Chapter 6

Click here to read the Disclaimer and Warning.

Chapter 6: My Only Shot at Redemption

Without waiting for an answer to my question, I moved and opened the door wide so he could bring Jasper in. Familiar with the layout of the apartment, Emmett carried Jas right to his room and laid him down on the mattress, kissing him on the cheek before straightening up and turning to face me. I couldn't take my eyes off Jasper. I hadn't seen him in a couple of months and he had changed. His hair, his gorgeous blond waves, had been cut short, but it was more than that. His face was drawn and he looked exhausted and uneasy.

"Jasper needs a place to stay for a couple of days and my apartment may not be safe. Either Seth or I will be here with him at all times until we find somewhere else to take him, so you won't be put out in any way. Can you handle that?"

It took me a moment to register that Emmett had started speaking. My brain tried to catch up with his words.

"May not be safe? What are you talking about? And why do you and Seth need to be with him?" None of this was making any sense. Something was going on and whatever it was, it wasn't good.

"He's injured," Emmett said. "Pretty badly. James, his boyfriend, has been abusing him."

"What?" A flash of blinding white rage coursed through me. Jag-off had fucking dared to lay a hand on my Jasper? To hurt him? I could feel the adrenaline flowing through me and I was ready to rip the fucker to shreds. Then I saw Jasper cringe and try to shrink away from me and I heard him whimper.

"Fuck!" Emmett leaned down over Jasper, blocking him from my view. "It's OK, Jas. You're safe. I won't let anyone hurt you. You're safe. Shhh."

What the fuck? Of course Jasper was safe. He was home with me and I would protect him. Yet though I couldn't see him, I could hear sniffling and I knew Jasper was crying, but I couldn't understand why. I felt completely helpless, and at the same furious that it was Emmett comforting Jasper and not me. I should have been the one to sooth him, just like I did back when we were boys and he had twisted his ankle on one of our long hikes. I'd sat with him on the forest floor, his face buried in my neck and shoulder, his own shoulders shaking with soft sobs as he tried his best to hide his reaction to the pain. I let him cry himself out and then I made him look at me and wiped his eyes, and told him that it was OK, that I was strong enough to carry him back so he didn't have to step on his foot, and that my dad would fix it so that it would all be fine. And then I made him climb on my back and I did carry him all the way home, not caring that he weighed almost as much as me. The knowledge that I was sparing him pain kept me going even when normally I would have been too tired to go on. But now it was Emmett who got to be the one to wipe his tears and calm him down. The bastard just stepped in and took my place as if he had some inherent right to do so. Finally, he sat back, and I could see that Jasper had stopped crying.

"I'm just going to go into the other room to talk to Edward, all right? I'll be right back."

I was all ready to head out into the living room and throw the asshole the hell out of the apartment so that I could start taking care of Jasper myself, when I saw him grab Emmett's hand, begging him to stay. My heart twisted painfully again. Jasper hadn't even looked at me. It was Emmett who now represented safety. But what had him so terrified? What had that son-of-a-bitch done to him?

"All right, Jas. I'll stay. I'll be right here," Emmett soothed before turning to me. "Can you be calm?" his tone clearly indicated his antagonism. If it had just been him in the room, I would have responded in kind. But Jasper was clearly in no shape to witness this showdown. I'd never seen him like this before, and I was beyond worried.

"What's wrong with him?" I hadn't intended to whisper, but it was all that came out when I formed my question.

"He's pretty bruised up and he has some cracked ribs. Plus he's pretty traumatized. Yelling doesn't help."

I listened to the list of injuries. I could clearly see that Jasper was traumatized. And no wonder. He'd never been much of a fighter. He had no idea how to defend himself. I'd always done that for him. I'd always been the one to protect him. From the very first day we met everyone knew that if they wanted to stay in one piece, Jasper was off limits. I only failed in my self-appointed duty twice before. The first time when that asshole Eric had taken upon himself to attack Jasper when he though Jasper had fallen out of my favor. I'd set him straight immediately, made him a walking example that I meant business when I said no one was to lay a hand on Jasper, ever. The second time was when Jasper himself asked that little fucker Jacob Black to hit him in order to protect my reputation. At the time I thought it was an incredibly brave and selfless thing to do, and it had been just that. But then when he came out I threw it right in his face, making me as big of an asshole as anyone I'd ever known.

And now here was a third time. I should have been there to protect him, but my Goddamn pride got in the way again. I'd followed him when he was with all those stupid, harmless boys, but abandoned him when the real predator showed up, all because I was pissed and disappointed that he could have fallen in love with someone else. Instead of looking out for him the way I should have been, I wallowed in self-pity, while this creep was torturing my best friend. And in the end it was Emmett who had saved him, and who continued to be his chosen protector. Because, I suddenly realized, it wasn't over. That's why they were here. They believed there was more to come. That this asshole would come after him.

"Why isn't your apartment safe?" I already knew, but I needed the confirmation.

"James will know I helped Jasper leave, and he knows where I live. If he decides to come after Jas, I can protect him while I'm there, but I can't be there 24-7. The social worker we saw at the hospital suggested that he stay at a location James doesn't know about, and I don't think he knows about you," Emmett double checked with Jasper, who was shaking his head. He hadn't even told James about me? I'd been that irrelevant? I remembered that time in the lobby. What had he called me? 'Some ignorant bigoted jerk.' Had he really hated me that much? Enough to practically erase me from his life? Apparently so.

"It's only for a couple of days," Emmett continued, "until I can move him to another safe place."

He couldn't be serious? Moving Jasper to another place was not gonna happen! Whatever mistakes I'd made in the past, I was not going to make another one now and let him out of my sight. Jasper was back where he belonged and he was damn well going to stay here. And there would be no need for Emmett or Seth to stay with him. I would finally get back to what I should have been doing all along. I would be the one to take care of him and protect him, just as I had for as long as we'd known each other.

"No," I made sure my response was absolutely clear, putting as much authority behind that single word as I ever had.

"Oh, come on, Cullen. I know for a fact that Jasper's portion of the rent is paid up, so he has every right to be here. I told you, Seth and I will take care of him. You won't even know we're here. And don't worry, a couple of days in the same apartment with us won't turn you queer. Trust me, neither Seth nor I are gonna try to recruit you."

I stared at the stupid as all shit queer in front of me who clearly didn't have a clue. Did he honestly for a single microsecond think that I would turn Jasper away when he was injured and needed my help? Or that I would worry about any effect he and his little fairy buddy would try to have on me? Like I would even give them a second thought while my best friend, the person I cared about most in the whole fucking world, was in pain. It was hard not to scoff in his face, not to show him how little I really thought of him and his absolute lack of intellect. Still, having seen how easily agitated he was, I knew I needed to stay calm for Jasper.

"That's not what I meant," I explained, speaking slowly, like I would to a child. "You don't need to find another place and you and Seth don't need to help. Jasper will stay here and I will take care of him."

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Emmett opined and I saw red again. Who the fuck did he think he was to even speak on this subject?

