Chapter 65

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Chapter 65:

Jasper and I were mostly silent as I started driving back to Covington, our entwined hands speaking for us. Finally, after a few minutes, he spoke up.

“That seemed to go well, minor glitches notwithstanding. I totally get why you love the boys so much.  Liam’s a riot and Owen couldn’t be sweeter.”

“They’re fantastic, and you’ve completely won them over, which is not easy, especially with Owen.”

“Your sisters are great too.”

“Yeah, most of the time. I am so sorry about Maggie.”

“She and I worked it out, and you have nothing to apologize for anyway. To be honest, I’m glad she did what she did.”

“You are?” I glanced at him, confused.

“Yeah,” he gave a small embarrassed chuckle. “I have a feeling the first time you see my mom, she may not be all sweetness and light. I’d hate to be the only one with an overprotective woman in my family.” 

“Ah,” I grimaced with understanding. I suspected what happened with Maggie would seem like a pleasant interlude compared to the reception that awaited me from Jasper’s mom.

“It’ll be okay. It might take a little longer to convince her, but she has eyes too, and she’ll see what it’s like between us.”

“And if she doesn’t?” I asked quietly, unsure if I wanted to hear the answer.

“It’ll be her choice. She can either gain a son-in-law or lose a son.  But I really hope it won’t get to where I have to spell that out.”

I swallowed loudly, my throat suddenly dry. “You mean that? You’d choose me over your family?”

“I would if they forced me to, but it’s not my whole family anyway. My dad’s cool, remember?  And I’m sure Kimmie will be too. As for Mom, only she can decide what she wants to do. She didn’t exactly ask for my permission to marry Jerry, and I had to live in the same house with the man for years. I dealt with her choice and she’ll have to deal with mine.”

“I hope it doesn’t come to that. You two were always close.”

“We still are, which is why I’m not really worried, except at first. It may take a little time.”

“I’ll make it as easy as possible. I promise I’ll be on my best behavior.”

“Just be yourself. That’s who I fell in love with, twice,” he grinned and leaned over to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. His lips felt soft and their warmth radiated out over my entire face. His reassurance meant so much.

“So just confirming, there is no if?”

He frowned. “I’m sorry?”

“At the girls’ house, when we were still all in the living room and you were talking to Maggie, you said ‘if you and I were going to be together, we should get this stuff out.’ I don’t mean to be one of those guys who gets hung up on every word, but hearing that scared me a little, like maybe you still weren’t sure,” I confessed.

He turned so that he sat sideways in his seat, looking directly at me. “I’m sure, Edward. Absolutely sure. I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life. I want to be with you, preferably in the same state, but for now I’ll take what I can get. That ‘if’ in the house was just a figure of speech. To be honest, what scared me the most was how you’d feel if I couldn’t get Maggie to forgive me.”

I couldn’t even imagine that possibility, but he didn’t know Maggie as well as I did, so I got why he may have been worried. In any case, as difficult as it would have been, if Maggie or anyone else ever decided to force the issue and make me choose between them and Jasper, I’d only have one answer. 

“There’s never been anyone in my life I’ve loved more than you, so there’s definitely no ‘if’ for me. I have no doubts that we’re meant to be together and I’ll never let anyone come between us.”

“So it’s settled?”

“It’s settled, except for the distance.”

“Right, the distance,” Jasper exhaled and turned in his seat, pressing his head into the headrest. “The fucking distance!”

“You said at dinner that you spoke with someone at King5 about an editing job?” I prompted. He turned his head towards me without moving it off the headrest.

“Yeah, but it wasn’t good. The station just went through a round of layoffs and they have a hiring freeze in place. The only way there’ll be an opening is if someone leaves, and even then there’s no guarantee that they’ll fill the spot instead of just making their other editors cover the work. Cuts in budget translate to less original programming, which means less work for editors.”

“Okay,” I said, hearing the defeat in his voice. “I’ve been looking at opportunities in the Park Service on the east coast. I haven’t found anything so far, but maybe something will turn up.”

“I wouldn’t want you to move away from here, though, especially not after tonight. You should be working on the Mountain, and living close to the boys. There may be openings at some of the other stations in town. I’ll just have to keep looking.”

“We’ll both keep looking,” I said firmly. “And maybe we shouldn’t limit ourselves to New York and Seattle. There may be other places that have opportunities for both of us.”

“True,” he nodded, “but could you be happy living in a strange place, away from everyone we know?”

We were nearing my house. I considered my answer as I turned off the main road into my neighborhood and onto my street. I remembered my time in Stehekin, and the subsequent need to move away even when I had nothing to move towards. This was a no brainer.

“I could be happy anywhere, as long as I was with you. We can always visit our families, or they can come visit us. You’re the only one I need to be with, day in and day out. I know we can’t have that yet, but these forced separations are killing me.”  I pulled the car into my garage and shut off the engine.

“I know. It’s bad enough not seeing you for weeks, but when there’s an emergency, being so far away is unbearable. I’ll tap into my network to see if there are openings in other TV markets. Are there any places that are better for you than others?” He ran his hand through his hair in exasperation. “I don’t have a clue how we’re going to coordinate this search, or even when I’ll have time to do it.”

“Then let me do the work,” I said, turning to him and reaching to take both his hands in mine. ”I have more time. Just tell me where you would normally look for job postings and what you’d be looking for, and I can do the rest. Or hell, I can hire someone to do it.  I can pay someone to keep an eye out on job postings for both of us and to let me know as soon as something promising comes up.”

“Really? There are people out there who do that sort of thing?” His exasperation seemed to give way to hope.

“I’m sure there are.  And if not, I’m sure I’ll be able to find some computer savvy college student with time on his hands and a need for beer money who can write some sort of a search application or something.” 

“Okay,” Jasper nodded. “Hey, if you do that, make sure you get a good contract so the app is a work for hire.  Who knows, maybe you’ll find someone who invents the next Facebook or Linked-in or Instagram?”

I laughed as we got out of the car. “Wouldn’t that be hilarious?”

