cheese cake and some truffles. The pace might have been slower than I wanted, but following Bruce and Troy's advice worked! Looking out at the city now from our perch on the 95th floor, I could easily believe I was on cloud 9.

After brunch we walked back to the hotel to pick up our luggage and took a taxi to the airport. We were leaving within thirty minutes of each other, but we were on different airlines which left from different terminals, so we wouldn't be able to wait together. He was flying United out of Terminal 1, so we dropped him off first. I followed him out of the taxi and we hugged closely while the driver removed Jasper's bags from the trunk.

"I'll call you tomorrow?" I asked, still holding him tight, unwilling to let go.

"It might be a busy day at work," he said. "But I'm sure I'll find a few minutes to talk."

"Good. Alright, then," reluctantly I let him go, and I could have sworn I felt his reluctance as well. "See you in September?"

"Yes. Definitely. Goodbye, Edward."

"Goodbye, Jasper."

We said the words, but neither one of us moved. Looking into his incredible blue eyes, once again I wanted to kiss him so badly. I thought I might have sensed he was receptive, but I was still too afraid to risk it. Then I saw him lean forward, and my lips parted in anticipation.

"This is a no standing or stopping zone. Move along," the voice of the airport security officer startled us and halted his momentum. I looked over at her with annoyance, but it was too late. Jasper stepped back and picked up his bags.

"Have a safe flight," I said, hoping his plane wouldn't encounter any turbulence, for the first time concerned about how he would handle the flight.

"You too," he replied. "Bye."

With an apologetic look to the security officer, who was standing and scowling at us, he turned and went into the terminal, giving me one last wave over his shoulder as the doors slid closed behind him. I shot the woman an angry glare before joining the driver back in the cab. He dropped me off at Terminal 3 and, having checked in at the hotel, I quickly made it to the security line and then to the designated gate. I briefly considered buying a magazine or a book to help me pass the time, but instead I decided to lean back in my chair, close my eyes and go over the entire weekend once again. Chicago, I decided, was definitely my kind of town.