"Why the fuck not?" I growled at him and instantly regretted it when I heard Jasper's frightened whimper. Shit! I would have to try a lot harder to control my temper. Why couldn't this asshole just leave? If I was alone with Jasper I wouldn't be having this problem.

"That. That is precisely why not! Your fucking temper, Cullen. Jasper's been through enough. The last thing he needs is you yelling and shouting and cursing and upsetting him," Emmett continued to point out the obvious. It burned to know that he was right. I did have trouble controlling my temper. Of course, it wouldn't matter if Emmett and Seth weren't around, causing discord and trouble. But I knew I would have to convince them that I could be calm before they agreed to leave voluntarily. Not that I wouldn't enjoy tossing them out on their ass forcibly, but that would probably upset Jasper just as much as my temper.

"I won't. I can stop," I mustered all the sincerity I could. "Starting right now."

The raised eyebrow told me that Emmett didn't believe a word of what I was saying. The sanctimonious, holier than thou bastard. Just because he lost his balls and dick up some guy's asshole long ago, he thought he was better than me for having an even temper? Fuck! And yet, I had to convince him that I meant what I said. Double fuck!

"Look, McCarty, he's my best friend," that single phrase explained it all. I always did whatever had to be done to take care of my friends, especially my best friend.

"He's your gay ex-friend."

"It doesn't matter," I said, shaking my head.

"It mattered when he came out three months ago," Like a dog with a fucking bone, he just wouldn't let this go. And I had to give it to him. Emmett sure as fuck knew how to deliver a verbal knee to the groin. With that single sentence he reminded all of us in the room what a fucking asshole I'd been that night and the day after. It couldn't have been more vivid if we were watching an instant replay. But I wasn't about to let those two dates dictate the course of the rest of my life.

"It doesn't matter now," I countered, "Not anymore."

Emmett said nothing. He looked to Jasper who looked at me. I looked back and tried to put everything I could into that look, everything I've been feeling, everything I felt now. I needed him to understand how important it was to me that he stay here, that he not leave me again. I didn't think I could take him rejecting me again like that. I knew the last time I had done everything wrong, but this time would be different. I was trying. I would be a better person, for him.

"It's alright, Em," Jasper said after what seemed like a never-ending silence and consideration. "You don't have to look for another place. I'll stay here."

I breathed a sigh of relief. He was giving me another chance. It would all be fine. I would have the time I needed to show him that I'd reconsidered things and learned some other things, and was in general less of a jerk.

Emmett seemed unconvinced. He kept staring at Jasper, as though willing him to change his mind. I could see how unhappy he was with the prospect of Jasper staying with me. Well, fuck you, asshole. You had your chance and he obviously cared more about me. Yeah, I sounded like a four year old, but I didn't care. I felt triumphant. I had won! And the prize was every bit as valuable as gold. Probably more valuable.

His staring having no visible effect on Jasper, Emmett finally conceded, in part. "Fine, but Seth and I are going to be here with him. At least for a while," He directed the comment to me and I took it for the threat that it was. His implication was that Jasper had to somehow be protected from me. That I couldn't be trusted. I didn't say anything because it was unnecessary. As soon as I got Jasper alone I would convince him to kick the two queer yahoos out and it would be just like it was before, him and me, alone together.

"Look, Edward, he should have something to eat. Do you have anything here or should I call for take-out?" Emmett snapped me out of my thoughts and I was instantly furious with myself for not thinking of Jasper sooner. Suddenly all my bravado was gone. Of course he needed to eat. I shouldn't have had Emmett pointing that out. I should have been the one to offer. Shit! How could I possibly prove to Jasper that I was all he needed, when I couldn't even think of something as basic as his meals?

"I have food," I answered, for the first time feeling totally dejected. Without another word I left the room and headed for the kitchen, where I opened the freezer and contemplated the piles and piles of food crammed in there from the months since he'd been gone. I read the labels on the sides, trying to figure out what would appeal to him, finally settling on meatloaf. Comfort food seemed appropriate for the occasion. I grabbed two servings, not because I particularly cared if Emmett was hungry or not, but because I wanted to keep him occupied so that I could help Jas.

I started microwaving one plate as I thought about what would happen next. One of those damned fairies was gonna be here with Jas for a while, so I had to stay on my best behavior. It wouldn't be easy keeping calm with those constant irritants in my face, but I would have to do it. I needed to convince them so that they would leave us the fuck alone and so I could finally tell him how I felt.

I microwaved the second serving, fishing out utensils while the food warmed. When both plates were ready, I went back to Jasper's room.

"I hope you're OK with meatloaf," I told them as Emmett situated Jasper against the headboard. I handed him a plate as he turned, explaining that I would help Jas. At first I thought he'd put up a fight, but I think my resolve shone through, and he slid down the bed to make room for me. I gathered a mix of meat, potatoes and vegetables on a fork, blew on it to cool it off the way my mom used to when I was little, and moved it to Jasper's lips. There was something about this act of feeding him that felt very right, very loving. But apparently it was only that for me, because he reached up and took both the fork and plate from my hands, informing me that he could feed himself. Then he told me to get something to eat as well.

"I'm not hungry," I protested, and I wasn't. Since he'd been gone I stopped eating so much. Usually some dry cereal was good enough for breakfast and dinner. I ate apples, because they didn't spoil too fast. Eggs too, when I felt like frying one up. I ate lots of microwave pop-corn - pretty filling. And at the bar I always had plenty of peanuts and pretzels to go along with the booze. On occasion I would go out to a fast food joint and grab a chicken sandwich or a burger, and a couple of times I ordered a pizza, but those urges were pretty rare. After a while the stomach pangs went away, or I got so used to them I didn't notice. Either way, I was never hungry.

"Me neither," he said, placing the plate down on the mattress. He hadn't even taken a bite.

"Jas," Emmett protested. Obviously he thought Jasper should eat and I agreed. He needed the energy so that he could heal.

"Really, Em. I had a big lunch. I'm just not that hungry."

I stared at him long and hard. We'd known each other too long for me not to realize what he was doing. It was a test. He was trying to see if I'd really changed, if I would actually do as he asked. I couldn't fail this one. I couldn't fall behind right at the start.

"Will you eat if I eat?" I needed to confirm that he would cooperate if I did.

"Well, I'll be more likely to eat if you're not just watching me," I should have been pissed that he wasn't giving me a straight answer, but I thought the fact that he was resisting was actually a good sign. He couldn't have been that afraid of me if he was willing to have this showdown. And if this was what he needed to get some of his confidence back, to feel stronger, then I sure as fuck wasn't gonna stand in his way.

I went back to the kitchen and found another meatloaf meal in the freezer. I put it in the microwave and rationalized that it was probably a good idea to eat more now, anyway. I didn't need a ton of food, but I'd noticed since he'd been gone I'd gotten weaker, lost my edge a bit, to the point that even though I didn't necessarily shy away from bar scuffles, I did try to keep my head down in bars more these days. Nearly losing a fight to a fucked up punk who had refused to pay up after I beat him at pool a couple of months ago had shown me that violently extracting my winnings may not have been the best strategy. I didn't really have any reason to stay in top shape for me, but now that I had to protect Jasper again, I needed to get stronger.