“Stranger things have happened,” Jasper pointed out. “Then someone could write a story and make a movie, and I’d want to film and edit it.”

“Hmm, it would be a boring story unless we could inject some drama and betrayal into it,” I mused.

“We’ll have to script it out,” Jasper agreed. We walked into the house laughing, my somber mood completely erased.

Knowing we’d be out late, I’d left food for Remmy in the automatic dispenser, so I knew he wasn’t starving, but he complained when we came in as if we’d left him without sustenance for days. He meowed up a storm and weaved his way between our legs until Jasper reached down and picked him up. He settled against Jasper’s chest, his butt resting in the crook of Jasper’s elbow and purred contentedly as Jasper used his other hand to give him a prolonged scratch.

“I’ll go change his water,” I told them both, as Jasper carried his charge to the living room, where he settled on the sofa. “Want a beer or something?”

“Just a glass of water.”

I refreshed Remmy’s water first, and then poured two glasses for me and Jasper and carried them to the sofa.  Remmy opened his eyes as I sat down next to them, but remained otherwise inert.

“I’m feeling pretty displaced.  First Owen, now Remmy. It’s like I was just a placeholder, filling in until your arrival,” I teased, handing Jasper his drink.

“Nah. I’m just new and shiny. They’ll get bored with me in no time,” Jasper’s voice was laced with his Texas drawl, which usually only crept in when he was emotional or exhausted.

“We should go to bed,” I suggested, snaking my arm over the back of the sofa and rubbing his shoulder.

“So no hot tub sex? Again?” Jasper asked, staring out into the back yard. His disappointment was interrupted by a large yawn he wasn’t able to suppress.

“Probably best left for another evening,” I admitted reluctantly. Relaxing in the hot tub sounded good for many reasons, but sleep was more important. We drank our water and rose in unison, Jasper still carrying the cat. I stopped in the kitchen for refills and placed the two glasses on the floating nightstands on either side of the bed. By the time I reached the bedroom, Remmy was already sprawled out on the bed and Jasper was undressing.

“Suddenly I’m so drained,” he confessed. “I think I hit my wall.”

“Small wonder. You must have been running on adrenaline most of the evening. It’s been a rough week.”

“For you too, but you seem fine,” he complained.

“I don’t have jet lag to contend with, or the stress of meeting my boyfriend’s friends and family. Don’t worry about it. Just relax,” I encouraged, stepping up behind him and running my hands over his back before pressing my fingers and thumbs into the knotted muscles I felt beneath.

“Aah, that feels good,” he acknowledged with a deep sigh. “I guess I do have some tension in there.”

I didn’t comment, just continued to gently knead out the stress. After a couple of minutes he turned to face me. “That felt great, but why don’t you get undressed too and let’s get in bed?”

He didn’t have to ask me twice. We left our clothes in a heap on the floor and pulled back the covers.  At the last minute we remembered to take care of our evening toilet before crawling into bed together. I was torn between wanting to make love and letting Jasper rest. He lay on his back and I molded myself to his side, resting my head on his shoulder and lightly running my fingers over his chest and stomach.

“It feels so good, having you here with me,” I said quietly, deliberately trying not to disturb his obvious drowsiness.

“Feels good for me too, especially with you doing that. Might feel even better if your hand wandered a little further south.” His chuckle rumbled softly in the dark room.

“Like this?” I teased, skimming my fingertips through the soft hair on his belly down to the base of his resting cock. He confirmed with a murmur and that was all the encouragement I needed.

I leaned over him to flick the tip of my tongue against his nipple. He gave a sleepy half-moan and arched his back as I continued to tease, alternating licking, sucking and tugging gently with my teeth until the soft nub pebbled into a hard point. Satisfied with the result, I kissed my way across his chest to give the other side equal attention even as my fingers massaged his hardening staff.  His natural scent, spiked with familiar aromas of the day, and the slightly salty flavor of his skin, had my senses swimming. I grew harder with anticipation of an even headier sensory assault as I kissed my way down to his groin.

“Keep goin’,” he encouraged when I paused to inhale the stronger musk. He was fully hard now and I continued to jerk him slowly while burrowing into his body to fill my lungs with his bouquet. I washed my tongue over his still mostly smooth balls, coating my taste buds with him, closing my eyes and losing myself in the mild rasp of texture. He bucked up off the bed when I drew one of his nuts into my mouth while continuing to massage him with my tongue.

“Edward!” It was more of a soft plea than a demand, though punctuated by his fingers slipping into and tugging at my hair. On an up stroke of my hand I felt a trickle of precum touch the soft flesh between my forefinger and thumb. Saliva pooled in my mouth at the thought of sucking him and tasting the dew. I moved my thumb up, spreading a light coating of the still thin fluid over his head. Throbbing with my own need but determined not to shortchange my man, I released his first nut and drew in the other, repeating the process until his tugs in my hair became painful.

“Suck me, please!” he begged, his voice low and raspy. Unable to deny him, I abandoned his balls and licked the underside of his cock, from root to tip, lavishing him with my drool. I pulled back a little so that I could look at him in all his hard, naked glory. He had the most perfect cock. A little longer than mine and subtly veined, like fine marble.  His fully retracted foreskin displayed his head, wet and shiny, and flared in perfect proportion to the rest of his stem. At the end, one single perfectly semi-circular bead of precum sat patiently waiting for my tongue. It drew me like gravity, and then I was licking it up, relishing the familiar flavor.

“Nectar of the gods,” I thought, and then quickly changed my mind, murmuring, “The gods wish they had nectar like this.”

He flexed his hips in a silent reminder of his need and I lowered my head again, pulling him into the humid, moist heat of my mouth. I relaxed my throat and he slid in with ease, gasping softly as I swallowed around him. It felt like a homecoming, two pieces of a puzzle interlocking. I moved my tongue gently against the prominent channel on the underside of his hot, hard cock, but otherwise stayed completely still, absorbing our perfect unity. I didn’t move even as the oxygen began to run out, delaying the desire for fresh air for as long as possible. Finally, not wanting to pass out, I pulled back enough to take a deep breath through my nose.