When the food was ready I went back to Jasper's room, and we all started eating without anyone saying a word. The food felt too rich and there was too much of it and I was probably gonna get sick from it later, but I knew Jasper wouldn't finish his meal unless I finished mine, so I forced myself to keep swallowing long after it became disgustingly unappealing.

When we were done I took his plate and placed it, along with mine, on his nightstand. I looked at him, so pale and fragile and, with this new haircut, looking so damn vulnerable. Even though Emmett had listed his injuries before, I suddenly needed to see for myself what the sick bastard had done to him. I reached for the bottom of his shirt, looking directly into his eyes, hoping we still shared that connection that would help him understand what I wanted to do without me actually having to say it out loud. I was relieved to find recognition and permission in his eyes. I lifted his shirt and my breath stopped at the deep and extensive network of welts and bruises spread all over his stomach and chest. Some of these were fresh, just a day or two old, I would guess, but from the faded discoloration I knew others were much older. This wasn't something that began today or even a week ago. It had been going on for some time, maybe from the very first moment he'd moved in with the fucking sadist. I moved my fingers to a bruise in the shape of a belt buckle and worked hard not to show that my stomach heaved. I had let him go with this man. I could have stopped him, or at least I could have tried, but I did nothing and just let him go. And then I let my pride get in the way and thought nothing of the fact that I hadn't seen him in weeks. I thought that he was happy and was avoiding me, and I did nothing to verify that. All the fucking time I had wasted watching him with all the others, and when it really mattered I'd bailed, licking my mental wounds instead of being there to prevent his physical ones. All of this was my fault. All of it.

"More of the same on your back?" I asked, even though I knew the answer before he affirmed with a nod.

"How did this happen, Jas?" I asked. "How did it get this bad? Why didn't you ask for help sooner?"

Jasper looked down and I instantly regretted the questions, realizing they sounded as though he was somehow at fault for what happened. How could I ask him that, when I damn well knew the responsibility for the whole thing lay squarely with me? He should have never had to ask for our help. I should have been watching out for him and should have made sure none of this ever happened. I was opening my mouth to apologize when he started speaking.

"It wasn't so bad at first," he told us in a soft, contrite tone. "And he couldn't help it. I would just make him so angry . . ."

"Jasper, nothing you could have done justifies what he did. Hitting someone you love out of anger . . . that's just sick." Emmett interjected. Of course he did. I was the asshat that made Jasper feel like he was the one responsible for being beaten and Emmett, once again, knew exactly the right thing to say. Goddamn it! What the fuck was wrong with me? How the hell could I ever make up for all this? How could I make things right with Jasper again? As quickly as I articulated the questions in my brain, I flashed on the answer.

"I'm going to kill him."

"No," I was startled out of my thoughts by the urgent plea in Jasper's voice. "No, please, just let it be. I don't want this to go on. I just want him out of my life. If you fight him and hurt him he might press charges. . ."

If I fight him and hurt him? How did Jasper know what I was thinking? Was I really that transparent or had I actually uttered my thought out loud. I took a quick glance at Emmett who seemed to be tracking Jasper's thoughts, and I concluded that I must have spoken out loud. I felt foolish, but at the same time pissed that despite everything Jasper seemed to want to protect this asshole, to save him pain. Sure, he made it sound as though he was concerned for me, but that didn't make any sense.

"After what that motherfucker did to you, you think he'd have the balls to press charges?" I voiced my disbelief.

"He would, Edward. And he has connections. Powerful connections. Right now it's my word against his as far as what he did to me. If you go and beat him he'll just say someone else did this to me. Maybe even you,"

"He's right," Emmett said, resigned. "There are no witnesses."

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" I wasn't shy about expressing my anger and frustration. "You wanna let him get away with this?"

I couldn't believe it. What a fucking pussy! Emmett looked like a tough guy on the outside, but inside he was a Goddamn marshmallow. No witnesses? Hadn't they just come from the hospital? And as to who actually beat him up, why would anyone think Jasper was lying? I didn't buy any of it. The fucker deserved to get his ass kicked and I was going to make sure that happened, whether these two liked it or not. Just let him try and come after me. He'd never dealt with a Cullen before. He thought he had connections? I bet they didn't come close to the connections my father had. We not only had the cash, we had history. Influence that went back to my grandfather and his father before him. This asshole seriously miscalculated when he decided to victimize my best friend.

Of course, when it didn't matter, the giant pussy could be quite intimidating. He rose and glowered at me.

"I thought you were going to be calm," he spat out.

The look of terror on Jasper's face worked to calm me much more than Emmett's threats. I forced myself to adopt a neutral expression.

"OK, it's Jasper's call," I said blankly. Then I looked to Jasper and directed the next comment to him. "If you want me to leave him alone . . ."

"I do, please!"

I wanted to keep talking about this, but we were interrupted by a knock at the door. Suddenly we were all on edge. I looked at Emmett. I sure as hell wasn't expecting any visitors. He gave me a barely perceptible shake of the head. We turned and walked out of the room together.

"Who is it?" I asked when we came to the door, trying to keep my voice calm.

"It's just me, Seth. I have some of Jasper's stuff."

His voice was unmistakable. I opened the door and let him in. He walked in, carrying a big bag filled with Jasper's bedding and a zipped up duffel. He dropped both just inside the apartment door.

"All right, Emmy, I know you didn't want to tell me over the phone, but what the hell is going on? Why did I need to get Jasper's clothes and bedding and come here, of all places?"

"Because Jasper's come home," I said quietly. Seth gave me a derisive look that told me he didn't believe a word I was saying, before turning to Emmett.

"What the hell is going on?" he repeated.

"Jasper called after he got home from class. James was out of town and he must have had someone following him, because he knew that the two of you had lunch together."

Seth placed his hands on his hips in a defiant gesture. "So? What's it to him if Jasper and I have lunch together? I told you there was something wrong with that guy, didn't I? I knew he was behind Jasper not being in touch with us. Stupid, insecure jerk. He knows Jasper is too good for him and that's why he's holding on to him so tight. I'm glad I ran into Jasper and that he finally saw the light."

Emmett didn't say anything. He just stood silently shaking his head.

"What?" Seth asked defiantly. "Don't tell me I'm wrong."

"You're not wrong." Emmett said quietly.

"Then what?" Seth asked, clearly frustrated. Then, out of nowhere, his face lost all expression and his hands fell down at his sides. Emmett and I exchanged a glance. We knew Seth finally understood.

"He's been hurting Jasper, hasn't he?" Seth's quiet question was strictly rhetorical. Without waiting for a response he marched straight to Jasper's room. I closed and locked the door and followed. Emmett stood in the doorway to the bedroom, blocking my access. I couldn't hear what Seth was saying, but when Emmett said "Seth, leave him alone," I was instantly on alert and ready to push my way into the room if need be. Emmett relaxed, however, which gave me some reassurance that Jasper wasn't in any danger.