Whether from the absence of air or the sudden influx of it or just the excitement of the situation, I felt a little lightheaded, but I didn’t release him from my mouth and, instead, began to suck. That’s when I finally stopped thinking and lost myself in the heaven that was bringing Jasper pleasure. Hearing his throaty moans and growls and feeling his body writhe as I caressed him with my mouth and cradled him within the tight confines of my throat was almost enough to send me over the edge. I teased him for a while, bringing him close and then backing off until he was begging to come, and then, when I felt his balls tighten beneath my chin and his cock grow even larger, I used every skill I had to bring him to an explosive climax that had him bucking beneath me and filling my mouth with spurt after spurt of his creamy essence. 

I swallowed it all, savoring every drop, down to the last few I was able to coax out of him long after his body melted bonelessly into the mattress. I heard his murmurs of awe and appreciation, felt his fingers massaging my scalp, but was too busy suckling him to give a response. By the time I was ready to let him go, I heard him snoring softly. I smiled as I slid up the bed to lay beside him again, and placed a gentle kiss on his shoulder. I was still hard and leaking, but I decided to ignore my need and curled myself up against Jasper. There was no way I was going to waste time jerking myself off with him sleeping beside me. Knowing how exhausted he had been towards the end of the evening, I didn’t mind at all that he had fallen asleep before he could take care of my needs. I was too happy at having had the opportunity of giving him the best possible send-off into dreamland. With Jasper staying for the whole week, there would be many more opportunities for us to play together.

The funeral service for Aaron didn’t start until ten, so we were able to sleep in a little, but despite the additional rest and the thrill of the previous night, I started the day in a sour, somber mood. Jasper sensed my discord and wisely chose to demonstrate his support through physical contact rather than words. We dressed side by side, I in my dress uniform and he in a dark gray worsted wool suit. Like the previous morning, he helped me with my tie and this time I helped him with his. Even in my bitter mood I appreciated how great he looked, and how the subtle blue accents in his tie exactly matched the color of his eyes.

“We should eat something,” he said quietly when we were both ready and I’d refilled Remmy’s automatic feeder, just in case we ran late again.

“I’ll fix you something. What would you like?” I asked.

“Let me fix something for the both of us. How about scrambled eggs and toast?”

“I’m really not hungry. I don’t think I can eat.”

“I can understand why you don’t have an appetite, but you should eat something, even if it’s just toast. Once we get to the church it’ll be awhile before we have a chance to eat, and I don’t want to worry about you passing out or something.”

I was going to protest, but he was already reaching into the fridge and cabinets. He was wrong a couple of times, but I recognized he was becoming familiar with the way the kitchen was organized, and that improved my spirits considerably. I sat at the breakfast bar, drinking a cup of coffee while he cooked. Soon he was sliding the cooked eggs onto two plates and adding the warm toast. He put the plates on the counter and left to pour our juice and his own coffee, which he doctored up with milk and sugar, before he returned to sit beside me.

“I should have helped,” I noted, belatedly realizing that in losing myself in the joy of observing him, I’d actually been quite rude.

“It’s okay to let me take care of you once in a while. I like it,” he slipped his socked foot over to the footrest of my bar stool, resting it atop mine. It felt warm and intimate, and suddenly I had a whole new appreciation for Nasir and Emmett’s foot fondling habit.

It was probably more the company than the food, but I did feel better after breakfast. We cleaned up the kitchen before we put on our shoes and jackets and left for the church. The lot was already filled with cars by the time we arrived and I had to park on the street nearly half a mile away. Jasper and I were both used to walking so neither one of us minded, though we might have preferred more comfortable footwear. On the way we saw the King5 camera crew, and stopped to exchange hellos with them and Julie, but didn’t linger.

The church was already crowded and more people were arriving every minute. I grabbed Jasper’s hand to make sure we weren’t separated and weaved through the mourners to reach Aaron’s family. I saw Michelle and her three boys, the youngest in her arms and the other two clinging to her sides. She wasn’t wearing her uniform, opting for a simple long sleeved black dress. She was pale, and her eyes were puffy with deep shadows underneath. She was talking to an older couple, who must have been her parents or in-laws. I waited for a break in their conversation before I spoke.

“Michelle, I’m so, so sorry!”

“Edward!” she turned towards me and reached out her free hand, which I grabbed and squeezed. “Thank you! And thank God you’re okay.”

“I wish...” I began but couldn’t finish. Words were so inadequate.

“I know,” she nodded, her eyes filling with tears. “There was nothing anyone could have done.”

I wanted to have more time with her, but other people were coming over to offer their condolences so I stepped back.  Only when I lost sight of her behind the others’ backs did I realize I hadn’t even introduced Jasper. I looked back at him apologetically.

“It’s okay. There’ll be time for introductions later,” he said, reading my mind. “Let’s go find a place to sit.  I think I saw Roger over there,” he inclined his head. I looked and found a group of Rangers from our park congregating together. I started leading us in that direction when I heard someone call my name. I turned to see Pete, the helicopter pilot. He was wearing a dress uniform as well, though his left arm was suspended in a sling.

“Pete, hi. You’re looking good. How’s the arm?”

 “I won’t be flying for a few weeks, but all in all, not too bad. You did a good job with that makeshift bandage, I guess,” he winked, then his eyes shifted and settled on my and Jasper’s entwined hands. I tightened my hold on Jasper protectively, readying myself for any reaction.

“So this is the cat?” Pete asked. His voice was teasing and not at all hostile.

“Excuse me?”

“You said the only one waiting for you at home was a cat,” Pete reminded with a twinkle in his eye.

“Oh, yeah, right. The cat’s still at home, but this is my boyfriend, Jasper. He flew in from New York City on Sunday,” I explained to make it clear that I hadn’t been lying. “Jas, this is Pete, the helicopter pilot whose excellent flying saved my hide the other day.”

“Hi Pete, and thank you. This man is my world. I don’t know what I would have done if anything had happened to him,” Jasper grasped and shook Pete’s offered hand.