I was frustrated at being excluded from the conversation, but I'd promised to be calm and confronting Emmett and Seth right now would not accomplish the desired purpose. It was better to let them have this time now - it would make it easier to toss them out later and finally have my time alone with Jasper. I leaned against the back of the sofa and only half listened to Emmett's side of the ongoing conversation. With two people in the room whom I could not hear, it was too hard to make sense out of Emmett's occasional interjections. I stirred, however, when I heard Emmett say "I have to go to my evening lecture. Will you guys be okay here with Edward?"

I was pissed that he'd even dared to ask the question. Of course they would be all right with me. Well, maybe not Seth. It would be tempting to pick up the little fag and toss him out. If I believed for a moment I could do that without upsetting Jasper, I wouldn't hesitate. But I knew better. I knew that I'd have to be on my best behavior.

"All right. Text if you need me. I'll be back as soon as class is done," The giant sound blocker moved away from the doorway so I could actually hear Seth's response.

"It's fine, Emmy. We'll just get Jasper settled in," he prattled on abut Jasper's bedding, so I grabbed the bag and, after Emmett left the apartment, carried it to Jasper's room.

"I'll help," I told them.

"Sure," Seth wasn't thrilled, but he didn't try to stop me. "Get up for a sec, OK, Sugar?"

Sugar? What the fuck? Where did this guy get off calling Jasper sugar? I stewed as Seth and I worked to dress the bed. I was getting tired. Tired of all the intimacies and the private conversations, and feeling like I was on the outside looking in all the fucking time. I should have been the one with special little nicknames for Jasper, not this yahoo.

My thoughts were once again interrupted by a knock at the door. I looked up at Seth and frowned. I sure as fuck hoped it wasn't yet another fairy friend they invited over to my apartment to watch over my best friend. My frown deepened, however, when Seth asked, "Are you expecting anyone?" I shook my head in denial. I did not invite anyone, including him, but if I hadn't and he hadn't, then who the hell was at the door?

"Maybe Emmett forgot something?" Jasper said. I supposed it was a possibility, though I didn't think it likely. Quietly, we all walked out into the living room. Seth and Jasper stayed back as I went to the door.

"Who is it?" I asked, hoping to hear Emmett's booming voice in response.

"Hi, I'm hoping you could help me. I'm looking for Jasper Whitlock. I understand he's staying with you? This is his boyfriend, James."

A wave of rage went through me and my body instantly straightened in response to the sound of the hateful voice. A part of me wanted to fling open the door and beat the son-of-a-bitch senseless. The other part of me remembered the terror in Jasper's eyes, and knew that, at least for now, with Jasper in the room right behind me, avoidance was a better response.

"Jasper has nothing to say to you. Go away," I told him. I instantly realized my mistake and could have slammed my head against the door for being such a fucking idiot. Why did I admit that Jasper was here? I should have played stupid. Even if he didn't believe me, it might have bought us some time. Some protector I was turning out to be.

"Please, I don't want any trouble. I just need to see him, talk to him. We had a misunderstanding and I need to apologize," the demon on the other side of the door kept talking, his voice dipped in honey. I wished I could reach through the barrier and rip out his tongue.

"I said Jasper doesn't want to talk to you. Now get the hell out of here," I practically growled at him. I wanted to get at this guy. I wanted to see him bleed.

"Jasper, Honey, are you in there? Please, Jasper, I'm sorry. I know I overreacted. I need you so much. Please, please don't do this to me. Please talk to me. Let me apologize. Let me make it up to you. Please give me a second chance. You can't leave me like this. I love you!"

Lies, lies and more lies flowed into my apartment. I knew what this was. It took a charming liar to know another of his kind. I'd never begged and groveled like he was doing now, but I wasn't unfamiliar with the tactic.

"Honey, I know I was wrong. I'll change, I swear. I know what I have to do. I'll be everything that you need, just please talk to me and come back home."

If I hadn't been so enraged, if he hadn't done what he'd done to Jasper, I might have been impressed. This guy knew all the right things to say. Expert manipulator. As if on cue, Jasper moved closer to the door in confirmation of my assessment. I stared at him, not willing to believe that he was actually falling for this crap. I saw my thoughts reflected in Seth's face as he grabbed Jasper's arm to hold him back.

"Please, Jasper, I love you. I can't live without you," James begged from the hallway. It would have been funny, had Jasper not taken the pleas seriously. I couldn't believe it. It was as if a zombie had taken over my best friend, robbed him of all reason.

Instead of scoffing at the lying scum in the hallway, Jasper turned to me and calmly said, "Open the door, Edward."

"What?" had it not been for the horrified look on Seth's face, I wouldn't have believed what I'd heard. "Fuck no! You don't know what you're saying. There's no way I'm letting that psycho in here."

He straightened up to look more commanding. I've seen him do this a few times before, when he had been willing to actually defy me.

"Edward, you can't keep me here against my will, so you can either let him in here, and let us talk with you and Seth in the room, or I will go out there and go with him."

Seth and I both gasped. Of course I didn't want to keep him in the apartment against his will, but he was not in his right mind. I had no other choice.

"No, Jasper!" Seth implored, tightening his grip on Jasper's arm. "You can't mean that. You can't do that!"

Jasper shook off Seth's hold and took another step towards the door.

"Edward, either let him in or let me out," Jasper stared at me, practically daring me to physically restrain him. I weighed my options. Surely if I were to grab him and keep him from going anywhere near the door Seth would not stand in my way. I could see in his face he thought Jasper was as crazy as I did to even contemplate opening the door to the bastard on the other side.

"Honey, please, don't leave me this way," The asshole continued to grovel. "If you ever loved me at all, you can't just walk away like this, without giving me any opportunity to make things right."

Seth came up to stand beside me, blocking Jasper's path.

"Sugar, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different outcome. The man on the other side of this door is the devil. He will say anything to get you to leave us and go with him, but he has hurt you before and he will hurt you again just as soon as you're back in his clutches."

It was hard to believe, but for once Seth and I were in compete agreement.

"I know it's hard, Jasper. I know because I have been through this too," Seth continued. "Remember Jared? I know Em told you about Jared. Emmy doesn't know this, but that night, that night when he woke up to help me? That wasn't the first night it happened, Jasper. It was just the first night I realized that Jared was never going to change, no matter what he said. It was the first night I fought back."

At first I didn't understand what he was talking about. Who the fuck was Jared? Then I realized that it must have been some old boyfriend of Seth's, and that he had abused him too. What the hell? Is that what happened when two queers got together? Eventually one of them started beating the other? I knew there were men who beat their wives, but I would have thought in a relationship between two guys it just wouldn't happen. Then again, Seth was pretty puny and, I imagined, defenseless. And Jasper, despite his height and good tone, had never been much of a fighter. Either one would be easy prey for a macho asshole who needed to score points with his fists. For the first time I started to understand why Seth and Emmett were so close. If Emmett saved him from some abusive bastard, I could see Seth being grateful forever. Would Jasper now feel the same way after Emmett rescued him?