“I was just doing my job. It was your guy who went above and beyond the call of duty and put himself in harm’s way for the good of the public.”

“I know, and I’m really proud of him, but I hope he never has to do that again.”

“I hear you,” Pete agreed.

“Edward, Jasper, hey,” Roger approached us from behind. I made the introductions and we all spoke with Pete for a minute longer before we made our excuses and joined our other colleagues and their spouses. While the mood in our group was understandably subdued, most of my co-workers still seemed eager to meet Jasper and I gladly and proudly made the introductions. Yvonne was especially eager to meet Jasper, and took the lead in asking questions to get to know him better, which allowed everyone else to just stand back and listen. I would have stepped in, but Jasper seemed perfectly comfortable and wasn’t shy about asking questions of his own. I felt a calming warmth spreading inside when I realized that in only a few minutes he’d managed to fit into this part of my life, as though he had been there all along.

Jasper got a respite a few minutes later when Yvonne was distracted by Maggie’s arrival. They caught up while the rest of us discussed plans to meet up on the Mountain following the service and luncheon. We were frequently interrupted as Rangers from other parks stopped by our group to introduce themselves and offer their respects. When it was almost time to start the service, Roger and Yvonne went to sit closer to the front, as Roger was scheduled to deliver a eulogy on behalf of the NPS. They sat next to Aaron’s supervisor, Juana, Regional Director, Christine, and Director Jarvis, as well as the Pierce County Sheriff and officials from other law enforcement agencies who I didn’t recognize. There was no shortage of brass, as well as rank and file law enforcement representatives from every conceivable agency, and Rangers from virtually every facility in the region.

The church was filled to capacity, but you could have heard a pin drop as the service began.  A pervasive sadness settled over us as we listened to the Reverend and Aaron’s family, friends, neighbors and Roger extol the many virtues of our much too soon departed friend.  Those of us who knew Aaron personally bowed our heads to say our private goodbyes. Aaron and I may not have been close friends, but he had been a good man and colleague and I would miss him. I felt especially bad for Michelle and her three boys, all of whom were audibly sniffling at the front of the church. We would all do our best to help them get through this tragedy, but nothing we could ever do would replace the husband and father they had lost.

The procession to the cemetery was the longest I’d ever seen. Almost everyone who had attended the church service followed to the interment service, and we were joined by others as well. The funeral home director had set up some flowers in the church, but there hadn’t been enough room for all of them so the bulk of the arrangements had been transported directly from the funeral home to the cemetery. There, the multitude of floral sprays, wreaths and baskets created a sadly beautiful background at the head of the grave, with the mourners arranged in a U shape on the other three sides. Jasper and I stood in the back with the other rangers, giving the priority spaces in the front to Aaron’s family, friends and neighbors. Together with the other law enforcement representatives, we formed a protective cocoon around the grieving family. We were also gratified to see scores of civilians surround and drown out protesters from the Westboro Baptist Church, who descended on this event, their vulture-like craving for media attention overriding any shred of human decency. Fortunately, the media ignored them and the counter-protesters were so well organized that the Westboro assholes were soon forced to leave, their disruptive efforts wholly unsuccessful.

When the interment service was over, the crowd dispersed. There were simply too many people in attendance for Michelle to have been able to provide a luncheon for everyone, and while she extended a general invitation for the mourners to visit her and the kids at their house, it was understood that only those closest to the family would take her up on the offer. Knowing this would be the case, Roger had made arrangements for a catered lunch at Longmire for all employees of our park and their families as well as any of our visiting NPS colleagues who wanted to come along. The majority of us elected to attend. We needed time to re-group and mourn together, time to remember Aaron and express our anger, time to talk about safety concerns and any changes that might result from the incident. The luncheon wasn’t a formal meeting, but that actually helped, as it put everyone at ease and allowed us to express ourselves freely, especially after the departure of the regional and national directors and most of the out-of-towners. We all knew in that forum we could say what we thought without worrying about future repercussions from Roger or the NPS brass.

It wasn’t all business talk, especially for the families, who at times isolated themselves from the employees to take the rare opportunity to get to know each other better. I saw from afar that Jasper made for a popular novelty, coming from New York City and meeting everyone for the first time.  At first, I was reluctant to abandon him in favor of talking with my co-workers, but he quickly assured me that he’d be fine.

“I’m used to working with strangers, and these folks have been so open and accepting, they’re already starting to feel more like family anyway.  You need to talk with your colleagues. It’s catharsis. Y’all need to get the sadness and bile out.  It’s the only thing that will let you move on.”

I knew he was right, so I left him to talk with the wives, husbands, and other boyfriends and girlfriends. My periodic visual checks left no doubt that he was doing fine without me, and eventually I was able to completely relax. In time, we all reintegrated and the meeting became more like a typical party, with lots of mingling and people drifting in and out of groupings and conversations.

“Jasper fits right in,” Yvonne told me quietly with a warm smile as we were both getting refills of our drinks. “I like him, Edward.  Roger told me good things when he came back from the interview, but you know I had to confirm for myself.”

“I’m so glad you like him too. Not that I thought you wouldn’t, but I really want him to feel welcome here.”

“Maggie told me about last night. Guess she got a little overprotective?” Yvonne observed.

“She was, but they worked it out. I may have been a little overprotective of him too,” I admitted.

“You’re in love,” Yvonne patted me on the shoulder. “You’re allowed to be overprotective. And you may need to get a little overprotective here soon, too.”

“What?” I looked around in alarm, but all I saw was Jasper talking and laughing with a group of younger people, including some of our park volunteers.

“It’s just your boyfriend is a big hit. And some of those girls either forgot that he’s with you or are set on ignoring the facts and creating their own reality. Don’t worry,” she placed a restraining hand on my arm when I started to move away. “He’s handling it very well himself. I’m sure it’s not the first time it happened. I was only teasing you.”

I relaxed again and shook my head at her. “Sorry. It’s not that I don’t think he can handle it, it’s just that he shouldn’t have to.”

Yvonne shrugged. “It’s what happens when you’re as good looking as you guys are.”

“Wow, Ranger Cullen, You’re so lucky!” April, the volunteer from the Paradise visitor center gift shop, said as she approached us to get a new soda.

“Why’s that?”

“Well,” she glanced back over her shoulder towards Jasper, “your boyfriend is super cute and fun to talk to. And it was so nice of him to fly here from New York just to see you after what happened Saturday.”

“Yeah, Cullen, you found yourself a keeper there. It’s like they say, all of the good ones are gay or taken,” Bethany, a fellow ranger fresh out of college, offered with a sigh.

“Thanks, ladies” I replied with a happy grin. Yvonne’s stamp of approval meant more, but I was glad that Jasper was equally charming with everyone else. “But you’re both too young to listen to crap like that. There are a lot of good guys out there.  You just have to be patient.”

“Edward certainly was,” Yvonne snorted. “He waited years for Jasper to come back into his life, so he knows of what he speaks.”

“Oh wow, really?” April’s eyes were wide. “How come? Where did he go?”

“He moved to New York during our freshman year at U-Dub and we lost touch,” I simplified the explanation. “Then we reconnected this summer at a friend’s wedding.”

“Oh, that’s so romantic!” April was enthralled. “So now you’re together, but still miles apart. How do you do it?”

“It’s not easy.  We’re trying to come up with a solution.”

“Yeah, but, I mean, he works for the Today show! He can’t just move over here to do that. And the Mountain isn’t moving either,” like everyone else, April easily summarized our biggest dilemma.

“There are other places in the NPS system for Edward to work,” Bethany said wisely. “I mean, we all know how much he loves the Mountain, but can that compare to true love?”

“No, it really can’t,” I said, noting Yvonne’s surprise. “Excuse me, ladies, it’s time I get back to my guy,” I quickly added, before she could question me, and walked over to Jasper’s side.

“There you are,” he said warmly. “We were just talking about you.”

“Oh yeah? Spilling all my secrets?”

“Only the juicy ones,” he teased.

We stayed and talked for a while longer, until more and more people began to leave and we decided it was time for us to go as well. We said goodbye to my remaining colleagues, leaving Roger and Yvonne for last.

“This was a good idea, Rog. We needed some group bonding time after everything that happened. And it’s good for the families to bond too.”

“I wish I could take credit, but Yvie suggested this and did all the planning,” Roger explained humbly.

“Oh, honey, you would have thought of this if you’d had any time,” Yvonne automatically defended her husband.

“Maybe. It’s true I’ve been busy with making sure we’re doing right by Michelle and then with talking to all the park bureaucrats. The top brass have been great, but their underlings...”

“Anything I can do to help?” I volunteered, wanting to ease some of his burden. I noticed the circles under his eyes and worry furrows in his forehead.

“No. You already did more than was required. Enjoy the time off and enjoy having Jasper here by your side. There will be plenty for you to do next week, when the park re-opens.”

Under other circumstances I might have insisted, but with Jasper in town I couldn’t help being selfish. It was good to know Roger understood.

“It was so nice to meet you both,” Jasper chimed in. “I only wish it could have been under different circumstances.”

“You’ll just have to fly out more often,” Yvonne quipped. Jasper looked over at me and smiled.

“It’s been a busy fall, but I will do my best to find time to do that. And if I can find a job out here...”

“Ooooh!” Yvonne gave an excited squeal and pulled Jasper into a hug. He looked slightly shell-shocked at first, but then smiled again and hugged her back.

“I guess that’s one endorsement for my plan,” he said with a chuckle.

“Let me add another,” Roger said, clapping Jasper on the shoulder. “We want Edward to be happy, and we know he’ll never be truly happy until you two are together in one place. Selfishly, we’ve been hoping that the place would be Seattle.”

“We’re still exploring our options,” I threw in, not wanting them to get overly excited. “Jasper needs to find the right job, and there aren’t as many opportunities for him out here.”

“Well,” Roger said, more somberly, “you know we’ll be happy for you however it works out, but you can’t blame us for liking the fact that Seattle’s a contender.”

“I do love Washington state, and I know how much all this means to Edward,” Jasper pointed to the scenery out the window. I shifted from side to side, remembering my conversation with Jasper’s dad. I didn’t want him to sacrifice his career in order to be with me.

“We’re both still looking, exploring all the options,” I said firmly. “Seattle is in contention, but so are a lot of other places. I do love the Mountain, but there’s natural beauty all over the United States, and I haven’t even seen most of it yet.”

Yvonne gave me a thoughtful look. “You’ll make the right decision in the end. And Roger was right, as long as you’re happy, we’ll be happy for you, even if you decide to move somewhere else.”

“But while Jasper’s here, you are showing off the natural wonders of our state, right?” Roger redirected the conversation to a less emotional subject.

“He showed me a lot when I was here in September. The Northern Cascades were amazing! And of course Edward gave me a tour of this park the other day.”

“Just a small part of this park. There’s still plenty left to show you in the future,” I pointed out, already thinking of the many remote places we could hike to where we would be nearly guaranteed to be left undisturbed to enjoy the natural beauty of the park, and each other.

“What are you plans for the rest of the week?”

“Jasper’s staying through Sunday, so we’ll go to Seth’s Halloween party Saturday night and we promised to have dinner with him and Garrett at some point before then.” I paused, an idea forming. “I was going to ask my Mom to drive into town for dinner, but maybe we could go to Port Townsend instead? What do you think, Jas? It’s not too long of a drive and it is nice up there. You’ve never been there, right?”

“Nope, I haven’t, and that sounds nice,” Jasper replied easily.

“Great, I’ll call her to make sure it’s okay. We could drive up there tomorrow.”

“Just make sure you take some time to rest,” Yvonne advised and then, in an understatement of the century, added, “it’s been a stressful week.”