"So I know exactly what you're feeling right now," Seth finished his speech. "But no matter what he says tonight, nothing will change. Please, Sugar, listen to me. You need to be strong tonight. You need to stay resolute. You reached out for our help. Now let us help you, please."

I was relieved to see that Jasper was thinking, considering Seth's request. I made a mental note to thank the midget later. Sharing that part of his history could not have been easy for him, especially in front of me. But I was sure it was exactly what Jasper needed - a reminder that the fucker in the hallway was not going to change or stop, from someone who had personal experience with this sort of thing. Jasper wasn't stupid, and I was certain after hearing from Seth he would make the right decision, which made the next words to come out of his mouth all the more disheartening.

"Edward, open the door."

Seth and I shared a look of disappointment and desperation. Sure, I could grab him and keep him from going out there now, but I couldn't keep him captive forever. Sooner or later I would have to let him go, and he would return James.

"I want to tell that asshole to leave me alone once and for all."

Jasper's follow up had been so unexpected, I glanced at Seth to make sure I had heard him right. Seth saw my look, nodded in affirmation, but did not relax.

"I don't know if this is such a good idea, Jas," he said.

"Seth, you faced Jared. I know you did. You faced him when he begged your forgiveness and you told him no. I need to do the same thing. I need to show James that I'm not a coward who can only sneak away when he's not there. I need to tell him I'm leaving to his face."

I was torn. I understood why Jasper wanted to confront the asshole - it was more satisfying than sneaking away. On the other hand, though, this fucker was dangerous, not just physically. Everything that he'd said through the door was designed to lure Jasper back to him, and it would be even more powerful face to face. And I knew better than anyone that this jerk would not give up. If he was anything like me, he had a hell of a lot more tricks up his sleeve, things he could use to manipulate Jasper who, as I'd seen for many years, was pretty easy to manipulate. It didn't take me long to learn exactly when and how to push and when to pull back to get Jasper to do exactly what I wanted, and I'd been nine years old at the time. This guy was older, and I was certain this wasn't his first time sinking his teeth into a vulnerable younger guy. I shuddered at the thought of what happened to the last guy he'd seduced.

"But what if he. . . ?" Seth was still trying to be the voice of reason.

"Do you have a video camera feature on your phone?" Jasper asked.

Seth nodded.

"Use it. Stand back and hold it so he doesn't see it, but record everything. If things start getting out of hand we can tell him we have a recording."

I had to smile a little. This was more like the Jasper I knew. He had a way of strategizing, assessing the situation and the best way to deal with it. And always with the cameras. The same way he took care of Bella. He could be quite dangerous when he put his mind to it. Seth agreed, and moved back into the room to put himself and the camera in the best position. I was thrilled. I didn't for a second believe that James would quietly agree to go away when Jasper told him it was over. He was sure to try something, and I'd be ready for him.

"Please don't start anything, Edward," Jasper said. "This won't work if you start something."

What the hell? I was getting tired of this mind reading shit. How the hell did he know I couldn't wait to get hold of James? I looked down at my hands, which I'd apparently curled into fists. Very subtle. If I were any more stealth they might as well put a rotating light on my head and stand me on a rocky shore. I sighed and opened my hands. "I won't start, I swear, but if he does, I'll look forward to finishing."

"Jasper, Honey, I can hear you in there. What's going on? Why aren't you letting me in? Are they trying to keep you from seeing me? They can't do that. I'll call the police and get you out," Satan called from the hall.

I couldn't believe he had the balls to threaten us with the police. Yeah, fucker, call the police. Here, let me remind you of the number. 911. I looked to Jasper, who nodded affirmatively as I unlocked and opened the door. I stared at the man on the other side with all the controlled rage I could muster, seeing the same emotion reflected at me from his eyes. He was trying to intimidate me, but I didn't flinch or back down. I did look him over carefully, doing a thorough evaluation of my enemy. He was a couple of inches shorter than me, but stockier. He looked like he worked out. Definitely not an easy target. I wasn't intimidated, but I cursed mentally for allowing myself to go soft in Jasper's absence. This would have been a hell of a lot easier if I had been stronger and in better shape. I could see by the expression on his face and the corner of his lips turning into a sneer that he'd come to a similar conclusion. For a brief moment I felt concern, but then I remembered that this jerk had probably never fought with anyone who was his equal. Even in my current state, I could put up a good fight, much better than Jasper or any of the other boys James probably beat on in his past. Just give me a reason, motherfucker, and I'll take you down.

James gave me one last hate-filled look before his demeanor changed completely as he turned towards Jasper and stepped into the apartment.

"Honey, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

He acted all concerned when Jasper took a few steps back, actually having the gall to ask if we'd hurt him. Who the fuck was he trying to kid? I was proud to hear Jasper deny the accusation on our behalf and affirmatively state that he was not going back. As I expected, however, James was not so easily deterred.

"Jasper, I was angry. I know I said things that hurt you, scared you even, but I didn't mean them. I was just frantic, so worried about you when you didn't call . . . I was thinking about you the whole time I was out of town. I missed you so much. I got you something."

Gifts! The fucker bought gifts! The bag wasn't big enough to hold a Trojan horse, but the intent was the same: lull the other side into a false sense of security and distract them with a present. Goddammit! I just hoped Jasper was smart enough not to fall for this trick. With relief I watched Jasper refuse the offer at first, only to be dismayed when he was persuaded by James' explanation that whatever was in the bag had been custom made. I wanted to scream at him not to open the present, but it would have been too much of a victory for James if Jasper ignored me, so I stayed silent and watched as he unwrapped a monogrammed leather laptop bag and commented on its beauty. I was nearly ill to my stomach as James spewed silken words, drawing Jasper closer and closer to his web. I could see Jasper's resolve crumbling, his defenses falling away. He shook his head as if to shake off a thought, and I wondered if it was a thought of staying with us or going with him. I couldn't take the chance on it being the former.

"Jesus, Jasper, can't you see what he's doing?" I exclaimed. "It's bribe. A payoff. A leather bag for your hide. How many bruises is that bag worth? How many more broken ribs?"

Jasper looked to me and then back to James, whose attention was also back on me.

"Who the fuck are you and why do you feel you have any right to speak? This isn't your concern, kid. This is between Jasper and me, so stay out of it."

"The hell it isn't my concern. Any time someone tries to use my best friend as a punching bag, it damn right is my concern."

"Best friend?" He thought for a moment and then his face twisted into an ugly sneer as some evil idea occurred to him. I went over what I'd said, trying to anticipate how he could use it against me.

"This is the asshole you were living with when you came out, isn't it? The one that wouldn't talk with you or live with you when he found out you were gay. This is the person who you're going to listen to and trust over me? What do you think he's going to do once I leave and can no longer protect you? He probably spends his Saturday nights gay bashing for the fun of it."

So that was the angle? To try to make himself sound like the lesser of two evils? Fuck! Thank God that for all the shitty things I'd ever done to him, I'd never actually hit Jasper. Still, the way Jasper had been afraid of me earlier today, would he remember that? Or would he fall for the bullshit James was trying to feed him instead?

"Edward has never hurt me, which is more than I can say about you, James," Jasper said as he moved to stand between me and James. It was all I could do not to snatch him and pull him in even closer to me, both to protect him and to show my thanks for his loyalty.

Seeing his previous tactic backfire, James modified his approach, turning once again to his pleading facade.

"Honey, come back home with me and it'll be different. I'll never give you a reason to doubt my love again, I swear. I'll spend forever doing everything I can to make you happy. I just need you there in our bed when I go to sleep at night and when I wake up in the morning. Please, Jasper, let's go home."

"No. I'm sorry, James, I can't," as he spoke, Jasper walked backwards until his back hit my chest. I placed my hand on his shoulder to let him know he had my full support. "It's over. Please, take the bag and leave. It's over."

"You don't really mean that, do you? I thought you loved me."

"I did love you, James, so much. Or at least I loved the man I thought you were."

My stomach clenched painfully at Jasper's words. Hearing him profess his love for someone else, especially someone who had abused him, was almost more than I could take.

"But you're not that person, James, and I'm not sure you ever loved me," Jasper continued. It helped a little, but in my head I kept replaying his pronouncement of how much he had loved James. How could he have fallen so hard so fast, and for a snake oil salesman, at that? I closed my eyes against a world where such a thing was possible.

"How can you say that, Jasper? Of course I loved you. I still love you! Would I be here, begging you to come back, if I didn't love you?"

James snapped me back to reality. I would have used that line too. And it would have been effective. Jasper had never seen me beg. If I had resorted to begging, it would have had a big impact. I assumed James' words would be similarly received, unless I pointed out his ulterior motives.

"Sure you would, you sick fuck, 'cause it will take you a while to trap another victim," I broke in. "You call what you did to him love? If that's how you treat people you love, what do you do to people you dislike?"

"Keep talking, you little maggot, and you'll find out."

Finally! I could tell that my last statement finally got under his skin. Just a bit more provocation and he would snap, and then I'd have my chance to go at him.

"James," Jasper said, "it's really time for you to go. I'm sorry things didn't work out. I wish it could have been different. I wish you could have been different. But there's nothing left between us and you need to leave."

I was watching James intently, so I saw the moment he lost control.

"Leave? Oh, I'll leave, all right," he growled at Jasper menacingly, "but not without you. I've invested too much in you, little boy, to just let you walk away. I'm leaving, and you're going with me."

I knew he was going to try to grab Jasper, so I quickly stepped between them. Moving, however, placed me at a disadvantage, and before I could do a thing, James' fists were connecting with my ribs and stomach. I doubled over. The fucker knew how to throw a punch, and he fought dirty, grabbing my head to keep me down as he kept punching my ribs and stomach. I tried to twist protect the ribs, but the pain was still intense. I'd gone softer than I thought and a hell of a lot weaker. This was not the optimal time to figure that out. I was the only one standing between this asshole and Jasper, and I needed to get it together.

I kept turning in his grasp until I finally broke free. I pulled back and aimed for his jaw, but I was off balance and with his firm footing he easily avoided the brunt of the punch, my fist merely glancing off his face. He threw a counterpunch that connected squarely with my jaw and knocked me straight back against Jasper. Unprepared for the impact of my body, he was forced back against the wall as I fell at his feet. I could taste the blood in my mouth from a cut somewhere on my face, and my head was ringing a bit, but I did my best to shake it off and was pushing myself up when I saw Jasper propel himself off the wall, aiming straight for James' stomach. I wanted to stop him, but it was all happening too fast. James caught him easily, forcing his hands behind his back and pushing them up until Jasper fell to his knees in front of James and cried out in pain. The bastard quickly moved behind him, lifting his whole body and shoving him towards the door. I was pushing myself up to help when I saw a blurred shape run past me and then Seth was on James' back, trying to claw at his eyes. James dropped Jasper, who fell face first onto the floor. I heard someone running in the hallway and then saw Emmett come barreling through the doorway. He instantly assessed the situation, ordering Seth off James' back as he wrapped his huge hand around the fucker's neck and practically carried him backwards until he could slam him against the wall.

"You enjoy beating up men who are smaller and weaker than you, motherfucker?" he growled, pulling James forward and slamming him against the wall again. "Let's see how you do with someone my size."

I had to hand it to him, I had been grossly mistaken when I called Emmett a pussy earlier. I took his reluctance to attack James as a sign of weakness, but this man was clearly not weak. He really must have been just going along with Jasper's wishes. Now that he was in a fighting mode, he was downright terrifying. He had James in a tight choke hold that had the other man's eyes bugging out of his head as he fruitlessly struggled to pry Emmett's fingers off his neck. I scrambled to my feet and walked up to them.

"Not so much fun now that the shoe's on the other foot, huh, asshole?" I taunted. "Do you like being a recipient of your brand of love? Let me show you how much I love you, you goddamn turd," understanding what I needed to do, Emmett stepped back, allowing me to press James into the wall and return the punches he threw at me earlier. He tried to block my fists, but I was in a frenzy now, moving too fast for him to anticipate where the punches were going to land.

The pain I was inflicting provided an enormous amount of satisfaction and I would have kept going indefinitely had I not heard Emmett request "Let me at him." Figuring I owed him for coming back, I retreated. Without me for support, James tipped forward and would have fallen, had I not reached out for his shoulders. I didn't do it to be kind.

"Just one last thing," I added and rammed my knee between his legs as hard as I was able, relishing his resulting cry of pain. I stepped aside and let Emmett take over, watching impassively as the huge fist connected with James' face, causing blood to gush from his lip. Emmett threw another punch and I heard a satisfying crack as more blood gushed from James' nose.

"Motherfucker," I said under my breath. "By the time we're done with you, your own mother won't be able to recognize you."

"Guys, please stop!" I heard Jasper's voice behind us. "Please, he's had enough. We're better than he is."

Emmett and I both turned to look at Jasper. Well no shit we were better than him. What did that have to do with anything? The fucker needed to be taught a lesson and I didn't believe yet that he was getting everything we intended to impart. After all he did to Jasper, he was going to be lucky if he walked out of this apartment alive. I sure as hell wasn't ready to stop. But I had a sinking feeling inside that what I wanted wasn't really going to matter, as I watched Jasper walk over to pick up the laptop case, stuff it into the gift bag and bring it back to James.

"Leave and take this with you. And don't try to contact or come near any of us again. I won't tell anyone what happened unless I have to, but just in case you had thoughts of filing any false police reports, you should know that my file from the hospital visit today has pictures of my injuries in it and I have a copy of the message you left for me today. And Seth videotaped everything that happened tonight on his phone, so we'll be able to prove that you started the attack," I breathed a sigh of relief that even when in pain and terrified, Jasper was still thinking rationally enough to thwart his enemies. The tape of the voicemail would be valuable. The same with the video Seth took tonight. Not only would this asshole not be able to file false reports, we could use the footage to make his life miserable. Jasper may have told him that we would leave him alone, but I never made any such promises.