It was already dark as I drove down to the park exit. We paused to say goodbye to the ranger manning the gate and I followed the familiar road home. We talked about how much we enjoyed the get-together at the park and Jasper mentioned how happy he was to have had a chance to meet so many of my co-workers.  Everything was fine until we passed the intersection that was the turnoff for Aaron and Michelle’s house. They lived just off the main road and it was easy to see that there were still many cars parked in front of the home. The living room curtains weren’t drawn, and I could see people milling around the living room. I was most struck, however, by seeing Aaron’s youngest boy with his face pasted to the window. I had to wonder if he understood yet what had happened, or if he was still waiting for his dad to come home.

It was only a second long glimpse, but I couldn’t get the image out of my mind. Suddenly, the combination of anger, sadness, stress and exhaustion finally caught up with me. The impact was so physical that I lost some control of the car, allowing it to swerve a little. Fortunately, we were the only ones on the road, but Jasper placed a concerned hand on my thigh.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just... That was Aaron and Michelle’s house, back there. It all just hit me.”

“I was waiting for that to happen. I could tell you’ve been holding it all in this entire time. Would you like me to drive?”

I was conflicted. On the one hand, I knew these roads like the back of my hand and Jasper wasn’t used to driving at all, much less in the dark. On the other hand, I felt pretty crappy and my concentration was shot and I was man enough to admit I probably shouldn’t be behind the wheel. I pulled over and we switched seats. Jasper made minor seat and mirror adjustments before he pulled out his phone to activate the GPS.

“I can give you directions,” I protested.

“I know, but this way, if you get too tired and want to sleep, you’ll be able to.  I can handle this,” he assured before rattling of my address and waiting for the GPS program to calculate the route.

If the way home had been complicated, I might have protested, just in case the GPS sent him in the wrong direction. As it was, however, there was only one way to go, so I relented. It was my turn to rest my hand on his thigh as he kept both his hands on the wheel. We didn’t talk, leaving him to concentrate. As we drove between towns and lost any light other than that from the headlights, my eyelids grew heavy. I fought valiantly, but the next thing I knew Jasper was standing with the passenger door open leaning over me to unbuckle my seatbelt.

“I slept?”

“Like a rock. And you were making these cute noises, sort of a cross between a snore and a snuffle,” he teased.

“I was not, was I?  Was it too obnoxious?”

“Not at all. It was adorable. I wish I could have taped it.”

I groaned and try to rub the sleep from my eyes. “I’m sorry. I tried to stay awake.”

“Don’t apologize. And don’t try so hard to wake up, either. I don’t see any reason why we shouldn’t go right to bed.”

“Yeah?” I contemplated the suggestion as I exited the car. “Are you sure? What about the hot tub?”

“It’s not going anywhere,” he remarked with a shrug. “This doesn’t seem like the right evening for it anyway, does it? Last night you rightly said I needed rest. Tonight it’s my turn. Come on.”

I followed obediently, knowing he was right. I would have never imagined a night when I didn’t feel up to fooling around with Jasper, but this evening I had neither the strength nor the inclination.

“Have a seat while I take care of Remmy,” he suggested. He picked up the cat and gave him a quick scratch before placing him in my arms. “Keep Daddy company for a bit while I get your food, okay?”

Remmy meowed and settled against my chest, scratching his head on my chin stubble. His weight, warmth and comforting purr helped me feel better, but not nearly as much as seeing Jasper move confidently around my house taking care of my pet. No, I quickly corrected myself, he was moving around our house, taking care of our pet, and he fit in as if he’d always been there.

It only took a few minutes for Jasper to change Remmy’s litter, pour him fresh water and get him some fresh food, doctoring the dry kibble with a bit of canned tuna the same way I had. As soon as he smelled the food, Remmy began twisting in my arms until he was able to extricate himself from my loose hold and could jump down to the floor. He looked back and gave me an apologetic meow before running to his food dish.

Jasper chuckled as he poured two tall glasses of water. “He has his priorities.”

“Yeah. I don’t mind. He’s a good cat and he puts up with a lot, especially lately. I’ve been keeping pretty odd hours and traveling more...”

“I am sorry about that. I hate that you have to leave him behind when you come visit me.”

“It’s OK. Believe me, he’s got it good at my neighbor’s house. And it’s temporary, until we find a permanent place for us to be together, be it here or somewhere else. You’re okay with him staying with us, right?”

“Of course! Now come on, let’s get in bed while he’s otherwise occupied.”

My smile wasn’t as enthusiastic as it should have been given the nature of his suggestion. I never wanted to disappoint Jasper again, especially in bed, but at the end of this day I simply wasn’t sure I could deliver the kind of special care he deserved.

Jasper walked over to me and pulled me down off the stool so he could envelop me within his arms, placing his lips close to my ear. “Your thoughts are so easy to read right now, but I know how difficult today was for you and I have no expectations. Let’s just get in bed and cuddle until we fall asleep. We have a lot of time left before I have to go back.”

He didn’t wait for an answer, just stepped back and steered me towards the bedroom. I wasn’t happy, but I was relieved, especially as we slipped under the covers and he pressed himself against my back and wrapped his arms around me.

“I’m here to listen if you want to talk, or we can just lie here quietly until we fall asleep.”

“I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s just so unfair, those poor boys, never seeing their father again.”

“I know. And what terrifies me is how it easily could have been Liam and Owen never seeing their Uncle Edward again,” Jasper said quietly.   

I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder, even though it was too dark to see his features in any detail.

“That was a first time a Ranger was shot fatally in our park. Gay men get bashed in New York much more frequently than that, never mind random criminals who don’t target any specific victims.”

“I make no claims about being rational, but you were in real danger. The guy was shooting at you. He shot down your helicopter.”

“Technically he wounded the pilot who put down the helicopter for safety reasons.”

Jasper let out a huff of frustration.

“Okay, there was some danger.”

I shivered, remembering the tense hours of waiting in the woods in the expectations of an ambush.

“If I had been there and had a gun, I might have killed that guy myself, just for putting you in that position.” Jasper’s voice was low and menacing. “It’s good he’s dead.”