James stared at Jasper sullenly, as well as he could with his eyes swelling shut from Emmett's knuckles. He conceded defeat by grabbing the bag from Jasper the second time it was offered.

"I know you don't believe me, James, but I really cared about you and I would have . . . I did everything I could to make you happy," Jasper's words were like knives to my heart. He had cared about this ass wipe. He'd stayed with him through abuse and tried to make him happy. I didn't understand it at all. Why would he stay with the abusive, controlling bastard when he could have been with me? I would have never hurt him . . . well, not physically, anyway. I corrected my thoughts as a vision of Jasper sobbing on the floor the day he told me he was gay flashed before my eyes.

"If you could have just respected me and treated me better, I would have stayed with you and just you forever," Jasper continued. He was speaking to James, but the words could just as easily have been directed at me.

I almost lost him. I had known that already, of course. Had assumed as much. And yet hearing Jasper say it, hearing him tell another man that he would have been happy to be with him forever, tore me apart. It was wrong to feel thankful that James had abused him, yet if he had not done that, Jasper would have been gone forever and I wouldn’t have a chance to make things right.

"I don't know what inside you makes you do the things you did to me, but you need to get help so that the next time someone loves you the way that I did, you can just appreciate it instead of destroying it."

I watched James open his mouth to say something. From the look on his face I knew it would be something derisive and I could not let that happen. Jasper had loved him, and instead of getting on his knees and thanking his lucky stars for the gift he'd been given, this asshole used that love to keep Jasper bound to him while he coddled his ego by beating on someone who couldn't even come close to properly defending himself. I pulled back my arm and furiously slammed the back of my hand against his face, preventing him from uttering a word.

"I think we've heard enough out of you today," I sneered. "And I think it's high time to take out the trash, don't you, Emmett?"

"I couldn't agree with you more."

Emmett grabbed James, the fucker dropping the bag he had just taken from Jasper to free up his hands, as if that would make any difference. As if he could do anything to stop Emmett and me from doing whatever the fuck we wanted with him. What burned me most of all is that he didn't even appreciate that Jasper's sweetness, his goodness, his sense of decency, and the way he still obviously cared about this piece of shit, was all that kept me and Emmett back. He would walk out of this apartment, out of this building, maybe not of his own volition, but still on his two unbroken legs, which was a hell of a lot more than he deserved and a hell of a lot more than he would have been able to do if Jasper hadn't been there to stop us. So it didn't bother me one bit when Emmett manhandled him out of the apartment, or when Seth came up to him and spat right in his face. I just took his fucking gift and followed Em downstairs, knowing I would get one last parting shot in before we loaded the fucker into his car and sent him on his way, hopefully never to see him again.

James stopped struggling as Emmett walked him down the stairs, realizing how much the giant probably wanted to let him go, hoping he'd lose his balance and break his Goddamn neck. Facing no resistance, Emmett quickly marched James back to his car. Once there, he turned the bastard around and slammed him hard against his Jaguar.

"Don't think for a fucking moment that this is the worst I could do to you, asshole," Emmett growled menacingly. "Jasper says we're better than you and we are, this time. But if you ever come close to Jasper or any of my friends or this building, I will fucking tear you apart. Jasper may not have been able to defend himself, but I sure as fuck don't have that problem and I protect people I care about. So just slink back under whatever rock you crawled out from under, and never cross my path again. Understand?"

When James remained silent, Emmett pulled him off the car and slammed him back again. I heard the sound of cracking glass.

"Do you understand?" Emmett's voice was quiet but deadly, his face only inches away from James.

"Yes," James hissed out, still too fucking proud and insolent for my taste.

"Let me have a word with him, please, Emmett!" I requested. Em looked back at me and moved away from the Jaguar.

My fierce, cold, hostile stare was met with one of equal sentiment and intensity. I walked up to him and without any warning threw a powerful punch into his gut while, almost simultaneously, delivering a forceful knee to his groin. Air flew out of him with a whoosh and a howl of pain as he sank to his knees, his forehead hitting the parking lot pavement. I reached for his head and pulled it up by yanking on his short hair, until his ear was even with my mouth.

"Emmett's not the only one you have to worry about, motherfucker. You already know we have the voice mail and video of your attack tonight, but let me tell you what else I have. Ever hear of the Cullens or the Masons? Look them up when you get home if you're ignorant enough not to be familiar with those names. You may think you have money and influence, but my father, Carlisle Cullen, has enough money and contacts in the highest circles of the Seattle government to wipe all the fucking city sidewalks with your sorry ass. And that's not even mentioning the chips my mom could cash in as the daughter of Edward Masen. If you even think about filing any reports or breathing a word to anyone about you being a victim here, I guarantee there won't be a square inch in this town where you'll be able to show your face, what's left of it after I get through with you. Jasper may have been scared of you, but I sure as shit am not. You really should have investigated his friends better before you decided to make Jasper your victim. And you should kiss his fucking feet for caring enough about you still to make us let you walk away tonight."

I let go of his head and straightened, looking to Emmett who stared at me, almost impressed.

"Let's go back inside, Emmett," I told him. "I can't stand the stench of the garbage out here."

Emmett walked up to me and placed a hand around me shoulder, squeezing it once before letting me go again. I knew this was as much thanks and approval as I would get from him tonight. I turned to him and nodded my thanks. Our mutual love for Jasper and desire to protect him at all costs created a bond between us, however fragile. On the way back into the building we stopped by Emmett's truck and he pulled it into his spot in the parking garage, grabbing Jasper's packed bag on the way upstairs. We stopped in the lobby to see James slowly get behind the wheel and drive away.

Upstairs we found Jasper crying in the doorway, enveloped in Seth's arms. I balked a little, jealousy overwhelming me again. I wanted to tear Seth away from Jas and pull my friend into my arms. Only just managing to hold myself back, I watched Emmett put a hand on Jasper's shoulder and encourage him inside. I closed and locked the door behind us, while Seth went off in search of a first aid kit. Once he found it, he joined me on the sofa and cleaned up the cuts on my face. It hurt, and normally I wouldn't have let the little shit touch me, but I knew this was his equivalent of Emmett's shoulder squeeze, so I sat in place wordlessly while he worked. He got me a glass of water and painkillers and muttered "You did good, Cullen," before he left to put the glass and pills away.

"So, I guess it's over, right?" Jasper said quietly when we were all sitting down, Seth balancing himself on the arm of the chair Jas sat in. "I really don't know how I'll ever be able to thank . . ."

"You don't have to thank us, Sugar," Emmett broke in. "Just get better and stay away from him. And let us know if he ever tries to come near you again."

"Do you think he will? Even after tonight?" I could tell the thought had not occurred to Jasper before and it frightened him. I wished I could re-assure him that he was perfectly safe, but it wouldn't have been wise to convince him to lower his guard just yet.

"Hard to say," Emmett echoed my thoughts. "Guys like him don't always understand the word 'no' the first time."

"I think for the time being you should avoid going out as much as possible and definitely never go out alone," I told him. I wanted more than anything just to keep him with me in the apartment.

"But it's the week before finals," Jas sounded distraught. "I don't have to go anywhere else, but I do have to go to class."

"You should be all right in class by yourself, it's public enough that he probably won't do anything, especially since you're still in all the large gen-ed lectures, but I should probably walk you to and from each class." Emmett suggested. My resentment at his constant butting in, having faded somewhat during our confrontation with James, was growing again. Jasper said something about Emmett missing classes and the giant re-assured him that he'd be able to work it all out, as if he was the only one in the room capable of protecting Jasper.

"I can help too," I said. "Just tell us your schedule and let's figure out how we can cover it." I wished I could just skip my classes and stay with him all the time, but with the academic probation from last term looming over my head, that just wasn't an option. Not if I wanted to stick around for another term, and now that Jasper was back I wanted to do that more than ever.

With Seth serving as secretary, we worked out a schedule that had either Em or me with Jasper at all times he had to be on campus. Jasper seemed relieved and I was glad. I would no longer have to stalk him to see him every day. Again, I felt horrible for being grateful that James turned out to be such a turd, but that's what ultimately brought Jasper back to me. That gratitude faded fast when I heard Seth mention that Jasper looked tired and should go to bed, and then offer to spend the night with him, touting his cuddling prowess. Even worse was Jasper's thankful reply.

"Yeah, Seth. That would be nice."

"Isn't it a little soon, Jasper?" My mind said to keep my mouth shut but my body disobeyed. "I mean, we just threw one of your lovers to the curb and you're still injured. Shouldn't you take at least a few days before sleeping with someone else?"

I could see the pain clearly reflected on his face and wished more than anything I could take my vicious words back. But I couldn't, any more than I could tell him that they were fueled not by the homophobia I figured he suspected, but by my resentment of the little freak that would spend the night exactly where I wanted to be.

Seth had no problem responding when Jasper was too shocked and hurt to do so himself. "I hardly think Jasper needs to take morality lessons from you, Cullen," he spat at me.

I wanted to defend myself, to fight back, except I knew he was right. I'd never be able to count the number of women I'd slept with just since I got to Seattle. It was completely hypocritical to make any comments about other people's choice of partners or frequency of their liaisons. But that wasn't what this had been all about.

"All right, Seth," Em reasoned. "Calm down. He has a right to his opinion and this is his roof. Thing is, though, now that James knows where Jasper is, we don't exactly need to stay here. Let's go back to our place."

He started rising and I panicked. I couldn't let them take Jasper away from me again. Having them here was painful. Knowing that Seth was going to be sleeping with Jasper was painful. But nothing would be as painful as Jasper disappearing from my life again. I was desperate. Hell, I'd be willing to watch the three of them fucking each other in front of me in the living room, as long as Jasper stayed.

"No," I interjected. "You don't have to leave. This is Jasper's home too. I just thought that maybe . . . since he's hurt . . . maybe he should wait. But it's none of my business." I looked down at the floor. I couldn't handle seeing rejection in Jasper's eyes. I hadn't resorted to it yet, but if I needed to I would beg. I would do anything to keep him in this apartment. I wasn't prepared for his quiet reply.

"Edward, Seth and I are just friends. Just like Em and I are just friends. Just like you and I are just friends. You're right. I'm not ready for anything else. I probably won't be ready for a while. But I also don't want to be alone tonight. So please, don't think like that. Sex has nothing to do with this. It's just one friend helping another. Just sleeping together."

Relief swept through me, though I knew I couldn't show it. He wouldn't have understood. I wanted to tell him that I was a friend, too; That I would be all too willing to help him by sleeping with him if that's what he needed and wanted; That I needed that comfort as much as he did. But, as cowardly as always, afraid anything I said would be misinterpreted or, worse, rejected, I said nothing.

Em asked if he could sleep on the sofa and, to their obvious surprise, I didn't protest. I wasn't really worried about James coming back tonight, but if Seth was already in Jasper's bed, serving as a barrier between me and Jasper, what did it matter if there was an additional barrier on our couch. Seth left to get more bedding for Emmett while Jasper unpacked some sleep clothes from the bag Emmett had brought up for him and got ready for bed. A few minutes after Jasper returned to his bedroom I watched helplessly as Seth walked in to join him. Even if it had nothing to do with sex, he didn't Goddamn belong in there. Especially not as closely snuggled up to Jasper as he was when Emmett and I walked in to say goodnight. I thought I could tolerate seeing it, as long as it was platonic, but in the end I didn't have the stomach and kept my eyes down. As we were leaving, though, I couldn't help looking over, and was surprised to find Seth watching me curiously. I quickly looked away and walked out in to the living room, leaving Emmett to turn off the light and close the door behind him.

"Do you need anything for tonight or are you all right?" I asked, not knowing myself where the sudden politeness was coming from.

"I'm good," he replied. "Thanks for letting me crash out here."

I shrugged. Beyond that there was nothing to say.

"I can tell you're trying," Emmett said. "But you're gonna have to try harder. You really fucked with his head the last time, and I'm not gonna let that happen again. If you want him to stay here, you're gonna have to get used to Seth and me being around too."

I nodded. I hated to admit he was right, but my temper was still getting the better of me too often. I wanted to believe that if it was just me and Jasper I'd be able to curb it, but what if that wasn't true? I couldn't risk driving Jasper away again by saying stupid shit like I did tonight about him and Seth. At least for a while, I would have to put up with this buffer.

"Thanks for coming back tonight," I told Emmett. "I think I could have rallied, but I'm not as strong as I used to be. I'll get back in shape, though. No one will ever hurt him again when I'm around."

"You don't have to thank me for helping a friend," he said firmly. "I want to thank you for what you did for him today, and not just for how you dealt with James. Your friendship has always meant the world to him. He was sick about losing that. He might have gone back to that asshole if he didn't have you in his corner."

"I behaved like a dick last year. He caught me off-guard and I didn't know how to handle it. My father . . . I can't blame him for what I did, but let's just say he'd never been accepting of fags."

I saw Emmett cringe and immediately realized what I'd said out loud. I started to apologize but he held up his hand to stop me.

"If you don't mind, I really don't want to hear it. Like I said, you're gonna have to try harder."

I hung my head, ashamed about my inability to control what came out of my mouth even when I wasn't pissed off. I still had so much to learn, such a long way to go. It was good that Emmett and Seth would be here to stop me from hurting Jasper too much, even as I tried to rebuild the close friendship he and I once had.

"I will," I promised. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Edward," Emmett returned as I closed the door to my room.

I crawled into bed, not bothering to take off my clothes. I laid on my side thinking over everything that happened earlier. Jasper was back, but he wasn't mine, yet. I knew I'd have to work hard to regain his trust, to make myself worthy of his affection. I would do that, though. I would work as hard as I needed to so that someday the apartment would be empty save for him and me, and I would be in that bed beside him.