“You’re not that guy, Jas.”

“Aren’t I? Someone hurts people I love, I do what I can to hurt them back. Maybe I wouldn’t have killed him,” he conceded, “but I would have made sure he didn’t have a day in his life left without regret.”

I didn’t know if he was being serious or not, but there was something so primal and feral in his voice that got my blood pumping. I never realized that hearing him be so menacing could have this much of an effect on me. I had felt this way once, back in high school when he threatened Bella, but at the time I would have never admitted that I had been aroused. Now, however, there was no question that this manifestation of Jasper’s wrath was turning me on.  I half-turned in his arms and sought his lips for a kiss. I opened my mouth in invitation, welcoming his searching tongue. As we melted together, his hand traced a path down my chest and stomach to my hardening cock that twitched eagerly for the feel of his familiar fingers.

“This will make it hard for you to fall asleep. Let me take care of it for you,” he said, his voice husky, placing a soft kiss against my shoulder and then lower down my arm. I knew what he was doing but, as good as a blow job would feel, it wasn’t the kind of intimacy I needed.

“Wait, Jas, hold on. Maybe we could try something else tonight?”

“Something else?” He looked at me inquisitively.

“I think I’d like... well... would you make love to me tonight?”

His eyes widened with surprise, went back to normal as he considered, then clouded.

“I’m not sure tonight is the right time to do that.”

“You don’t want to?” I found myself strangely disappointed, even though I hadn’t really even considered this until a few moments earlier.

“It’s not that. I’ve thought about it, a lot, since you first brought it up during our driving trip.”

“And?” I was almost afraid to prompt him, but I needed to know what he’d been thinking.

“And thinking about it gets me hot, though I’m a little scared too.”

“There’s nothing to be scared of,” I quickly assured him, although I was a little apprehensive myself. He challenged me with a raised brow. “Okay, it’s natural to be a little nervous. I am too,” I admitted. “But I know you’ll be great. I know it will feel amazing. This is the first time I’ve really wanted to feel someone inside me. It could only be you.” I reached around my body to lift my hand to his cheek. He tilted his head and pressed into it.

“I want to, but not tonight. The first time we do that, I don’t want anything between us.”

“Oh!” my disappointment was overwhelmed by the thought of Jasper inside me, bareback, fucking me, filling me with his cum. My dick hardened and my asshole twitched in anticipation. In that moment, all my years of topping were forgotten. I just wanted to make my vision a reality. “We don’t have to use condoms tonight. It’s been months.”

“Not enough of them,” Jasper protested with a single shake of his head. “I can’t do that. If anything were to happen...”

He didn’t need to finish his thoughts. I flipped my body around and pressed myself against him, kissing him softly. My hard cock smashed against his.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, his voice filled with regret.

“It’s okay,” I rubbed his face with my hand and kissed him again. “You’re right. We should wait.”

He hitched his leg up over my thigh and then hip, sliding his torso up until my erection slipped beneath his balls, the head of my cock resting against the divot between his ass cheeks. He rocked his hips back and forth in an unspoken invitation. But as much as I wanted to give us both what we needed, I still didn’t feel up to it. I shifted my head to rest my face on his shoulder, with my lips against his neck.

“I’m-”

“Shhh,” he quieted me before I could explain. “I have an idea. Hand me the lube.”

I leaned back to look at him in surprise. He smiled and gave me a reassuring nod. It was all I needed. I twisted around again to reach for the bottle of lube on the nightstand and handed it to him.

“Turn over. Lie on your stomach,” he directed and I readily complied, my whole body tingling with anticipation.

“You’re so beautiful!”

I shivered involuntarily as the heat of his breath trailed the length of my spine. He stopped at my neck and placed a kiss just below my hairline.

“I still can’t believe you’re mine. Do you have any idea how often I’ve dreamed and fantasized about this?”

I sighed and brought my arms up to stretch, knowing the movement would make the muscles of my back ripple enticingly, wanting to tease him. His rumbling growl made me smile in satisfaction. I flinched in surprise when I felt his teeth sink into my shoulder, and then settled as he soothed the skin with his tongue.

“I like that you put your hands up here. Don’t move them!”

I turned my head to look at him. I was reminded of the way he rimmed me as I stood pressed against the window in New York. He was so hot when he took charge. I wanted to ask what he was planning, but I knew it would be even better if I didn’t know what to expect.

“Eyes forward!” he said, his voice husky. “In fact, just close them.”

I did, and the sensation of his lips brushing against the expanse of my back was that much more acute. He paused occasionally to nip at my skin until he reached my ass, where the more ample flesh allowed him to bite harder. I groaned and ground my hips into the mattress, thinking that maybe I’d made a mistake passing on the chance to make love to him, wishing I could feel him beneath me. That wish receded as I felt his finger trace the cleft between my cheeks.

“Yes!” I spread my legs to widen the gap. His tongue retraced the path of his finger in reverse as he grasped my ass with his strong hands and started to knead. My breaths were coming faster. I moved my hips back and forth slowly, seeking that sweetly maddening friction. I wanted to reach down to touch myself, but he’d been very clear in his command and as I’ve yielded the evening to him, I had to obey.

“That feels so good,” I told him hoarsely, feeling his tongue travel over and over my crack, delving deeper into the fissure with each pass. He was too busy to reply.

With my eyes closed and the house quiet, I could hear his tongue slipping over saliva-slicked surfaces. I could hear his breathing too, as heavy as mine. I eagerly awaited the moment when he finally focused on that circle of furrowed, sensitive tissue that would bring me to even greater heights. Each second that he ignored it was torture, until I could swear my hole was reflexively clenching, waiting to grab something, anything: his tongue, his fingers, his cock! I’d never felt this need before; a need to be filled; a need to be filled by him. It was shocking, completely unprecedented. I didn’t even realize I could experience this kind of craving, where previously the idea of being penetrated by another man, especially one as well-endowed as Jasper, would have been alien, and definitely unwelcome. In the past, I had never been ready to give myself over completely to my partner in bed; I always held a part of myself back, a small vestige of retained control. Now, though, the need to surrender, to place myself completely in his charge and to have all of him in the way no other man has was real, spreading within me and making me burn from the inside out.

I moaned, and at that moment he finally circled my opening, barely brushing over the skin but still setting all the nerve endings ablaze. I pushed my hips up and back, seeking more contact. He obliged, laving me with the breadth of his tongue. Instead of cooling, his saliva stoked my desire.

“Please! I need...” I began then shut up. I wanted to plead with him to fuck me, but that wouldn’t be fair, not after I heard his explanation for why he wanted to wait. It was impossible to anchor my hands on the headboard, so I slipped my hands in the space between it and the mattress and gripped the piped edge with all my strength. I let out a whimper when I felt him push my cheeks further apart and finally - finally! - penetrate me with his tongue. 

It felt incredible. Pinpoints of light exploded behind my closed lids as he maneuvered his tongue deeper inside me than I thought was possible. His hands massaged my ass cheeks and his tongue? Oh, God, his tongue! It probed, thrust, flicked, and slithered, driving me to higher planes of ecstasy. My balls ached with a fullness I could not remember. My back arched as I pushed back for more.

And then he stopped. I felt him pull back into a kneeling position behind me. I let out a pitiful whine and started to turn my head.

“Don’t look. Just wait a moment. You’ll understand,” he quickly reassured. I relaxed, though not completely. My hole twitched, missing his touch.  My cock throbbed with the need for release.

I heard the flip top on the lube bottle being unsnapped open, but I grew confused when heard it snap to close and I felt him set it aside on the mattress without placing a drop on me. The anticipation was driving me crazy. I gripped the edge of the mattress tighter to anchor myself against the temptation to look back to see what he was doing. He rewarded me by planting his left hand on the mattress against my side, and then slowly lowering his body over mine. I felt his slicked up cock fit into my crack and suddenly I understood what he intended. Exhaling all my uncertainty, I let him weigh me down, sinking into the mattress. He conformed himself to me, shifting his legs to rest on top of mine, which I moved closer together.

“Fuck, this feels good!” he whispered, his cheek resting against mine after I turned my head for more comfort.

“I was just going to say the same thing,” I confessed. If anyone else had done this to me I would have balked at the restriction. With him, I felt shielded instead, as if he was placing himself over me to keep out the problems of the outside world.  He moved his left hand up to entwine our fingers and, in the absence of the other link, this formed the core of our physical bond. He slipped his right hand beneath my body just above my hip until he was far enough to grasp my cock loosely in his lubed palm.

“I like this. I like how we fit together like this,” he opined and moved his hips to slide his cock along the length of my crack, until his balls rested against my cheeks.  His movement propelled my hard-on into his hand, his grip loose enough to barely encircle the glans. It felt incredible, but there wasn’t enough friction to get me off fast. I would have complained, except I knew he wasn’t getting much more stimulation above me. It seemed he had planned a long and tortuous lovemaking session, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to complain.

He moved slowly in a natural, easy cadence. I loved feeling his hard dick sliding in the space between my cheeks, and how his movement also pistoned my cock in and out of his hand. Time and again my frenulum brushed over the pads of his palm. The sensation traveled like lighting into my balls; charging, energizing, priming me for release.

My eyes were still closed, but when I felt his head lift I turned mine instinctively and our lips met. Mouths immediately opened, we feasted, devouring each other. He moved faster. His weight compressed my lungs, making it hard to take a full breath, but I would have been panting shallowly anyway. I wasn’t sure where the squelching sound of lubed flesh passing over flesh originated, but combined with his low, growly grunts it was the sweetest music.

Tension mounted within me as he mounted my body, all but possessing me fully. A tingling undercurrent ran beneath my skin, head to toe. I sucked on his tongue and whimpered, feeling myself propelled towards that inevitable free-fall. He tightened his grip on my hand and his thrusts became at once frantic and erratic. I squeezed his hand in answer to his silent question. He pushed himself faster and harder, grinding his cock into the cleft between my cheeks. For a split-second I wondered what would happen if in the frenzy his head found its way to my hole and he slipped in, sheathing himself inside me. That one thought was enough. My thoughts curled and my body stiffened and then the world went white as ropes of my cum coated his hand and the sheets beneath us. Moments later Jasper shuddered above me and I felt his hot, thick, sticky fluid coating my tailbone and lower back.

He broke the kiss and rested his forehead on the back of my neck. “Holy...” he paused, still breathing heavily.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Kiss me again!” I demanded. I missed his weight on me. I missed his lips.

He kissed me, and then he uncurled the hand that so beautifully brought me to an orgasm and drew it out. I felt him swirl a finger through the cum that covered my back and finally opened my eyes to see him bring the finger to his mouth, sucking it clean.

“Damn!” he exclaimed, and then repeated the act with another finger.

“Got some for me?”

He made a show of slowly swirling another finger covered with my cum in the cooling pool of his. Instead of feeding it to me, he licked the finger clean and then leaned forward and kissed me, slipping his tongue over mine to let me a sample our combined flavors.

“That’s good stuff!” he commented as he rolled off to lie beside me. He lifted his hand, parts of which were still covered with my spunk. “We made a mess.”

I lifted my upper body, supporting myself on my elbows, and moved closer to lick his hand clean. When I was done, he rose up on his elbow and traced the paths of his cum along my back with his tongue. I stretched and flexed beneath him, happy that the cum trails were being replaced with his saliva. I knew they were temporary, but they still felt like marks of possession.

“Who cares about a mess when the clean up’s this much fun?” I asked rhetorically.

“I manage to contain most of it in my hand, but you might have wet spot tonight.”

“Small price to pay.”

He reached over to return the lube to the nightstand before pulling the covers up over our bodies.

“That was amazing! Exactly what I needed tonight.”

“That’s why I’m here, to be whatever you need, especially this week,” he replied.

We kissed tenderly and I curled into his chest, safely nestled for the night in the comfort of my lover’s arms. The cool wet spot under my hip made me smile.